jenny Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 i have this uncle (friend of parent type of uncle) whom i look up to a great deal- - he is the first and one of the few people i've met who actually know when they make mistakes, can apologize, learn from them, and move on. he's very cool, very educated, and, i don't know, wise and wealthy in his own life. (he converted very early on to judaism as i am now doing, if that gives you an indication of the probable implicit influence he has over me.) i called him the other day to vent about roomie and he tried to teach me about a 'philosophy of imperturbability'. i made some kind of crack about james bondian unflappability, but he said, no, that's not it. imperturbability means not caring whether or not you are right or wrong, because you are kind; not caring if others understand or take your suggestions; because you were are clear as you could have been; and not caring if others disagree, because perhaps they are right for themselves or know something you do not. it's not apathy, either. apathy i can manage. it's more of a largesse towards humankind, a total release of pettiness in favour of curiosity. he leaned it from his mentor overseas, who is convinced it is at the heart of survivor mentality. he said it had something to do with taking ceremonial tea, but here i got confused and stove things were burning. for awhile i dismissed it as new age spam, but it's stuck with me a bit; i think imperturbility is a quality, or a set of manners, i would very much like to develop. does anything know anything about this as a concept? i don't want to call him back until i can discuss it reasonably with him, and internet searches are just turning up odd retail sites. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny Posted March 8, 2004 Author Share Posted March 8, 2004 o, a side note to that. i also thought it might be a souped up version of "don't sweat the small stuff" - but it is not that either, apparently. he brings the woman he loves some particular pastry every sunday, and if they don't have he'll comb the city for it: it's all about the pleasure of sweating that small stuffed thing. i would love to be just like him or his wife when i'm 40, even when i turn 30. this whole idea is a little vague but interesting to me. any help is appreciated: larger frameworks of philosophy help me understand new ideas very well, particularly if they are historically referenced. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 This seems to be how I am recently living my life. Do what you feel is your best, contribute as you see fit and express your ideas with clarity. Everyone governs himself. Also, intelligence will always receive violent opposition from ignorance. It is in most circumstances not enough that you are factually correct in an idea or statement. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Sounds not unlike that which is taught by Buddhism. People often refer to it as being 'zen', though that's reallly shorthand for it. The principle is 'detachment'. If you search buddhism and detachment, The study of Buddhism as a spiritual discipline teaches us to balance our energies through development of an attitude of reasonable detachment. This kind of detachment can restore an inner sense of peace and serenity. Since we are in control of our reactions, we begin by changing our selves and the ways we react. This, in turn, changes how a situation affects us. (Buddhist detachment is similar to looking at a situation from a distance or with a more “objective” point of view.) We can learn to detach our egos from a situation to which we are reacting with stress or negative energy, leaving us free to practice and experience compassion more easily From a book review by Marie-Claire Wilson http://www.aquarius-atlanta.com/jarticles/spirit.html Buddhism focuses on the mind; for happiness and sorrow, pleasure and pain are psychological experiences. Even such notions as purpose, value, virtue, goodness, and worth have meaning only as the results of our attitudes and feelings. Conversely, greed, hatred, lust, etc., are agitating, discomforting experiences (i.e. dukkha) which when present preclude a full realization of the happiness born of love and equanimity. Thus the realization of positive feelings and relinquishment of negative feelings are the major goals and motivations of meditation. http://www.buddhanet.net/depth.htm A sites with more in-depth information: http://www.metta.org.uk/wds/wds22.htm Actually, it looks like Albert Ellis' theory has a real flavour of Buddhism to it. I think he teaches the Western version of 'Right Thinking'. Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 he said it had something to do with taking ceremonial tea Ummmm...so what kind of tea should we be drinking! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Probably Japanese Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Your uncle's attitude has nothing to do with tea. He is exceptionally sane and rational while the majority of people on the planet are just plain crazy. It's absolutely insane to upset ourselves and that's what we do when we react irrationally to the happenings around us that we don't agree with. We are in charge of our reaction and it's just plain crazy for us to go out of our way to upset ourselves. Believe it or not, there are people who get all whacked out because of some posts on this forum by people they don't know and will never meet their entire lives. It's a decision we make. I sometimes make that decision myself and I call it temporary insanity. Your uncle has opted to be kind to himself. I hope you can learn this skill from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 er...i can't imagine such a thing i'm working on it. i repress a lot, and it gets channelled into weird places, but i'm working on it. i would like to live life as he does. i want to never hide from a rommate again; this is ridiculous. thanks, all, for your thoughts. moimeme, thanks for the links - it's entirely possible he's borrowing from buddhism; he's eclectic like that. i'm reading through them now. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 There is quite a bit to learn about Buddhism, and the path to 'detachment' is long. Ellis came up with sort of the 'Cole's Notes' version, IMHO, which is, more or less, 'change your thinking, change your life'. But Buddhism is kinder, gentler, and doesn't use as many epithets as Ellis does Link to post Share on other sites
jester Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 He sounds very Zen Buddhist in a Thomas Merton or Alan Watts manner. Hollow Bones Zen: The art of imperturbability. http://www.hollowbones.org/five.html Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Damn it Tony, it has everything to do with tea and I will not rest until we know What this guy's been drinking! Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted March 9, 2004 Moderators Share Posted March 9, 2004 Just may be that I'm weary right about now...but... Does this idea have to do with "abundance mentality" you eluded to earlier this fall? {Curt snickering inanely in BG} Curt Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 abundance mentality was not mine, it was clancy's. i think they are wildly different concepts. what's BG? Link to post Share on other sites
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