What makes someone become an obsessive thinker?

[Thinkalot]

Why do you think obsessive behaviour can strike at certain times, and manifest itself in certain ways? Is it something that is simply within a person to start with, and then simply comes out in different ways at different times? ie...a driven , perfectionist type, perhaps with a genetic history of this stuff (that's me...my Dad also suffers obsessive thinking)

 

To be more direct, when I was with my guy for about the first year I did not obsessively question, or feel the need to examine his past etc. We went to Canada on a holiday together for 5 weeks after being together only about 6 months, and I did not get all spooked and start asking comparison questions etc etc (as I did when we were so recently in Japan). Perhaps things were still newer then, or perhaps I was simply obsessing about OTHER things back then!

 

Eg...I did have issues with food control, compulsively counting calories etc, and there were also other things in my life that were drawing a lot of my attention and head space. I received counselling and overcome the whole food thing (I also lost a lot of weight before I sought help).

 

I've read books etc, and spoken to my psych and so on, I'm just curious to hear other's feedback on this, because I find I am always trying to understand myself better. it helps me deal with myself, be gentle on myself, and also puts things in perspective for me. Until recently, I tended to deal with the issues as individual problems, but now I am starting to realise, I have perhaps had these tendencies most of my life, just in different arenas.

 

Back at school and uni for example, I was also a perfectionist and extremely driven...I was not happy unless I had straight A's, or was top of the class etc.

 

I am thinking that maybe, I need to seriously devote some of my energy and drive into new things at this time in my life ...in a healthy way...to help expediate the process of overcoming my obsession with the bf's past. And as meanon suggested in another post, direct my perfectionist tendencies into more healthy pursuits, than trying to have THE BEST relationship in the world compared to all others.

 

Sorry guys if I am repeating myself, or labouring points. I just find it useful talking through my thoughts on here, and it saves me dumping them on my bf or my poor mum! Things in my life are also great right now, and I really want to iron out my lingering issues, so I can fully enjoy myself and worry less!

 

Smiles, Thinkalot

[moimeme]

Here's some info:

 

There is no single, proven cause of OCD.

 

Research suggests that OCD involves problems in communication between the front part of the brain (the orbital cortex) and deeper structures (the basal ganglia).

for more:

http://www.ocfoundation.org/ocf1010a.htm

 

The old belief that OCD was the result of life experiences has been weakened before the growing evidence that biological factors are a primary contributor to the disorder. The fact that OCD patients respond well to specific medications that affect the neurotransmitter serotonin suggests the disorder has a neurobiological basis.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/ocd.cfm#ocd4

 

There are tons of sites on OCD. Like any other organ, the brain is subject to injury and illness. This seems to be an ailment - nothing more sinister than that!

[Samson]

Sorry guys if I am repeating myself, or labouring points.

 

If anyone can be forgiven it is you, Thinkalot.

 

Here's my theory (undeveloped through years of higher education, but well honed in the school of hard knocks).

 

We have expectations. Reality falls short of these. Focusing on the difference causes "obsessive behaviour" sometimes manifesting itself in irrational ways.

 

Internally we must always have some sort of referee showing a yellow or red flag to control how these manisfestations may arise. Happily, instead of a red flag, my referee has given me permission to vacate the premises, play some billiards for a few hours, have some beer, and on really needful occasions, use it to chase tequilla shots.

[moimeme]

Nice theory, Sam, but science, fortunately, has moved beyond blaming people's thinking for some of these conditions. They are organic just as is diabetes or heart disease, and as easily fixed with meds. Therapy can fix them sometimes because there is evidence that brains actually do change in response to situations, including therapy. But the bottom line is that it is organic.

[meanon]

LOL have fun Samson. My referee is saying why the hell are you sitting at this computer instead of doing the ironing and packing your bags to go away with work.

 

I think that as with a lot of mental health problems, it's a mix. Certain personality types, inherited traits, a basic biological cause (we talked off site about how the meds affect serotonin levels) but also a large degree of influence to be gained over the condition from cognitive behavioural therapy. I have seen that the condition does seem to jump from one obsession to another in affected people. I don't know if you had OCD before but the food issues seem similar. But once you've cracked the intrusive thoughts so they are less problematic, you can achieve great things in certain areas by letting the perfectionist steak run free. Also, being so organised, you can achieve things on a scale and to a degree of complexity which us non-OCDers have little hope emulating. The skys the limit

[Samson]

OK Moimeme,

 

One man's "meds" are another's tequilla shots. Organically grown, of course.

 

Yeah, science has come a long way.

[moimeme]

One man's "meds" are another's tequilla shots. Organically grown, of course

 

Sad but true that people try to self-medicate these sorts of conditions with booze or other drugs. Unlike meds, booze and other drugs don't improve the condition and just add more problems.

 

Don't mean to be a downer, but these topics remind me of how much still needs to be done in terms of public education about ailments of the brain.

[Thinkalot]

Thank you for all responses so far.

 

moimeme, thanks for the website. Until recently, I did not think of myself as having OCD. I just thought I had an issue, RELATED to that problem. I think I deliberately didn't put myself in that category, as the clinical diagnosis sounded scary, or made me feel like I really was a bit of a weirdo! In some ways though, my new acceptance makes it a little easier not to beat up on myself so much. After all, I want to be PERFECT not someone who obseses! lol!

[moimeme]

After all, I want to be PERFECT not someone who obseses! lol!

 

 

The good news is that it's not your fault any more than any other ailment is. You didn't cause it and could not have prevented it! So, you see, you're no more 'imperfect' for having it than you would be for wearing specs or having diabetes.

[Thinkalot]

I also think that expecting setbacks or a relapse of the condition to occur is a helpful insight....and will also help my partner cope.

 

I printed out the section from the website on 'what family members can do to help'....because he has noticed my tendency to obsess over other things in the past also, and wants to know how to help me handle it if it manifests in other ways down the line. I am lucky to have found this man. Sometimes I need to remind myself he is also lucky to have found me! I sometimes feel so indebted to him for simply sticking with me, inspite of my issues, I do actually have to go through the process of reminding myself I am a loving caring person, and have a lot to offer him too!

[Samson]

I am thinking that maybe, I need to seriously devote some of my energy and drive into new things at this time in my life ...in a healthy way...to help expediate the process of overcoming my obsession with the bf's past.

 

Naturally, tequilla wouldn't be the healtiest way to resolve obsession (if that's what it REALLY is), and the research described on the websites included with postings on this thread "suggest" a lot, but also clearly state "There is no single, proven cause of OCD." And yes, reality if a bummer: healthy, yet expensive alternatives are available for the lucky few.

 

As you've noticed, however, the subject of bf's past seems to be the unending source of much thought: I'm guessing that asking him to paint a wall depicting a map of all the places he and his ex made love on the planet hasn't worked?

 

Exorsizing the Past.

 

Demons. We all have them. Some control them.

 

Perhaps Robert Mitchem would come to your home dressed as a priest.

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by Samson

I'm guessing that asking him to paint a wall depicting a map of all the places he and his ex made love on the planet hasn't worked?

 

he thought that was a hilarious suggestion and wished he could talk to you in person about any other insightful strategies. But alas now, despite the painted world map which now covers the roof above our bed, it hasn't quite done the trick. lol!

[moimeme]

"There is no single, proven cause of OCD." You have to read farther in that paragraph;

 

Research suggests that OCD involves problems in communication between the front part of the brain (the orbital cortex) and deeper structures (the basal ganglia).

 

Whatever the cause, the effect is organic. Elsewhere it is posited that there is a genetic factor.

[Thinkalot]

I like the organic/genetic cause ideas. Make me feel less like a psycho

[meanon]

Thinkalot,

 

My OTHER friend with OCD is one of the sanest people I know, despite the fact that she laughingly refers to herself as mad. She holds down an incredibly stressful, sometimes dangerous job that requires nerves of steel - as well as having a young family etc. Her OCD shows where she chooses to let it show: e.g. her perfectly designed garden, the interior of her cupboards, the xmas shopping done and wrapped by the end of Nov. She is healthy and happy, you will be too. We all have problems, it's just that some come with a label. Sometimes that's helpful and sometimes it's not.

[Thinkalot]

Thank you meanon

[meanon]

A pleasure Thinkalot

[Samson]

I like the organic/genetic cause ideas. Make me feel less like a psycho

 

The real strength of any theory.

 

PS Thanks for feedback on world-map-over-bed.

 

Now, gotta go: Narcolepsy gene setting in......ZZZZzzzzzzz.....

[Thinkalot]

I've noticed that many people become frustrated with the OCD symptoms, either shown by myself, or others. They cannot understand why the person (ie me) acts they way they do and asks so many questions, or whatever. It makes them feel helpless too, because they can't fix the problem.

 

I just had lunch with my lovely mum and was telling her all about our great trip. She was thrilled for us. I also mentioned that I had a bit of a setback at the start, and relayed an example. At first she was angry and frustrated with me for acting that way...because she wants my to be ok, wants my relationship to be ok etc, and so she gets upset. I told her it will happen, that it's normal to expect and will eventually get better and better. I also told her what some of you Lshackers have been telling me! She then said, OK- well at least u are getting there and had a wonderful holiday! She hears so much about it, so wants me to be ok....she also lived with my dad for quite a while. He was also very obsessive and very jealous too, so she does not want me to be that way.

[moimeme]

It is really, really hard to look at someone who looks fine and see that person behave in ways which are not fine and get it through one's head that the perfectly-fine-looking person has issues that cause the person to behave in difficult ways.

 

[Thinkalot]

Yes, I'm quite sure it is.

 

My bf actually had a big flip out episode after finding out some stuff about my sexual past about a year ago now. He started to act like a different person, driven by his anger, fears, judgements, until he worked through it via couples counselling with me. Sometimes I remind myself how hard it was to deal with his irrational behaviour at that time, and it reminds me how hard it must sometimes be for others to deal with ME. lol!

[gaia]

Maybe the reason this is such a difficult issue to sort out is that brain chemicals, behaviour, thoughts and experience are all interlinked. Chemicals are the "final pathway" for everything else. Noone has a problem accepting that they are diabetic because their pancreas doesn't make enough insulin, for example, but it's much harder to think that you feel emotions because of a chemical in your brain.

 

Personally, I would not have believed how much my thought patterns could be affected for the better by simply replacing serotonin in my brain until I experienced it. Thoughts and emotions feel so much like an inherent part of who we are that it's hard to accept that a pill can so easily change them.

 

People do become depressed because of things that happen to them. The chemicals in their brains are affected by the things that happen to them. At the end of the day, I think we all have an individual genetic pattern that determines our threshold for developing mental health problems and the experiences we have act upon that.

 

Thinkalot: My mum has OCD too. I think genetics plays a big part. Once I started to realise I had OCD, many of the odd things I'd done in the past started to fall into place. They went back as far as when I was 9 years old. Some were silly and quite amusing, some were irritating and some were so awful that getting through the day was a struggle.

Moimeme: Sufferers from mental illness would have a much easier time of it if everyone held your enlightened views.

 

Samson: The world map idea was wonderful. I know you're teasing, but in my experience, injecting humour into these situations is very therapeutic. I may start a map showing all the sites of fatal accidents I thought I had caused while in my "oh my God. Maybe I've knocked a cyclist off his bike on the way home" phase.

 

Meanon: "We all have problems, it's just that some come with a label"

Wise beyond belief.

 

Finally, Thinkalot - in 10 years time, you will be having breakfast in bed with your husband laughing about this. Believe it

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by gaia

 

Finally, Thinkalot - in 10 years time, you will be having breakfast in bed with your husband laughing about this. Believe it

 

 

I love the sound of that!!

 

The humour thing is a good point too. Since I began taking such big steps forward towards getting a handle on all this, I have also been able to step back at certain times when I can feel a bout of questions coming on...and I can tease myself in front of my partner. He gets a kick out of it too, and usually joins in with the teasing. It really lightens the mood,and is just another way in which things in our life have become better, since I started getting better! Other times he teases me out of the blue, and I am able to laugh at myself.

[Thinkalot]

P.S. I had dinner with my Dad last night, and we actually had a frank discussion about his obsessive issues from the past etc...it was really enlightening, and sort of comforting too, because HE knows what it's like. He has never received any treatment though, and no longer has a real problem with it (he also lives alone and leads a calm life now).

[CaterpillarGirl]

Thinkalot,

 

I just wanted to let you know I understand how frustrating it is to have to explain yourself, or when you feel like you aren't making all the progress you can. Although I don't have an OCD, I have a phobia that similarly impacts my life and that I've been confronting through counseling, self-conditioning, etc. Whenever I have a setback or failure, I'll start to blame myself. But then I just think of all the progress I've made and the times that I haven't failed, and just resolve to keep at it! I find it does make all the difference to have a friend to confide in or whom you trust to share your frustration, besides a psychologist.

 

-CG