This Is My Story She Is Young But Damn, I Dont Want To Be Unhappy

[Arieltke]

Story goes like this –

 

About two years ago my wife had an emotional relationship with another man, at least that’s as far as I think it went. She swears up and down that’s as far as it got. And I trust her enough to let it die there. But there will always be that little? Nagging in the back of my brain of how far that relationship got.

 

I forgave; I was doing things in my life at the time that might have pushed her away.

Mostly just pot and hanging with friends, I am guessing she met an older man with a little money and was charmed. She was only 19 at the time. I was only 23.

 

I realized that she was with another man. It was easy. The bed became cold, she became colder, and she would take off at nights for several hours at a time. Strange Phone numbers.

 

Well as I said before, there has always been a tiny question in the back of my mind of how far that relationship got. I forgave her when she said it was only emotional.

 

This weekend she turned 21. I suggested that we take a weekend off in Orlando. But she wanted a girls night out in Miami. I told her that I prefer to be at the Club with her in Miami but if she wanted to go out with her girlfriends it was ok.

 

Now this is where I did a little checking into it. I called one of her girl friends boyfriends and found out that he was going to be at the club that night.

 

The FIRST WARNING FLAG WAS RAISED.

 

But that’s ok maybe she just didn’t want to be with me that night.

 

We made plans to meet on south beach Saturday night at a club.

Now here is where the story gets interesting. I went to a concert on Saturday while she went topless sunbathing. Which also bothers me a little, but I let her do it. They stole my cell phone at the concert but I had my friends. They also locked my car in a parking garage, and I had no way of getting to the club – let alone out of the concert venue that night.

 

That night I was calling my wife on her cell phone and she would not answer. I TXT Messaged my wife as well saying

 

“Please help we are stranded in downtown Miami, No Ride. S.O.S”

 

I sent that one twice.

 

She did not call back or come pick me up. SECOND FLAG

I had to take a taxi to a friend’s house. I called her from my friends cell phone and then she picked up saying “Oh who’s number are you calling from” and “I didn’t have my phone tonight.”

 

“She told me that night that she just went to dinner and her girlfriend’s house” By that time it was 2:30AM.

 

I told her how our car was locked in a parking garage and that I needed to get it out. She replied that I got it in there and I should get it out and that she was going to lunch and a movie with her mother the next day.

 

The next day I spent trying to get my car out of a parking garage only to find that it would not open until Monday at 5am. Once again I was stranded in downtown Miami. I sent her the TXT Message.

 

“Please help we are stranded in downtown Miami, No Ride. S.O.S Again”

 

I also called.

 

She did not call back. I took the train and hiked to her mother’s house to find that she was with her sister at a party with some unsavory characters.

THIRD FLAG !!!!

All that she has said to me is “You have an aunt why didn’t you call her”

 

All I had the heart to say back was “I have a wife”

 

So what should I do? I feel like we have grown apart. I feel like she left me hanging. I feel that same feeling I felt two years ago that I promised never to bring up again. Is it time to move on?

[gaia]

Whatever happened in the past, she is treating you very badly now. I don't know what's going on with her social life, but if my husband refused to rescue me in that kind of situation and suggested I called my aunt, he'd be lucky if I ever let him back in the house!!!

[FreeMe]

She's being extremely inconsiderate and selfish. I think that was a pretty good response - saying that you have a wife. Maybe you should both sit down and talk about both of your expectations in your marriage. You'll either come to an agreement or not, at which time (if you don't agree) maybe consider counseling.

[NatoPMT]

have you discussed this with her apart from the aunt conversation? does she know how much you know (ie the party and the guy being at the club)? unfortunately, when you have specific warning signals, its usually that there is a damn good reason for being suspicious.

 

i dont think you should make any decisions without trying to establish the facts. dont bring up the past, this is about here and now, but the facts of the here and now sound pretty brutal.

[Arieltke]

have you discussed this with her apart from the aunt conversation? does she know how much you know (ie the party and the guy being at the club)?

 

no i have not discussed anything with her. The few those are the only words that we have swapped throughout this entire weekened. I feel hurt and i am really trying to collect my thoughts before approaching her with an idea.

I want to know all of my options because i know that it is not fair or worth my time being in a relationship that is going to be like this. I do love her though. That is why i placed a post. To get perspectives.

I just dont understand how someone would leave someone stranded?

Did she not understand the severety of the situation?

Was she experementing with Drugs?

Was she cheating?

Did she just not want to be with Me?

 

She is not a real socialite. Not into drugs. But going out with a crowd that was going to be doing them.

 

I just dont know how to handle the situation. I am thinking that she has made the decision for me.

[NatoPMT]

understandable, i try to have a few days thought before tackling things as its often not your true feelings that are communicated if you talk under stress.

 

it could have been any one of the reasons you list. it would make sense she wouldnt want to drive after taking drugs, does she know you are against drugs (if you are)? it would be unusual for someone to not turn on their mobile and check if they had a text during the evening, and its actually just as likely thats the case as being unfaithful. you can speculate and deliberate into the middle of next week and not come up with the right answer, id talk to her as soon as possible so you dont get things too set in your mind, as long as you have your thoughts gathered. whatevers happened, it was plain thoughtless of her to leave you in that position.

 

id ask her what happened and say you just want to know the whole truth no matter what that truth is. hav eyou thought of what you want depending on the answers to each of your questions? so, if she was unfaithful, you wouldnt want to be with her? - would that be the case if it was drugs? or if she wanted to be alone with her friendsfor the night?

 

whatever the reason, her comment about the aunt and not getting back to you show shes thinking of herself only. have there been other problems recently? i find it hard to imagine this is just out of the blue behaviour affecting this weekend only

[Benedict]

No, not at all. Two years ago, she had an "emotional affair", so has therefore demonstrated that she is pretty much all about keeping herself happy. Being so young is probably the biggest reason.

 

And remember (everyone all at once) "an emotional affair is more of a betrayal than a physical one!". The sex just twists the knife.

[NatoPMT]

i am assuming that she hasnt been behaving constantly like this for the last 2 years. blimey, even i would give up then.

[Arieltke]

Yeah that’s the kicker right there, she had an emotional ?? affair two years ago. Our sex life is not the best. She really is not into sex. She has sex to please others not herself. That’s why the sexual threat of an affair not a big threat. And if it does happen one of the biggest slaps in the faces that could happen to me.

 

She is young, people change. To answer the drug question she is against me smoking pot and always bugs me to quit but I don’t. And she always says she wants to try coke. And I have never and will never try that. Well I cant because I am epelectic. So maybe she had a crazy weekend.

 

I think she might have gone overboard. I think people grow apart. Maybe we have just changed and grown apart.

[faux]

I think it is time to seriously rethink your marriage. Either you can attempt to work this out with her or you can file for a divorce. I have a feeling that she will not try to actually work things out, and you will in fact end up filing...

 

This woman seems to only be concerned about herself. It could be that she is young to be acting like this but I feel it is no viable excuse seeing as she is your wife.

 

It seems you are extremely unhappy. I would confront her with everything you posted here. Bring up those specific red flags and explain how you feel about them. And yes, the whole emotional relationship thing to me was a huge red flag and I would not have stood for it.