Opened my big mouth

[NOsuchthing]

So basically I have a friend who I had developed a thing for. We recently have become pretty close as something happened to both of us so it kind of gave us a common thing to bond over so we're talking very often. We have a ton of mutual friends so I see him all the time. Well I thought things were starting to mutually develop, but now I'm realizing not so mutual.

 

The last time we saw each other, I totally caught him checking me out and he was pretty flirtatious. I don't know if it set something off but that night I got home to an email telling me that he suspected I liked him and though it was tempting to get in a relationship right now (he didn't specify ME) that it wouldn't be the mature thing to do as he expects to be moving back home soon. He's from another state. I feel like an idiot because A), I totally fessed up and told this guy how I feel, and B) HE then told me that I was not the only girl he was talking about, but that there was another girl he suspected was interested in him as well so I guess what he was giving me was a blanket statement. He didnt say which one of us he was interested in. I totally got the "I'm open to friendship with you and I know we will grow in that area...." just shoot me lol. So now I'm super embarassed. I feel like I was too open, too bold and I scared him which is such a gross feeling if you're a chick. I don't want to go anywhere near him.

[spiderowl]

Well, he's pretty full of himself, isn't he? He said all that before you'd even expressed your feelings for him? He is being a bit vague about who he is referring to, but the message is clear that he's not looking for involvement. OK, I think I'd decide to dust myself off and wander off elsewhere. If he's interested at all, he'll come looking for me and I'll probably be polite and friendly but spend most of my time elsewhere. I don't think I'd like someone presumptuously telling me how I'm feeling, even if it were true, that would surely put me off.

 

When someone isn't apparently interested in romance, it's hard to tell whether they are just not feeling a physical attraction at all or whether they are taking you for granted. Either way, I'd suggest making a life for yourself amongst other people, spend less time with him and subtly making it clear that things have changed and he has a less privileged part in your life. If that's what he prefers, then it will be fine for him, but he may suddenly decide it's not what he wanted after all. Be careful of getting easily involved again though and limit your time with him. Easy to say, I know, but value is all about scarcity and if you are always available to him and (presumably) quite adoring, he's never had to experience missing you.

[NOsuchthing]

well I agree it was presumptious but I left hints. As far as always being available tho, I was hardly that. I made a point to let him come to me. And he did, which is what is so confusing. He always contacted me first, he always came up to me, not vice versa. Soooo, it's sorta lame.

 

It's a little wierd because I go to church with him. And we're both very involved, he's an intern so he's always working. Even at church though, he approaches me. I can definitely maintain some kind of distance but five bucks says this Sunday he'll come up to me like we're best friends. I'm not going to pine over someone who thinks they have it like that, but I am annoyed and not sure how to handle it if he does talk to me without seeming immature

[Yvelysse]

 

Hun, Welcome to the world of being truly female!

Any 'exposure' we give makes us uncomfortable, the older we get it doesn't change. But it is the risk we take in the 'games people play'. You will get over it, and just be as normal as you can in his presence. He will get over it himself. Your have not lost the friend yet, and you can regain footing as a friend easily.

 

Be glad you have only 'feelings' for the guy and not a 'friends with benefits' relationship. The latter is more awkward and harder to regain secure footing in the case of a faux pas.

[NOsuchthing]

Thanks you two, truly helpful! I don't feel quite as bad now...Yvelysse no it doesn't seem to change as we get older, not that I'm very old, only mid twenties, but I feel like an eighth grader who told the crush and the crush was like, um, i like you as a friend but.... It's the worst feeling ever! lol. Hate it. The older part of my person realizes this is not a big deal but, it's just awkward; would be less awkward if I didn't still like him. If this whole thing had turned me off to the point of disinterest I may feel a little better, but not there yet. I did imply that he needed to give me a little space and he seems understanding. However, I don't want him thinking I'm so into him I need time to weep haha, ew. We have our pride don't we people?

 

Anyway....... the devilish side of me just wants to stay away from him conversationally but around just enough to look hot and amazing and make him wonder. I think it's strange that sunday was the first time he looked at me like he couldn't take his eyes off and then went right home to email me he "was only interested in friendship..." it's like hey dude, I didn't start the conversation, you did!

Edited November 18, 2010 by NOsuchthing
spelling

[NOsuchthing]

This is just getting stupid....So, apparently my best friend just got a text from this guy yesterday saying, "So I know {I} is your girl and everything and I'm sure she's told you things so I just wanted to make sure that we're still cool". Mind you this is my best friend, weve been besties since we were twelve, we've known this guy maybe....a year? So random. She basically told him that what is between he and I is between he and I and has nothing to do with her friendship with him but she couldn't believe how big of a deal he's making about the whole thing. I said I liked him, he said he wanted to stay friends, that's it! It's not like we dated and he cheated and now there's some craziness going on. Good lord! And here I was trying to make sure that I stay mature....