He got me a ring...

[jennie-jennie]

You took the words out of my mouth. Ditto!

 

The pot calling the kettle black.

[pureinheart]

It's not all about you. Isn't this sc58's thread?

 

Best way to get feedback on your life is to start your own thread.

 

I think it's interesting that of all of the out of context posting on this thread, you site Jennie...I would say another "whatever" is called for!

[Minnie09]

Your kind of feedback is of no help for an OW like me who has chosen to remain in the extramarital relationship. It just makes me frustrated that some people believe they know better what goes on in my life than I do. And this without ever having personally experienced any of the aspects of an extramarital relationship!

 

I agree that people who have experienced similar situations are the better advisors. What is overlooked a lot in these discussions, though, is that the MM is not always consciously a liar. I agree that they are most of the time - conscious liars - but some are just weak. And for this reason they don't look at themselves properly (because too afraid or too embarrassed) and don't recognize that they are simply weak. Not evil, not bad, just floating along, passively and weakly. So they're mainly lying to themselves, rather than to anybody else, incapable to make a decision. They are involved in an A, may not like the circumstances (ie going behind the family's back etc.), but can't make a decision. Passive. Weak. Cowardish. Afraid of themselves. So they're lying to themselves using the W as an excuse. They don't want to hurt poor, weak W and kids. So they can't do anything. Not their fault. Just being considerate and thoughtful for the family's sake. The truth is, the W might make a decision for him if she were to know. He may know that subconsciously, so he doesn't mention it to the W and tells himself that she couldn't handle it and would break down without him. But all that is just a big fat lie he may be telling himself in order to protect himself from any consequences. And he may not even be aware of that. He just doesn't make the truth conscious to himself.

 

As a former BW, I know this concept very well. And I made the decision for him after many weeks of contemplation. He didn't want me to burden with his A either. So I had to find it out all by myself. And I took action. My xH is a perfect example of delusional self-deceit. And it worked only as long as I was in the dark (thanks to him, because he didn't want to "hurt" me). He lied to himself the most. As a former BS, I have insight. And I'm not bitter. Jennie-Jennie, you are here to learn, you said. You're on the other side, but I hope you're taking all sides into consideration.

[alexandria35]

You know, I agree with you.

 

And I think for the most part that there are many BS's in OW's clothing.

 

This is just ridiculous. I have NEVER known a REAL OW to just decide she is evil after the 4 regular posts from the haters saying go NC and actually DOING IT.

 

A real OW actually loves her man and goes some amount of distance for him. And I am not talking about the OP, but in reference to this post. It is no coincidence that so many supposedly "OP's" here come here for like a minute and post as an OW and then start posting from the fOW point of view. (But not even close in my point of view.)

 

I'm sick of it. This forum is NOT EVEN CLOSE TO WHAT IT WAS. It's now overrun by a bunch of bitter BS's trying to get OP's out of their A's so they save a frick'n M, all ready.

 

Too bad they couldn't save their own.

 

GEL (Just sick of what I'm seeing here and sad that the real OW are afraid to even post here.)

 

P.S. My apologies to Jennie and PIH not saying you're not real. Just sick of the new posters suddenly going all psycho on their men. They are NOT EVEN FOR REAL.

 

This is not true. I am not a bitter betrayed spouse, I'm not a betrayed spouse, Hell...I'm not even a spouse. I also can't be bothered to hate anonymous people on an internet forum. Frankly I only think about the people here when I'm actually here. Kind of hard to work up any real hate or any other emotions that way.

 

Really strange that you would say that all here who disagree with affairs are the bitter betrayed or fake OW. You must know that in real life most people don't agree with affairs regardless of their relationship status so why would you be offended to see that opinion here on a forum that is open to the general public?

 

Even most OW/OM wish that their affair relationship wasn't an affair and could be an out in the open honest relationship. With the exception of one or two posters, most OW here post about nothing but the hurt and anguish that comes with being in an affair. Really I don't see OW/OM posting here saying that affairs are great, they love having affairs, and if their affair ends they are going to run right out and have another affair because affairs are just so much fun! Instead they post about hurt, lost trust, loss of self, depression, anxiety, etc etc... These are the post that have convinced me that affairs are wrong and unhealthy, not the posts from the betrayed spouses. I already knew how painful affairs are for the betrayed spouse because I have seen it happen to people in my real life. What I didn't know is that OW/OM also experience a great deal of pain. So if both the betrayed and the affair partner are suffering then what exactly is good about the affair?

[WTFBBQ]

"I'm sick of it. This forum is NOT EVEN CLOSE TO WHAT IT WAS. It's now overrun by a bunch of bitter BS's trying to get OP's out of their A's so they save a frick'n M, all ready.

 

Too bad they couldn't save their own."

 

Spoken like a true current OW.

[bentnotbroken]

"I'm sick of it. This forum is NOT EVEN CLOSE TO WHAT IT WAS. It's now overrun by a bunch of bitter BS's trying to get OP's out of their A's so they save a frick'n M, all ready.

 

Too bad they couldn't save their own."

 

Spoken like a true current OW.

 

 

Whew! :laugh:Hope you feel better now. Some of us didn't want to save what was supposed to be a marriage and moved on....just sayin. Oh forgot...chiching. :lmao:

[OWoman]

I think that OW who post about their situation are unsure and are looking for insight. If they were deadset on continuing in their A and wanted nothing to change then they wouldn't come here, would they?

 

There is a huge difference between seeking insight on some matter pertaining to an R, and being unsure about whether or not to continue the R. Do you think all the posters over on the Marriage and Life Partnerships forum are posting because they are in doubt about whether or not they should be in their M - or any M? Do you think they are all there because they know, in their hearts, that Ms are toxic, and that by staying in one they are damaging themselves? Or do you concede that, just perhaps, they may be looking to discuss with other MPs who may have experienced something similar before in their own Ms, something happening currently within their Ms that they're not entirely sure how to handle, or what to make of it? Do you think all of the posters on the Parenting forum are there because they're in doubt as to whether to continue parenting, or to give their kids up? Do you really seriously think that everyone who posts on LS is in serious doubt as to whether or not they should be in the R??? :lmao: :lmao:

 

FTR, not once amongst any of my posts (you can go back to read them all if you don't believe me) was I ever in any doubt whatsoever about whether or not I wanted to be, or stay, in my A. The issue I posted here about initially - which you won't find, as the thread got killed after too many bitter posters called OWs nasty names - was exactly what I've just described: I was looking to hear whether any other OWs had experience of something similar to what my H was then facing, and if so, how that had gone down. I made it clear from the outset that I wasn't looking for views on whether As were good, whether I should be in one or whether I should believe my then-MM or not - but by far the bulk of responses dealt with those issues and didn't even approach the topic about which I'd posted.

 

Not all OWs who post here are looking for advice on whether or not to stay in the A. Not all OWs who post here think As are bad. Not all OWs who post here are unhappy or in need of some marriage evangelist to try to guilt-trip them into dumping their MM and going NC and finding The Light / Jesus / The American Way / The Straight and Narrow. Stick around, meet some real OWs and broaden your horizons a little...

[pureinheart]

This is not true. I am not a bitter betrayed spouse, I'm not a betrayed spouse, Hell...I'm not even a spouse. I also can't be bothered to hate anonymous people on an internet forum. Frankly I only think about the people here when I'm actually here. Kind of hard to work up any real hate or any other emotions that way.

 

Really strange that you would say that all here who disagree with affairs are the bitter betrayed or fake OW. You must know that in real life most people don't agree with affairs regardless of their relationship status so why would you be offended to see that opinion here on a forum that is open to the general public?

 

Even most OW/OM wish that their affair relationship wasn't an affair and could be an out in the open honest relationship. With the exception of one or two posters, most OW here post about nothing but the hurt and anguish that comes with being in an affair. Really I don't see OW/OM posting here saying that affairs are great, they love having affairs, and if their affair ends they are going to run right out and have another affair because affairs are just so much fun! Instead they post about hurt, lost trust, loss of self, depression, anxiety, etc etc... These are the post that have convinced me that affairs are wrong and unhealthy, not the posts from the betrayed spouses. I already knew how painful affairs are for the betrayed spouse because I have seen it happen to people in my real life. What I didn't know is that OW/OM also experience a great deal of pain. So if both the betrayed and the affair partner are suffering then what exactly is good about the affair?

 

Possibly to you GEL's statement is not true, although to some of us her statement is true.

 

I certainly am frustrated with the way LS has turned out, especially this forum (there are other forums that are experiencing this also).

 

This is the OM/OW forum for OM and OW to "discuss" their unique situations...I am not sure what part of this is not understood.

 

Mostly I think disgruntled (in whatever they are disgruntled in) people post here to take out their frustrations out on OM and OW. I think some of them are fake, meaning reincarnations of posters who have posted in the past/present and those who triplicate themselves (and sometimes even more).

 

(Bold)

I had an EA with a co-worker, he was miserable in his M...we helped each other through some difficult times. I believe I gave him the courage he needed to rid himself of an extremely destuctive M. He went and got help (IC), his exW never did (which doesn't surprise me). He's divorced now. Our R didn't survive and you might hear me kick and scream because there are times that I am hurt and pissed that it didn't work out...BUT I need to accept things the was they are...the M may have ruined him, his past may have ruined him, who knows...BUT that is the way it is.

 

I don't regret my R with exDM or ANY man I've been with.

 

You know what you communicated about the hurt and pain...well if you look at any R, those same elements can exist.

[alexandria35]

Possibly to you GEL's statement is not true, although to some of us her statement is true.

 

I certainly am frustrated with the way LS has turned out, especially this forum (there are other forums that are experiencing this also).

 

This is the OM/OW forum for OM and OW to "discuss" their unique situations...I am not sure what part of this is not understood.

 

Mostly I think disgruntled (in whatever they are disgruntled in) people post here to take out their frustrations out on OM and OW. I think some of them are fake, meaning reincarnations of posters who have posted in the past/present and those who triplicate themselves (and sometimes even more).

 

(Bold)

I had an EA with a co-worker, he was miserable in his M...we helped each other through some difficult times. I believe I gave him the courage he needed to rid himself of an extremely destuctive M. He went and got help (IC), his exW never did (which doesn't surprise me). He's divorced now. Our R didn't survive and you might hear me kick and scream because there are times that I am hurt and pissed that it didn't work out...BUT I need to accept things the was they are...the M may have ruined him, his past may have ruined him, who knows...BUT that is the way it is.

 

I don't regret my R with exDM or ANY man I've been with.

 

You know what you communicated about the hurt and pain...well if you look at any R, those same elements can exist.

 

Well the bolded statement above isn't completely accurate either. The purpose of this forum is to discuss the problems and experiences of being an affair partner, but the discussions are open to all and anyone can participate, not just OW and OM. Just like anyone can participate in the infidelity forums, including OW and OM. Maybe you would prefer private forums, where only Betrayed Spouses can post in the infidelity forums and only OW/OM can post in this forum. I believe that there are forums out there that are set up this way and people could probably easily find them if that is what they are after.

[woinlove]

I think it's interesting that of all of the out of context posting on this thread, you site Jennie...I would say another "whatever" is called for!

 

Please go back and read this thread. It is sc58's thread and it was engaging her and she was responding to many of the posts, including posts by people that you implied shouldn't post here by your more recent statement. The thread started going off the tracks somewhere around p 8 or 9, when the discussion turned to whether some of the advice was appropriate and the people giving it started to defend it. Jennie was a key person in this shift of focus and I thought her post about what kind of advice is useful/not useful for her was a key example.

 

If you or Jennie or anyone else is really concerned about specific advice being given to sc58, you could try addressing those points to sc58, e.g., sc58, don't feel compelled to respond about how you feel about having an A or about the BS if you don't want to. Sc58 did respond to such points, and maybe it is useful to her to reflect on this now and articulate her feelings, but maybe not. If the latter, it might be useful to have other posters say, don't worry about that stuff right now, just focus on your own needs (or whatever).

 

I just think that kind of approach would be more useful to sc58 and others who start threads, than these kind of extended arguments over what kind of advice should be given in general. Notice that sc58 stopped responding a few pages back. Perhaps she is busy with other things, but maybe it is because people are no longer discussing her situation or engaging her.

Edited November 21, 2010 by woinlove

[jennie-jennie]

Please go back and read this thread. It is sc58's thread and it was engaging her and she was responding to many of the posts, including posts by people that you implied shouldn't post here by your more recent statement. The thread started going off the tracks somewhere around p 8 or 9, when the discussion turned to whether some of the advice was appropriate and the people giving it started to defend it. Jennie was a key person in this shift of focus and I thought her post about what kind of advice is useful/not useful for her was a key example.

 

If you or Jennie or anyone else is really concerned about specific advice being given to sc58, you could try addressing those points to sc58, e.g., sc58, don't feel compelled to respond about how you feel about having an A or about the BS if you don't want to. Sc58 did respond to such points, and maybe it is useful to her to reflect on this now and articulate her feelings, but maybe not. If the latter, it might be useful to have other posters say, don't worry about that stuff right now, just focus on your own needs (or whatever).

 

I just think that kind of approach would be more useful to sc58 and others who start threads, than these kind of extended arguments over what kind of advice should be given in general. Notice that sc58 stopped responding a few pages back. Perhaps she is busy with other things, but maybe it is because people are no longer discussing her situation or engaging her.

 

You forgot to mention that I was also a key person in getting the focus of this thread back on sc58:

 

Whatever.

sc58, how are you doing?

 

It is not fair to single me out as being off topic. In fact the reply of mine you used as an example was just that, a reply, to another poster going off topic.

 

I'll take my share of the blame, but no more.

[jennie-jennie]

Please go back and read this thread. It is sc58's thread and it was engaging her and she was responding to many of the posts, including posts by people that you implied shouldn't post here by your more recent statement. The thread started going off the tracks somewhere around p 8 or 9, when the discussion turned to whether some of the advice was appropriate and the people giving it started to defend it. Jennie was a key person in this shift of focus and I thought her post about what kind of advice is useful/not useful for her was a key example.

 

If you or Jennie or anyone else is really concerned about specific advice being given to sc58, you could try addressing those points to sc58, e.g., sc58, don't feel compelled to respond about how you feel about having an A or about the BS if you don't want to. Sc58 did respond to such points, and maybe it is useful to her to reflect on this now and articulate her feelings, but maybe not. If the latter, it might be useful to have other posters say, don't worry about that stuff right now, just focus on your own needs (or whatever).

 

I just think that kind of approach would be more useful to sc58 and others who start threads, than these kind of extended arguments over what kind of advice should be given in general. Notice that sc58 stopped responding a few pages back. Perhaps she is busy with other things, but maybe it is because people are no longer discussing her situation or engaging her.

 

I must say I am not surprised that sc58 has not been posting as of late. She has decided on a plan, to give her MM a couple of more months, so perhaps she sees no point in going on and on about this at the moment.

 

sc58, I am sorry I contributed to get your thread off topic. We are here to support you as best as we can!

[pureinheart]

Well the bolded statement above isn't completely accurate either. The purpose of this forum is to discuss the problems and experiences of being an affair partner, but the discussions are open to all and anyone can participate, not just OW and OM. Just like anyone can participate in the infidelity forums, including OW and OM. Maybe you would prefer private forums, where only Betrayed Spouses can post in the infidelity forums and only OW/OM can post in this forum. I believe that there are forums out there that are set up this way and people could probably easily find them if that is what they are after.

 

I have no issue with "who" posts...I have issue "how" various posts come across and that is why I made the comment.

 

For instance, if I reply to a thread in the Infidelity forum/board named, "I am staying with my mate after the affair"...inappropriate responses to me would be...

 

How can you stay with that cheating , slimbag, etc.

 

To me this is not support.

 

My statement was accurate...

[jj33]

Hi everyone,

 

 

I guess I'm just wondering what you guys think about him getting me a "promise ring" and the new situation...

 

She asked what people think - she didnt say please join me as I celebrate our future happiness and just because its not what one person or another thinks that SC should hear or wants to hear, doesnt mean its not valid.

[pureinheart]

Please go back and read this thread. It is sc58's thread and it was engaging her and she was responding to many of the posts, including posts by people that you implied shouldn't post here by your more recent statement. The thread started going off the tracks somewhere around p 8 or 9, when the discussion turned to whether some of the advice was appropriate and the people giving it started to defend it. Jennie was a key person in this shift of focus and I thought her post about what kind of advice is useful/not useful for her was a key example.

 

If you or Jennie or anyone else is really concerned about specific advice being given to sc58, you could try addressing those points to sc58, e.g., sc58, don't feel compelled to respond about how you feel about having an A or about the BS if you don't want to. Sc58 did respond to such points, and maybe it is useful to her to reflect on this now and articulate her feelings, but maybe not. If the latter, it might be useful to have other posters say, don't worry about that stuff right now, just focus on your own needs (or whatever).

 

I just think that kind of approach would be more useful to sc58 and others who start threads, than these kind of extended arguments over what kind of advice should be given in general. Notice that sc58 stopped responding a few pages back. Perhaps she is busy with other things, but maybe it is because people are no longer discussing her situation or engaging her.

 

The second bold, wow...WIL, the word engage has two agendas (that would apply to this forum specifically), the second bold would mean in the negative manor due to the context of the sentance. That is not what this forum is about either IMO and according to LS guidelines.

 

There were many of us that participated in the TJ, not just Jennie, and usually she is defending herself because many do not like the fact the she is in an A, and they want to change her (personally, I like her just the way she is today).

 

In the process of defending herself, she in the same response to another poster asked SC how she was doing...SC responded and had come to terms with a plan in tact.

 

A poster at times when this happens will comment to the entire group concerning TJ...I can't talk any shyt about that because they are right (I do think it's wrong when they themselves TJ and then in the same post chastise the group, or use it as a tool to get their POV in and mess with the group or a couple of posters).

 

I think it's interesting that Jennie gets called on the carpet and then messed with when she answers the questions or comments. I don't believe her to be on the defensive though, and that is the reason for using the word "answering".

 

IMO we were all wrong except Jennie for the TJ...and SC, please accept my sincere apologies, being the TJ Queen here, I will work harder not to do that:).

[woinlove]

I'm not sure what meanings or agendas you are referring to, as I simply used engage as in to involve or draw in by means of asking questions or making comments directed at sc58.

[pureinheart]

She asked what people think - she didnt say please join me as I celebrate our future happiness and just because its not what one person or another thinks that SC should hear or wants to hear, doesnt mean its not valid.

 

Rude is never cool. Period.

[bentnotbroken]

I'm not sure what meanings or agendas you are referring to, as I simply used engage as in to involve or draw in by means of asking questions or making comments directed at sc58.

 

 

Don't try to explain...your intent can apparently be felt, analyzed and deemed one way or the other all through the computer screen. Mind you, this only happens to those who have been "labeled" by one camp or the other and they didn't even know they felt that way when they posted a response...how bout that? All of this thanks to the seeing powers of the world wide web.

[Fieldsofgold]

Rude is never cool. Period.

 

I have to totally agree with jj33.

 

As for anyone being rude, I think that is such a subjective thing, especially when writing, and especially when that written exchange is among strangers from all different cultures. It's so hard to interpret the tone of a written post from someone you don't know. For example, if someone writes to me and says, "hey, --gga!" are they being rude? Or chummy? Could be either. I have to have some context about the person, their motives, etc. I have to "judge" them, and if I judge wrong, that's unfortunate.

 

To me some of the very ones who are complaining the most are some of the ones who sound the most bitter and judgmental - to me. Like GEL's post. To me, that sounded bitter and like a hater. But I could be judging it wrong. And I have to say this - I stumbled upon another website where one of our unapologetic OW was writing about the heartache and agony of her affair. But when she comes here to post, it's all sunshine and roses. That's just wrong, and knowingly giving false hope to people.

 

I just think there's a lot of judging going on here. A lot of off-topic judging. SC asked for opinions. If she doesn't like someone's opinion, she is free to tell them so, or to ignore it.

 

I do think we should all be careful with giving our advice, opinions and encouragement - from all sides. But we are all human, and we all have our moments.

 

In the meantime, I hope SC is having a wonderful time with her sister! And I wish that her situation could end happily for everyone involved - SC, MM, MM's wife and his little baby. But for the life of me, I can't see how it can. People are gonna be hurt - it's just a matter of which ones. That's the part I hate about affairs.

[jennie-jennie]

To me some of the very ones who are complaining the most are some of the ones who sound the most bitter and judgmental - to me. Like GEL's post. To me, that sounded bitter and like a hater. But I could be judging it wrong. And I have to say this - I stumbled upon another website where one of our unapologetic OW was writing about the heartache and agony of her affair. But when she comes here to post, it's all sunshine and roses. That's just wrong, and knowingly giving false hope to people.

 

First off, GEL is far from bitter and a hater. She is very supportive of OW. To be a former OW and remember what it was like and being able to give support to those still in extramarital relationships is a gift not all former OW have. Many become bitter at their xMM, so perhaps it is easier not to be bitter when you now are married to him. Thanks for being there, GEL!

 

Second, I think all posters need to reflect on why an OW is not able to open her heart here and talk about "the heartache and agony of her affair". Why is LS not a supportive enough environment for OW still choosing to remain with their MM to share the problems they do have in their relationship?

[BB07]

First off, GEL is far from bitter and a hater. She is very supportive of OW. To be a former OW and remember what it was like and being able to give support to those still in extramarital relationships is a gift not all former OW have. Many become bitter at their xMM, so perhaps it is easier not to be bitter when you now are married to him. Thanks for being there, GEL!

 

As for being bitter......I can only speak for myself. I'm not, am I still pissed off sometimes, yes I am. Does it color my posts, maybe sometimes.

If someone wants to call me bitter because I see things through different eyes, well we can put that on xmm as he proved himself to be nothing that he claimed. That's a fact! Do I see similarities between my story and others.........sure do. Does that make me so prejudicial that I shouldn't speak?

 

 

Second, I think all posters need to reflect on why an OW is not able to open her heart here and talk about "the heartache and agony of her affair". Why is LS not a supportive enough environment for OW still choosing to remain with their MM to share the problems they do have in their relationship?

 

I completely disagree with your statement above in regards to OW not being able to talk about the heartache and agony of her affair, geez that is mostly what posters are posting about, post after post, poster after poster. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that clearly.

As for supporting the ones that choose to stay, well personally I'm not going to do that and if that is the case then I just keep it zipped. However........if I choose to say something I'm damn glad that I'm in a place where I can.

By posting here at LS and in such a lightly moderated place (THANK YOU) the poster opens themselves up to comments of any kind that fall within the TOS. They can take what they want and leave the rest. Also if the poster wants nothing but a supportive forum for the OW then there are other places out there that do that and they are free to go there.

Personally I like it this place because it's a lot more REAL and you get both sides of the coin. I like the freedom of speech here and the fact that one opinion or the other isn't censored.

Just my 2 cents worth..........

[BB07]

Second, I think all posters need to reflect on why an OW is not able to open her heart here and talk about "the heartache and agony of her affair". Why is LS not a supportive enough environment for OW still choosing to remain with their MM to share the problems they do have in their relationship?

 

BTW...........do you feel like you can't talk about the heartache and agony of your affair?

[jennie-jennie]

Second, I think all posters need to reflect on why an OW is not able to open her heart here and talk about "the heartache and agony of her affair". Why is LS not a supportive enough environment for OW still choosing to remain with their MM to share the problems they do have in their relationship?

 

It seems I need to clarify that the above was all about OW who choose to remain in the extramarital relationship.

 

As for supporting the ones that choose to stay, well personally I'm not going to do that and if that is the case then I just keep it zipped. However........if I choose to say something I'm damn glad that I'm in a place where I can.

By posting here at LS and in such a lightly moderated place (THANK YOU) the poster opens themselves up to comments of any kind that fall within the TOS. They can take what they want and leave the rest. Also if the poster wants nothing but a supportive forum for the OW then there are other places out there that do that and they are free to go there.

Personally I like it this place because it's a lot more REAL and you get both sides of the coin. I like the freedom of speech here and the fact that one opinion or the other isn't censored.

Just my 2 cents worth..........

 

I have to disagree with you that there are other places for OW to go. I haven't found one. gloryb doesn't take new members. Another OW forum I do not like because they more or less have a dogma you have to agree with. So LS is the only place I have found for someone like me.

 

I respect your choice to not post since you have decided not to support OW who choose to remain in extramarital relationships. I do the same when an OW has decided to go NC. I see it as being respectful of the OW's choice.

 

BTW...........do you feel like you can't talk about the heartache and agony of your affair?

 

BB, are you saying that you are not aware of all the contact that goes on privately between OW who choose to stay in an affair since it is not a supportive environment here on LS to post about the issues they are having?

 

I don't really experience much heartache and agony myself. But if I did, and the times I do, I would not put it out here, no, not if it was fresh and raw at least. Once I have dealt with it, perhaps. But just look at how many times I have had it thrown at me that my MM had sex that one time with his wife. This is not a safe place for confiding about the issues of an extramarital relationship. If you are thinking of ending it, yes. If you are choosing to stay, no.

[jennie-jennie]

BB and others, when you hit reply there is a speech bubble above the empty box for your reply. If you mark part of a quote and then click that speech bubble you can divide a longer quote into sections and do not have to write your own response within someone else's quote.

 

Thanks to Anne who once taught me this!

[jennie-jennie]

It seems I need to clarify that the above was all about OW who choose to remain in the extramarital relationship.

 

 

 

I have to disagree with you that there are other places for OW to go. I haven't found one. gloryb doesn't take new members. Another OW forum I do not like because they more or less have a dogma you have to agree with. So LS is the only place I have found for someone like me.

 

I respect your choice to not post since you have decided not to support OW who choose to remain in extramarital relationships. I do the same when an OW has decided to go NC. I see it as being respectful of the OW's choice.

 

 

 

BB, are you saying that you are not aware of all the contact that goes on privately between OW who choose to stay in an affair since it is not a supportive environment here on LS to post about the issues they are having?

 

I don't really experience much heartache and agony myself. But if I did, and the times I do, I would not put it out here, no, not if it was fresh and raw at least. Once I have dealt with it, perhaps. But just look at how many times I have had it thrown at me that my MM had sex that one time with his wife. This is not a safe place for confiding about the issues of an extramarital relationship. If you are thinking of ending it, yes. If you are choosing to stay, no.

 

And for those who want to call this yet a thread jack, my opinion is that it is on topic since sc58 has decided to stay in her extramarital relationship at least for now. I have been surprised that sc has dared to open up in several threads considering the responses she has gotten. I can't believe how people trashed the promise ring her MM gave her. Perhaps she wants to keep it and remember it as a precious token of his love. sc, you decide what it means to you. Don't let people's opinions impact the worth it has to you. I wish my MM would give me a ring!