i'm so lonely after breaking up with my ex

[really-broken]

It comes and goes, but some days are really hard to handle and I end up so desperate and depressed and it feels like there's so much sadness and heaviness and darkness. I don't really know what to do.

 

I'm still in contact with my ex, but she is away and we will not see each other again for at least another 6-8 months. we've been broken up for about 6 months.

 

Now I am trying to go out there and date new people, but it's still very hard to do because I can't seem to be meeting anyone who's compatible with me or with whom I have mutual interest. And then it brings me back to how amazing my ex was and how amazing our relationship was. It was really the best thing to happen to me and now I feel so much less alive.

 

Today I felt so lonely and powerless, because even though I know she misses me, I think it is overall easier for her at the moment. She also acknowledges this. Also, she's dated people since we broke up, and I haven't, and this kind of comes back sometimes and makes me feel more anxious and depressed.

 

What should I do? I know I should get over her, but at the same time we have a shot at getting back together when she's back. She gives me these hints in her emails that she still likes me and appreciates me, but at the same time I think we are uneven in terms of how much affection each is giving the other.

 

Also she has more experience with guys than I have with girls. And this might play into the equation somehow. Anyway, I am so distracted and can't focus on anything else. I would appreciate any good advice I can get.

[reknown29]

I feel your pain. Loneliness is a tough one. I recently read a book called A New Earth. I recommend you read it to. Its a philosophy that has helped me with loneliness. I actually have entered complete solitude and have not felt lonely at all since reading the book. Other than that, find a hobby. Photgraphy is good. You'll find yourself wrapped up in photoshop all night and you will not think of anything else. Or music, film, poetry, acting, baseball, etc. etc. . Keep your mind occupied or stop thinking all together. things will then start to happen and you will not be lonely anymore. If you start feeling lonely all the time, it will be felt as desparatin and you will be in a lonely cycle that is hard to get out of. Its when your conifdent and when your not looking when you meet someone new. At least that has been the case in my life.

 

Good Luck, your not alone.

[AlisaMarie]

Hi! Maybe you should try no contact. It's like coming off of drugs... your ex is an addiction but after time the urges will fade and you will be able to move on and date without remembering the love that you and your ex shared. Only when you are over the breakup should there be communication. As a sensitive human being, you always want to know how someone that you loved so much is doing. I hope you find peace in your heart- as I know how you feel right now.

[cerridwen]

I definitely agree with the poster who mentioned hobbies. It may sound trite but what it represents is reintroducing balance to one's life and remembering other things are sources of good feelings as well. This could really help with your loneliness.

 

In my case, I made much of my life revolve around my ex. In the beginning, I focused on enjoying the love and attention of the relationship. Later, I grew to focus on the drama and the intensity of our highs and lows. Other things fell away.

Once we broke up, I felt lost. Our relationship had been the center of my life. Even the dysfunction of it.

 

Do you feel there are things you can reintroduce that will bring balance back into your life? If it is indeed lacking? And it doesn't even have to be big things like team sports. It could be simple things.

Edited November 16, 2010 by cerridwen

[really-broken]

Hi! Maybe you should try no contact. It's like coming off of drugs... your ex is an addiction but after time the urges will fade and you will be able to move on and date without remembering the love that you and your ex shared. Only when you are over the breakup should there be communication. As a sensitive human being, you always want to know how someone that you loved so much is doing. I hope you find peace in your heart- as I know how you feel right now.

 

We always try no contact and then go back to contact. I always end up really missing her and everything we had. It's hard to stop contact now because we seem to have come back to a good rhythm of contact, and her trip ends in 6 months but she gave me no clear indication as to whether we will get back or not, and also i haven't asked her that recently. It is tough on so many levels and every now and then I get really depressed and it helps a little when I send her an email and sends me something back. I agree, it is like an addiction, but I don't know what else to do. The worlds seems like a cruel place, and I get the feelings that girls don't want to date me, I've always kind of had that feeling but it is more pronounced now. And I see evidence of that around me. But yes, of course I do want to know how she's doing, and hear from her, but at the same time it is like a ride on a rollercoaster sometimes. I really hope I find peace as well. What we had was unique, and I am not discounting the possibility that I will meet someone else and connect with them on that level, or even on a simpler level or just a physical level, but so far things are not looking good. It sucks I appreciate your sympathy.

 

I definitely agree with the poster who mentioned hobbies. It may sound trite but what it represents is reintroducing balance to one's life and remembering other things are sources of good feelings as well. This could really help with your loneliness.

 

In my case, I made much of my life revolve around my ex. In the beginning, I focused on enjoying the love and attention of the relationship. Later, I grew to focus on the drama and the intensity of our highs and lows. Other things fell away.

Once we broke up, I felt lost. Our relationship had been the center of my life. Even the dysfunction of it.

 

Do you feel there are things you can reintroduce that will bring balance back into your life? If it is indeed lacking? And it doesn't even have to be big things like team sports. It could be simple things.

 

I do have some hobbies, and my motivation to do them comes and goes. I am just so distracted by girls, and my level of sexual arousal and need, that I often can't focus on anything else. I feel an immense need to connect physically and mentally with someone - which I know is not anything unique and everybody wants that, but I have not yet figured out how to deal with it.