look forward Posted March 15, 2004 Share Posted March 15, 2004 Monkey life doesn't always go as you planned it has twists and turns coupled with happiness and sadness.. You will be happy again have faith in that.. one day you will wake up and think enough!!! as much as you love this woman you cant hold on forever or you will live in this eternal tourment and I know that is not what you want... are you on medication? if do maybe go back to the doctors and ask them to change them as in four months you dont seem to have picked up at all.. This continued feeling of heartbreak, loss and betrayal really isn't healty.. we have all been there trust me I was with my S/O for nearly nine years he promised me the world and more and my heart still aches for him but I refuse to dwell in it... or i will go crazy.. You have to be strong for your own sanity... Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey Posted March 15, 2004 Author Share Posted March 15, 2004 Moimeme, I said i get panic attacks, why, i don't know, & i know my reactions aren't helped by this, but please don't say this is no love or we never had love. I know the times we had together were so romantic & affectionate & we worked so well & have so much in common. I don't want everything, just for her to keep her word & not to lye. I want her for her & want to be there for her, not her to be my nurse & ease my pain only. This is like saying if i could take a pill for heartbreak, this would be sufficient. NO, i miss the person i love & the times we spent, the things we did for each other, the little things we did. She knows i'm not selfish & am happier giving than taking, i always talk to my therapist of my guilt i feel for how my health prob made her. But yes, my panic is a nightmare & makes my love for her seem obsessive, i hate this, but this is a health prob, & i'm not this person at all. Do you think she would have seen me in the first place & throughout 15 months if it was! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 15, 2004 Share Posted March 15, 2004 Originally posted by monkey I know the times we had together were so romantic & affectionate & we worked so well & have so much in common. That's not love. I have so much in common with literary characters, I'm affectionate with my dog, I work well with my classmates, and I often had romantic dinners with my mom when I was littler before she met my dad. Of course you miss her, but she doesn't want a relationship. We've all read your threads, and you try to convince us that you were wronged, and that you deserve her to change for you to make the relationship better. In the beginning, we gave you sympathy, now we're telling you what you need to hear--you will never be happy unless you focus on what else you can do. Perhaps she still loves you. Perhaps you're both in love, and she's just not in a relationship with you. That would just mean you're one of the millions who think that love is enough for a healthy relationship--it's not, because this is what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 15, 2004 Share Posted March 15, 2004 I know the times we had together were so romantic & affectionate & we worked so well & have so much in common. That was then. This is now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey Posted March 16, 2004 Author Share Posted March 16, 2004 Moimeme, if an illness is so easy for you to think of as a good reason to seperate, well mabe you will never be happy & content, i feel sorry for a guy thats with you & mabe will fall ill! Dyer, please put yourself in my shoes for a minute.! Being ill & someone saying things to you for a month, this person that you trust & have had great sex & romantic times with. You may have great sex with your dog & so be it. But i never want her to change, i need to change & am doing, & mabe it is wrong to be brought up to be trustfull & never to lye, but thats me, these are my morals. So if you haven't & moimeme, i feel sorry. What about all these guys in Iraq that have leaft their girls back home, do they expect to come back & their girl to be in bed with another guy or to have lyed through their teeth. I'm sorry to say that moimeme will grow old & lonly with her attitude. When I say something I MEAN IT!-PERIOD!!!! By the way, get JP Jones back! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 i feel sorry for a guy thats with you & mabe will fall ill! I stayed for two years with a guy who was ill - bigtime. I gave up because he wouldn't get help and dealing with him was killing me. I also deal with partners of people with mental issues. This is why I know EXACTLY how difficult it is and EXACTLY why women have to quit these relationships. Any more snarky remarks? Link to post Share on other sites
BoredWithThis Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Monkey doesn't listen to anything that isn't "you're right dear boy, and someday soon she'll realize it and come crawling back to you." So, Monkey: you're right. 100%. Keep at it. I'm sure you'll get exactly what you want, because blind, cowardly stubborness always pays off. Blind: because you can't see what's going on. Or won't. Cowardly: because you can't admit what's going on, or dare to step out of the rut you're in. Stubborn: self-explanatory, I should think. Good luck Monkey. But why keep bothering the poor folks here with your self-pity? Since you obviously know more than any of them. Just who are you trying to convince? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 I keep hoping one of us will get through to him because I see a prison sentence for stalking in his future if he doesn't start listening. However, you may be right. This may actually be a hopeless case. Thank God she lives an ocean away from the guy!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Bored with this: This forum is here for people in need of support, Monkey is in need of such support. He continues to post because he gets something out of it, regardless of whether it seems that way to you. You may be bored with this but why read then? Have you bothered to read his threads before you insult him? Mental illness will not be cured by a convincing argument in text. Monkey has returned to the UK for treatment for mental illness. He has only a week or so ago started therapy. This is not blind self pity this is illness and your remarks are all the more damaging for being aimed at one of the more vulnerable members of our community. Leave him alone. Monkey - we've been here before. As I said last time this happened, people are trying to help but they don't always get the whole picture. Tune into the things that help and ignore the things that don't. This is a good life lesson to learn, may as well be at LS as anywhere else Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Seems to me that BoredWithThis is trying the Dr. Phil form of therapy; sometimes people, even mentally ill ones, need a bit of a talking-to. It may have worked, given the new thread monkey just started. Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Monkey, I've been in countless r/s where 'she' has said and promised some pretty amazing things. Upon the end of these r/s's I've often wondered about the strength of things said in the past....the excuse is, 'these things were meant at the time.' The reality is this is true. She's gone, Monkey. You two are over. She lost you....yes, you could offer her a wealth of affection etc...but she doesn't want it cause she simply doesn't want you. All you're doing now is prolonging your recovery by tormenting yourself with memories and using this illness as excuse for the end of your r/s. You're using it as the focal point for a reason why there should be reconcilliation....because 'it wasn't your fault' etc. Please let her go. Just cut all ties for your own sanity or this will continue and you'll be tortured for a long, long, long time. Is this what you want? To be honest, hell...she's probably hooked up with another guy...she's probably enjoying life and you're the 'something' that just won't go away. Man, trust me - been there and done that. This ain't good behaviour. What's it going to take? Do you want her to actally tell you to f*ck off? Maybe that's not her style. But, man...give me her email address and I'll tell her of your pain and we'll get a definitie answer there and then. End of story. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 Right O forget about the 12 years minimum training for psychiatry just get on the wards, give em a good slap, tell them to quilt the self pitying drivel and pull themselves together and BINGO cured I take it this is the same school of hard knocks that tells you its OK to tell a rape victim they are an immature drama queen for failing to form proper relationships? Everyone is entitled to their view - I thought yours was challenging but carefully worded, Moimeme - maybe it has done some good as you say. That's different from insults. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 tell them to quilt the self pitying drivel and pull themselves together and BINGO cured Hey - it works for Dr. Phil! I'm not a big fan of cognitive therapy but I do think that every once in a while issuing the unvarnished truth might cut its way through a cloud of denial. It was M's thinking, not M that Tired assailed, anyhoo. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 But it's not the truth, in my view. It does not address the cause of the problem. OK TRUCE we are off topic Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted March 16, 2004 Share Posted March 16, 2004 I think that sometimes the obvious is the obvious. This is so left field from something as traumatic as rape. I don't think that the two should be painted in the same picture. This is an isolated case of love lost. Monkey has provided us with so much information about his 'case' that sometimes one can only adminster advice in such ways. And upon delivering such advice, I can offer help through personal experience. I can honestly say that I have been in Monkey's position before. He has lost this girl and he must find himself and a way out. He must reclaim his own life. He must better himself to continue post break-up. It is difficult - but he must do it. So Monkey - please, for your own sanity - dive head first into your own life. Get yourself strong. Don't forget your own passions and what YOU can achieve without the weight of another. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Originally posted by monkey Dyer, please put yourself in my shoes for a minute.! I've tried on every shoe you own, minus the delusional ones. I'm sure you're a great person, but she doesn't want you, and you're wasting your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey Posted March 17, 2004 Author Share Posted March 17, 2004 Moimeme If you left someone because of it, then you are as selfish as my s/o. A person i worked for became an emotional wreck & nearly killed himself through depression, but his wife stayed by his side! If my s/o had the same health prob i have, i would stay by her side & sacrifice things for her. Boredwith, do you understand, i was lyed to for a month by my girl, understand, lyed to!! She said things to me for her own selfish benefit, things i wanted to hear to help me have a strong journey home. I had an illness i couldn't help. Dario, yes i am moving on slowly, but what gets me is the PRINCIPAL of it all, she couldn't say to my face or even email me & the fact she could lye for a month to someone feeling fragile, hoping it would help me, well i cannot understand this & never will. Selfishness, her, her, her, thats all it was. Doesn't matter me as long as she was ok, pure selfishness. I have been brought up with morals & things i do, even if i get hurt & suffer, if it's right. I have a friend who is 24 with lukeimia, his girl stands by him, she is gorgeous & could have any man she wants, but she's loyal. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Yesterday you said you were getting over her. Yesterday you said you were moving on. What happened? She lied to you because she feared if she told you the truth she would crush you too badly. I bet she feared you would commit suicide. She was trying to save you from some pain and maybe even to save your life. But you don't see it that way, unfortunately. If my s/o had the same health prob i have, i would stay by her side & sacrifice things for her That's what we all think until we have to live with it. That's what I thought, too. And I tried. But when I found I couldn't move off the couch to do anything because I was so depressed, I realized that he was sucking me into his illness and he was no better at all. At some point people have to save themselves or drown with the sick person. I would have been the one to end up in hospital. And I guarantee you, he would not have stuck around. So I had to save me by leaving. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Up until very recently your girl could do no wrong, no matter how often people told you she had let you down you wouldn't have it. The result was that you turned all that emotion in on yourself, you were upset and confused. Now you are angry with her. That's normal Monkey, it's part of the recovery process. It shows you are making progress. Don't turn that anger on other people. None of us can judge another for their actions if we do not know them and their situations. You may see parallells but every relationship, every situation is different. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 Monkey - You might wish to read about the stages of grieving. As Meanon said, you are moving forward. http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=145 Link to post Share on other sites
lilvoyce7321 Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Originally posted by monkey Thanks Max, i'm just hurt by how this has happened, mabe not "what" has happened, but the way, the silence the deceit & lyes. For someone getting therapy for an anxiety problem, this doesn't help, i've a horrible feeling in me that doesn't go away, a feeling of upset & pain! The elderly family i stayed with in America, they threw her out when i leaft America, she didn't stay with me, she was in another house a mile away, but she spent time there with me. Because she told them that what she said to me in the previous month, was what i wanted to hear & they knew moraly, this was bad, so i know i am not wrong I am sorry if you feel that I was out of line. I still feel the same way, I can't help that. I speak only from the heart. It sounds to me as if you want to use your illness as an excuse to not heal and move forward. You need to make an effort to WANT to heal. You shouldn't expect her to date someone who is mentally ill. It is not fair to her. You need to heal for yourself and not see anyone until you are well. She should not be in an unhealthy relationship. It is not fair. If you really love her you will respect that and continue to get the help that you need to become a better man. If your ex were my daughter, I would not want to see her in an unhealthy relationship. I would tell her to move on. If you were my son, I would hug you, and then tell you that you need to make yourself better first. You need to concentrate on healing yourself. It is not fair for you to bring your illness into ANY relationship. You can not heal unless you want to, and then you need to be comitted to make that change. You need to work on convincing yourself that you are worth healing. It does not matter what she or anyone else thinks, it has to be about you this time. You can not heal if you spend all of your time defending your illness. Spend your time curing it. There isn't any reason why you can't make that change. You are worth it. ~~~~~~~ Please don't take offense at my comments. I do not know you, but from what I hear, I just speak from my heart. I stand firmly... but yet I want you to know that I do have a heart. -lilvoyce Link to post Share on other sites
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