Would you date someone if you found out they have genital herpes?

[zengirl]

Generally, no. Maybe if I were sure I'd marry them, but how can you be sure? And even if you marry them, how can you be sure you'd be together forever. My main reason for saying "no" is because I know it could hurt my relationships in the future if I caught it; herpes itself is not that dangerous and easily controllable, but I'd hate to have to carry it around for the rest of my life because I got it from someone who I broke up with/who broke up with me later. I don't like to keep anything from ex-boyfriends, even gifts, let alone an STD!

[Eeyore79]

The OPs male friend (because that's all he really is at the moment) has disclosed his herpes status on facebook - on FACEBOOK for chr*st's sake!!! Last time I looked, facebook was a social networking site - hardly the place to talk about something you're trying to hide!

 

I doubt anyone would write on their FB page "Hey everyone, I have genital herpes!" He probably wrote it in a private chat, maybe even something along the lines of "I really like OP, how do I tell her about this?" The OP still hasn't said what context it was mentioned in on FB; it must have been part of a conversation, not just a random announcement.

 

 

Oral herpes is called oral herpes for a reason it is more likely to infect your mouth and it is rare to happen on a persons privates... and for some one who has oral herpes on their mouth to get it on their privates is realy rare

It isn't called oral herpes. It's just herpes - oral or genital merely refers to where you have it on your body, but it's the same virus either way. It isn't rare on a person's privates at all, and can be transferred from someone's mouth to someone else's privates.

 

A lot of people get oral herpes when they are babies or young children and oral herpes doesn't have the same stigma. People treat cold sores as anoyance and no one usualy has some big "I get cold sores" talk with some one they are dating.

I don't know why it doesn't have the same stigma, because it's the same virus! This inconsistency is exactly my point. People don't have an "I have cold sores" talk with someone they're dating, despite the fact they could pass on genital herpes. But they would expect someone with the same virus on their privates to disclose it!

 

The truth is, even if someone thinks they don't have herpes, that doesn't mean they don't have herpes. The majority of people are carriers whether they know it or not.

[LittleTiger]

I doubt anyone would write on their FB page "Hey everyone, I have genital herpes!" He probably wrote it in a private chat, maybe even something along the lines of "I really like OP, how do I tell her about this?" The OP still hasn't said what context it was mentioned in on FB; it must have been part of a conversation, not just a random announcement.

 

I doubt he 'announced' it either, but if it was a chat that was visible to all his 'friends' then it was hardly private!

[Eeyore79]

I doubt he 'announced' it either, but if it was a chat that was visible to all his 'friends' then it was hardly private!

 

Who says it was visible to all of his friends? It's not the type of thing someone would talk about publicly. The OP could have snooped into his private Facebook chats - she did say she "found" it on his computer.

[LittleTiger]

Who says it was visible to all of his friends? It's not the type of thing someone would talk about publicly. The OP could have snooped into his private Facebook chats - she did say she "found" it on his computer.

 

Ahh, right, that's a bit different then. I didn't notice she said his computer - I thought she just found it on his facebook page.

 

We probably need more details on how she found it then. Was she 'snooping' or did he know she was looking through his private facebook chats and what, exactly, was he saying? I think that makes a difference when making a judgement on how 'secretive' he's being about this.

[OceanGirl]

No I wouldn't.

 

I have never even had a cold sore in my life. I tested negative for both, HSV1 and 2. I have kissed over 50 guys in my lifetime so this is kind of strange.

 

I can't imagine a situation where in the initial dating stages he discloses that he has herpes and I like him so much that I risk it. I just do not see it ever happening.

 

I have enough emotional issues with relationships as it is, I certainly do not need to add an STD to the mix.

[irc333]

Could you honestly say you would NOT date guy/woman if they mentioned they've had cold sores??

[Green]

Interesting that you see it that way - I call it educating people.

 

Of course you don't want a rash, nobody does, and if you're lucky you never will have......but, for the umpteenth time, the only way you can have a cast iron guarantee that you never will have a herpes rash on your knob is to stop having sex.

 

Your choice!

 

Ok well we're not talking about a gaurantee we're talking about having a sexual relationship with some one who says I HAVE HERPES... so thats a "No" for me. It is a stigma stop pertending like it isn't.

 

No I wouldn't.

 

I have never even had a cold sore in my life. I tested negative for both, HSV1 and 2. I have kissed over 50 guys in my lifetime so this is kind of strange.

 

I can't imagine a situation where in the initial dating stages he discloses that he has herpes and I like him so much that I risk it. I just do not see it ever happening.

 

I have enough emotional issues with relationships as it is, I certainly do not need to add an STD to the mix.

 

Thats why I often don't believe "every one has oral herpes" talk. I don't have it, my gf doesn't have it ect.

 

It would just be an added unhappyness to life I don't need.

 

Could you honestly say you would NOT date guy/woman if they mentioned they've had cold sores??

 

It would gross me out, never been faced with that situation.

[OceanGirl]

Neither of my parents have ever had a cold sore, nor my brother. My brother has kissed and slept with a fairly large number of girls too.

[U1987]

Neither of my parents have ever had a cold sore, nor my brother. My brother has kissed and slept with a fairly large number of girls too.

 

OceanGirl, did you get any of my messages? I thought maybe you've accidentally disabled private messaging (I've accidentally done it before on other forums) cuz I tried forming a new account but it didn't give the option to text you. I'd appreciate a review soon.

[Art_Critic]

I'd appreciate a review soon.

 

A review of what ? This thread is about the subject of herpes and whether or not you would date someone with herpes.

[Green]

OceanGirl, did you get any of my messages? I thought maybe you've accidentally disabled private messaging (I've accidentally done it before on other forums) cuz I tried forming a new account but it didn't give the option to text you. I'd appreciate a review soon.

 

a review? Her private messaging is up and running

[LittleTiger]

Ok well we're not talking about a gaurantee we're talking about having a sexual relationship with some one who says I HAVE HERPES... so thats a "No" for me. It is a stigma stop pertending like it isn't.

 

I'm not pretending anything of the sort. Of course there is a stigma attached to it. My point is that there shouldn't be. It's just lack of understanding that makes people 'afraid' of it, so it gets stigmatised.

 

Thats why I often don't believe "every one has oral herpes" talk. I don't have it, my gf doesn't have it ect.

 

The thing is you don't know for certain that you don't have it, even if you've been tested. You and your gf might both have it and both be asymptomatic - no problem for either of you in that case.

 

I 'don't have it' either and I've been tested as negative. However, two of my close family members had cold sores on a regular basis when I was a child therefore it's very likely I've been 'exposed' to HSV1, which means I may be a carrier. However, 'I don't have it' so if somebody asked me, the answer is 'no'. It doesn't mean I couldn't pass it on unknowingly.

 

No cast iron guarantees like I said. Bury your head in the sand if you like - it doesn't change the facts.

[Eeyore79]

My mom has cold sores, and she says she remembers me having one once as a kid. I don't have regular outbreaks (don't remember ever having had a cold sore tbh), but assuming my mom is right, that means I'm an asymptomatic carrier. If so, I could give someone genital herpes through oral sex, despite the fact that (as far as I remember) I've never had a cold sore in my entire life.

[Pencil]

He was at work and needed his USB key for some presentations he was doing later on, he asked me to go over to his work since he was in meetings all day, I get his apartment key off of him, run back to the apartment to fetch the USB key, I get to his computer and I guess he had forgotten to close all his windows the night before, because the FB chat was right there.

So honestly, I'm not even sure if he did it on purpose and wanted me to see that or what. I wasn't snooping in his stuff or anything, that's not my style, it was right there. If it wasn't me, someone else could have seen it.

[blue 75]

If you love someone, whatever sickness he/she is having, you got to stick together and deal with it.. Thats how they called LOVE. But after hearing his/her disease and you freak out then you dont love him/her at all...

[Eeyore79]

I get to his computer and I guess he had forgotten to close all his windows the night before, because the FB chat was right there.

 

I'm interested to know what context he was talking about herpes in. Was he telling his buddy that he currently has a painful outbreak, or was he talking about his past, or was he discussing the best way to break it to you, or what? The context in which it was mentioned could reveal a lot.

[sumdude]

Two years into dating my ex wife she had her first outbreak. At the time it appeared that she had no idea she was HSV positive... though the truth may be different. I decided I was already in a committed relationship with her. She managed it with antivirals. We were married a couple years later. Less than two years into the marriage she cheated, lied and left. I immediately got a blood test for it and came up negative. I feel like I dodged a bullet really. After investing myself into the relationship which she suddenly ended I could have ended up with an STD that would affect my future prospects.

 

Would I do it again? Wow, she would have to be an amazing woman and I would have to feel pretty secure in a future with her. So I'm not sure....

[sumdude]

My mom has cold sores, and she says she remembers me having one once as a kid. I don't have regular outbreaks (don't remember ever having had a cold sore tbh), but assuming my mom is right, that means I'm an asymptomatic carrier. If so, I could give someone genital herpes through oral sex, despite the fact that (as far as I remember) I've never had a cold sore in my entire life.

 

It's exceedingly rare that HSV-1 (oral herpes) infects the genital region. It's a different virus than HSV-2 (genital herpes). Chicken Pox and Shingles are another herpes virus named Herpes Zoster.

[Eeyore79]

It's exceedingly rare that HSV-1 (oral herpes) infects the genital region. It's a different virus than HSV-2 (genital herpes).

 

Nope. HSV-1 and HSV-2 are very similar viruses which share around 50% of their DNA. HSV-1 is more likely to establish itself in nerve cells at the top of the spine, while HSV-2 is more likely to establish itself in nerve cells at the bottom of the spine, but either virus can occur in either location. It certainly isn't "exceedingly rare" for someone to have genital HSV-1.

 

Moreover, 2/3 of people infected with either virus have no symptoms, so it's impossible to know whether any sexual partner is safe. Around 20% of adults are HSV-2 carriers, and 80-90% are HSV-1 carriers.

[Green]

Nope. HSV-1 and HSV-2 are very similar viruses which share around 50% of their DNA. HSV-1 is more likely to establish itself in nerve cells at the top of the spine, while HSV-2 is more likely to establish itself in nerve cells at the bottom of the spine, but either virus can occur in either location. It certainly isn't "exceedingly rare" for someone to have genital HSV-1.

 

Moreover, 2/3 of people infected with either virus have no symptoms, so it's impossible to know whether any sexual partner is safe. Around 20% of adults are HSV-2 carriers, and 80-90% are HSV-1 carriers.

 

You do realize Human DNA is suposedly almost 99% similar to chimpanzee DNA.... so to say HSV-1 and HSV-2 are 50% similar means nothing...

 

Oral herpes doesn't usualy infect the genitals... it especialy doesn't effect the genitals of some one who already has either oral or genital herpes. Also if oral herpes does some how infect the genitals ur unlikely to even know because it really might just be dormant.

[sumdude]

Nope. HSV-1 and HSV-2 are very similar viruses which share around 50% of their DNA. HSV-1 is more likely to establish itself in nerve cells at the top of the spine, while HSV-2 is more likely to establish itself in nerve cells at the bottom of the spine, but either virus can occur in either location. It certainly isn't "exceedingly rare" for someone to have genital HSV-1.

 

Moreover, 2/3 of people infected with either virus have no symptoms, so it's impossible to know whether any sexual partner is safe. Around 20% of adults are HSV-2 carriers, and 80-90% are HSV-1 carriers.

 

Well, perhaps I was misled by old data. Oddly enough if you already have oral HSV-1 it offers some protection from genital HSV-2.

 

http://www.healthassist.net/conditions/herpes.shtml

" Acquisition of one type of HSV is more difficult (though certainly possible) if you already have the other HSV type. This is because either type, contracted orally or genitally, causes the body to produce antibodies, some of which are active against both HSV-1 and HSV-2. This acquired immune response gives some limited protection if the body encounters a second type. When a person with a prior HSV infection does contract the second type, the first episode tends to be less severe than when no prior antibodies are present. "

[Eeyore79]

Oddly enough if you already have oral HSV-1 it offers some protection from genital HSV-2.

 

Yep, you are right. It's because they are basically the same virus, so if you have one virus you've already developed antibodies which will protect you against the other virus. To be fair though, while you can catch either virus in either location, the rate of recurrence is different depending on what you have and where you have it... I found these figures on the internet, so I hope they're accurate!

 

HSV-1 causes the majority of oral infections, and up to 40% of people with oral HSV-1 will experience repeated outbreaks. It also causes about 1/3 of genital infections, but around 40% of people with genital HSV-1 will never experience a recurrence (and after a couple of years only about 10% of people with HSV-1 will ever experience a recurrence). 80-90% of people are HSV-1 carriers.

 

Genital HSV-2 is the most likely to recur after the initial outbreak (around 80% of people will experience repeated outbreaks), while oral HSV-2 is unlikely to ever recur after the first outbreak. HSV-2 is mostly genital and isn't commonly contracted on the mouth anyway. About 20% of people are HSV-2 carriers, but it has been estimated that up to 90% of those carriers don't even know they have it.

 

If someone has genital herpes, I'd say genital HSV-1 is less of a big deal because it's unlikely to recur, whereas genital HSV-2 will recur repeatedly in about 80% of cases. The OP should probably establish which type her bf has got.

 

Not dating someone because they have herpes doesn't make sense though, since the vast majority of people have HSV-1 which can be spread to the genitals, and the vast majority of those with HSV-2 don't know they have it. You're not really going to be any safer if you dump the partner who knows they have herpes, since you might still catch it from another partner who doesn't know they have it, and in fact you are probably carrying at least one type of herpes already.

[sumdude]

 

Not dating someone because they have herpes doesn't make sense though, since the vast majority of people have HSV-1 which can be spread to the genitals, and the vast majority of those with HSV-2 don't know they have it. You're not really going to be any safer if you dump the partner who knows they have herpes, since you might still catch it from another partner who doesn't know they have it, and in fact you are probably carrying at least one type of herpes already.

 

I have neither.. so I'm a bit more reticent to take chances.

[Eeyore79]

I have neither.. so I'm a bit more reticent to take chances.

 

The point is you don't know if you have either - the majority of people who have herpes are asymptomatic and don't know they have it. Since the vast majority of people are HSV-1 carriers, it's extremely likely that you have it, even if you don't have symptoms.