Opinions Needed!! PLEASE!

[FreeMe]

Background: I suffer from depression. Been on meds for years. Something may be wrong with meds - the past five days have been feeling more and more down every day as well as being flooded by anxiety often.

 

Boyfriend noticed I was miserable yesterday so I told him I think it might be my meds. He didn't respond so I said it seems like he doesn't really care and he said I don't know anything about that. What am I supposed to say. So I told him that when this happened last summer (info: when we'd been together a few months and he was crazy about me) that his affection at least made me feel better. We were in the car driving at that point for the next hour. He never bothered to hold my hand or anything. Fine (not really, but I didn't say anything). Anytime I say I need affection he distances himself.

 

This morning (we work in the same company) we were sitting at my desk and because of my depression I'm a little sensitve right now. He said something that upset me and my eyes teared up. He asked what was wrong and I was looking for a hankie when he got up and said he was going to his office. I asked him to wait and he said no and walked away.

 

Later he instant messaged me and asked me what was wrong and I told him but also told him that he made me feel worse - like he couldn't care less - when he walked away on me. He said when we're at work he will ALWAYS walk away from me and take it up later.

 

Do you think he's right? I understand his point - it's something to avoid in the workplace and I agree, but at the same time I feel like he is being cold and careless with my feelings. And he would not have done that to me last year. In fact, one time he left work and followed me home just to clear something up.

[gaia]

Firstly, go and see your doctor and get your meds sorted.

Secondly, it's hard to say, as I don't know your history or the context of his comments, but it sounds as if he's being far too cold. Even if it's not wise to get into personal stuff at work, there are better ways of saying it than that.

I think you need to talk to him seriously about this. It may be that anxiety about the relationship is what has started you back feeling depressed and anxious.

[NEONINK]

Anytime I say I need affection he distances himself.

 

Maybe this is why you are depressed. Everybody gets needy from time to time. Everybody needs affection and touch and love. The key is balancing your life so that you stay busy enough and not too needy. It's hard to supply someones needs 100%.

 

Make time to talk and ask questions. I wish I had asked more questions so I would have understood what my g/f was thinking.

[FreeMe]

Thanks for your responses. I think you're both right about the basis for my current state of depression and anxiety (and obviously the meds aren't doing their job 'cause it shouldn't have gotten as bad as it did).

 

But I'm still not sure if I should be taking his attitude as a warning that he's not respecting my feelings or what. I just don't know. I can see his point. If it's about us, he doesn't want it at work and doesn't want to add to the problem by staying and saying something to make it worse. Underlying though there really seems to be a lack of compassion and it's worrying me.

[gaia]

It would worry me too. I think you need to have a good talk with him and see how he sees it. I suppose it's always possible that your depression is clouding your judgement and making you see things more negatively - you are the best judge of whether there's anything in that.

 

If he really is lacking compassion and won't try to explore it with you, then I fear there may not be much future for the two of you. That said, I'd wait for your depression to lift before you make any life changing decisions.