He got me a ring...

[pureinheart]

And for those who want to call this yet a thread jack, my opinion is that it is on topic since sc58 has decided to stay in her extramarital relationship at least for now. I have been surprised that sc has dared to open up in several threads considering the responses she has gotten. I can't believe how people trashed the promise ring her MM gave her. Perhaps she wants to keep it and remember it as a precious token of his love. sc, you decide what it means to you. Don't let people's opinions impact the worth it has to you. I wish my MM would give me a ring!

 

This is very true Jennie, and FTR I want to say that GEL is FAR from bitter. I hope he gives you a ring also!!!!!

 

Jennie, exDM was really thoughtful in this way...never a ring, but on my birthday a few years ago he gave me 4 sets of earrings...he comes over and like a magic trick pulled them out of his ear by slight of hand...it was really sweet.

 

SC, I wish you the best!

[Fieldsofgold]

This is very true Jennie, and FTR I want to say that GEL is FAR from bitter. I hope he gives you a ring also!!!!!

 

Jennie, exDM was really thoughtful in this way...never a ring, but on my birthday a few years ago he gave me 4 sets of earrings...he comes over and like a magic trick pulled them out of his ear by slight of hand...it was really sweet.

 

SC, I wish you the best!

 

Since I don't know GEL, I can't say. I'm just saying her recent post on this thread sounded bitter and acusatory, IMO.

[pureinheart]

Since I don't know GEL, I can't say. I'm just saying her recent post on this thread sounded bitter and acusatory, IMO.

 

 

This is a response in general basically...your reply brought it to my rememberance.

 

I don't understand (and this is not directed at you FOG) how the regular posters who continually go through the threads everyday and are sarcastic and rude are left alone, although a FOW, or OW can speak out against the injustices spoken and they get nailed. I really don't understand, but oh well, such is life, right?

 

Concerning GEL, I think she is just fed up with the forum in general. It has changed greatly. For the mostpart we ALL got along, OM/OW/BS/WS, we worked out our stuff, healed (very fast) and had fun on top of it. It's weird FOG, because I just made a comment about this in another thread and forum I think...others had been feeling it too, which provoked the starting of a non hate thread...it's funny because all of those that see the problem were the ones that participated when it was a solid forum/site.

 

The BS's back then really did want to come to terms with their S's A's, whether they stayed or not, they wanted to understand (certainly there have been some current also). The OW that chose to stay OW were not bashed or attacked in any way (there was one that I noticed by going through my old threads that got into fights with one of the BS's). The BS were intrigued, and wanted knowledge, never harsh or mean...they told their stories and we helped the best we could...mine was so weird and different that I was not much help, but I could still encourage them.

 

Maybe someday it will get back to what it was. We all worked together, towards a common goal, understanding and healing, it was great and I miss it. After returning from not signing in for a couple of years, I was shocked and did start a thread and was totally attacked. I thought it was me, and that there was something wrong with me...my reaction was not as good as it should have been, but it wasn't me, it's because I spoke out against rude behavior and bullying.

 

It is becoming too weird for me, and I am not allowed to name names, although it is disturbing and I can't believe that at least some of you don't see it and speak out against it...but whatever (right Jennie:))...I would start a thread about it, but I can't handle the hate I KNOW I would receive. All I can do is hope that things will change and continue to support and encourage all OW, whether they be former or current, in/out of a R. I guess the best thing to do is ignore the rude and sarcastic, and not fueling it with response.

 

Speaking of which, SC, I hope all is well with you and that peace is your mantra! Please let us know how the visit with your sister went! just remember, everything works out the way it should:).

Edited November 22, 2010 by pureinheart

[jennie-jennie]

This is a response in general basically...your reply brought it to my rememberance.

 

I don't understand (and this is not directed at you FOG) how the regular posters who continually go through the threads everyday and are sarcastic and rude are left alone, although a FOW, or OW can speak out against the injustices spoken and they get nailed. I really don't understand, but oh well, such is life, right?

 

Concerning GEL, I think she is just fed up with the forum in general. It has changed greatly. For the mostpart we ALL got along, OM/OW/BS/WS, we worked out our stuff, healed (very fast) and had fun on top of it. It's weird FOG, because I just made a comment about this in another thread and forum I think...others had been feeling it too, which provoked the starting of a non hate thread...it's funny because all of those that see the problem were the ones that participated when it was a solid forum/site.

 

The BS's back then really did want to come to terms with their S's A's, whether they stayed or not, they wanted to understand (certainly there have been some current also). The OW that chose to stay OW were not bashed or attacked in any way (there was one that I noticed by going through my old threads that got into fights with one of the BS's). The BS were intrigued, and wanted knowledge, never harsh or mean...they told their stories and we helped the best we could...mine was so weird and different that I was not much help, but I could still encourage them.

 

Maybe someday it will get back to what it was. We all worked together, towards a common goal, understanding and healing, it was great and I miss it. After returning from not signing in for a couple of years, I was shocked and did start a thread and was totally attacked. I thought it was me, and that there was something wrong with me...my reaction was not as good as it should have been, but it wasn't me, it's because I spoke out against rude behavior and bullying.

 

It is becoming too weird for me, and I am not allowed to name names, although it is disturbing and I can't believe that at least some of you don't see it and speak out against it...but whatever (right Jennie:))...I would start a thread about it, but I can't handle the hate I KNOW I would receive. All I can do is hope that things will change and continue to support and encourage all OW, whether they be former or current, in/out of a R. I guess the best thing to do is ignore the rude and sarcastic, and not fueling it with response.

 

Speaking of which, SC, I hope all is well with you and that peace is your mantra! Please let us know how the visit with your sister went! just remember, everything works out the way it should:).

 

Great post, pure!

 

Yes, there is a big difference between being fed up with the forum as it is today and being fed up with having been the OW!

[Lauriebell82]

 

I don't understand (and this is not directed at you FOG) how the regular posters who continually go through the threads everyday and are sarcastic and rude are left alone, although a FOW, or OW can speak out against the injustices spoken and they get nailed. I really don't understand, but oh well, such is life, right?

 

Your saying that FOW and OW are just innocent victims here? How about being nasty to non OW. That happens too. It's time to take some responsibility here.

 

I completely agree that bashing and disrespect are uncalled for. We all need to examine our prejudices. I mean, OW who are not pro-marriage get mad and discard anything said by non OW who are pro marriage. So I think it can work both ways there.

 

Speaking of which, SC, I hope all is well with you and that peace is your mantra! Please let us know how the visit with your sister went! just remember, everything works out the way it should:).

 

Agreed!!!

[Mimolicious]

It would be a very delusional OW if she came to LS to get that kind of feedback!

 

 

 

I am not unsure about my relationship, but I do have a need to understand extramarital relationships better. I come to LS mainly for the discussion, since there are posters here from which I can learn, and also I post here to give support to other OW. Recognizing the patterns of extramarital relationships and understanding why WS have difficulty leaving a marriage although they may love someone else is of great help in my experience for an OW.

 

 

 

Your kind of feedback is of no help for an OW like me who has chosen to remain in the extramarital relationship. It just makes me frustrated that some people believe they know better what goes on in my life than I do. And this without ever having personally experienced any of the aspects of an extramarital relationship!

 

JJ, I have a question and please don't get all snappy. Why do you think posters here are solely talking about you and your sitch?

 

To be honest, and I guess if you want to report me then you may, threads become the "JJ Show" because of this. Where exactly did anyone specifically mentioned your sitch? I don't get it. Why do you feel like you have to keep on validating your position thread after thread???? I hope you don't take this the wrong way because I actually like you, you know this. Why can you just say FACK EVERYBODY!? Do you! (I am sure you do). YOU can't speak for every OW! If someone's feedback is not helpful to someone like you then ignore it! There are dozen of other members here.

 

If I didn't know any better, I would think that guilt is manifested far more than we like to admit.

 

This is getting old...

[sc58]

Hi everyone,

 

Just wanted to let you all know that I great weekend with my sister and my family. We spent the whole weekend playing tourist and went out to nice dinners. I saw MM on Saturday night as my sister was jet lagged and decided to go to sleep. I was going to introduce her to him (and not mention the fact that he was married), but she said she was too tired to go out. Understandably since she had been on a plane all day the day before.

 

Anyway, I have not been offended by anyone's comments here. I posted to get people's opinions, whether they be positive or negative. So no need for any apologies. I have not been posting because I have been busy with my sister, but also because it did seem to get a little off topic and wasn't sure how to respond...In any case, thank you everyone for your comments and concern!

 

I am having a great time with my sister, and with my MM as well. And since I have decided to wait a couple months, I am just going to enjoy the time I have with him until then. And I have also decided that I will be okay with whatever happens at the end of these 2 months. I have my family and my friends - I realized this even more after spending this weekend with my sister and parents, and if things don't work out with MM, then they don't work out and maybe we just weren't meant to be. Just like any other relationship.

 

Hope everyone's weekend was as great as mine!

[Lauriebell82]

Hi everyone,

 

Just wanted to let you all know that I great weekend with my sister and my family. We spent the whole weekend playing tourist and went out to nice dinners. I saw MM on Saturday night as my sister was jet lagged and decided to go to sleep. I was going to introduce her to him (and not mention the fact that he was married), but she said she was too tired to go out. Understandably since she had been on a plane all day the day before.

 

Anyway, I have not been offended by anyone's comments here. I posted to get people's opinions, whether they be positive or negative. So no need for any apologies. I have not been posting because I have been busy with my sister, but also because it did seem to get a little off topic and wasn't sure how to respond...In any case, thank you everyone for your comments and concern!

 

I am having a great time with my sister, and with my MM as well. And since I have decided to wait a couple months, I am just going to enjoy the time I have with him until then. And I have also decided that I will be okay with whatever happens at the end of these 2 months. I have my family and my friends - I realized this even more after spending this weekend with my sister and parents, and if things don't work out with MM, then they don't work out and maybe we just weren't meant to be. Just like any other relationship.

 

Hope everyone's weekend was as great as mine!

 

Glad the weekend with your sister went well! I still think you should confide in your sister about MM, but I do understand your hesistation. Personally, if my sister told me she was having an A, I would still love her the same. I woudln't agree with what she was doing, but I'd still be there for her if things get messy or end badly. Just something for you to think about.

[jennie-jennie]

JJ, I have a question and please don't get all snappy. Why do you think posters here are solely talking about you and your sitch?

 

To be honest, and I guess if you want to report me then you may, threads become the "JJ Show" because of this. Where exactly did anyone specifically mentioned your sitch? I don't get it. Why do you feel like you have to keep on validating your position thread after thread???? I hope you don't take this the wrong way because I actually like you, you know this. Why can you just say FACK EVERYBODY!? Do you! (I am sure you do). YOU can't speak for every OW! If someone's feedback is not helpful to someone like you then ignore it! There are dozen of other members here.

 

If I didn't know any better, I would think that guilt is manifested far more than we like to admit.

 

This is getting old...

 

What I bring to LS is my experience. So I share that experience in hope that other OW will identify with it and it will help them with their own situation.

[jennie-jennie]

Hi everyone,

 

Just wanted to let you all know that I great weekend with my sister and my family. We spent the whole weekend playing tourist and went out to nice dinners. I saw MM on Saturday night as my sister was jet lagged and decided to go to sleep. I was going to introduce her to him (and not mention the fact that he was married), but she said she was too tired to go out. Understandably since she had been on a plane all day the day before.

 

Anyway, I have not been offended by anyone's comments here. I posted to get people's opinions, whether they be positive or negative. So no need for any apologies. I have not been posting because I have been busy with my sister, but also because it did seem to get a little off topic and wasn't sure how to respond...In any case, thank you everyone for your comments and concern!

 

I am having a great time with my sister, and with my MM as well. And since I have decided to wait a couple months, I am just going to enjoy the time I have with him until then. And I have also decided that I will be okay with whatever happens at the end of these 2 months. I have my family and my friends - I realized this even more after spending this weekend with my sister and parents, and if things don't work out with MM, then they don't work out and maybe we just weren't meant to be. Just like any other relationship.

 

Hope everyone's weekend was as great as mine!

 

Bolded, I see that as a very good decision. No need to borrow trouble.

[Mimolicious]

Hi everyone,

 

Just wanted to let you all know that I great weekend with my sister and my family. We spent the whole weekend playing tourist and went out to nice dinners. I saw MM on Saturday night as my sister was jet lagged and decided to go to sleep. I was going to introduce her to him (and not mention the fact that he was married), but she said she was too tired to go out. Understandably since she had been on a plane all day the day before.

 

Anyway, I have not been offended by anyone's comments here. I posted to get people's opinions, whether they be positive or negative. So no need for any apologies. I have not been posting because I have been busy with my sister, but also because it did seem to get a little off topic and wasn't sure how to respond...In any case, thank you everyone for your comments and concern!

 

I am having a great time with my sister, and with my MM as well. And since I have decided to wait a couple months, I am just going to enjoy the time I have with him until then. And I have also decided that I will be okay with whatever happens at the end of these 2 months. I have my family and my friends - I realized this even more after spending this weekend with my sister and parents, and if things don't work out with MM, then they don't work out and maybe we just weren't meant to be. Just like any other relationship.

 

Hope everyone's weekend was as great as mine!

 

 

Good for you SC! You deserve to have a little (or a lotta) FUN!

And that MM of yours better straighten the heck out and do as he promise... if not we SHALL ALL JOIN FORCES AND KICK HIS BUTT!

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

I have a little born day celebration to do myself. *cheers*!

[Mimolicious]

What I bring to LS is my experience. So I share that experience in hope that other OW will identify with it and it will help them with their own situation.

 

 

I understand and repect that, you are one brave lady but it seems like it's weighting a bit down on your cyber life. If it doesn't in your RL then the heck with it!

 

Let it slide at times chica!

 

 

Ok, I dont want to keep on t/j. I am outty. Hope everyone enjoys their Thanksgiving (if you celebrate it) and be safe if traveling!!!!!!!

Gobble-gobble!

[pureinheart]

Hi everyone,

 

Just wanted to let you all know that I great weekend with my sister and my family. We spent the whole weekend playing tourist and went out to nice dinners. I saw MM on Saturday night as my sister was jet lagged and decided to go to sleep. I was going to introduce her to him (and not mention the fact that he was married), but she said she was too tired to go out. Understandably since she had been on a plane all day the day before.

 

Anyway, I have not been offended by anyone's comments here. I posted to get people's opinions, whether they be positive or negative. So no need for any apologies. I have not been posting because I have been busy with my sister, but also because it did seem to get a little off topic and wasn't sure how to respond...In any case, thank you everyone for your comments and concern!

 

I am having a great time with my sister, and with my MM as well. And since I have decided to wait a couple months, I am just going to enjoy the time I have with him until then. And I have also decided that I will be okay with whatever happens at the end of these 2 months. I have my family and my friends - I realized this even more after spending this weekend with my sister and parents, and if things don't work out with MM, then they don't work out and maybe we just weren't meant to be. Just like any other relationship.

 

Hope everyone's weekend was as great as mine!

 

That is great:)...does MM know there is a time frame? You may have communicated this, although your thread is quite long...lol...

[sc58]

Good for you SC! You deserve to have a little (or a lotta) FUN!

And that MM of yours better straighten the heck out and do as he promise... if not we SHALL ALL JOIN FORCES AND KICK HIS BUTT!

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

I have a little born day celebration to do myself. *cheers*!

 

Thanks Mimolicious!! I do feel like I have a lot of support here and feel confident that you all will help me through it if he doesn't follow through on his promises. Although I say that I'll be okay with it if he doesn't, I know that it will hurt and will need support.

 

Hope you have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving!

[sc58]

That is great:)...does MM know there is a time frame? You may have communicated this, although your thread is quite long...lol...

 

MM is the one that provided this time frame - end of January. Since it is HIS timeframe, hopefully he'll stick to it.

[2sunny]

Hi everyone,

 

Just wanted to let you all know that I great weekend with my sister and my family. We spent the whole weekend playing tourist and went out to nice dinners. I saw MM on Saturday night as my sister was jet lagged and decided to go to sleep. I was going to introduce her to him (and not mention the fact that he was married), but she said she was too tired to go out. Understandably since she had been on a plane all day the day before.

 

Anyway, I have not been offended by anyone's comments here. I posted to get people's opinions, whether they be positive or negative. So no need for any apologies. I have not been posting because I have been busy with my sister, but also because it did seem to get a little off topic and wasn't sure how to respond...In any case, thank you everyone for your comments and concern!

 

I am having a great time with my sister, and with my MM as well. And since I have decided to wait a couple months, I am just going to enjoy the time I have with him until then. And I have also decided that I will be okay with whatever happens at the end of these 2 months. I have my family and my friends - I realized this even more after spending this weekend with my sister and parents, and if things don't work out with MM, then they don't work out and maybe we just weren't meant to be. Just like any other relationship.

 

Hope everyone's weekend was as great as mine!

 

 

much of this i see is a huge contradiction. you are spending time with your sister- yet you are willing to lie to her about who you are seeing while she's here. why lie? because you know it isn't right to see a MM? his situation - and YOU choosing to stay involved - has placed your integrity in a different field.

 

is it worth all that? why be on HIS timeframe? find yours...

[Lauriebell82]

much of this i see is a huge contradiction. you are spending time with your sister- yet you are willing to lie to her about who you are seeing while she's here. why lie? because you know it isn't right to see a MM? his situation - and YOU choosing to stay involved - has placed your integrity in a different field.

 

is it worth all that? why be on HIS timeframe? find yours...

 

I think a few pages back she had said that she was afraid to tell her sister because she (and her family) wouldn't approve of it. I think you should tell your sister sc58.

[sc58]

much of this i see is a huge contradiction. you are spending time with your sister- yet you are willing to lie to her about who you are seeing while she's here. why lie? because you know it isn't right to see a MM? his situation - and YOU choosing to stay involved - has placed your integrity in a different field.

 

I didn't lie to her. I told her who I was going out with. I invited her to come with me, she just said she was too tired and decided to just stay home.

 

And yes, I do know it isn't right to see a MM, and I'm sure she'd see it that way as well. If MM does get divorced and we are able to be together, I really don't want people to know that we were seeing each other while he was married. That would stir up a lot of trouble.

[whichwayisup]

Just shield your heart (seems my theme to you! ) and worry about end of January when it comes. No point in wondering, asking and pushing him one way or another.

 

I am glad you had fun with your sister. You want to tell her, then do so, but don't feel pressured to. TIming may not be right.. She loves you and only wants what's best. She probably is protective of you and doesn't want to see your heart get broken.

[Ms. Red]

Just shield your heart (seems my theme to you! ) and worry about end of January when it comes. No point in wondering, asking and pushing him one way or another.

 

I am glad you had fun with your sister. You want to tell her, then do so, but don't feel pressured to. TIming may not be right.. She loves you and only wants what's best. She probably is protective of you and doesn't want to see your heart get broken.

 

 

This ^^ I agree!

 

I just got done reading the whole thread and this is a great post that shows support and understanding for the OP.

[NoIDidn't]

sc58

 

What a thread! What do "I" think of the "promise ring"? I don't think it means a thing. I know several women who got them from single guys and not one of them married the guys. It seemed like it was just an easy way to let them down and split eventually. This may not be the case for you, but this has been my experience via others with them.

 

One thing that did catch my attention in this whole thing is that MM is leaving on the weekends because of his son, with the implication that he isn't spending any time on the weekend with his toddler that he has with his W. That doesn't make any sense to me. It was said that the son has always had this weekend away schedule, but nowhere was it stated that the two-year-old has had to deal with daddy leaving every weekend. And most people would not leave such a young child for the entire weekend, every weekend unless they were already divorced. But he's not divorced. And truthfully, its not every weekend, even for the divorced (unless they are deadbeats).

 

I think you should ask him how his daughter is dealing with the weekend separations. Something about this is just not right.