green_tea Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I have been trying online dating, however I am quite inexperienced with it all. This weekend a guy I have been talking to in another city is coming to see me...I am a naturally cautious person so will be meeting him in a public place only. Now I see a lot of posts from people on here, same thing, meet someone online, but then I read of them getting into the guy's car, even going into his home, on the very first date. I just can't fathom doing this ever - how can you possibly trust someone that early on? I know people might think I am overly suspicious and I have even been called uptight on here, but come on these people are strangers. You do hear of people being murdered by online predators - it does happen. Is it just me that worries about this sort of thing? I mean the online dating tips on these sites do say to be cautious and meet in public, so I wonder why so many people on here ignore this advice?
Els Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I don't really understand either. To be honest, I've been on quite a few other sites and forums related to online relationships and meetups; the general consensus is that you should talk online for at least a few weeks first and speak on the phone and webcam before you even arrange a meet... and then definitely meet in a public place first (and arrange alternate lodging and transport if you are the one going to another city), and let a trusted friend or family member know where you will be. It's only certain (not all) people here who tout meeting immediately after the first few emails, meeting in a private place, being open to the possibility of sex on the first date, etc. What you're doing is wise and prudent; keep it up, and ignore those who would rather you risk your safety in favour of the guy getting sex on his first meetup.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 People lose their ability to reason when emotions get involved. I had a very unusual date last year (2009) where I went to the woman's house. I thought she was taking quite a risk in letting me know where she lived, when we barely knew each other. We did actually start seeing each other regularly, and we did in fact hit it off immediately (plus there had been a lot of flirting on the phone and texting beforehand), but even so, it was quite a gamble for her.
SadandConfusedWA Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Yeah, I worry about this. I generally meet up quite soon and without talking on the phone even. However, I would never go to someone's house, let them come to mine or get into any cars. I meet them in a REALLY public place for coffee/lunch/drink. Still, if I get any kind of creepy vibe, I leave the date immediately (I only had to do this once). I am not sure if this is enough. I don't let anyone know about my dates because my mum would be worried to death and it's not fair on her and I don't want to deal with friends asking "how did it go?" etc.
zengirl Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I have been trying online dating, however I am quite inexperienced with it all. This weekend a guy I have been talking to in another city is coming to see me...I am a naturally cautious person so will be meeting him in a public place only. Now I see a lot of posts from people on here, same thing, meet someone online, but then I read of them getting into the guy's car, even going into his home, on the very first date. I just can't fathom doing this ever - how can you possibly trust someone that early on? I know people might think I am overly suspicious and I have even been called uptight on here, but come on these people are strangers. You do hear of people being murdered by online predators - it does happen. Is it just me that worries about this sort of thing? I mean the online dating tips on these sites do say to be cautious and meet in public, so I wonder why so many people on here ignore this advice? I always meet for the first date in a public place. I'm really not worried about getting murdered in a coffee shop, wine bar, or restaurant, especially since I always tend to pick a place I know and like. I usually have them pick me up for the second date----by then, I know a good deal about them and my roommates know where I am, and, really, I feel like I only need 1 date to assess if someone is going to chop me up into little pieces or attack me. Other things, they take time, but that one is pretty fundamental; I suppose it depends how much you trust your instincts. No one should ever do something their instincts say are wrong. I don't really understand either. To be honest, I've been on quite a few other sites and forums related to online relationships and meetups; the general consensus is that you should talk online for at least a few weeks first and speak on the phone and webcam before you even arrange a meet... and then definitely meet in a public place first (and arrange alternate lodging and transport if you are the one going to another city), and let a trusted friend or family member know where you will be. It's only certain (not all) people here who tout meeting immediately after the first few emails, meeting in a private place, being open to the possibility of sex on the first date, etc. What you're doing is wise and prudent; keep it up, and ignore those who would rather you risk your safety in favour of the guy getting sex on his first meetup. I'm not sure I agree with the general consensus idea. I find webcam tedious and too much phone as well, frankly. I'd say the general consensus is: Meet in public. I've read many articles that say: Don't wait too long to meet, and I tend to agree, just based on how it personally affects me to do so---my interest level declines rapidly. At any rate---One call is all I'd need, maximum. Too much texting and such just dampens the desire to meet, for me. Now, I like to write quite a few messages first, but after a week or so of messaging, I'm ready to grab coffee. But I'd never go to another city or date anyone who was coming in from out of town.
Sarah1977 Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 The reality is you're more likely to die a car accident on your way to the date than get murdered by an online predator. With that said, I do only meet in public places. But I do like to meet right away.
SunsetRed Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I'm new to online dating as well and I'm taking the same precautions you are What's weird about meeting an online person is that your first meet is your first date, whereas in real life you meet someone, an interest sparks and you have a real vibe from the person you are going to date. So far my exp with online dating has been disappointing. Many of the guys I've talked with suggested I come over to their place for a first date and many of them began calling me "Cute Thang and HoneyBabe" before we could even meet. If the phone calls made me cringe, I didn't go out with them. The one guy I did meet insisted on kissing me after a coffee date. He was standing close to me so I gave him a friendly side hug and said "nice meeting you". He then grabbed me in a bear hug and asked/demanded to kiss me. When I said no, he kept saying how much he really wanted to and then said he'd kiss me the next time. There wasn't a next time. I've only been doing the online thing for a month now, so maybe it gets better, but so far what I've found (on plenty of fish anyway) is that guys assume when you put yourself and your profile out there, you are wanting attention so badly that you'll open your legs to anyone who asks you out. Be safe, take precautions
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