imadognut Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 To FM: PLEASE read and reread "old shirts" above post! For so long I have read your posts on this subject and all I could think of was what a HUGE turn off your approach is! I am a woman (and older than your wife) and I'm not trying to be mean.........however, the way you go about sex is truly a huge turn off for women. I would avoid you also if I was your wife, so please take what Old Shirt says and apply it..........the longer you keep up your present way of doing things the more "yuck" you are going to get from her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Bumping this up for more insight as the OP got caught up in the e-mail snafu after Dec 9 and can't post anymore but does read and would be interested in further opinion. I do know from personal experience that people married under the precepts of religious beliefs are steadfast in their efforts to overcome obstacles in those marriages and are willing to invest a lot of time and energy in that process. I hope FM is making progress. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Bumping this up for more insight as the OP got caught up in the e-mail snafu after Dec 9 and can't post anymore but does read and would be interested in further opinion. I do know from personal experience that people married under the precepts of religious beliefs are steadfast in their efforts to overcome obstacles in those marriages and are willing to invest a lot of time and energy in that process. I hope FM is making progress. What email snafu? How would you know he needs more posts do you guys talk outside LS? He should just leave his wife if this is still a problem because it won't fixed. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Bumping this up for more insight as the OP got caught up in the e-mail snafu after Dec 9 and can't post anymore but does read and would be interested in further opinion. I do know from personal experience that people married under the precepts of religious beliefs are steadfast in their efforts to overcome obstacles in those marriages and are willing to invest a lot of time and energy in that process. I hope FM is making progress. I am of the belief that IF something isn't working - be open and willing to trying out new ways - anything - to see if it works better than the old way that has given evidence of not working! Having a church dictate what should work for others isn't my idea of what works! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 LS suspended registrations by disabling the e-mail system, so anyone changing account information requiring e-mail confirmation gets caught in it and loses access to their account. That's what happened to FM. Words to the wise for anyone. As of this post, no new accounts have been confirmed since Dec 9, 2011. Yes, we have contact 'outside' and I'm confident that he'll make a decision that's best for him. If he would have had access, he would have bumped the thread up himself. His 'established member' status indicates he hasn't been banned or moderated. So, with housekeeping out of the way, any further advice or opinion? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Well - without any update since early December - how can you expect posters to give input when there's no info on any changes he's been implementing? Unless, of course, nothing has changed... Which I hope isn't true! Unless he changes everything - including his outlook and perspective - and takes action to change it - the expectation is that things remain the same - which would be terrible! If I don't like the way something is working out - I start changing everything in order to get different results! I guess that's as much advice as anyone needs for any situation... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floridaman Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 (edited) Good Golly, Miss Molly !!! Am back and am Alive Again !! Bonus points for the first who can ID those sayings (the second one may be more difficult, a late 70s hit single).... Contacted some of you and other LS friends through other means, but what happened was, as Carhill stated, got caught in the email notification snafu. Tried changing my FL MAN email address (to receive notifications elsewhere), and went through the form to change, but never received an email from LS to complete. Changed several times and used diff. email addresses but it remained where it was, like I haven't completed my registration. Notice all new LS member registrations halted Dec. 9. Coudn't post to threads nor respond to PMs, which I could still read. So I saw all the posts here. Considered creating a new acct. called FL MAN-2 or something, but then wouldn't be able to start a new acct. I wasn't under moderation or suspension, BTW.... So my being away wasn't anything personal or an attempt to duck out. Carhill graciously bumped this thread, which I didn't want to expire, though I clearly don't want my wife to read it, you understand. Plan to provide an update on the situation later. Let's just say I got "lucky...":love: a time or two.... If the other night is an indication (she had her hands all over me), am hoping for a great Valentines Day. :love: Edited February 10, 2012 by Floridaman Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 When you say "got lucky" are you referring to your wife? A "time or two" over 2-3 months stretch? Please clarify... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floridaman Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 When you say "got lucky" are you referring to your wife? A "time or two" over 2-3 months stretch? Please clarify... Of course... with her, my beloved and the woman I went to the altar with. Will admit I've thought of sex with other women, but mere thoughts, not actions... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Well - maybe see what you can do to up the frequency then... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floridaman Posted February 11, 2012 Author Share Posted February 11, 2012 After a romantic weekend together in a resort city last month, we got closer on the return drive and later that night, she was receptive to my overtures. She didn't even need lubrication, as she has in the past (have posted about this). It was, however, after a long period of foreplay, which was fine as I enjoy that of course. Even more significant, she began to "touch" and caress me. This is something I've recently began suggesting she do as a "substitute" for times we (she) can't do PIV. She's only done that a couple of times in our entire marriage, and this time, it didn't take any prompting from me. So was a pleasant surprise for sure. No, I didn't release during that (but wanted to), but was a good feeling, the kind of which I used to enjoy in some "everything...but" with some virgin ladies in my late 20s... Noticed her body's response and just proceeded. Got no resistance. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 So really - all she needs to do to keep you happy is to participate in sex every few months? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floridaman Posted February 11, 2012 Author Share Posted February 11, 2012 Another update: She's called to schedule a follow-up visit to the physician/ gynocologist she saw earlier. Have been trying to get her to do that, as I really want to return to a sexual relationship with her. I am patient, and feel I've waited a long time. Was out of town for one week and part of the next week, so when I returned one night, held and cuddled her. She still deflects me when I try to caress her, but I'm trying to resist going for her breasts but it's very hard to do. And I tell her as a woman, even a Christian woman, she should understand what us guys are like and how we are enchanted in the presence of a woman.... We cuddled all night, fell asleep in each others arms in bed, and I awoke and we began holding each other again. So I think there's attraction to me --- I've asked her, "Are you sexually attracted to me?..." ----- and I'm certain she loves me, but I just gotta get her sexually interested... So hopefully that doctor visit will help. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I am patient, and feel I've waited a long time. Yes, to both of these! FLman, I wish you the best. YOu are clearly committed to this woman, with or without sex. It is painful for me to read these updates, with you pinning so much hope on so little progress from your wife. You seem to have a pattern of growing angry over weeks of rejection, and then getting some sexual contact and putting her on a pedestal. I think most would have decided "too little, too late" long time ago. I hope the gyn visit is helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floridaman Posted February 11, 2012 Author Share Posted February 11, 2012 (edited) So really - all she needs to do to keep you happy is to participate in sex every few months? Am trying to ramp it up to weekends (at least), and have told her I need that... Could go with every other weekend, maybe 2-3X a month, but clearly, I want more... God, I need that.... But it takes time, for why I have no idea as I'm a good-looking guy who tries to treat her well... Edited February 11, 2012 by Floridaman Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floridaman Posted February 11, 2012 Author Share Posted February 11, 2012 Well - maybe see what you can do to up the frequency then... Yes 'mam !! Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 So I think there's attraction to me --- I've asked her, "Are you sexually attracted to me?..." ----- and I'm certain she loves me, but I just gotta get her sexually interested... So hopefully that doctor visit will help. I am shaking my head (not the first time while reading your topic). Floridaman, your wife may have issues but you have issues as well!!! You are a masochist!!! For god's sake, this is your wife and you have to ask her whether she is sexually attracted to you? And apparently she did not even bother to ask you? I'm pretty sure that if you would threaten to divorce her, she would come around in no time. I think that if you are 100% honest with yourself, you don't want to be with a woman who is confident with her sexuality and is sexually attracted to you. Your situation is miles away from a healthy normal intimate relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 After a romantic weekend together in a resort city last month, we got closer on the return drive and later that night, she was receptive to my overtures. She didn't even need lubrication, as she has in the past (have posted about this). It was, however, after a long period of foreplay, which was fine as I enjoy that of course. Even more significant, she began to "touch" and caress me. This is something I've recently began suggesting she do as a "substitute" for times we (she) can't do PIV. She's only done that a couple of times in our entire marriage, and this time, it didn't take any prompting from me. So was a pleasant surprise for sure. No, I didn't release during that (but wanted to), but was a good feeling, the kind of which I used to enjoy in some "everything...but" with some virgin ladies in my late 20s... Noticed her body's response and just proceeded. Got no resistance. I am sorry to be blunt but did you actually get IN her? And as for touching and caressing me, she's only done that a couple of times in your marriage??? And she could not even think about it herself but you needed to suggest it to her??? Sorry for my sarcasm but all this is so abnormal. Damn, sex in a marriage should not be such a fight, it should come naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Does your wife have orgasms? I doesn't sound like she really likes what you are doing and only pacifying you. This may be why you are having issues finishing so to speak. Have you talked to her about her past? Perhaps childhood sexual abuse? Often times when kids are abused and kept it secret it will affect their sexual behavior as adults. I know a few women who were molested throughout their childhood and as a result only turn to women. Perhaps someone used to slip into her bed without shorts and force oral sex on her or him? You never know. Its another avenue to explore as painful as the truth may be. She may need counseling to know and feel that sex is a good thing with the person you love. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I am shaking my head (not the first time while reading your topic). Floridaman, your wife may have issues but you have issues as well!!! You are a masochist!!! For god's sake, this is your wife and you have to ask her whether she is sexually attracted to you? And apparently she did not even bother to ask you? I'm pretty sure that if you would threaten to divorce her, she would come around in no time. I think that if you are 100% honest with yourself, you don't want to be with a woman who is confident with her sexuality and is sexually attracted to you. Your situation is miles away from a healthy normal intimate relationship. I get why he's there. When the woman you love and desire doesn't reciprocate you find yourself wondering if you're somehow turning her off even if you're bewildered by it. He's got a very unique case on his hands unfortunately. Reading the progress makes me feel good. I know he's really struggled to see his wife come around. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 And why are you not able to release within her? What's with her barrier for needing so much control with intimacy? It's out of balance... You need to gain some balance within the realm of intimacy in your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
summerdowling87 Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 You say she loves you but is she in love with you.? Loving someone and being in love with someone are to different things if. I'm not mistaken if my partner/bf did this to me I would if a way out even though I love him dearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floridaman Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 We (almost) ML the other night. (Not Valentine's) I've been much more affectionate, and trying to hold-off on groping her. It spilled into our bed when we were cuddling. She didn't resist my advances. I, however, ended it before penetration as it was a very late hour (past 11 p.m.) and she needed rest bec. of being a work night. I told her I could stop the caressing and kissing her breasts any time..... and would be happy with that as I respect her and am truly more interested in her personal needs like sleep. She told me she'd tell me when it was enough. So kept caressing her, then tried to stop, then would go back to the caressing. Fell asleep in each others' arms. She doesn't like me to take off my underwear until "the right time." No problem. Kept it on but it didn't restrain anything, so to speak, which I commented on to her. "See !! I'm a normal guy !!!" So am trying to get her to "loosen up" on that kind of thing as well as there shouldn't be anything wrong with a husband wanting to remove his underwear during passionate cuddling... Yes, I "get" this isn't "the optimum" and I truly want so much more. Am working on that. She has a gynocologist appt. next month..... That's something I've long asked her to get... Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 We (almost) ML the other night. (Not Valentine's) I've been much more affectionate, and trying to hold-off on groping her. It spilled into our bed when we were cuddling. She didn't resist my advances. I, however, ended it before penetration as it was a very late hour (past 11 p.m.) and she needed rest bec. of being a work night. I told her I could stop the caressing and kissing her breasts any time..... and would be happy with that as I respect her and am truly more interested in her personal needs like sleep. She told me she'd tell me when it was enough. So kept caressing her, then tried to stop, then would go back to the caressing. Fell asleep in each others' arms. She doesn't like me to take off my underwear until "the right time." No problem. Kept it on but it didn't restrain anything, so to speak, which I commented on to her. "See !! I'm a normal guy !!!" So am trying to get her to "loosen up" on that kind of thing as well as there shouldn't be anything wrong with a husband wanting to remove his underwear during passionate cuddling... Yes, I "get" this isn't "the optimum" and I truly want so much more. Am working on that. She has a gynocologist appt. next month..... That's something I've long asked her to get... If we're getting to bed a little late with plans and she's getting up for work I'll streamline things and come to bed naked. It cuts through the clutter of clothing foreplay which is fine when you're not worried about your wife getting a decent nights sleep. Most women aren't turned off by their naked husband unless he's grossly out of shape. I realize many women aren't as turned on by the male body as men are by women's bodies but it's kind of strange that she has a point in love making where she allows you to properly disrobe. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 The issues in your brain need addressing as much as your wife's. Why doesn't she intend to please you? Is she that selfish? Why would you NOT penetrate her when your erect? Cuddling, foreplay - its intended to LEAD to intercourse. Why must either one of you roadblock the natural flow and progression of passion? Haven't you ever had a quickie? Sheez, do it! When she's bending over to grab something in the kitchen cupboard - just slip it in! Seriously - take charge man! Waiting until she "gives her prim and proper approval - you could be waiting a lifetime" Are either one of you mentally deficient? I have a friend who is downs syndrome - and even she gets laid regularly by her down syndrome boyfriend. Does that tell you how naturally this should be done? Your W shows very unhealthy mental aspects to sex IF she's not engaging in penetration with you after you arouse her. Was she sexually violated through her younger years? Could be... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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