monkey Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 People that say time heals are wrong, it's now 4 & half months & i've never spoken to her, but i love here more now than ever. She knows this & there's no-one else i want & i will prove to her my feelings. All the time she said" men are so unreliable & don't like commitment", HELLO, earth calling my girlfriend! Whatever i say, i mean, whether it's ok for girls to lie & men not, i don't care, but what she said i have in writing & if she didn't mean it, she shouldn't have written it, you can't play with peoples emotions. How about this then! My nan was married 69 years & they seperated 3 times through unfaithfullness, but she always loved my grandad & always reconciled & her advice was to never give up. She is 96 now & he died 5 years ago. I'm sure she classes as a senior member & is far more experienced than anyone, so all those who want to reconcile, never give up! Time & space it may take, but give up & move on & you will live your lives with regret, words of a very wise old girl! Link to post Share on other sites
floydgondoli Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 What do you do then? What if you never see her again? What besides her words from a while back is giving you hope? When people give you advice that you do not like, it does not make them cold at heart. Trust me - people on the outside of this are seeing things much more clearly than yourself... You keep telling is the same things...Are you trying to convince us or yourself? When you get angry, you are showing people that you have no control over the situation and that you are not getting well... Please try and take care of yourself...Only then can you start to see things in a clearer light... I wish you the best... Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 I personally believe that it's what you do during that "time" that helps you heal. I have read most of your posts and you are unable to let go. Live your life without her for a bit and enjoy your single life. Times change, women during the 40s -60s were totally different from the women today. When women break up with us men it is because they are looking for something better. And yes they might look back and "live with regret." But have you ever thought of her ex being happy? What if she found "the something" that she was looking for, and it was not you. Expect the worst, you will never know what could/will happen. Don't hold on to that false hope. My ex broke up with me 2 months ago. I have changed a lot. I know that I would make her happy if she came back to me. However I am not going to contact her and tell her how much I changed. Anyhow I believe that the sooner you let go, the faster you will start to feel better about yourself(heal.) Of course there are those moments where you feel lonely and begin to miss her. But as time and yourself moves on, you will slowly start focusing more on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Time does heal, and in many difficult cases such as yours it is the only thing that will heal you. Give yourself MORE time if you are still missing this person after four and a half months. It took me significantly longer to get over two women from my past. Sometimes things just take longer. Also, you cannot prove your feelings. Feelings must be realized. If your ex decides to realize for herself how it is you feel then that is fine. You have no control in forcing her to see anything. And if it helps any, love is hardly ever-lasting, religious beliefs aside. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Originally posted by monkey but give up & move on & you will live your lives with regret If you're living your life with regret, than you haven't truly moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
tenderhearted Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 maybe when you stop holding on to the hope of getting back together and start accepting the fact that its over, you'll be able to heal and move on. Just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
eye Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Hey Monkey, you are entitled to your will. Yes you can wait for her and just dont give up hope, but we really can't force anybody to love us back and be with us again. You can wait if you cant let go, but meantime concentrate on yourself. Find things that makes you happy, go out and buy stuff for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
sinkerswim Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Hi Monkey. I guess I would say never give up hope. Ive been apart from my fiance for over 4 weeks now. It is the worst month of my life. My depression is taking a toll on me. He never officially broke up with me, and I will not take off this ring unless he says so. He is still deciding what he wants to do. I have to let him do just that. As hard as it has been for me, I didnt contact him this past 3 weeks. But I did send him my new phone number and address when I moved into my new apartment. He should get it by today in the mail. I fear that his final decision on me is going to be bad, but then I say to myself... We have been together 8 years and he knows that nobody will ever treat him the way I did. He always told me how good I am to him. So then I feel, well he will realize what he is missing out on and maybe he will come back. But I am already jumping ahead. I have to stay positive. That is what my therapist told me. I know I have to look out for myself first and take care of myself. But I am sooo used to being with him, that all I think about is him and his well being. Im worried about him right now as I type. Its just in my nature. All I want is him back. I dont want anybody else. Nobody will ever replace him. My heart belongs to him, the love of my life. My fiance. I know how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
julieg Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 sink, i really feel for you. you are in a tough situation. thank goodness you have a therapist to help you sort out the feelings. you sound like a strong person who is very nuturing. you can get through this stay positive!!!!!!! julie Link to post Share on other sites
julieg Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 [Time & space it may take, but give up & move on & you will live your lives with regret, words of a very wise old girl! Monkey you are so right on here. i once gave up and moved on and i may never stop regretting it. julie Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 Monkey you are so right on here. i once gave up and moved on and i may never stop regretting it. julie Who broke up with who in your case julie. I'm only curious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey Posted March 10, 2004 Author Share Posted March 10, 2004 Thanks All As these days pass, i am concentrating on myself more & i don't sriral into a panic when i hear something i don't want to hear, as i used to. I do know that my actions in the past have not worked, overmailing & talking of "us" & the future all the time, although she talks of the future, & that seems to be ok! Now & in the last fiew weeks, space i have given her, although everyones idea of space is different. To me it's not knocking on someones door, to her it's not emailing all the time! This change in action by me, can't do any worse! I just have so many unanswered questions & contradictions that are always ruminating in my mind & it's so frustrating. I'd just like to get this in the open & talk about it. When i think rationally, i think (&i've been told this) that i'm seeing too much into it & that it's a simple break until we meet again, a person she mails, my friend, who i introduced her to, seems to have more contact with her than me, this annoys me!, especially that i know i'm talked about! & this so called friend, seems to have been poisoned by my s/o & no longer contacts me, this gives me anger & helps me move on, now mabe she thinks i'm bad for HAVING AN ILLNESS! I think it is possible to carry on, mabe see others, but still not give up! Link to post Share on other sites
maxmuscle Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 Monkey, I am not going to tell you to give up hope. We all have to figure out things alone in life especiallly relationships. If your ex wants to be happy it doesn't make her a bad person. Your ex once upon a time promissory note is invalid now. Nobody knows what tomorrow may bring forth. It may be somebody better out here for you, than her! Conitnue to go through your grieving cycle and love her, miss her, and wish she was here. Only time will solve your issues! Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey Posted March 12, 2004 Author Share Posted March 12, 2004 Thanks Max, i'm just hurt by how this has happened, mabe not "what" has happened, but the way, the silence the deceit & lyes. For someone getting therapy for an anxiety problem, this doesn't help, i've a horrible feeling in me that doesn't go away, a feeling of upset & pain! The elderly family i stayed with in America, they threw her out when i leaft America, she didn't stay with me, she was in another house a mile away, but she spent time there with me. Because she told them that what she said to me in the previous month, was what i wanted to hear & they knew moraly, this was bad, so i know i am not wrong Link to post Share on other sites
look forward Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 monkey I hear what your saying but at some point you'll have to let go for your own sanity... life goes on whether you like it or not and it will with or without this woman.. just take it one day at a time. With me after 4 months i told myself thats it no more I have to heal myself and stop looking back over my shoulder every second thinking that one day my ex will come.. I gave up on hope and started to look forward and start facing the reality of my life without him.. then low and behold when i least expected it he did come back into my life.. When you are looking for something you never find it but when you let things take their course if its meant to be it will happen.. concentrate on you right now not her... Link to post Share on other sites
Troubled15 Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 Well said look forward your words are wise Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey Posted March 12, 2004 Author Share Posted March 12, 2004 Thanks Look Forward Some days are easier than others, but i just feel i need my chance as she promised me, mabe like you say, i will get it, when i least expect it. I know she doesn't want me now, but she won't know how i am when i've gotten better. My medical prob has scared her & she most likely thinks i won't be any different, so i just feel it a waste, that she may like how i will be, but won't know it until she sees it! There's many things she told me, looked me in the eyes & said we will see what this day brings. Did you move on, like what if you met someone else & then they came back! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 12, 2004 Share Posted March 12, 2004 Glad to hear you sounding a little better Monkey. If you have not asked your therapist about this then you should do so. I think moving on for you, for now, may mean just shelving those questions until you are better. Then you can get over her fully or see her to try and resolve some of the issues bothering you. I think you know there is no excuse for lies even if she was scared. But that hasn't helped you let go. Letting go is so hard to do, if you can't do it now then wait until you are better. If there is a chance for you both it will only be when you are well - she's made it clear she will not support you when you are ill. Either way you can't move on with your life until you are well. You need to find ways to stop focusing all your energy and emotional resources on her while you get well - you need that attention for yourself. You will make it - with or without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey Posted March 13, 2004 Author Share Posted March 13, 2004 Hi Meanon I know your correct, just all these unknowns & issues i have are a constant stress & are there all the time, like a solitary fly harassing you in the summer, just won't go away. I know she has morals & is caring, but this lack of communication & (that she said we would do) is so annoying, i hope this day comes!,but thanks for caring, you look caring. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 13, 2004 Share Posted March 13, 2004 Thanks Monkey, I do care It may be worth accepting the fact that you are going to worry about all those unresolved issues for a while - but to try and compartmentalise them so that you don't waste all your time and energy. Your therapist may suggest ways for you to do this. You could write things down once a day then try and forget about them, or vent on LS and then try and switch off when you log off, or set aside some "worry time" each day and just force yourself to stop when you start thinking about her outside that time. Then you can use the rest of your time and energy to live your own life and that will help you get well. Link to post Share on other sites
look forward Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 Hi monkey in response to your question "Did you move on, like what if you met someone else & then they came back!" yeah i tried to move on its all you can do.. I dated a few people and tried to get on with my life the best way I could.. its hard but you just have to plough on... You never know whats round the corner and if you do meet someone else on your road to recovery then maybe it was meant to be and it is not meant to be with your ex..She has chosen not to support you so you have to put all those words she said to you in the back of your mind you cant analyse everything that was said in the past as its not helping you now and you will continue to drive yourself crazy.... I know its hard but the most important person here is you NOT her dont worry about her seeing you getting better that shouldn't concern you do this for yourself.. take the steps in getting your life back for you not for her..if she is meant to come back into your life it will happen if not someone else will... Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey Posted March 14, 2004 Author Share Posted March 14, 2004 Hi, i'm so hurt that the person that i spent everyday with, can treat me like an enemy, being so cold & heartless. if she was ill i'd do anything for her, even now. I think of her always & not being in contact makes me worse, she says she cares & i think she does as a friend, just support from her, thats all! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 Yes there is nothing so hard as the loss of love. You won't feel like this forever. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 14, 2004 Share Posted March 14, 2004 monkey you can't always get what you want I can't nobody can you MUST learn to live with that fact or you will drive yourself right into mental illness You do not love her. You want her, and you will not take 'no' for an answer. All your posts are about you and what she should be doing for you. You want to make her be how you want her to be. This is not love. Link to post Share on other sites
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