Would you date someone if you found out they have genital herpes?

[Art_Critic]

Not dating someone because they have herpes doesn't make sense though, since the vast majority of people have HSV-1 which can be spread to the genitals, and the vast majority of those with HSV-2 don't know they have it. You're not really going to be any safer if you dump the partner who knows they have herpes, since you might still catch it from another partner who doesn't know they have it, and in fact you are probably carrying at least one type of herpes already.

 

Risk getting genital herpes because you MAY be an asymptomatic carrier of oral herpes.

 

Okay....

[Art_Critic]

The point is you don't know if you have either - the majority of people who have herpes are asymptomatic and don't know they have it. Since the vast majority of people are HSV-1 carriers, it's extremely likely that you have it, even if you don't have symptoms.

 

It is also possible that you don't have it as well...

Just becuase the odds are high doesn't mean a positive result.

 

The odds of getting lung cancer are high if someone smokes 4 packs a day but just because they smoke doesn't meant hat if someone comes up on asbestos that they should inhale it.

[sumdude]

The point is you don't know if you have either - the majority of people who have herpes are asymptomatic and don't know they have it. Since the vast majority of people are HSV-1 carriers, it's extremely likely that you have it, even if you don't have symptoms.

 

I've had blood tests done and came up negative for any of the HSV antibodies. I also never had chicken pox interestingly enough. My mom actually tried to get me infected when I was young since it's a lot more painful as you get older, at least that was her reasoning. She put me in a room with my bro when he had it .. somehow I didn't get it.

[carhill]

OP, why not just be open and transparent and share with him exactly what transpired? You did him a favor to go get his USB key and the computer was up and running and the chat window was visible and you read it. Ask him if he wants to talk about it. Listen. You're not strangers. You're long-time friends.

 

I would view the dynamics around this issue, like any other intimacy issue, as a signal of compatibility. One step at a time. Education is good. I hope this thread has helped you in that regard. Now, communicate. Good luck

[Illiandra]

Im in the same boat & a being medical professional makes it worse.

 

First of all, there is no blood diagnostic test to determine 100% HPV. There are serology tests " which show antibodies that may have developed during your exposure when your body was fighting it off" Having a - HSV result doesnt mean you dont have it. There are over 100 strands ( high risk hpv and low risk) most are undetectable in men unless there is a wart there which the Dr then swabs and the genital warts strand is different than the other 99 strands to begin with. However, in women, pap smears may reveal abnormal pap smears (SO a woman is more likely to find out if she has been exposed to HPV then a guy. A - pap smear also doesnt mean that you dont have herpes. A guy can go and get all blood works done for STDS, but herpes is one that science hasnt perfected yet unfortunately. A man who has herpes maybe asymptomatic or have genital warts (as his only sign of herpes). Even if this guy has herpes , genital warts, you can still contract it with using a condom with him when he doesnt have break outs.

 

Overall, if this guy knows he has it he should disclose it to you (even by law). My bf & I are both in the medical field and i found out that he had an outbreak 2 years ago when he wasnt with me... and he has yet to tell me which pisses me off more especially since we are both well educated in this field and know the future consequences of this!

 

Most people have this and dont know about and probably wont know that they have until their immune system is compromised and they MAY have an outbreak. Sad this is the most commonly transmitted STD because of its sneaky ways of hiding

[sumdude]

Im in the same boat & a being medical professional makes it worse.

 

First of all, there is no blood diagnostic test to determine 100% HPV. There are serology tests " which show antibodies that may have developed during your exposure when your body was fighting it off" Having a - HSV result doesnt mean you dont have it. There are over 100 strands ( high risk hpv and low risk) most are undetectable in men unless there is a wart there which the Dr then swabs and the genital warts strand is different than the other 99 strands to begin with. However, in women, pap smears may reveal abnormal pap smears (SO a woman is more likely to find out if she has been exposed to HPV then a guy. A - pap smear also doesnt mean that you dont have herpes. A guy can go and get all blood works done for STDS, but herpes is one that science hasnt perfected yet unfortunately. A man who has herpes maybe asymptomatic or have genital warts (as his only sign of herpes). Even if this guy has herpes , genital warts, you can still contract it with using a condom with him when he doesnt have break outs.

 

Overall, if this guy knows he has it he should disclose it to you (even by law). My bf & I are both in the medical field and i found out that he had an outbreak 2 years ago when he wasnt with me... and he has yet to tell me which pisses me off more especially since we are both well educated in this field and know the future consequences of this!

 

Most people have this and dont know about and probably wont know that they have until their immune system is compromised and they MAY have an outbreak. Sad this is the most commonly transmitted STD because of its sneaky ways of hiding

 

Your post is a bit confusing. There's HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) which causes genital warts and HSV (Herpes Simplex Virus). Genital warts and herpes lesions are not the same thing.

[Eeyore79]

Risk getting genital herpes because you MAY be an asymptomatic carrier of oral herpes.

 

Okay....

You could also be an asymptomatic carrier of genital herpes. The terms "oral" and "genital" are confusing anyway; there are two types of herpes, and either type can occur in either location.

 

Any individual has something like a 20-30% chance of having either HSV-1 or HSV-2 without having symptoms. So there's a reasonable chance that anyone you date could be a carrier and could transmit herpes to you even if they think they don't have it. Of course, if you were also asymptomatic then you wouldn't even know they'd transmitted it to you. There's also a reasonable chance that you already have it anyway without knowing.

[Eeyore79]

I've had blood tests done and came up negative for any of the HSV antibodies.

 

Antibodies are only created while your immune system is actually fighting the virus. All a negative test result tells you is that you don't have an active herpes outbreak which your immune system is currently fighting. It doesn't tell you whether you're a HSV carrier who isn't currently experiencing symptoms.

[Eeyore79]

I hate to say it again, but maybe if I repeat it one more time, people will actually listen.

 

You cannot claim to have no STDs, because something like 20-30% of people have herpes without having any symptoms. Just because you have never had any symptoms (and your ex-partners have never had any symptoms) doesn't mean you (or they) don't have herpes. The best you can say is you probably don't have it, but you can't be sure.

[sweetjasmine]

You cannot claim to have no STDs, because something like 20-30% of people have herpes without having any symptoms.

 

And it's not just HSV. There's also HPV. The vast majority of women will catch at least one strain during their lifetime, and there is no approved HPV test for men, so there's absolutely no way for a woman or her partner to know ahead of time.

[Art_Critic]

You could also be an asymptomatic carrier of genital herpes. The terms "oral" and "genital" are confusing anyway; there are two types of herpes, and either type can occur in either location.

 

 

Here.. this might help clear up your confusion some..

Oral and Genital are 2 different viruses...

Honestly.. Why not just let people use google.. the CDC's page is pretty good..

 

From the CDC...

 

http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes.htm

 

By the way.. they are different virus.. if they were the same then you wouldn't only be able to get HS-2 from and HS-2 infected person...

 

HSV-1 and HSV-2 can be found in and released from the sores that the viruses cause, but they also are released between outbreaks from skin that does not appear to have a sore. Generally, a person can only get HSV-2 infection during sexual contact with someone who has a genital HSV-2 infection. Transmission can occur from an infected partner who does not have a visible sore and may not know that he or she is infected.

 

HSV-1 can cause genital herpes, but it more commonly causes infections of the mouth and lips, so-called “fever blisters.” HSV-1 infection of the genitals can be caused by oral-genital or genital-genital contact with a person who has HSV-1 infection. Genital HSV-1 outbreaks recur less regularly than genital HSV-2 outbreaks.

[Eeyore79]

They are both herpes simplex, both have the same symptoms, both infect the same parts of the body, and share approx. 50% of their DNA. They are just different strains of the same virus, in the same way that there are different strains of cold virus but they all give you a cold.

[Romance]

No way that is a big deal breaker.

[Art_Critic]

They are both herpes simplex, both have the same symptoms, both infect the same parts of the body, and share approx. 50% of their DNA. They are just different strains of the same virus, in the same way that there are different strains of cold virus but they all give you a cold.

 

They are different viruses..

 

We share the same DNA of chimpanzees.. 99% in fact and we are not chimpanzees.. we are humans...

 

By the way.. being closely related doesn't mean they are the same.. if they were the same they would only use one name..

I get that they are very similar.. but they are different...

 

Even some of the vaccines used are different for each.. some vaccines used on HSV-1 don't work on type 2 and vice versa...

Edited November 20, 2010 by Art_Critic

[Eeyore79]

They are two strains of the same virus... loads of websites carry the same information, here is just one of them:

 

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001324.htm

[Art_Critic]

I give.. I give...Uncle...

 

Talk about beating a dead horse...

[carhill]

OP, if you're reading, any updates? What did you think of my suggestion for a straightforward conversation on this?

 

Yes, I've had such conversations, many, many years ago, and regarding diseases far deadlier than HSV, like HIV. It's something a responsible adult does. If you can have sex, you can talk about things adjunct to sex, like STD's. Having been married for a number of years, I haven't had those conversations, but will again. It's part of life. Good luck

[Pencil]

No, I have not brought it up with him yet but I will sooner than later.

As for the FB conversation and the context, his brother is a pharmacist in lives out of town, they were chatting and one of the lines was that, ****, bf had to "renew his Valtrex prescription". No mention of me, no mention of mentioning it to me. Nada.

 

There have been some excellent points here and I thank everyone for their input. But I don't think I want the risk of lesions or warts on my yin-yang, now or in the future. I've never had cold sores in my life and I don't want those either. I don't want syphillis either, or gonoreah (sp), or HIV or crabs, or whatever. I'm sorry if that makes me narrow-minded or selfish, but I'm responsible for my health. I really don't believe anyone needs to compromise on anything for their personal health. Let's say I do contract it from bf and 5 years from now, we break up, dating becomes even more difficult afterwards with future potential bfs.

 

So, truthfully, not sure this is going to go any further. Maybe just stay friends and that's it.

[sumdude]

Antibodies are only created while your immune system is actually fighting the virus. All a negative test result tells you is that you don't have an active herpes outbreak which your immune system is currently fighting. It doesn't tell you whether you're a HSV carrier who isn't currently experiencing symptoms.

 

http://www.virginia.edu/studenthealth/Herpes%20Blood%20Tests.pdf

 

" Blood tests can be used when a person has no visible symptoms but has concerns about having herpes. Blood tests do not actually detect the virus; instead, they look for antibodies (the body’s immune response) in the blood. Antibodies do not appear until weeks after the initial infection occurred. A positive antibody test does not tell you what part of the body was infected (e.g., genital, oral, or other). Antibody tests are thought to remain positive for the person’s entire life."

[Illiandra]

OP if you are interested in seeing if this guy will tell you , casually bring up stds in a convo such as my friend was diagnosed with such and such and its common, have you known anyone or every experienced something like this? if he doesnt open up then you know he had no intentions on telling you.... even if you remain just friends.

 

sumdude, im not sure whats confusing,,, there is no blood test to rule it out at all in males... the serology tests just determine if you have antibodies present (antibodies form after your exposure) as a side note, not all strains form the antibodies that can be detected in the test,,, i believe theres only 13-15 strains that can be detected on the serology tests (and those would be the high risk strains).... hpv causes genital warts ( believe that she mentioned he had warts/lesions) hsv ii can also cause outbreaks down there...you can have hpv/hsv usually they go hand in hand although they are considered to be "dif stds"

[slownumbers81]

Sure, if I liked someone a lot and they had herpes I would still date them. I would just try to be as knowledgeable as possible as far as prevention goes, etc.

[beyondhope]

I haven't read most of the previous responses, but here's my two cents, as a concerned human being and a health care professional:

 

Herpes are extremely common.

 

There are different kinds of herpes, so it's important to be informed about the type of herpes he has...genital warts that thrive on the external genitalia are ugly but not as harmful as HPV on the cervix, which can lead to cervical cancer (or throat cancer if you have unprotected oral sex).

 

Since so many people have herpes, there is a probability you may already have it, too.

 

Use protection, but know that a condom won't protect against all types of herpes, since any kind of skin-skin contact can mean contracting it, and condoms don't protect the entire genital region (they will protect the cervix, though).

 

Get a pap smear regularly because sometimes you don't know you have herpes and if you catch cervical cancer early, it is entirely treatable.

 

I am telling you this because my sister wound up with HPV, which led to cervical cancer, which went undetected because she lacked health insurance, and now she is in end-of-life Hospice Care.

 

This is why it's important to be completely informed before sleeping with a new partner. They could inadvertently kill you years later just by failing to disclose this tiny piece of information. The best advice? Suggest you both get tested and discuss results before having sex. Communication is hot.

 

Good luck!

[MrNate]

Why is everyone getting so riled up? It's very simple really:

 

The ones who say they're STD free, believe to their knowledge (and tests) that they are. It doesn't matter what any silly stat from whatever site/resource says.

 

If having herpes is a deal breaker for someone, then it simply is.

 

And guess what? I don't want to date anyone with herpes either. Plain and simple. I don't care about any percentages or any stat from whatever site.

 

Hopefully I was able to speak up a bit for the people who fall into the same category as I.

 

And guess what? I'm STD free also. I don't care what any stat says. I don't have anything, and I don't plan on getting anything. That's just how it is.

[LittleTiger]

Why is everyone getting so riled up? It's very simple really:

 

The ones who say they're STD free, believe to their knowledge (and tests) that they are. It doesn't matter what any silly stat from whatever site/resource says.

 

If having herpes is a deal breaker for someone, then it simply is.

 

And guess what? I don't want to date anyone with herpes either. Plain and simple. I don't care about any percentages or any stat from whatever site.

 

Hopefully I was able to speak up a bit for the people who fall into the same category as I.

 

And guess what? I'm STD free also. I don't care what any stat says. I don't have anything, and I don't plan on getting anything. That's just how it is.

 

Oh but it does matter. If you think you're STD free and you plan on staying that way, you need to know that the only way to guarantee it is to stop having sex. Plain and simple!

 

The vast majority of us fall into the same category as you do, but some of us like to have knowledge of the facts. It's virtually impossible to protect yourself from HSV1, HSV2 or HPV - sorry but those are the facts.

[sweetjasmine]

And guess what? I'm STD free also. I don't care what any stat says. I don't have anything, and I don't plan on getting anything. That's just how it is.

 

I agree with LT - you're missing the point.

 

You may not really be STD free. You might be carrying HPV, HSV-1 and/or HSV-2 without knowing it. There is no way for men to know whether they're carrying HPV, short of physical symptoms like genital warts. There's no FDA-approved HPV test for men, and if your partner gets a Pap and finds out she has an infection, there's no way to know where it came from or when she got it. So you really have no idea whether you're carrying any strains of HPV.

 

It doesn't matter all that much what you plan on doing when it comes to STIs like those three. A condom offers limited protection, so literally every time you have sex, you're going to be taking a risk.

 

The point is that people need to understand that reality -- that even if they think they're completely STD free, they may not be, and that even if they screen their partners carefully, they're still taking a risk and potentially exposing themselves to contracting an STI.

 

If people choose not to date someone who absolutely has genital herpes, that's their call, and I respect that. I don't think I would date them, either, but I really can't say unless I end up in a situation like that. I think the social stigma drives people's opinions on this more than cold, hard facts (this is true for me, too). When on Valtrex and breaking out, the chance of transmission drops to 2%, without protection, and less than 1%, with a condom. 2% is the failure rate (breakage and slippage) usually cited for condoms, but people seem to accept that failure rate, even if they're having sex with a total stranger who could have anything under the sun.

 

Think about it. A lot of people would be okay with having a ONS with someone whose sexual history they don't know and who might have HIV, using a condom that has a 2% chance of breaking or slipping, but they wouldn't be okay with having sex with someone who has herpes and is taking antivirals, bringing the chance of transmission to less than 1%.