1 week no contact - having a hard time

[myname]

So, the past week has been really hard, crying a lot and then I got caught up in a really bitter phase, that anger seems to have gone for the moment.

 

But, now I'm really missing him, missing our conversations, missing seeing him and everything, missing the connection I felt with him.

 

It's so hard to stop myself contacting him at this point in time. I'm thinking about him all the time, even when I'm trying to distract myself and do other things, in my head I'm thinking of him. All the things I would've previously shared with him are bubbling up inside me making me want to reach out to him.

 

I'm feeling like I want contact with him back so badly at the moment. I miss him so much, he was a big part of my life and thoughts and it's feeling really hard to have him just gone like this.

[BB07]

Sometimes you have to do one minute or one hour at a time hon.

The choice is up to you.........ask yourself are you doing the BEST thing for yourself? If you know inside that you are then continue on.......the worst will pass.

 

What will it accomplish if you give in? More hurts and more pain? More feeling less than? If you answer yes to any of those then hang tough.

[TigerCub]

So, the past week has been really hard, crying a lot and then I got caught up in a really bitter phase, that anger seems to have gone for the moment.

 

But, now I'm really missing him, missing our conversations, missing seeing him and everything, missing the connection I felt with him.

 

It's so hard to stop myself contacting him at this point in time. I'm thinking about him all the time, even when I'm trying to distract myself and do other things, in my head I'm thinking of him. All the things I would've previously shared with him are bubbling up inside me making me want to reach out to him.

 

I'm feeling like I want contact with him back so badly at the moment. I miss him so much, he was a big part of my life and thoughts and it's feeling really hard to have him just gone like this.

 

Sweetie you're going through withdrawal. These relationships are addictive.

I totally understand everything you just wrote. I went through it as well. And in the beginning it was hell!

 

For me, I use writing as a way to get my feelings out. I wrote a tonne of poems describing all the things I wished I could say to him during that time. It helps, because you get those feelings out but you do it while still maintaining NC.

They don't have to be poems, they can be letters. Just write what's in your heart and thoughts - BUT don't send them

 

Also, when you're in your angry phase, maybe you can write down all the things that are making your angry, all the ways you feel he's hurt you.

I did that as well, and I put that list up on my wall, it helped me when I was just itching to talk to him, just craving to hear his voice and to see his face and to just go back to a moment where I was happy with him (unfortunately those moments don't last)

 

These are my suggestions for you to deal with your withdrawal without caving and going for just one more fix.

 

All the best to you

[4321sn]

Please don't do it or you will be where I am right now. I gave in when I was upset after 5 days and now I am back at square 1. I could have been 2 weeks NC...I could have been much better by thanksgiving but I blew it. Spent today crying in my car with him for 4 hours..

 

I'm starting NC again today...let's help each other

[myname]

Please don't do it or you will be where I am right now. I gave in when I was upset after 5 days and now I am back at square 1. I could have been 2 weeks NC...I could have been much better by thanksgiving but I blew it. Spent today crying in my car with him for 4 hours..

 

I'm starting NC again today...let's help each other

 

oh, I'm sorry you've had a bad time today, I remember my last time with MM last Monday morning, me just crying and crying, I'm with you on the no contact, will look out for your posts and see how you're getting on. I swing wildly and come close to making contact again every day. Sometimes the urge comes out of an angry place where I want to let him see how hurt I am, or to somehow blame him, other times it's a longing for the nice times we had again, to hold him in my arms again, it's all difficult to overcome.

 

Am managing to get through this evening without contacting so far...

 

Thanks for all the suggestions everyone, I'm just taking it minute by minute, holding off, putting it off for another evening and hope I can keep that up.

[myname]

Sweetie you're going through withdrawal. These relationships are addictive.

I totally understand everything you just wrote. I went through it as well. And in the beginning it was hell!

 

For me, I use writing as a way to get my feelings out. I wrote a tonne of poems describing all the things I wished I could say to him during that time. It helps, because you get those feelings out but you do it while still maintaining NC.

They don't have to be poems, they can be letters. Just write what's in your heart and thoughts - BUT don't send them

 

Also, when you're in your angry phase, maybe you can write down all the things that are making your angry, all the ways you feel he's hurt you.

I did that as well, and I put that list up on my wall, it helped me when I was just itching to talk to him, just craving to hear his voice and to see his face and to just go back to a moment where I was happy with him (unfortunately those moments don't last)

 

These are my suggestions for you to deal with your withdrawal without caving and going for just one more fix.

 

All the best to you

 

Writing things out (but not sending) is a good idea, I also used to draw comics when I was a child, I'm thinking maybe I should do one of them about it all. Then I could draw him really ugly when I was in hating mode!

[newpriorities]

Writing things out (but not sending) is a good idea, I also used to draw comics when I was a child, I'm thinking maybe I should do one of them about it all. Then I could draw him really ugly when I was in hating mode!

 

Good--you're using humor!!! This is a great coping mechanism! Try and laugh (even if only a bit) at some of the sh-t you put up with in the name of "love." Do treat this like the addiction that it is--you must remove the source. An alcoholic can't have booze in the house--just can't. It's not a matter of strength or weakness. You need to remove the source. Block him on your phone, email etc. Then you won't waste hours looking at your phone/email. Try turning your phone off for the rest of today--just to get through it. You might really enjoy the peace and time to yourself.

 

I have literally held my blackberry in my hand, just dying to send him a message--staring at it like it was a drink. So I buried it in my drawer and went out for a walk. By the time i came back, the urge had passed.

 

Really, do ask yourself----why? Would anything really be different?

[siuys]

hi myname and 4321sn, haven't posted in a little while. I managed to ignore xMM's messages etc last week, but caved and ended up seeing him. Doesn't matter what he said but nothing's changed as far as I can tell.

 

i ended up having anxiety attacks. the emotional stress has finally taken its toll. i emailed xMM before NC to beg him not to contact me.

 

So I am with you guys as this is day 4 of NC for me.

[newpriorities]

hi myname and 4321sn, haven't posted in a little while. I managed to ignore xMM's messages etc last week, but caved and ended up seeing him. Doesn't matter what he said but nothing's changed as far as I can tell.

 

i ended up having anxiety attacks. the emotional stress has finally taken its toll. i emailed xMM before NC to beg him not to contact me.

 

So I am with you guys as this is day 4 of NC for me.

 

Welcome back to the "club"!!

[myname]

Good--you're using humor!!! This is a great coping mechanism! Try and laugh (even if only a bit) at some of the sh-t you put up with in the name of "love." Do treat this like the addiction that it is--you must remove the source. An alcoholic can't have booze in the house--just can't. It's not a matter of strength or weakness. You need to remove the source. Block him on your phone, email etc. Then you won't waste hours looking at your phone/email. Try turning your phone off for the rest of today--just to get through it. You might really enjoy the peace and time to yourself.

 

I have literally held my blackberry in my hand, just dying to send him a message--staring at it like it was a drink. So I buried it in my drawer and went out for a walk. By the time i came back, the urge had passed.

 

Really, do ask yourself----why? Would anything really be different?

 

That's the thought that has stopped me when I've got close to breaking, what would be different? Nothing, only I'd be back on the cycle.

Thanks

[myname]

hi myname and 4321sn, haven't posted in a little while. I managed to ignore xMM's messages etc last week, but caved and ended up seeing him. Doesn't matter what he said but nothing's changed as far as I can tell.

 

i ended up having anxiety attacks. the emotional stress has finally taken its toll. i emailed xMM before NC to beg him not to contact me.

 

So I am with you guys as this is day 4 of NC for me.

 

we're all on early days huh? Here's to getting through to the weekend and beyond...

[siuys]

yeah, i find it hard to believe that i'm back here. back to square one. at least since nc i've calmed down, no more attacks and can concentrate at work again. i feel so much better now than when i was still seeing him. i feel like this year's been a blur. hang in there guys. i'm following how you are doing.

[endlessness]

We can tell you "Don't do it" till the cows come home, but if deep down you already decided to contact him, no force in this world will be able to stop you. I can tell you that breaking NC plunged me into pain and obsession that was worse than anything I experienced the first time around. But, looking back, I know that I needed this new level of agony to fully make up my mind about leaving him behind. Sometimes we just need to get burned a couple of times to really learn the lesson. Can you say "operant conditioning"? Now, any thought of contact elicits a conditioned emotional reaction of fear in me, because there is such a strong association with pain.

 

I do hope that our words are enough to dissuade you though. Stay strong.

[Lauriebell82]

Sweetie you're going through withdrawal. These relationships are addictive.

I totally understand everything you just wrote. I went through it as well. And in the beginning it was hell!

 

For me, I use writing as a way to get my feelings out. I wrote a tonne of poems describing all the things I wished I could say to him during that time. It helps, because you get those feelings out but you do it while still maintaining NC.

They don't have to be poems, they can be letters. Just write what's in your heart and thoughts - BUT don't send them

 

Also, when you're in your angry phase, maybe you can write down all the things that are making your angry, all the ways you feel he's hurt you.

I did that as well, and I put that list up on my wall, it helped me when I was just itching to talk to him, just craving to hear his voice and to see his face and to just go back to a moment where I was happy with him (unfortunately those moments don't last)

 

These are my suggestions for you to deal with your withdrawal without caving and going for just one more fix.

 

All the best to you

 

These are excellent suggestions. These relationship ARE addictions, he is the drug and you are the addict. You need to develop some coping skills to deal with the urges that you get to contact him. I like the idea of making an "angry list." I am an addictions counselor and I tell my patients something similar, to write down a list of all the horrible things that have happened because of drug use and look at it everytime they want to use. I also have them write a letter to their addiction telling it how much horrible pain it's caused them. Getting the feelings out are therapeutic.

 

Please hang in there, you are doing the right thing. Just remember, this pain you are experiencing will go away. If you go back to MM, the pain will continue and even get worse!

[maravilla]

Hi myname, I'm so sorry to hear you're having a bad time. I really do think it will get better. And what is the alternative... staying his OW? This is something you really need to go through and I think you'll come out stronger on the other side!

 

I'm part of the NC club too! Today is day 4, after that 3-day relapse after 1 week NC. But now I'm back on the wagon for good. Ha ha it really is like breaking an addiction!!! We just have to take it one day at a time, or one hour or moment at a time really. On Saturday I was feeling low and I went for a long, long walk with my dog and I just thought about me. I focused on how I was feeling and what I want out of life and you know what, it made me feel better because I do not want to be an OW! So no matter how emotional or sad or lonely I feel, all I have to remember is "I'm not an OW anymore!" and I feel happy.

[maravilla]

I don't know if this helps you or not, myname, but today I have been feeling really really good. I am so glad I'm not with MM and in that dramatic and emotional relationship anymore! I can focus on my own life and I've just been loving it. I feel really free, and truly happy for the first time in ages.

 

I never would have thought I would be feeling this way. So if I can be, I think you will get there too!!! Hugs hon.

[myname]

I don't know if this helps you or not, myname, but today I have been feeling really really good. I am so glad I'm not with MM and in that dramatic and emotional relationship anymore! I can focus on my own life and I've just been loving it. I feel really free, and truly happy for the first time in ages.

 

I never would have thought I would be feeling this way. So if I can be, I think you will get there too!!! Hugs hon.

 

thanks, you give me hope. I had a tiny realisation last night, just for a second I thought it really doesn't matter to me what he thinks, it's gone now, but that was a good thing to remember. I don't have to be hung up on what he's doing or thinking or anything.

[4321sn]

How are you feeling now? I know it's hour by hour...

Just checking on you

[siuys]

Day 6 NC. No more anxiety attacks, no more dysfunction. I feel so much better. Whatever happens, I won't go back to that highly toxic situation. I am hoping those in the same boat are doing better also. No contact from him either. Hopefully he stays away.

[Pokemon]

Ugh. It's usually by the 7th day that I start feeling anxiety. The last time, he emailed me his sob story and I felt SO SORRY for how his wife treated him. Now I know better.

 

I'm going on NC and on day 2 now. Taking a trip out of town to see an old pal of mine, so that should help with NC.

[myname]

How are you feeling now? I know it's hour by hour...

Just checking on you

 

I'm getting by, but not feeling great, feeling quite down and empty today.

 

Also having stress at work which I would normally be able to talk to him about, so feeling quite alone.

 

How're you doing?

[myname]

Day 6 NC. No more anxiety attacks, no more dysfunction. I feel so much better. Whatever happens, I won't go back to that highly toxic situation. I am hoping those in the same boat are doing better also. No contact from him either. Hopefully he stays away.

 

Sounds like you're doing good, well done. I'm not doing brillaint, could be because I had to have very slight contact yesterday as he sent me a work query by email. Admittedly he probably could've asked someone else, or could've worked it out for himself, and I only replied to the work bit of it, but did say 'hope you're ok' and he then said 'ok, but not ok' which had me wondering but I didn't reply.

 

Then last night, I had an unknown call on my phone which got cut off when I picked it up, I know that could be anyone but the only times this has happenned in the past year have been when his wife's tried to phone me, so of course it made me think about what's going on with them and I was back into worrying about how he is, and feeling cross about it all.

[lysa]

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