Would you date someone if you found out they have genital herpes?

[Pencil]

This has recently happened to me. We did not become intimate yet, but I found out about this through a Facebook chat I found on his computer.

He has yet to disclose this to me.

 

has anyone else ever faced this? What did you do?

I'm so confused...

[Knittress]

Yes, I would. Be careful, for sure - but herpes is really common and not that big a deal.

[Tim The Enchanter]

Erm, I think it is quite a big deal, seeing as you are stuck with it for the rest of your life.

[Knittress]

Erm, I think it is quite a big deal, seeing as you are stuck with it for the rest of your life.

 

::shrug:: I got cold sores from sharing band equipment in high school. It's really the same thing, but the stigma over it being on your junk makes it 'disgusting' or somesuch. Now, I'm not saying it's like having a dozen roses, but it's just a freaking rash, really. Of all the things I'm annoyed with 'being stuck with for the rest of my life' my crap genes regarding weight are way higher on the list.

[xpaperxcutx]

Genital herpes is an STDs.

 

When a person has an STD, they're suppose to disclose their health problems to their partner.

 

 

I would be really concerned if he decides to keep it secret but still want sex.

[Eeyore79]

Various exes of mine have had diabetes, heart problems, or have just been complete dicks. All of those things were much more of a hassle to deal with than herpes, which as Knittress says, is just an occasional rash. Most people are carriers anyway, whether they know it or not.

 

I always find it funny how people are more concerned about a virus on someone's bits than they are about the same virus on someone's face. I mean, for chrissakes, it's on their freaking face where everyone can see it! Imo that's much worse.

[paleblue]

I would be really concerned if he decides to keep it secret but still want sex.

 

Bingo. Agreed.

[Autumn_Zephyr]

I would not. I'd thank him for being honest and brave. We could continue to be friends but any potential sexual relationship would be gone.

[Pleco]

Yes. Something like 25% of people have type 2 and almost 80% of people (100% in some countries) have type 1 somewhere, whether orally or genitally. Since there's no test that will tell you WHERE you have it (unless you have an active outbreak and get a swab) it's really impossible to say what percentage of people have genital herpes.

 

It kills me how people will say that they would dump someone because they have type 2 genitally, but then go on to date someone else who has type 1, which they can also catch genitally from that person. Whether you realize it or not, no matter WHO you date, you are most likely at risk for catching genital herpes from that person. Unless you ONLY date the <20% of people who don't have either virus. Good luck with that one. lol

[Mad Max]

First off, oral herpes is not painful. It's simply a cold sore. At its worst, it's annoying. Genital herpes is more than a cold sore and it is painful. If you have a cold sore, don't give oral. Genital herpes is not that simple and if you do get it, it's much worse than the oral type. Sorry, but this would be a dealbreaker for me. I don't have genital herpes and I'd like to keep it that way.

[tigressA]

That's a dealbreaker for me. I don't have it, I don't ever want to have it.

[irc333]

Okay, with that new drug that's out....where it starts off the woman saying, "I have genital herpes"

 

And her boyfriend says, "And I don't"

 

And they advertise the drug that allows people to have sex with easier or something without getting it.

 

Would it be a deal breaker if they used that drug?

[Tonkerponk]

Deal breaker for sure.

 

Never had a cold sore in my entire life, and I dont them anytime soon...anywhere.

[NoLongerSad]

I would definitely not date someone who has genital herpes and failed to disclose it very early on.

[Knittress]

First off, oral herpes is not painful. It's simply a cold sore. At its worst, it's annoying. Genital herpes is more than a cold sore and it is painful. If you have a cold sore, don't give oral. Genital herpes is not that simple and if you do get it, it's much worse than the oral type.

 

Have you ever had a cold sore? It's like having an itchy-scabby papercut on your MOUTH which moves constantly - which means it tends to crack. Also, unlike the stuff on your private area HSV-1 can RANDOMLY migrate to your eyes (happened to someone I know) causing potential blindness or even to your brain, which can KILL you. And as previously stated - super common, and no one is gonna dump you for it. Unless you use the line "Sorry, I don't do oral - too risky."

 

But hey, there are lots of really dangerous things out there that we deal with daily. Like driving cars.

[Tim The Enchanter]

All of those things were much more of a hassle to deal with than herpes, which as Knittress says, is just an occasional rash.

 

Thank you very much, but I have never had, and never want, a rash on my "chap".

[xpaperxcutx]

Okay, with that new drug that's out....where it starts off the woman saying, "I have genital herpes"

 

And her boyfriend says, "And I don't"

 

And they advertise the drug that allows people to have sex with easier or something without getting it.

 

Would it be a deal breaker if they used that drug?

 

It really depends on how much you're willing to take the risk.

 

I can speak for myself I would never be with someone who has an STD. I'm responsible for my life, my body and my health. Taking any chances is like jumping in front of a car and hoping it'll swerve in time before it hits you.

[Mad Max]

Have you ever had a cold sore? It's like having an itchy-scabby papercut on your MOUTH which moves constantly - which means it tends to crack. Also, unlike the stuff on your private area HSV-1 can RANDOMLY migrate to your eyes (happened to someone I know) causing potential blindness or even to your brain, which can KILL you. And as previously stated - super common, and no one is gonna dump you for it. Unless you use the line "Sorry, I don't do oral - too risky."

 

But hey, there are lots of really dangerous things out there that we deal with daily. Like driving cars.

 

 

Yes I have had cold sores before. They don't hurt and I certainly wouldn't give oral if I had one. You can't compare driving a car to oral herpes. The chances of you even being in a car accident are slim. Getting oral from someone with a cold sore, there is a much higher chance of you getting herpes.

[tman666]

I've been through this. Don't let anyone tell you what you're supposed to thing on this subject. Do your research and make an informed decision based on your relationship with this person. There are way too many factors that only you are aware of that make this an impossible question to answer over the internet.

 

I will say that I agree with those that said that if he doesn't disclose it and still tries to have sex with you, then dump him. That shows that he cares about you and your well being approximately 0 percent...

[Knittress]

Yes I have had cold sores before. They don't hurt and I certainly wouldn't give oral if I had one. You can't compare driving a car to oral herpes. The chances of you even being in a car accident are slim. Getting oral from someone with a cold sore, there is a much higher chance of you getting herpes.

 

Yes - when you're having an outbreak that shiz is highly contagious. I have a close friend that had a cold sore on her mouth and somehow through sexy times with her boyfriend ended up spreading it down below. Sores are bad news.

 

The thing is, you CAN spread the virus even when you have no symptoms - so you really don't have the moral high ground over someone with HSV-2. Are you never giving oral ever? Hah. Find someone that's cool with that.

 

Check for sores. You probably won't get herpes if you don't see sores. But still, that's no excuse for not being careful. But you never really know.

 

(PS- OP, the guy might be hoping you get to know him before he brings it up - I know that I certainly would were I in his shoes. But if he doesn't disclose before you get frisky then he's a jerk, and you should dump his ass. Not because he has herpes, but because he's a liar.)

[Star Gazer]

Yes I have had cold sores before. They don't hurt and I certainly wouldn't give oral if I had one. You can't compare driving a car to oral herpes. The chances of you even being in a car accident are slim. Getting oral from someone with a cold sore, there is a much higher chance of you getting herpes.

 

So you already HAVE herpes! God forbid you EVER kiss someone or go down on her, EVER, because you CAN transmit herpes (HSV 1 or 2) without hvig an active sore. Applying your own standards, no one should ever date you. Does that sound fair or reasonable to you?

 

It astounds me when people think they're "better than" when they have the same virus and can just as easily transmit it to their partners' genitals.

 

You can even get it from yourself! You have a cold sore... You kiss her... Virus is now all over her mouth... and then she goes down on you. And BAM! You now have herpes on your genitals.

[irc333]

Herpes 1 doesn't count.

 

 

So you already HAVE herpes! God forbid you EVER kiss someone or go down on her, EVER, because you CAN transmit herpes (HSV 1 or 2) without hvig an active sore. Applying your own standards, no one should ever date you. Does that sound fair or reasonable to you?

 

It astounds me when people think they're "better than" when they have the same virus and can just as easily transmit it to their partners' genitals.

 

You can even get it from yourself! You have a cold sore... You kiss her... Virus is now all over her mouth... and then she goes down on you. And BAM! You now have herpes on your genitals.

[Knittress]

Herpes 1 doesn't count.

 

You can't tell whether you have version 1 or 2 unless you go see a doctor (who probably won't test you because it's kinda a waste of time). You can get both in either region.

 

...but I think you're joking. A least I hope so.

[LittleTiger]

Herpes is herpes, type 1 or type 2, on your mouth or on your genitals. As Knittress says, you can have either type in either place. Type 1 (usually on the mouth) is far more dangerous and, if I knew for certain I'd never been exposed to it before (which is highly doubtful), I'd be far more concerned about catching type 1 than type 2.

 

As most of us have already been exposed to one or both types, most of us are carriers, even if we've never have symptoms.

 

So anyone who says they won't date someone with genital herpes should probably stop dating altogether - just in case.

[Eeyore79]

It's funny how people would dump someone for not disclosing the fact that they have herpes on their genitals, but none of us ever think to ask a partner if they have herpes on their face. I've had more than one boyfriend who never told me they had facial herpes, until one day they developed a mouth sore and said "Uhh, you can't kiss me for a while".

 

To those who have facial herpes: do you go around telling every new partner before you kiss them or go down on them? If you expect someone to tell you if they have herpes on their genitals before you have contact with them, shouldn't you be equally obliged to tell them if you have herpes on your face before kissing or otherwise making contact?