feet wet

[Fab]

I am getting my feet wet. I was re-aquainted with a man who was a friend to my late husband. We have dated off and on for about 5 months. Question #1. How difficult is it for a man to become involved with the wife of a friend after his friends death? Are there feelings of disloyalty to his friend?------

 

This man has always wanted just a friendship with me, or so he says. However, he also wanted to kiss and touch with more feelings than what just friends would show, in my opiniion. Question #2. Is this normal behavior for friends? Am I causing him to change his mind? Or, is he after sex? Maybe all of the above?--------

 

Suddenly, he cuts things off. Names many things that could

 

become problems, such as, money, kids, and sex. Question #3

 

Whats going on? Is he scared? Is he sincere in these worries? ----

 

He also expresses that he isn't ready to be in love.

 

Give me some insight. It's been a while, so I feel I am doing things incorrectly.

[Tony T]

Question #1. How difficult is it for a man to become involved with the wife of a friend after his friends death?

 

If enough time passes and he had an attraction for you...perhaps even fantasized a bit previously...not difficult at all. When I was little, the brother of the pianist a church passed away. The church pianist ended up marrying his brother's widow about a year and a half later and they are still married after 16 years. People are capable of anything.

 

Are there feelings of disloyalty to his friend?

 

Not at all. Do you feel disloyal to your deceased husband by going out with other men now? The ceremony says, "Unit death do we part." With death, all bets are off and we proceed on with our healing and the rest of our lives.

 

Question #2. Is this normal behavior for friends?

 

What is normal. If you feel uncomfortable, tell him to back off. If you're OK with it or even enjoy it, encourage him. I think you are analyzing this way too much.

 

Am I causing him to change his mind?

 

Causing him to change his mind about what? Your question has no meaning in the context of your post. However, generally people think what they want irrespective of outside stimuli.

 

Or, is he after sex?

 

Who knows? This guy should be no different that any other normal male. Most men feel sex is part of the deal eventually. You got something against sex?

 

Maybe all of the above?-------- Yeah, maybe all of the above, whatever you mean by that.

 

Question #3 Whats going on? Is he scared? Is he sincere in these worries?

 

I think he's sort of analyzing this whole situation, like any sane person should. He's weighing the pros and the cons. Money, kids and sex can all be problems...and they are for many people in second marriages. This guy has a good head on his shoulders to consider these things.

 

I don't think he's scared. He's cautious like any sane, mature person should be. If you are interested in him, you need to sit down and talk all these issues out. I am surprised he's thinking about these at such an early stage in the relationship...but that's OK. Get involved in his deliberations and put your two cents in.

 

I don't think there is such a thing as insincere worrying. And I don't think I would classify his deliverations as worrying. Everything he's thinking about are bona fide issues that must be taken into consideration before he makes a major committment to taking on a ready made family. I think the guy is really sharp. Younger people think with their private parts, older people are more cerebral. This guy is taking control of his life in a positive way. I think you would be lucky to have a guy like this in your life.

 

Maybe all this doesn't seem so romantic to you...but it is very good that he is proceeding the way he is. Praise him for taking the time to consider things before he takes such a major step in his life as making a committment to you.

[Adam9]

he's a weird guy. not someone you should particularly consider pursuing.

I am getting my feet wet. I was re-aquainted with a man who was a friend to my late husband. We have dated off and on for about 5 months. Question #1. How difficult is it for a man to become involved with the wife of a friend after his friends death? Are there feelings of disloyalty to his friend?------

 

This man has always wanted just a friendship with me, or so he says. However, he also wanted to kiss and touch with more feelings than what just friends would show, in my opiniion. Question #2. Is this normal behavior for friends? Am I causing him to change his mind? Or, is he after sex? Maybe all of the above?-------- Suddenly, he cuts things off. Names many things that could become problems, such as, money, kids, and sex. Question #3 Whats going on? Is he scared? Is he sincere in these worries? ---- He also expresses that he isn't ready to be in love. Give me some insight. It's been a while, so I feel I am doing things incorrectly.