Wow. New all time low for xMM.

[maravilla]

I can't believe this. I am about to hit the roof.

 

I'm leaving tomorrow to go on a long trip with my out-of-state family for Thanksgiving. xMM knows this. We have been NC and he just sent me a really mean email where he says he has decided he no longer wants to be with me b/c he doesn't like the kind of person I am. He is just cruel in the email and says things that aren't even true about me. He claims I'm an alcoholic, when he is the one that drank every single day. I used to drink w/ him and at one point I told him I needed to cut back b/c it was affecting my running and my work. So he continued to drink, alone, every day. And now in his email he says I am at a party stage in my life and he is in a different and better place and he can't hang out w/ someone who needs to drink all the time. WTF?! This is just one example of the stuff he says -- he is cruel, he tries to make me feel bad for things that aren't even true, and he accuses me of doing stuff that he himself actually does. WTF?!

 

At first I was really, really hurt, and angry. I just started crying right in my office. I hate that he can still make me feel this way. At first I thought, how can he say all of this mean stuff to me when he claimed he loved me so much? Then I thought, wait a minute, I walked away from the A and now he's trying to make it look like it's his idea to end it b/c he hates me; maybe this is just to put on a show for his wife? Then I thought, this is just his way of getting me to respond before I leave for nine days. I am not going to respond b/c that is what he wants. But I really wanted to text him just what I thought right then and there. Or respond to him w/ all of the TRUTH about what happened b/t us so that if it's for his wife, she can see what a liar he is.

 

Then I got to the end of the email and it became clear as day why he was being so mean to me and pointing the finger at me. He claims-and this really makes me crack up laughing -that he took a townhouse closer to his kids instead of the house of my out-of-state friend that he kept telling me he was going to rent. OMG. I can't believe he thinks I'm so stupid to believe this. It's just an excuse b/c he knows I will find out from my out-of-state friend that he declined to sign the lease at the last minute (I hadn't asked her b/c I honestly didn't care, but I know he thinks I am checking up on him, just pining away dying to be with him). He also claims at the end that his wife has opened up the home to him to see his kids, but not her heart or arms. Whatever! I think he put that in there b/c he thought I would be stalking him and would notice he's staying at home instead of at the temporary place he was renting. The joke's on him b/c I have honestly not been caring where he's staying. I figured he would high-tail it back to wifey as soon as I said, 'stand on your own two feet and figure this mess out on your own,' and sure enough, his strange, mean, lying email shows me that's exactly what he did!

 

I have a really big urge to tell him I'm going to check w/ his wife to see if she confirms his lame-a$$ townhouse story and see how she feels about him telling me she hasn't opened up her heart and arms to him. But I know that is just inviting more drama and that is just not worth it. He is such an immature spineless lying cowardly little boy! How could a 50 year old man be so pathetic?!

 

I guess I learned a huge lesson. I think everyone who cheats is a lying cowardly wimpy person. He always has to play the victim and point the finger at other people and blame them for his own decisions! He hates to look like the bad guy but he is the bad guy! He would rather hurt me by slinging nasty words at me and telling me I'm not a good enough person for him, than just come clean and give me the truth, that he decided to work on things w/ his wife. WTF. I had always told him I would understand if he decided to stay married, I just wanted the truth.

 

Here I was begging for the truth from a known liar. WTF was wrong w/ me?!

 

I'm sorry for ranting, thank you all for listening b/c if I don't get all of this out here, I am going to write him back, and I really don't want to. I hate him. Hate him. How dare he ruin my last full day of work by sending me such a mean and cowardly email?! He really has no heart, and no other things either.

 

:(

 

Can I at least respond to the email and say good riddance, I'm glad you have agreed to leave me alone b/c you are a spineless b@st@rd?

 

Why do I feel so hurt, I want to not care. I was doing a great job at not caring about him- I really felt so happy and free. Now I feel like dog doo. And it's not b/c of the things he said abt me-really almost none of it is true!-it's b/c I loved someone who is capable of treating me this way, and it makes me mad at myself.

 

I hope someone on here can make me feel better b/c I don't know what to do.

[jj33]

So sorry he is being such an azzclown.

 

Hes contacting you because you ARENT calling him, breaking NC and pining to his face. Hes provoking you (i know I got that for the first few years and was too silly to take it for what it was).

 

Either dont respond at all or respond and say - Do not contact me again.

 

No questions no snarky comments just leave me the f alone (in the nicest possible way:lmao:)

 

If he does contact you again just ignore him. In fact block his emails (send them to spam, block his phone calls and make him history. You cant control his behavior but you can control your world by making sure he is not a part of it.

 

Take care I know it hurts its hard to believe that someone you loved so much could behave that way

 

And you are doing great. Being angry is the right response. There is no call to behave this way to you. He is acting like a 3 year old. Toys throw way out of the pram onto the street hitting the passersby

[maravilla]

Thanks jj. I have blocked his phone calls and texts on my cell phone and I guess that's why he emailed me. Ugg. I will have to block him on my email too. He is like a three-year-old child.

[Pokemon]

You know what? The last time xMM and I broke up, he also insulted my character and my personality. I was really hurt, but looking back I realize it's his way of justifying the break up.

 

If insulting you / being mean to you makes him feel better about being dumped and rejected, then power to him. It still can't take away the underlying truth, that you chose to leave him.

 

Let him swim around in his own self-pity. People make up different reasons in their heads to make the break up go easier on them. Eventually he will get it that you're not coming back.

[blinded_27]

Wow.... Just wow. Sorry to hear he has upset you so much

 

Don't say anything at all... As insanely difficult as it is.... You not responding to that ridiculous email will speak volumes. Let him cope in his own childish way and be happy you aren't a part of that anymore.

 

You go girl, keep strong... We're all with ya here!! Look forward to spending time with your family, you'll forget all about it when you're surrounded by the important people in your life who really do love and care about you

[Pokemon]

On a second thought, he may also be saying mean things to provoke a response out of you - don't do it.

 

A lot of childish guys play this sort of weird, manipulative game, even the unmarried ones.

[maravilla]

You know what? The last time xMM and I broke up, he also insulted my character and my personality. I was really hurt, but looking back I realize it's his way of justifying the break up.

 

If insulting you / being mean to you makes him feel better about being dumped and rejected, then power to him. It still can't take away the underlying truth, that you chose to leave him.

 

Let him swim around in his own self-pity. People make up different reasons in their heads to make the break up go easier on them. Eventually he will get it that you're not coming back.

 

I know that you're right. He is trying to focus on the negatives about me-or invent negatives-soas to get over me. Part of it is that I 'dumped' him and that hurts his little wittle ego, and part of it is that he is trying to re-focus on his marriage and see me as not an option.

 

The funny thing is, he always liked hanging out w/ me b/c I am young and free-I have no obligations other than my pets and my bills and my career-and I would even tell him, yes it's hard being a responsible husband/father and maybe you're just trying to escape responsibility by being w/ me? He would insist I was wrong but now that it's over I think he is purposefully trying to demonize me into this little tramp who stole him away from his family and blame me b/c he was not there for them. He just wasn't, he was always w/ me (and before me, always out w/ his guy friends and at bars etc. It is not my fault, he just wants it to be! I don't know what I even saw in him b/c he is like a big kid who never grew up. His wife can have him!)

 

I guess this is just his way to deal w/ it but it shows me a lot about who he really is (if I hadn't learned enough already... which I unfortunately had and that's why I walked!)

[maravilla]

Wow.... Just wow. Sorry to hear he has upset you so much

 

Don't say anything at all... As insanely difficult as it is.... You not responding to that ridiculous email will speak volumes. Let him cope in his own childish way and be happy you aren't a part of that anymore.

 

You go girl, keep strong... We're all with ya here!! Look forward to spending time with your family, you'll forget all about it when you're surrounded by the important people in your life who really do love and care about you

 

yeah, I hear what you're saying. I feel this weird drive to call him out on his BS and make him tell me the truth. But then I think, wow, all along I've been wanting the truth from someone who is capable of giving it. I wish I could just tell him that, like I feel this weird desire to help him and be like, look, this is why you're not happy: you lie to everyone, including yourself, to the point that you believe your own lies! I do feel for him, he is incredibly unhappy and then that causes him to hurt everyone around him. But at least he can't hurt me anymore b/c I took myself out of his zone of people he hurts! I guess I should just stay outside the zone. He will never hear what I'm trying to tell him anyway.

[maravilla]

He is incapable of loving anyone b/c he doesn't love himself.

 

I am just reminding myself of that so that I don't feel so upset. It's just him. He's messed up big-time.

[Silly_Girl]

A lot of childish guys play this sort of weird, manipulative game, even the unmarried ones.

 

Gold star!

 

It's a form of bullying. Ignoring them is ALWAYS the best way.

[desertIslandCactus]

I can't believe this. I am about to hit the roof.

 

I'm leaving tomorrow to go on a long trip with my out-of-state family for Thanksgiving. xMM knows this. We have been NC and he just sent me a really mean email where he says he has decided he no longer wants to be with me b/c he doesn't like the kind of person I am. He is just cruel in the email and says things that aren't even true about me. He claims I'm an alcoholic, when he is the one that drank every single day. I used to drink w/ him and at one point I told him I needed to cut back b/c it was affecting my running and my work. So he continued to drink, alone, every day. And now in his email he says I am at a party stage in my life and he is in a different and better place and he can't hang out w/ someone who needs to drink all the time. WTF?! This is just one example of the stuff he says -- he is cruel, he tries to make me feel bad for things that aren't even true, and he accuses me of doing stuff that he himself actually does. WTF?!

 

At first I was really, really hurt, and angry. I just started crying right in my office. I hate that he can still make me feel this way. At first I thought, how can he say all of this mean stuff to me when he claimed he loved me so much? Then I thought, wait a minute, I walked away from the A and now he's trying to make it look like it's his idea to end it b/c he hates me; maybe this is just to put on a show for his wife? Then I thought, this is just his way of getting me to respond before I leave for nine days. I am not going to respond b/c that is what he wants. But I really wanted to text him just what I thought right then and there. Or respond to him w/ all of the TRUTH about what happened b/t us so that if it's for his wife, she can see what a liar he is.

 

Then I got to the end of the email and it became clear as day why he was being so mean to me and pointing the finger at me. He claims-and this really makes me crack up laughing -that he took a townhouse closer to his kids instead of the house of my out-of-state friend that he kept telling me he was going to rent. OMG. I can't believe he thinks I'm so stupid to believe this. It's just an excuse b/c he knows I will find out from my out-of-state friend that he declined to sign the lease at the last minute (I hadn't asked her b/c I honestly didn't care, but I know he thinks I am checking up on him, just pining away dying to be with him). He also claims at the end that his wife has opened up the home to him to see his kids, but not her heart or arms. Whatever! I think he put that in there b/c he thought I would be stalking him and would notice he's staying at home instead of at the temporary place he was renting. The joke's on him b/c I have honestly not been caring where he's staying. I figured he would high-tail it back to wifey as soon as I said, 'stand on your own two feet and figure this mess out on your own,' and sure enough, his strange, mean, lying email shows me that's exactly what he did!

 

I have a really big urge to tell him I'm going to check w/ his wife to see if she confirms his lame-a$$ townhouse story and see how she feels about him telling me she hasn't opened up her heart and arms to him. But I know that is just inviting more drama and that is just not worth it. He is such an immature spineless lying cowardly little boy! How could a 50 year old man be so pathetic?!

 

I guess I learned a huge lesson. I think everyone who cheats is a lying cowardly wimpy person. He always has to play the victim and point the finger at other people and blame them for his own decisions! He hates to look like the bad guy but he is the bad guy! He would rather hurt me by slinging nasty words at me and telling me I'm not a good enough person for him, than just come clean and give me the truth, that he decided to work on things w/ his wife. WTF. I had always told him I would understand if he decided to stay married, I just wanted the truth.

 

Here I was begging for the truth from a known liar. WTF was wrong w/ me?!

 

I'm sorry for ranting, thank you all for listening b/c if I don't get all of this out here, I am going to write him back, and I really don't want to. I hate him. Hate him. How dare he ruin my last full day of work by sending me such a mean and cowardly email?! He really has no heart, and no other things either.

 

:(

 

Can I at least respond to the email and say good riddance, I'm glad you have agreed to leave me alone b/c you are a spineless b@st@rd?

 

Why do I feel so hurt, I want to not care. I was doing a great job at not caring about him- I really felt so happy and free. Now I feel like dog doo. And it's not b/c of the things he said abt me-really almost none of it is true!-it's b/c I loved someone who is capable of treating me this way, and it makes me mad at myself.

 

I hope someone on here can make me feel better b/c I don't know what to do.

 

NO.. You may not. He has already backed down, (and sent it in the heat of his thoughts).

 

In our silence, God speaks for us. .. or : Let him stew in his own juices..

[jennie-jennie]

You know what? The last time xMM and I broke up, he also insulted my character and my personality. I was really hurt, but looking back I realize it's his way of justifying the break up.

 

If insulting you / being mean to you makes him feel better about being dumped and rejected, then power to him. It still can't take away the underlying truth, that you chose to leave him.

 

Let him swim around in his own self-pity. People make up different reasons in their heads to make the break up go easier on them. Eventually he will get it that you're not coming back.

 

Isn't this exactly what you are doing too, maravilla, insulting your MM's character and personality to get over the breakup? Seems like a common reaction to me. What is it they say: love and hate are two sides of the same coin.

[Fieldsofgold]

I know that you're right. He is trying to focus on the negatives about me-or invent negatives-soas to get over me. Part of it is that I 'dumped' him and that hurts his little wittle ego, and part of it is that he is trying to re-focus on his marriage and see me as not an option.

 

The funny thing is, he always liked hanging out w/ me b/c I am young and free-I have no obligations other than my pets and my bills and my career-and I would even tell him, yes it's hard being a responsible husband/father and maybe you're just trying to escape responsibility by being w/ me? He would insist I was wrong but now that it's over I think he is purposefully trying to demonize me into this little tramp who stole him away from his family and blame me b/c he was not there for them. He just wasn't, he was always w/ me (and before me, always out w/ his guy friends and at bars etc. It is not my fault, he just wants it to be! I don't know what I even saw in him b/c he is like a big kid who never grew up. His wife can have him!)

 

I guess this is just his way to deal w/ it but it shows me a lot about who he really is (if I hadn't learned enough already... which I unfortunately had and that's why I walked!)

 

I am really sorry this happened. Do not respond. I think you have assessed it correctly. He is trying to get you to respond. He is trying to justify it being over, trying to convince you and himself that he doesn't want you. He may have even written it for the W's benefit, or she may have written it!

 

This must be a rather common theme. My x sent me some hate mail, tried to say *I* was unreasonable and mocked "my little world," because I didn't care for the idea of being OOW!

 

You're doing right to vent here. Anything you wrote him would just generate more absurd "logic" from him - I know - I replied with the truth, which was used to generate more absurdities.

 

After the fact, I am embarrassed I was ever associated with him. The thought of it makes my skin crawl.

 

Have a wonderful trip, and don't let that azzclown have any free rent in your head!

[IfWishesWereHorses]

The worst thing you can possibly do to him is continue to ignore him! You reply even the most innocuous response or the most venomous and the power is returned to him. I don't think I would block him just yet, ignore him and sit back and enjoy the show! No reply from you and he looks/feels like an idiot. Ofcourse he's saying outlandish things and projecting. He knows differently and your silence will make that loud and clear. Enjoy your holliday!

[desertIslandCactus]

The worst thing you can possibly do to him is continue to ignore him! You reply even the most innocuous response or the most venomous and the power is returned to him. I don't think I would block him just yet, ignore him and sit back and enjoy the show! No reply from you and he looks/feels like an idiot. Ofcourse he's saying outlandish things and projecting. He knows differently and your silence will make that loud and clear. Enjoy your holliday!

 

It could also be called: Spinning himself into the ground..

[jwi71]

NC= NO CONTACT

 

Its not limited contact or contact initiated by me...its NO CONTACT PERIOD.

 

Block and delete him from your life. Until you do, you ALLOW him to break NC and HURT YOU.

 

Delete the email.

Delete every email from him.

Block every KNOWN email address.

Block and delete his phone numbers and IM, and facebook and everywhere else.

 

When a doctor finds cancer he cuts it out.

[BB07]

Maravilla, I'm sorry that asshat did this to you at such an inopportune time. I'm pissed for you!

I know you want to give him a piece of your mind, I so get it, but as others have said silence will be the best action and silence will be the thing that bothers him the most. To me silence is dignified and graceful, yes I know it's difficult to accomplish but chin up, you can do it.

 

As for that asshat....he is blame-shifting, trying to make you the bad guy so he can feel better about what he knows deep inside is the truth in that he has behaved very badly on all fronts to all parties.

 

BTW........I don't think you are looking at him or the relationship with anything less than clear eyes, you are seeing the man for what he truly is. A mixed up confused mess and a liar. Keep listening to your gut.

 

Have a wonderful holiday! I have complete faith in you and that in a few months you are going to be just fine, hardly scarred at all.

[spice4life]

Maravilla, I'm sorry that asshat did this to you at such an inopportune time. I'm pissed for you!

I know you want to give him a piece of your mind, I so get it, but as others have said silence will be the best action and silence will be the thing that bothers him the most. To me silence is dignified and graceful, yes I know it's difficult to accomplish but chin up, you can do it.

 

As for that asshat....he is blame-shifting, trying to make you the bad guy so he can feel better about what he knows deep inside is the truth in that he has behaved very badly on all fronts to all parties.

 

BTW........I don't think you are looking at him or the relationship with anything less than clear eyes, you are seeing the man for what he truly is. A mixed up confused mess and a liar. Keep listening to your gut.

 

Have a wonderful holiday! I have complete faith in you and that in a few months you are going to be just fine, hardly scarred at all.

 

I totally agree with BB07 and would like to add that he wants you to respond because negative attention is better than no attention. It's his way of finding out if you still have feelings for him. And angry reaction = she still cares. Don't fall for it. Silence is much more dignified and as BB07 said, much more graceful too.

 

He made his choices and you have decided to move on...nothing else to really discuss or react to. Stay strong and more importantly stay NC!

[4321sn]

"The worst thing you can possibly do to him is continue to ignore him! You reply even the most innocuous response or the most venomous and the power is returned to him. I don't think I would block him just yet, ignore him and sit back and enjoy the show! No reply from you and he looks/feels like an idiot. Ofcourse he's saying outlandish things and projecting. He knows differently and your silence will make that loud and clear. Enjoy your holliday!"

 

YES! YES!!!!!!!

Ignorng him will hurt him a million times more than any angry email. If you want to hurt him as badly as possible ignore him

[freestyle]

Your silence will speak VOLUMES ..........

 

What's that old saying, "Don't dignify that with a response.............."

 

It's the smartest thing you can do.

 

He's behaving like a three year old throwing a tantrum.

 

Hope your healing comes swiftly.

[maravilla]

Isn't this exactly what you are doing too, maravilla, insulting your MM's character and personality to get over the breakup? Seems like a common reaction to me. What is it they say: love and hate are two sides of the same coin.

 

No, I am not doing the same thing because what I say about him is true. He is a liar and a coward. He has shown this to me through his actions. That is why I broke up with him. It's not like he broke up with me and I started finding bad things about him in order to get over him. I recognized he is who he is, and I don't want a person like that in my life, so I walked away.

 

Keep in mind that I didn't call him names when I left, I didn't tell him he was horrible, I just told him I couldn't be with him anymore, at least while he was acting like that, and staying married while telling me he was getting divorced.

 

Now, b/c he has a bruised ego, he turns around and calls me names and tries to hurt me (and succeeds). I had no intention of hurting him, just walking away from the relationship. (Not to mention that many of the things he said were totally false; he was making up stuff to hate about me, whereas I feel I had a totally legitimate reason: he was lying to me, and to his wife about me, etc.)

 

They are two totally different things in my book. I do not agree with you at all that I have done the same thing to him that he has done to me.

[maravilla]

 

After the fact, I am embarrassed I was ever associated with him. The thought of it makes my skin crawl.

 

I feel the exact same way. Embarrassed, knowing I was a fool to ever believe him. Obviously he is a liar and cheater, evidenced by the fact that he was cheating on his wife of many years, so how could I have been so stupid not to realize he wasn't doing the same thing to me? And then when he did start to show me his true colors I went back to him time and again.

 

I am really glad I got out but I have that feeling of my skin crawling when I think about ever having been with him. He is slime and I joined up with him so what does that make me? I guess just naive and foolish but I also feel like slime.

[jennie-jennie]

No, I am not doing the same thing because what I say about him is true. He is a liar and a coward. He has shown this to me through his actions. That is why I broke up with him. It's not like he broke up with me and I started finding bad things about him in order to get over him. I recognized he is who he is, and I don't want a person like that in my life, so I walked away.

 

Keep in mind that I didn't call him names when I left, I didn't tell him he was horrible, I just told him I couldn't be with him anymore, at least while he was acting like that, and staying married while telling me he was getting divorced.

 

Now, b/c he has a bruised ego, he turns around and calls me names and tries to hurt me (and succeeds). I had no intention of hurting him, just walking away from the relationship. (Not to mention that many of the things he said were totally false; he was making up stuff to hate about me, whereas I feel I had a totally legitimate reason: he was lying to me, and to his wife about me, etc.)

 

They are two totally different things in my book. I do not agree with you at all that I have done the same thing to him that he has done to me.

 

The difference being that he is doing it to your face and you are doing it anonymously on an internet forum? That is a major difference I will agree with that.

 

It just amazes me how one can move from love to name calling, whatever the reason. I would never talk like that about any of my exes, and yet one of them did me a lot of harm.

 

I guess you and I are different in that sense, maravilla.

[maravilla]

The difference being that he is doing it to your face and you are doing it anonymously on an internet forum? That is a major difference I will agree with that.

 

It just amazes me how one can move from love to name calling, whatever the reason. I would never talk like that about any of my exes, and yet one of them did me a lot of harm.

 

I guess you and I are different in that sense, maravilla.

 

Yes, to me there's a big difference between anonymous venting/doubting/seeking advice to find my way out of a situation I have a gut feeling is not what it looks like it is (and certainly turned out very different than how he was painting it!), and purposefully saying mean and nasty things to him to hurt him because I can't have him (which is what he did to me).

 

So yes I guess we are different in that sense, jennie-jennie.

 

I have realized it was never love. Love doesn't hurt like this and isn't selfish like this. It was fantasy, escapism, addiction, a bunch of ups and downs and good and bad feelings, but not love.

 

The good thing is that in realizing what real love isn't, I've come to have a better understanding of what it is. Love for myself, and for/from someone else. I'm working on the first one and eventually I'll find the second one.

[Silly_Girl]

Maravilla.... Love DOES hurt. Love can last many decades and it is inevitable that it brings hurt, to a greater or lesser degree, at some point. Even the most precious of love. It is because we love someone that they have enormous capacity to hurt us.

 

Had you received such insults from an internet loner or an old school 'friend' it would barely have touched you.

 

I am not saying you DID experience true love, I am just pointing out that just because it has left you reeling does not mean it could not have been love.

 

Call me dopey, but I don't like the thought of you leaving this relationship believing that real love doesn't hurt. The anger is good, but you are allowed to mourn, also.