Boyfriend broke up with me after 6 years...

[shocked_confused]

Hey everyone,

 

So my boyfriend broke up with me last week after almost 6 years together. We're 24 and dated all through college. He recently moved across the country for a job and maybe three weeks later when I went to visit him, he broke up with me saying that he's too young to be in a long term relationship and wants to meet other people/experience new things. That threw me for a loop because just weeks earlier we were planning for me to move out there with him in the new year. How can someone make a rash decision like that? His family had been asking him in the recent months when he was going to propose. I know he wasn't ready for marriage (logical next step), but I was ok with that and don't expect to marry for another 3 years or so. So I thought we were on the same page with what we wanted in life. We were best friends and could talk about anything with one another. It's just so strange because i thought we were solid and we weren't one of those on and off couples. He also mentioned that we were "comfortable" and "predictable"...to me these are things that can be worked on, no?

 

I've decided to cut contact with him for a while because its just too painful to even talk to him, I don't even want to know what he is up to. Everyone I talk to tells me that it doesn't seem like he thought his decision through enough, and will regret it later. I'm not sure though.

 

Has anyone been in the same position as I am in right now? How did you deal? And did they ever come back?

[thevolver]

Hi, yes i've been in a similar situation. No she hasn't come back after a year, but I made a lot of mistakes post breakup. Read this.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t253433/

 

This is what you need to do.

Trust me.

[poorguy]

I've been in similar situations a few time. Cutting contact is the smartest thing you can do in this situation. Give things time to settle down and chances are he'll look back. This sounds (and I don't want to hurt you) like he may have met someone new also. So for now let him be on his own

[shocked_confused]

Thanks, those are really great tips. I've started doing some of them already so I feel like I'm on the right track. I haven't done any begging since the day of the break up. He sent me an email a few days later to "see how I was doing". I kept my reply short and let him know that if this is what he really wants, then i'm going to accept it. I haven't talked to him since.

 

I feel a little better not having any contact with him/deleting him from social networking sites (I just don't want to know what he's doing). Friends and family have been amazing so I'm hoping I can get past this.

 

A big part of me is still hoping that he realizes he made a mistake...aghhh i dunno.

[thevolver]

It's ok Hun, that's natural. Your'e only human. Don't worry.

[shocked_confused]

ugh yes, i've considered the possibility of him meeting someone new. A lot of my friends mentioned that too. It's entirely possible. He insisted over and over again that there is no one in particular that he is interested in yet, but has noticed a lot of other attractive women...that's all he would admit. I don't know what to believe.

[poorguy]

If that's the case that sucks and your better off for now not knowing. If he did meet someone or you suspect he did it makes leaving him be all that more important. You guys met when you were really young so after time people do want to see what's out there. That doesn't mean he won't be back-if that's what you want. If that is what you think you may want your doing the right thing now

[shocked_confused]

yea your right. I'm just going to keep up the NC and try to forget about him. There are some bad days (like yesterday) where i've been so tempted to contact him, but I don't think it will do any good.

 

Question: I know this shouldn't matter, but if i deleted him off a social networking website does it come across as bitter/immature? I don't want to come across that way, I just don't want to be clicking on his page 100 times a day...

[poorguy]

It's not about what he deems immature or what not- it's about you and your well being. So yes do whatever it is you have to do to put him behind you for now

[VeveCakes]

No, I think u should delete him. Not only does it prevent him from keeping tabs on you, it prevents yourself from slipping up and reaching out. Its a good start to moving on.

[Fern]

If you are really worried about seeming immature then send him a quick message explaining that you need a clean break for a while to help you move on.Just be careful to keep it short and sweet and not to seem like you're too upset. Handle it right darling and he'll be the one begging you back in 6 months when you're totally over him. Good luck. We've all been where you are. It's going to work out for the best. Either way. Stay strong.

[xpaperxcutx]

I would not inform him about my current state of being right now if I were you. If he becomes curious, you should just let your mutual friends do the talking. For now, you're on NC, focusing on your future and working on yourself.

 

Whatever your hobbies are, those will take the place of your ex. If you like exercising, join a gym and take up a program like kickboxing or Cross Fit.

 

Don't let your emotions hinder you from moving forward. Don't hesitate to go out and have fun with your friends or meet new people.

 

Eventually your ex will be far from your mind to think about him.

[shocked_confused]

Thanks guys! your advice has been really good. The classes i take at the gym really help and i've been getting together with friends a lot this past week, so its definitely helping.

 

I just want to get over him ASAP. I wish there was a fast-forward button on life lol.

[nowwhatnow]

i feel like i am also in a similar situation, but we dated for 2 years. And it came out of no where. it has been about 2 months now and i still am not over him, i have been keeping myself busy but i still miss him every second of ever day.

good luck to you!!

[shocked_confused]

Aww I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad there are people here who know what I'm going through. It's been awful having so many unanswered questions.

 

Good luck to you as well!

[ginastar]

I am in a similiar situation. although i dated my guy for 7.5 years and i know he is seeing another girl . its sooo difficult, but in the end we will be stronger and its their loss.

[shocked_confused]

Heyy,

 

yea that must be awful to know that he's dating someone else. But whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger i suppose

 

So, after about 8 days of NC, my ex texted me last night asking how i've been and mentioned how we haven't spoken in a while. I told him i was doing well and I explained that I was trying to make things easier for myself by not talking to him. I think i made the mistake of asking how he was because that made our texting conversation go longer then it should have. He just talked about his job and said he was focusing on that. he said his family was really shocked and sad about our breakup, and that he was sad too but its what he needs right now.

I told him I understood and that I better get going before I get really sad...He said I can call and talk to him anytime I want to....however I don't think I'll be taking him up on that offer, it'll just make things worse.

Even now I'm sitting at my desk at work just feeling so sad after a few texts, i just to shake off that feeling! aghhh.

[Green]

Heyy,

 

yea that must be awful to know that he's dating someone else. But whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger i suppose

 

So, after about 8 days of NC, my ex texted me last night asking how i've been and mentioned how we haven't spoken in a while. I told him i was doing well and I explained that I was trying to make things easier for myself by not talking to him. I think i made the mistake of asking how he was because that made our texting conversation go longer then it should have. He just talked about his job and said he was focusing on that. he said his family was really shocked and sad about our breakup, and that he was sad too but its what he needs right now.

I told him I understood and that I better get going before I get really sad...He said I can call and talk to him anytime I want to....however I don't think I'll be taking him up on that offer, it'll just make things worse.

Even now I'm sitting at my desk at work just feeling so sad after a few texts, i just to shake off that feeling! aghhh.

 

 

If he txts again anything other then "I love you and want you... Need you back" you should IGNORE him. Talking to him and responding only massages his ego, he's not checking up on you to be nice. In his perfect world he'd love to use you as a BACKUP for if he made a mistake.

 

If it turns out he did make a mistake (which he probably did from the way he txts you) then I still wouldn't take him back if I were you. In the end time will heal your wounds. GREAT job deleting him from Facebook ect. it really helps.

 

Just hang in there and after a month or two you will feel a lot better. There are guys who don't pull this kind of wishy washy break up. The fact that you broke up for nothing is just really disrespectful and shows what kind of guy he is. Don't massage his ego when he txts or calls to see how you are... just IGNORE

[shocked_confused]

I know, your right about ignoring him. Its just so hard to find the strength to do that. I've been really good about not contacting him (as long as he doesn't initiate it), but maybe i'll just have to explain this no contact thing to him again if he didn't get the hint last night when i told him it's easier for me not to talk to him.

 

Ahhh we'll see i suppose.

 

 

If he txts again anything other then "I love you and want you... Need you back" you should IGNORE him. Talking to him and responding only massages his ego, he's not checking up on you to be nice. In his perfect world he'd love to use you as a BACKUP for if he made a mistake.

 

If it turns out he did make a mistake (which he probably did from the way he txts you) then I still wouldn't take him back if I were you. In the end time will heal your wounds. GREAT job deleting him from Facebook ect. it really helps.

 

Just hang in there and after a month or two you will feel a lot better. There are guys who don't pull this kind of wishy washy break up. The fact that you broke up for nothing is just really disrespectful and shows what kind of guy he is. Don't massage his ego when he txts or calls to see how you are... just IGNORE

[Green]

I know, your right about ignoring him. Its just so hard to find the strength to do that. I've been really good about not contacting him (as long as he doesn't initiate it), but maybe i'll just have to explain this no contact thing to him again if he didn't get the hint last night when i told him it's easier for me not to talk to him.

 

Ahhh we'll see i suppose.

 

Don't explain no contact show him by not answering his calls,txts, or emails... DONT ANSWER. He understands how breaking up works and is trying to string you along and see how sad you are to stroke his own ego. What good did telling ur his family was sad do.... hes Fing with you either intentionaly or with out care either way disrespectful... just ignore him. Think of your ability and ease to ignore him as an indicator of u getting better. Heck if he freaks out and txts and calls a lot STILL IGNORE him.

[shocked_confused]

Wowww, the part where you said about wanting to see how sad i am to stroke his ego really hit me. The fact that i havent talked to him AT ALL before last night and have been going out a lot with friends ( i think he's seen pictures through mutual friends) probably made him want to contact me so he could make sure I was sad still! and he got what he wanted! GAHHHH! lol.

 

Ok, next cycle of no contact coming up...this time i won't F it up....

 

 

Don't explain no contact show him by not answering his calls,txts, or emails... DONT ANSWER. He understands how breaking up works and is trying to string you along and see how sad you are to stroke his own ego. What good did telling ur his family was sad do.... hes Fing with you either intentionaly or with out care either way disrespectful... just ignore him. Think of your ability and ease to ignore him as an indicator of u getting better. Heck if he freaks out and txts and calls a lot STILL IGNORE him.

[ginastar]

hey, it sounds like u guys might get back together. he obv really cares about you. you need to do this:

you need to ignore him. pple told me to ignore my ex in the begining, when he would ask how i am. did i listen? hell no. i was like waiting to hear from him every minute so of course i would text him back. but heres what they didnt tell me.

if you ignore him and he really does want u back, he will keep trying to contact u, and then u need to ignore again. then he will cont to try if hes genuine. let him keep trying til hes at ur door step telling u he wants u back. trust me. ignore him. if he wants to talk to u, let him find a way.

his checkin up on you, keeps him thinking ur still there and just gives him more time to decide what he wants and at the same time realize hes ok without u (cause he has nothing to worry about, knowing u still miss him). and at the same time it doesnt help u to move on ( i know u prob dont care about moving on right now, but it will make u more attractive to him if he thinks u are anyway).

everytime he texts u now, think to urself im nt writing him back cause i want him back. tell urself if u write back u wont get him back.

[ginastar]

oh and by the way, you didnt **** it up yet. its good u talked to him one time post break up . u said u miss him, great. thats perfect. cause one week from now when ur getting on with ur life, he will say **** i lost a good girl that cared for me, i need to get her back!

[shocked_confused]

hey, it sounds like u guys might get back together. he obv really cares about you. you need to do this:

you need to ignore him. pple told me to ignore my ex in the begining, when he would ask how i am. did i listen? hell no. i was like waiting to hear from him every minute so of course i would text him back. but heres what they didnt tell me.

if you ignore him and he really does want u back, he will keep trying to contact u, and then u need to ignore again. then he will cont to try if hes genuine. let him keep trying til hes at ur door step telling u he wants u back. trust me. ignore him. if he wants to talk to u, let him find a way.

his checkin up on you, keeps him thinking ur still there and just gives him more time to decide what he wants and at the same time realize hes ok without u (cause he has nothing to worry about, knowing u still miss him). and at the same time it doesnt help u to move on ( i know u prob dont care about moving on right now, but it will make u more attractive to him if he thinks u are anyway).

everytime he texts u now, think to urself im nt writing him back cause i want him back. tell urself if u write back u wont get him back.

 

 

 

Thanks ginastar,

 

While the thought is nice about us possibly getting back together, i don't want to hold out any hope on that. I have a feeling he wants to sack a few girls and have fun for a while, and possibly find a new girlfriend in the process. But i am taking yours and green's advice about not responding no matter what. I'm curious about what the end result will be in a few months from now.....

[Bobblie]

Not sure how you all deal with this so well.... My fiance of 6.5 years told me last Sunday that she wasn't in love with me anymore, and took her ring off handed it too me and that was it... We live together have a 2.5 yo and I thought life was going great.. Somehow I was fooled... Things have been really rough for me since then... I have basically begged and pleaded... Stupid of me huh ? I don't get it, you don't fall out of love overnight.... But I guess it could be the age.... I am 32, she is 22 and we met when she was 17 and have been together since.... but we have a family.. How can someone tear that down.. I dont get it.. gotta wipe the tears.. Thanks for any replies..