My fiancee left me out of the blue

[Sugarkane]

You said something here that really strikes a chord. One of my friends when I told the story to, his reaction was pretty simple: "It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. She's just a f*cked up person. Simple as that." The way she blindsided me out of the blue, I HAD to find an answer, I HAD to understand. So through loveshack, seeking out counsel of friends and family, a very broad theme emerged: commitment phobia due to abandonment issues. And guess what? Having that understanding, it changes nothing. She's still gone for good.

 

One piece of advice I got was: If there is no solution to your problem, then logically there is no point in getting upset or depressed about. You have to let go and remove yourself from the situation. And if there is a solution to your problem, there is no point in crying and whining and getting upset about it. It's better to implement a solution and work towards it. There is no solution here. I spent so much time overanalyzing and obsessing and in the end I didn't end up with any greater insight than my friend who thought about it for a moment and said "It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. She's just a f*cked up person. Simple as that." And all that overanalyzing and obsessing didn't yield a course of action...other than let go.

Naturally being an analytical person this is what I did too.

[GreenPolicy]

I've been feeling a little bit better lately. On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being "doesn't hurt at all" and 10 being "the height of pain I've felt over this," on good days I'm at a 4 or 5, and on bad days I'm at a 6 or 7. I've made a conscious effort to try and listen to my head more than my heart, but today is not easy.

 

Anyways, can somebody explain to me how a marriage with her would have played out? Like the end result, or the daily dynamics of being with a person like this? Just so I can focus more on the future pain I avoided, instead of the great times we shared together. I keep telling myself that things would never have been as good as the first year we shared together, that her ability to work on a relationship and keep the good times going, she just doesn't have that emotional energy in her.

 

Otherwise, here is where I'm at: going to 12-step meetings, going to counseling, I just started a volunteer gig at an animal shelter. I go to the gym most nights and just got back from a vacation to San Francisco. I've been more engaged at work. I feel like I'm making progress. I also keep telling myself that her and her issues are no longer relevant or important. Sometimes as dumpees we harbor fantasies that one day they'll wake up and realize what they lost. Even if that does happen, I wouldn't be around to witness that epiphany anyways, and regret does not always equal action. I can see how pride, shame, guilt, ego can prevent a dumper from acknowledging their mistake to their ex. And I need to work to a place where I am completely indifferent to her, so that I no longer care what becomes of her, because I'll be in a much different place mentally and emotionally.

[Floridaman]

Anyways, can somebody explain to me how a marriage with her would have played out? Like the end result, or the daily dynamics of being with a person like this? Just so I can focus more on the future pain I avoided, instead of the great times we shared together. I keep telling myself that things would never have been as good as the first year we shared together, that her ability to work on a relationship and keep the good times going, she just doesn't have that emotional energy in her.

Green, No one can really say how things would have gone.

It might have worked out.

Then again, you might have had a situation like this unlucky mate whose live-in GF and mother of their child just woke up one day and decided she didn't love him anymore.

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=369557

The OP there went through all the things guys do when their woman leaves.

They had been together 8 years.

I've posted on that thread and tried to help him.

 

Pay attention to what Real Deal says. He posts towards the last pages and provides some good reasions for NC and how to get over a lost love.

Otherwise, here is where I'm at: going to 12-step meetings, going to counseling, I just started a volunteer gig at an animal shelter. I go to the gym most nights and just got back from a vacation to San Francisco. I've been more engaged at work. I feel like I'm making progress.

Good. Sounds like you're making progress.

I also keep telling myself that her and her issues are no longer relevant or important. Sometimes as dumpees we harbor fantasies that one day they'll wake up and realize what they lost. Even if that does happen, I wouldn't be around to witness that epiphany anyways, and regret does not always equal action. I

can see how pride, shame, guilt, ego can prevent a dumper from acknowledging their mistake to their ex.

And I need to work to a place where I am completely indifferent to her, so that I no longer care what becomes of her, because I'll be in a much different place mentally and emotionally.

That's the ticket. It's futile to harbor hope. Been there, done that.

 

And GP, I really do know how you felt/feel. It's horrible such things happen.

My heart's still sore from what happened with my first love at 26.

As I said, I was a lot like you and was a late bloomer. I married late, at 34.

 

Just be glad you didn't get ditched at the altar like this guy who imortalized the depressing day in a No. 1 song from the early 70s.

In a little while from now

If I�m not feeling any less sour

I promise myself to treat myself

And visit a nearby tower

And climbing to the top will throw myself off

In an effort to make it clear to who

Ever what it�s like when you�re shattered

Left standing in the lurch at a church

Where people saying: "My God, that�s tough

She's stood him up"

No point in us remaining

We may as well go home

As I did on my own

Alone again, naturally

[Floridaman]

*** bump ****

 

Hope you're doing better, GP.

[GreenPolicy]

*** bump ****

 

Hope you're doing better, GP.

 

I'm definitely feeling better. I feel like I've reached acceptance, but for me acceptance doesn't mean that it no longer hurts, or I like it, or that I am now super happy. It just simply means that I recognize the reality of what happened, I am not clinging to false hope that she and I will ever be an item again, or that she will ever reach out to me to give me some sort of validation or express contrition for how cruel she was.

 

I still feel hurt over how she choose to end things. I feel like the way she dumped me is more appropriate if you're dating Ike Turner or Mel Gibson. And all I did was love her unconditionally and treat her well. That does not mean I was a doormat that waited on her hand and foot, just that I treated her with kindness, compassion, affection and respect. I still have questions, but I realize that there is really no point in getting answers to those questions, and I probably don't want to know the answers anyway.

 

I try not to internalize any self-loathing beliefs about what happened. The way I see it, if there was no physical attraction, we would never have become an item, much less have gotten so serious to the point of talking marriage. If there was no emotional connection or chemistry, same thing - I don't think we'd have gotten so serious. I treated her well and we had the same values, goals, interests, etc, so I have a hard time with the idea that we were irrevocably incompatible. So why wasn't that good enough for her? Why would I have changed my behavior when the feedback I got throughout was "You're the best guy I've ever had, I love you so much, this is the best relationship I've ever been in, I've been waiting my whole adult life for the guy I would marry to show up and now I've met him," etc. I guess for me acceptance means that there is nothing I really could have done to get a different outcome and the only thing I can control is taking back my life.

 

I have a third date this Thursday night with a girl I've been seeing. It's early, but it seems promising, and even if it doesn't work out, I'll survive.

[Floridaman]

I'm definitely feeling better. I feel like I've reached acceptance, but for me acceptance doesn't mean that it no longer hurts, or I like it, or that I am now super happy. It just simply means that I recognize the reality of what happened, I am not clinging to false hope that she and I will ever be an item again, or that she will ever reach out to me to give me some sort of validation or express contrition for how cruel she was.

 

I still feel hurt over how she choose to end things. I feel like the way she dumped me is more appropriate if you're dating Ike Turner or Mel Gibson. And all I did was love her unconditionally and treat her well. That does not mean I was a doormat that waited on her hand and foot, just that I treated her with kindness, compassion, affection and respect. I still have questions, but I realize that there is really no point in getting answers to those questions, and I probably don't want to know the answers anyway.

 

I try not to internalize any self-loathing beliefs about what happened. The way I see it, if there was no physical attraction, we would never have become an item, much less have gotten so serious to the point of talking marriage. If there was no emotional connection or chemistry, same thing - I don't think we'd have gotten so serious. I treated her well and we had the same values, goals, interests, etc, so I have a hard time with the idea that we were irrevocably incompatible. So why wasn't that good enough for her? Why would I have changed my behavior when the feedback I got throughout was "You're the best guy I've ever had, I love you so much, this is the best relationship I've ever been in, I've been waiting my whole adult life for the guy I would marry to show up and now I've met him," etc. I guess for me acceptance means that there is nothing I really could have done to get a different outcome and the only thing I can control is taking back my life.

 

I have a third date this Thursday night with a girl I've been seeing. It's early, but it seems promising, and even if it doesn't work out, I'll survive.

That's great that you're moving on and are healing.

Of course, it's always gonna hurt. I am sorry I overlooked that.

 

 

I think the sorry sexless state of my marriage got me to pine over that NEAR-fiance I had in 1988-- 22 years ago. I don't think I would have longed for her had I not been in the situation I'm in now - us living across the country and only seeing each other like once a month.

My marriage is troubled, but we're improving things (see the thread I started).

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t253953/

 

You do know about No Contact and being Non-Chalant in dating?

I think acting nonchalant or indifferent could help you in future relationships and could be a good strategy for any man or woman pursuing a relationship.

 

This thread on "Nonchalance is your friend" explains the benefits of playing it cool, not acting like this other person you're dating is "the one," acting like you can live without him or her, etc.

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=224140

 

So the person you're dating gets upset about something and tells you she's not ready for this? Just get up and walk away. Women are often attracted to what they don't have. The push-pull theory.

 

I'd link to a LS thread on that topic but haven't searched for it yet.

 

DramaLama has some good resources on nonchalance and no contact..

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=371897

 

Yes, my NEAR-fiance said something that should have been a warning sign. She chewed me out bec. I spoke up and disagreed with her and her parents when they discussed politics. Yes, a big no-no to discuss such divisive topics....

 

Green Policy, if I recall correctly, this woman who left you out of the blue was your first real serious relationship, right?

 

Like you, I didn't get engaged until 33, so I got a late start at all of this as well.

And I know how you feel.

[GreenPolicy]

Green Policy, if I recall correctly, this woman who left you out of the blue was your first real serious relationship, right?

 

Like you, I didn't get engaged until 33, so I got a late start at all of this as well.

And I know how you feel.

 

Thanks for the links, Floridaman. Those are great.

 

She was my second serious relationship. The first was with my ex-ex. She moved away from Texas to take a job in her home state and be closer to her family. We both agreed that not enough was invested for me to move with her. That hurt, and it was sad, but we parted on amicable terms and remain friendly to this day. We'll catch up twice a year or so to see how the other is doing. I have no romantic feelings for her anymore and if I found out she was dating another guy, I'd be really happy for her. She deserves a good guy.

 

In between her and the ex I had a couple casual flings and FWB situations. My most recent ex was the most serious and deepest connection I've ever felt with anybody.

[Floridaman]

The first was with my ex-ex. She moved away from Texas to take a job in her home state and be closer to her family. We both agreed that not enough was invested for me to move with her. That hurt, and it was sad, but we parted on amicable terms and remain friendly to this day. We'll catch up twice a year or so to see how the other is doing. I have no romantic feelings for her anymore and if I found out she was dating another guy, I'd be really happy for her. She deserves a good guy.

GP,

I know that must have been painful, as you posted, you clearly had feelings for her.

Did you not tell her your feelings?

Maybe it could have worked... I dunno. Maybe this would have been better in a PM.... sorry if I'm intrusive here.

 

I do know how you feel and kind of feel the pain with you, if that makes any sense..

[GreenPolicy]

GP,

I know that must have been painful, as you posted, you clearly had feelings for her.

Did you not tell her your feelings?

Maybe it could have worked... I dunno. Maybe this would have been better in a PM.... sorry if I'm intrusive here.

 

I do know how you feel and kind of feel the pain with you, if that makes any sense..

 

The end of that relationship was telegraphed in slow motion for such a long time, and I had so much time to mentally prepare for the end of it so that when it finally did come, I was sad but not devastated. And I can see now that we were not right for each other long-term anyways, and anytime I want I can email or send her a message on facebook if I want to catch up and see how she is doing.

 

It's been almost six months now with the ex. I know for all sorts of rational reasons that it wouldn't work out, and I'm committed to moving on with my life. But I miss her. I've been seeing this new girl for about almost a month now. We've been out on four dates now and we've been intimate, and I find myself having a hard time enjoying it completely. I think maybe it's because we're still getting to know each other and I've learned the lessons of my last relationship all too well. I'm all too aware that I don't truly know what this person is thinking and feeling about me, that she could end it at any time, etc. I just hope I'm not telegraphing any insecurity.

[Floridaman]

The end of that relationship was telegraphed in slow motion for such a long time, and I had so much time to mentally prepare for the end of it so that when it finally did come, I was sad but not devastated. And I can see now that we were not right for each other long-term anyways, and anytime I want I can email or send her a message on facebook if I want to catch up and see how she is doing.

Thanks for the backstory. Not sure why, but I always have some kind of hope reading these situations, and ask if there's ever a chance the two can try again. I see it can never be here. For some reason, I feel similar loss.

 

I too experienced a year-long relationship that I could tell was coming to an end. Why the woman didn't just end it, I'll never know. She just kept with me but like in that great Righteous Bros. song from '64, "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling...", she stopped doing the "little romantic things" she once did with me.

It was slowly dying.

 

I sensed it, and even tried to strike up a relationship with a woman I knew (of) from my childhood. Would have bailed on the other relationship if that woman gave me the green light and let me date her more than once.

But of course, as always happened with relationships in my late 20s, it didn't work out so I stayed where I was.... and of course got dumped several months later. Thanks, Marian.

It's been almost six months now with the ex. I know for all sorts of rational reasons that it wouldn't work out, and I'm committed to moving on with my life. But I miss her.

Good to move on. But yes, you'll never forget her. I say that from experience.

You invested a lot of emotions into the relationship -- maybe too many. But still, I'd rather love and lost than never loved and lost...

You saw a chance and thought this would be "the one."

It did appear that way and circumstances beyond your control intervened.

Was once in your shoes and many a guy would have done what you did, so don't feel bad for it.

You'll meet someone far better....

 

The woman I met at 30 who I ultimately married 3 years later, I consider her much better than anyone I had ever dated...

She was much more loving, allowed me to show my love sexually to her (and responded lovingly) and was much more what I was looking for than those other women who all too often seemed like "fillers..." filling the time.

I've been seeing this new girl for about almost a month now. We've been out on four dates now and we've been intimate, and

I find myself having a hard time enjoying it completely.

 

I think maybe it's because we're still getting to know each other and I've learned the lessons of my last relationship all too well. I'm all too aware that I don't truly know what this person is thinking and feeling about me, that she could end it at any time, etc. I just hope I'm not telegraphing any insecurity.

You're cautious. That's natural. And smart.

It's part of what's recommended in relationships in the 'non-chalant" threads....

[Sugarkane]

Hi Greenpolicy, I've been following your post, as it is so eerily similar to mine. I really feel like I could of written it myself. Like you I never begged, pleaded or contacted. Don't know if that made any difference? I am also analytical and try to be logical. But almost a year later from the breakup that brought me here, I still can't make out any sense of it. I doubt I ever will.

I hope you're ok. I hope you continue seeing this other girl. You deserve someone better than your ex

[GreenPolicy]

You deserve someone better than your ex

 

I am overwhelmed with sadness for her and for me. Deep inside she is a beautiful and sensitive woman with a good soul. That is the person I fell in love with. However, unless she seeks out help, she will never fully be who God originally planned for her to be. That breaks my heart. This experience has changed me. It is continuing to change me every day. I am not over her or what happened. I have mourned and grieved her loss every waking moment of my life since the day she left me. I fight the urge to send her a note on a daily basis. But I realize that I have to let go, as hard as it is, in order to live and live well. Otherwise this experience will destroy me. As a wise person once said to me "You have been given a life lesson very few ever get." Emotionally and mentally working through and processing this experience is probably the toughest thing I've ever had to do. I've had bereavements that weren't as traumatic as this. In many ways it is a death. But I WILL get through this.

[Floridaman]

I am overwhelmed with sadness for her and for me. Deep inside she is a beautiful and sensitive woman with a good soul. That is the person I fell in love with. However, unless she seeks out help, she will never fully be who God originally planned for her to be. That breaks my heart.

It's good you're concerned about her, but you really shouldn't waste investing any of your time or energy in hoping she seeks help and becomes the woman she's supposed to be.

You need to invest that energy in improving yourself, finding your own love and living your own life to the fullest.

This experience has changed me. It is continuing to change me every day. I am not over her or what happened.

 

I have mourned and grieved her loss every waking moment of my life since the day she left me.

Know it's horrible.

You went through more than I did, even though I wasn't sexual with my first love (at 26), the ending of the 6 month relationship killed me just the same. As I posted, thought I was gonna die and begged God to end the misery....

 

Will say it will get better and you will come to a point to where you don't think of her every day or maybe even monthly....

I did think of my EX for a long time. Can't recall when, but I eventually stopped thinking of her often. Prob. took a couple of years...

 

Meeting a new love and falling for her -- a woman who will actually love you for who you are and reciprocate and not be hesitant in telling you her feelings towards you -- that will go a long way towards forgetting this EX who gnaws in your memory.

I fight the urge to send her a note on a daily basis. But I realize that I have to let go, as hard as it is, in order to live and live well.

Stay strong. resist the temptation.....

I know it's hard.

Otherwise this experience will destroy me.

...

Emotionally and mentally working through and processing this experience is probably the toughest thing I've ever had to do.

 

I've had bereavements that weren't as traumatic as this. In many ways it is a death. But I WILL get through this.

Agree with you there. Matters of the heart can hurt !!

 

Am fortunate to have married a good woman at 33. Did that for many reasons: my love for her (primarily), our compatability in many things, similar interests, etc., so I could ML with her:love:, companionship, and I will admit, fear of remaining single in my 30s....

 

Can only imagine how I'd be if this marriage ended.

Would like to think at 1 year shy of turning 50 I could non-chalantly move on.... but being together for neary 20 years... that might be hard to do...

 

Am sure I would be thinking of her every single day of my life for a long time...

Edited April 29, 2011 by Floridaman

[GreenPolicy]

I'm not going to contact her, I'm never tempted (I don't even check her social networking pages) but nights like these I really miss her and wish I could.

 

My dad is very, very sick. My mom took advantage of a once in a lifetime opportunity and left for Italy a week ago on vacation and won't be back until Sunday. Long story short, my dad is a chronic alcoholic and at 60 years old, it is catching up to him. My ex dumped me two days after he went into rehab last October.

 

This morning he calls me and asks if I will take him to the hospital after work because he's vomiting blood. I tell him that can't wait that long and he either needs to drive himself to the emergency room or call 911. I call 911 for him and take off work. At this point, it could be a stomach ulcer, a burst blood vessel, or gastric varices. If it's gastric varices, then it's a symptom of liver failure and his long-term prognosis is very, very bad. He is in critical but stable condition in the ICU.

 

It's times like these when I miss her the most. Just damn, in seven months I lost her, my grandfather, and maybe my dad.

[mmiller5373]

While I can't say that I understand what you're going through, I understand what you mean. When times are rough, sometimes you feel like you need the love of someone else in your life, especially that one person that you gave your heart to. It's the comfort that can keep you going in times like these.

 

But she left, and she doesn't deserve to be a part of your life anymore, even if you're going through a rough time. I'm sorry that it's been a rough year for you. Stay strong and don't ever look back. Keep moving forward. Learn and grow.

[Floridaman]

While I can't say that I understand what you're going through, I understand what you mean. When times are rough, sometimes you feel like you need the love of someone else in your life, especially that one person that you gave your heart to. It's the comfort that can keep you going in times like these.

 

But she left, and she doesn't deserve to be a part of your life anymore, even if you're going through a rough time. I'm sorry that it's been a rough year for you. Stay strong and don't ever look back. Keep moving forward. Learn and grow.

Good advice.

Originally, after reading a couple of the posts in the thread, was gonna tell him to "man up" and get over her, but I had a devastating experience with a NEAR-fiance that I felt I had to relate.

 

In Jan., when I joined this thread, all the feelings I had for that woman I dated at 26 came back to me. For a week or so, I obsessed over her and burst into brief periods of crying. Was like all the pain of the breakup came rushing back to me.

In hindsight, a lot of this was due to isolation from my wife of 13 years and fears of being in a sexless and failed marriage. Our marriage is improving and now it's neither of those.

 

Thanks to some advice from some other women in another thread in another forum, realized I am better without this 30 y.o. virgin woman, who was my first real adult relationship. She wasn't the right one, despite how much I felt at the time.

 

Though GreenPolicy will never forget her, as she was there with him during that important part of his life during his late 20s/early 30s, methinks Green will in time feel less hurt.

 

Imagine how much better he feels when he discovers his real love -- a woman who truly cares for him and wouldn't crush him the way this other love did.

[GreenPolicy]

I set up a profile on OK Cupid a few months after we broke up. I've done some casual dating, but haven't yet met anybody that I desired being in a relationship with. I think a big part of that is that I have been working on healing and getting over the ex and it is hard to make a connection when you are not completely emotionally available. I hadn't deleted my account, but I hadn't been active on the site recently. I was not initiating any messaging with women. I had resolved to work on myself more, try to indulge more hobbies and interests, make new friends and strengthen existing friendships, and make more of an effort to date in a few months.

 

I wake up today and get an email alerting me somebody has sent me a message on OKC. I do log in out of curiosity and read a short generic getting to know you kind of message. I browse to the girl's profile to read it and look at her pictures. Guess who appears in two of this girl's pictures? Yep, my ex.

 

I think the whole thing is just a big coincidence. I don't think this person knows who I am. I don't recognize her at all though. If I had to guess, she appears to be somebody my ex became friends with after we split. We spent almost every single weekend together when we were a couple and I'm confident I met pretty much all of her friends at the time.

 

I'm not going to write this person back obviously, but it is upsetting. I avoid looking at my ex's facebook because I regard that as breaking NC, because you are getting a glimpse of their world. I guess I can deduce that she took down all of our pictures together, because I'm sure this person is fb friends with her and otherwise would recognize me as her ex. But nevertheless, I have gotten a glimpse of my ex's world after me. She appears in two pictures. In one, she and the girl who wrote me are posing together smiling. They appear to be on the outdoor patio of a bar. My ex is wearing a blouse I don't recognize, so I assume this is recent. In the other, they are smiling and posing together, apparently at some sort of outdoor concert on the green where you take lawn chairs and blankets.

 

It brings back all the feelings I've been working on trying to process - the lack of closure, not understanding it, the hurt of losing her, feeling like I have struggled to enjoy my life fully while healing whereas she appears to have moved on to a carefree existence. Who knows what is really going on in her life, almost all of us smile while posing for pictures.

 

I feel like NC was broken and it wasn't my fault.

[mmiller5373]

I think the whole thing is just a big coincidence. I don't think this person knows who I am. I don't recognize her at all though. If I had to guess, she appears to be somebody my ex became friends with after we split. We spent almost every single weekend together when we were a couple and I'm confident I met pretty much all of her friends at the time.

 

I'm not going to write this person back obviously, but it is upsetting. I avoid looking at my ex's facebook because I regard that as breaking NC, because you are getting a glimpse of their world. I guess I can deduce that she took down all of our pictures together, because I'm sure this person is fb friends with her and otherwise would recognize me as her ex. But nevertheless, I have gotten a glimpse of my ex's world after me. She appears in two pictures. In one, she and the girl who wrote me are posing together smiling. They appear to be on the outdoor patio of a bar. My ex is wearing a blouse I don't recognize, so I assume this is recent. In the other, they are smiling and posing together, apparently at some sort of outdoor concert on the green where you take lawn chairs and blankets.

 

It brings back all the feelings I've been working on trying to process - the lack of closure, not understanding it, the hurt of losing her, feeling like I have struggled to enjoy my life fully while healing whereas she appears to have moved on to a carefree existence. Who knows what is really going on in her life, almost all of us smile while posing for pictures.

 

I feel like NC was broken and it wasn't my fault.

 

Sounds like it was a coincidence. I would ignore the message on OKC from your ex's friend. I can understand how tough seeing your ex in a picture would be. I've been there. Now you're probably wondering what she's been up to. How'd she meet the friend? Is she happy? There's probably a 1000 questions you're asking yourself. I totally understand you.

 

It was an accident, it wasn't your fault. You didn't break NC. You've been strong. I look up to you and others on this forum because you guys have stayed with your strict NC rule, even though it's the hardest thing in the world to do. It does sound like you're getting better though.

 

I work in news. I recently covered an immigration march in my city. There were over 3,000 people there. My ex is hispanic, so I had a feeling she would be there, but with over 3,000 people being there, what are the odds that I would run into her or her family, right? Well, apparently the odds were really good because I ran into 2 members of her family. It was really awkward. They came toward me and said "Hey, there's Mike. Hi Mike." I heard that and said, "Hey. How are you guys?" I waved, then I walked on with all of my camera equipment. It was tough, but I'm glad I avoided them. Minutes later, I ran into a mutual friend who I haven't seen in over a year. She instantly came up to me and said, "Hey. Have you heard the news? Your ex is about to have a baby." I already knew this, but it still hurt hearing it.

 

And overall tough situation. Any news of your ex is BAD news that you don't want to hear. Keep your head up. You're doing awesome, bro.

[2011]

Try not and read into it - probably a coincidence but just keep going the way you were going. I also got a strange phone call about 4 months into NC, it was my EXs number i'm sure of it but I think she accidentally dialled it while in work or something all I could hear was her and what sounded like an older woman talking - hearing here voice was quite scary actually. These things have a nasty habit of getting your hopes up, I was chuffed for about 5 days thinking she was trying to get back but then reality set in that it was just coincidence and well you know the rest.

 

Stay strong

 

2011

[Sugarkane]

Greenpolicy whether it was just bad luck or not, does it matter? Nothing has changed has it? The end result is still the same. She isn't telling you that she's made a mistake.

[GreenPolicy]

Haven't been on this site in ages, really. But thought I would post an update:

 

When my ex left me, I thought I was gonna die. The pain seemed bottomless. It was soul-killing. I've had bereavements that hurt less. I tried dating again too soon, about 3-4 months after she left me. That didn't really work. I wasn't in any kind of shape to start up anything healthy at all with another person.

 

I went to therapy, I went to Al-Anon, but nothing seemed to work for awhile. Eventually I realized that I needed to stop focusing on my ex so much and that there was so much within me that needed care and fixing. I don't condone how she ended things, but I stopped blaming her for my unhappiness. It wasn't until I committed to fixing myself that things finally got better.

 

I'm happy to say that I've met someone and it's early and I'm taking things one day at a time. I still think of my ex fairly often, but once you fix the insecurities, fears and anxieties that exist inside yourself, you look back with less longing and pain.

 

For those of you are dealing with a fresh breakup, I've walked the path you're on and it sucks, there's no two ways about it. But if I can get past it, then so can you. Keep your chin up. And stop posting on loveshack once a few months pass since your breakup. This site should be a cast for your heart when it's freshly broken. Don't let it become a crutch.