Are the rules not the same?

[burning5eed]

There is something I've never understood the whole time I've been a part of the gay world. Why do some gay men think it's okay for them to spend alone time at the house with other gay (male) friends? I will admit I have a gay friend or two that I wouldn't mind him being home alone with while I'm at work, one of them was our roommate so I didn't have many options, but those friends are few and far between. He didn't understand why I had an issue with it. I hate how some people that are gay think they have a different set of rules they get to follow for no other reason than their being gay. Is it not the same as if a straight male was in a relationship and having other girl friends over while his woman was at work? I'm not saying that something happens while they are alone (thats another thread altogether.) I just don't feel comfortable with it happening while I'm not at home and to tell the truth, I just kinda think it looks trashy for it to happen. I know I would think things if I seen some of my straight friends doing the same thing while their other was at work. Is that something I need to work on, and deal with, or does where I'm coming from make sense?

 

I don't like that there is anyone that hates any group of people for no other reason than the fact that they are gay, black, straight, female, whatever... And this may sound silly on my part, and even be something that has built inside of me based on what has happened in this relationship in the past. I really don't know what it is, but I hate when my husband tries to bring new gay (male) friends into our relationship. I know it sounds homophobic on my part, and I've even been told I was a homophobic homo before, but I would rather not ever be around any more than the few I am friends with now, and maybe gay females. I don't think it's that I'm homophobic or anything like, I just know that most, not all but most, of the time gay men are whores. Just to tell the plain simple truth about it. If it were just me, I wouldn't mind because I know I wouldn't be interested in anything more than a small friendship with them. I know a lot of jealousy plays out in what I feel, and a lot of the things he has done to me in the past, but is it fair to him for me to be this way? Or is everything I feel understandable? Because I honestly don't know if I could deal with having another gay roommate, though we have an open bedroom and could really use a renter. He refuses to have a girl roommate. So all of that really makes the search even more hard.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

There is something I've never understood the whole time I've been a part of the gay world. Why do some gay men think it's okay for them to spend alone time at the house with other gay (male) friends?

 

 

I hate how some people that are gay think they have a different set of rules they get to follow for no other reason than their being gay. Is it not the same as if a straight male was in a relationship and having other girl friends over while his woman was at work?

 

 

Why not address questions that are of greater universal interest on the same topics:

 

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy is it deemed perfectly OK for your gay male boyfriend to trot down to the mens' locker room at the local YMCA and feast his eyes on all that's available there, entirely legally?

 

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy is is not perfectly legal for the boyfriend of the woman who lives next door to you to trot down to the womens' locker room at the local YWCA and feast HIS eyes on all that's available there?

 

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy are the oft-mentioned gays in the military allowed to take in the sights in the shared shower facilities when their straight male counterparts aren't allowed to do same in the womens' quarters? (and the answer to this is NOT "because nobody knows gays are in the military")

 

FYI - gays do have "a different set of rules" they get to follow merely for being gay.

 

If you want to champion "equal rights" then hey, I'm all for it, but when your political position is that of seeking "special rights" not available to all others then you are probably worse than are those all around you whom you perceive to be dead set against your having those special rights not available to everyone.

[burning5eed]

FYI - gays do have "a different set of rules" they get to follow merely for being gay.

 

I think out of your little bag of tricks that the best you could pull out was the fact that we get to use the same bathroom/shower as those which we have a sexual attraction to. Sorry sweetie but I'm sure whatever you have between your legs has made one or two people make a few funky sounds in bed, but I can tell you now, it isn't so great that me or any other person is going to go out of their way to stare you down during your shower. I get that some things are different for us. And maybe when you can't share insurance with the person you want to marry and spend your life with you can b**th that we get to see your little penis when you shower. Sorry that you didn't understand/choose to answer my question at all, but instead took the time to complain about things that really don't make a difference at all to either of our lives. If you need to see someone nude that bad look at porn, there is more free straight porn than gay, so that should make you happy!

[Cee]

I know of no rules, just common sense and lots of communication.

 

In my social world which is a mix of gay/straight/bi, it's okay for people to have friendships of all stripes. And it's okay for people to visit each other's homes as much as they wish. Sleep overs are more rare and happen with full disclosure and consent from the partner.

 

It gets dicey if people have a past sexual history though. But still, I don't really think there are hard and fast rules for that.

 

For example, I have a hetero female friend who has kept a close (strictly platonic) friendships with some of her exes. That's how she is- she's not possessive and neither were her exes. And she's not a player or a cheater. When she got married, three of her exes attended and nobody cared (although I admit, they smiled knowingly at each other). When my now married friend visits, she sleeps in an ex boyfriend's spare bedroom. No big deal. Full disclosure. Nobody cares.

 

But not everybody is that relaxed and not jealous. Or that trustworthy for that matter. There aren't really rules, just boundaries and levels of trust. You must negotiate those on an individual basis.

 

Good luck.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I think out of your little bag of tricks that the best you could pull out was the fact that we get to use the same bathroom/shower as those which we have a sexual attraction to. Sorry sweetie but I'm sure whatever you have between your legs has made one or two people make a few funky sounds in bed, but I can tell you now, it isn't so great that me or any other person is going to go out of their way to stare you down during your shower. I get that some things are different for us. And maybe when you can't share insurance with the person you want to marry and spend your life with you can b**th that we get to see your little penis when you shower. Sorry that you didn't understand/choose to answer my question at all, but instead took the time to complain about things that really don't make a difference at all to either of our lives. If you need to see someone nude that bad look at porn, there is more free straight porn than gay, so that should make you happy!

 

 

I saw all of your questions - which one, exactly, did you want answered?

 

One of them was in dark letters, so I answered that one.

 

Q: "Are the rules not the same?"

 

A: "gays do have a different set of rules they get to follow merely for being gay"

 

 

I like that you do get "that some things are different for (you)".

 

 

Furthermore, I want to marry Cindy Crawford... (shucks, I can't share insurance with her... darn, she's already MARRIED!)

 

Name somebody (any person) with whom I can share insurance or marry, but you can't... (or vice versa)... and when you can do that, then we will talk about inequality.

 

Until then, you're asking for "special rights" for some purely selfish reason.

 

 

 

Beyond that, I reread your original post. I simply cannot speak as to "why do some gay men think it's okay...?" (so I'm going to politely leave that one alone)

 

Gays very clearly DO have a different set of rules. Pure logic tells you that.

 

I mean, after my long day swimming/working out/whatever, if I got to spend my time in the women's locker room down at the YWCA (or the local high school), would it really matter (to me or my wife) which female 'friend' was back at my house awaiting my arrival when my wife wasn't home?

 

And why does it only matter to you that "people who are gay think (gays) have a different set of rules they get to follow for no other reason than their being gay"? Everyone knows that is true, so why bother bringing sexual preference into the question of who (observes that reality)?

 

As fairly as I can put it, where you're coming from doesn't make sense in the same context that gays showering with the straight guys at the gyms doesn't make sense. And this is NOT because we think you're going to pursue us - instead it's along the very same lines of my not getting the equal opportunity to surround myself with the women while showering at the same/similar gyms.

 

Now I'm sure logistics (and femininity - in the women in those locker rooms, I mean) are too complex to make this entirely fair, soooooooooo as a result there has to be some put and take involved. You get the situations like I mentioned, in the locker rooms, etc... and you sacrifice the situations in the home, as is the subject of your post.

 

I say it is OK for you to feel threatened by the conundrum in front of you at home, but given the locker room dynamics I mentioned and spin-off factors from them it makes the most sense for you to adjust internally, while at least creating SOME rules (for your relationship) you'd prefer in the way of a compromise.

 

 

PS - There is more free white porn than free black porn too - would you care to venture a guess as to why that might be?