Refusal-Long time refused & considering leaving...

[StoneCold]

Give it a set amount of time (maybe a year), and

 

lol a YEAR??? No sex for a year....starting from now? dont forget this has been going on for x amount of time already.

 

In as much as everyone is different I'm a little reticent about the "giving it time" thing. I've been there, I've witnessed others there and it never

seemed to go well...

 

OP IMHO you need to lay the ground work in now. Make sure she knows what the problem is and what is at risk now. As I have said many many times over there are many ways to let a spouse down and shes letting you down big time. Dont forget you have needs that need to be respected too. This is not only about her. The only thing about laying the law down now is if nothing changes you must act on your word; this may mean leaving and you will have to be prepared to do this...this ultimately means that you'll pretty much have to have your bags packed now and start looking in the papers for vacancies.

 

But of course I may be wrong in your situation. Only you know your situation and you have to ensure you approach it with a level, calculated head when devising a plan of action (whatever that may be). This is something not I or anyone else can really help you with.

[tnttim]

 

 

I have been telling her on the phone that I wanted to "get closer" to her and not necessarily sex-close.

 

I tried to just hold her and cuddle with her, and did my best not to let my hands wander around her chest, as they are so wont to do while holding her on the couch. I wanted to keep it as sexless as possible the first day.

Maybe Fri. or Sat eve. try to pursue something further if I get an encouraging signal.

 

Just because you didn't grope her doesn't mean she didn't take it as a sexual advance.

If have ever went from holding and cuddling with her to initiating sex than you have created a gateway in her mind. You think "I'm just cuddling" she thinks "He's gonna try and score next." She's not thinking "wow this in nice to be held by the man of my dreams."

She thinks all you want is sex, even when your not trying to get some. You need to change her feelings about sex with you, the first step is convincing her that sex is the last thing on your mind. So use those gateways to sex, but never follow up with sex, even if she gets hot and horny. Then you will tear down the walls she built in her mind about cuddling with you, cuddling will be just cuddling, the best kind IMO.

The biggest thing is not give up right away, depending on how strong her walls are it might take months, but don't give up. One day she'll come sit by you and start cuddling, and in incense give you the key to her safe:)

[xxoo]

lol a YEAR??? No sex for a year....starting from now? dont forget this has been going on for x amount of time already.

 

In as much as everyone is different I'm a little reticent about the "giving it time" thing. I've been there, I've witnessed others there and it never

seemed to go well....

 

I may not have been clear, but I don't think this relationship is going to improve--in a year, or in 10 years.

 

The year I suggested is for Floridaman to gain the distance, perspective, and strength to take an assertive step. Right now, he is too invested in saving the marriage, and winning his wife's attraction. He needs to detach, imo, and focus his attention elsewhere. It is going to take TIME for that to happen.

 

His desperation to save the marriage is making him weak (and unattractive, ironically). Right now, he seems to NEED this relationship so much that he is sacrificing his self-worth to pursue someone who doesn't want him. If he forces his focus elsewhere, and slowly starts to honestly care less, he will be in a better place to leave if it becomes clear that she also couldn't care less.

[tnttim]

Right now, he seems to NEED this relationship so much that he is sacrificing his self-worth to pursue someone who doesn't want him. If he forces his focus elsewhere, and slowly starts to honestly care less, he will be in a better place to leave if it becomes clear that she also couldn't care less.

 

Exactly, it's like if they were not married and he used this approach to pick her up it would never work. What doesn't work in the dating world, doesn't work in a relationship.

[giotto]

Exactly, it's like if they were not married and he used this approach to pick her up it would never work. What doesn't work in the dating world, doesn't work in a relationship.

 

tnttim, we've spoken about this ad nauseam, but you don't seem to be able to grasp a simple concept: some women couldn't care less about sex. They can take it or leave it. FM's wife strikes me to be one of those women. You can bet a million dollar$: he is not going to fix her because he can't fix her. She has to fix herself first. It was the same with Honorable Venerable's wife...

[uncool]

Just because you didn't grope her doesn't mean she didn't take it as a sexual advance.

If have ever went from holding and cuddling with her to initiating sex than you have created a gateway in her mind. You think "I'm just cuddling" she thinks "He's gonna try and score next." She's not thinking "wow this in nice to be held by the man of my dreams."

She thinks all you want is sex, even when your not trying to get some. You need to change her feelings about sex with you, the first step is convincing her that sex is the last thing on your mind. So use those gateways to sex, but never follow up with sex, even if she gets hot and horny. Then you will tear down the walls she built in her mind about cuddling with you, cuddling will be just cuddling, the best kind IMO.

The biggest thing is not give up right away, depending on how strong her walls are it might take months, but don't give up. One day she'll come sit by you and start cuddling, and in incense give you the key to her safe:)

 

BINGO !

 

dont mean to be crude but try getting off in the bathroom or something before you come to bed or before snuggle w/her on the couch so your not as inclined to grope her. I know it sucks to do that but she'll like it... and you want to please her right?

You need to back the hell off and let her come to you.... and if she doesn't after a while... then you have your answer that she just doesn't love you and to go find someone who does. Because if a woman really loves her man... then she'd actually want to do those things some of the time.

*yeah you're kinda smothering her. Being all over her in church even turns me off... (and I'm a horny guy!)

I have the same type of wife only floridamans wife is way more sexual than mine is. Keep in mind she IS having sex with him and she IS cuddling with him... he just wants way more. For the time they spend together they are having sex and cuddling a lot and he needs to realize that.

[Kelemort]

Considering your wife's age, menopause could definitely be an issue for her - and obviously that differs for all women, so it's possible that for the last several years she's been suffering. It goes without saying that some of those changes can cause irritability, depression, pain during sex (because of lack of lubrication), etc. She may feel unattractive now that she's aging, and rather face the vulnerability of her sexual side, she simply pushes you away.

 

You say this has been going on for at least four years...I'm going to assume based on the posts I'm reading that you haven't gotten professional help for this. A sex therapist could help out. And you need to have a frank discussion with your wife - in which you put your anger and resentment aside as much as possible.

 

Explain what happens during sex - like when you try to touch her, she rejects you or pushes you away. Ask her what's motivating that and see what she says. And reassure her - pressuring her about sex is probably only making her angrier and more upset. Remind her that you think she's beautiful and attractive.

 

See if she would be willing to see a therapist. Maybe try to suggest ways to shake up your sex life, too - videos, toys, images, fetish gear, lingerie, new positions, etc (I've got PLENTY of advice for all of that). They even sell sex board games now to spice it up a little bit..I'm about to buy one.

 

I've been in a similar situation before - sadly, I'm 23 and he's 27 (and I'm FEMALE). It sucks, so I totally get you.

[StoneCold]

BINGO !

 

dont mean to be crude but try getting off in the bathroom or something before you come to bed or before snuggle w/her on the couch so your not as inclined to grope her. I know it sucks to do that but she'll like it... and you want to please her right? .

 

I find something very wrong that a guy should have to reduce himself to "getting off in the bathroom" just so that he can "please her" and address her mandate...what about his needs.

 

 

You need to back the hell off and let her come to you.... and if she doesn't after a while... then you have your answer that she just doesn't love you and to go find someone who does. Because if a woman really loves her man... then she'd actually want to do those things some of the time..

 

Agreed... but the only issue with that is he is putting his needs out the window until his wife comes around on her time....which is likely never.

 

 

*yeah you're kinda smothering her. Being all over her in church even turns me off... (and I'm a horny guy!).

 

Sure but like what I said its a nasty cycle that can often leave one not thinking straight...the OP doesnt seem to be thinking straight

 

 

. Keep in mind she IS having sex with him and she IS cuddling with him... he just wants way more. For the time they spend together they are having sex and cuddling a lot and he needs to realize that.

 

But from the looks of it it appears that they still meet definition of a sexless couple...which isnt good

Edited April 26, 2011 by StoneCold

[StoneCold]

She thinks all you want is sex, even when your not trying to get some. You need to change her feelings about sex with you, the first step is convincing her that sex is the last thing on your mind. So use those gateways to sex, but never follow up with sex, even if she gets hot and horny.

 

Oh god what an ordeal.

 

Heres the issue I have... we are appologizing for liking, enjoying and wanting sex. When the topic of sex comes up you gotta walk on egg shells (the fact that its with your wife of all people is a hit and a half). I find something very wrong with this.

 

tnttim, we've spoken about this ad nauseam, but you don't seem to be able to grasp a simple concept: some women couldn't care less about sex. They can take it or leave it. FM's wife strikes me to be one of those women. You can bet a million dollar$: he is not going to fix her because he can't fix her. She has to fix herself first. It was the same with Honorable Venerable's wife...

 

 

I'm on board with giotto on this one

[Floridaman]

Wow. This is great info. here. So many comments to respond to...

 

See a flurry of posts, so much attention this thread has received over the last couple of days. It's been dormant for a while, though I do add updates and kind of treat it like a blog...

 

Yes, I will respond....

 

Just want to post an update...

Things are going better and we had a great weekend.

 

Do plan to post more later, as I'm on a business trip out of state this week and don't have a lot of time.

 

Appreciate all the comments here, which I do plan to read...

 

(I've removed the pics)

Edited April 27, 2011 by Floridaman

[PinkInTheLimo]

One day she'll come sit by you and start cuddling, and in incense give you the key to her safe:)

 

Please. In a marriage, cuddling is not something that you do "one day". It's something you do every day in my opinion and if that does not happen, time to stop the marriage.

[StoneCold]

Please. In a marriage, cuddling is not something that you do "one day". It's something you do every day in my opinion and if that does not happen, time to stop the marriage.

 

Yeah

 

If youve lost even the most entry level of affection such as cuddling... Youre up sh*t creek

Edited April 28, 2011 by StoneCold

[Floridaman]

Originally Posted by PinkInTheLimo Please. In a marriage, cuddling is not something that you do "one day". It's something you do every day in my opinion and if that does not happen, time to stop the marriage.

Yeah

If youve lost even the most entry level of affection such as cuddling... Youre up sh*t creek

Until recently, we haven't regularly cuddled in YEARS.

Maybe we did cuddle here and there, but I can't really remember doing it that much.

 

Am making a more concerted effort to cuddle with her now, whether it leads to LM or not...

Told her I planned to cuddle with her every night.... and how that would be one of the things that would be diff. with her and I.

Have told her how I want to return emotional intimacy to our marriage, and how the LM would likely follow...

 

Over Christmas, she told me she thought I had become "too complacent" (in the past).

 

Reading the Intimacy & Desire book I referenced earlier (a very good read, read some more of it on the plane today), I see how some spouses find having sex with their partners unappealing if it comes to the point to where the other "expects" sex...

 

In the past, I think I had become like one of those spouses who "expected" his partner to "put out...":o

 

She says she finds the cuddling and kissing very intimate... And recommended I initiate sex through that intimacy...

If it happens, it happens, but not to initiate by asking, "Can we go to bed early tonight?" --- which is how I often used to initiate...

Guess I had forgotten the meaning of romance.

[Floridaman]

The genesis of the entire situation seems obvious:

FM's wife simply doesn't love him. It's that simple.

 

That's the elephant in the room that is being danced around. EVERYTHING else in their relationship flows as a consequence from the fact that she doesn't love him.

 

This is not a matter of timing or technique or hormones or performance or menopause or toys or books or sheet music or mistimed efforts at grabbing her boobies or any of that other juvenile, childish nonsense.

 

Women who truly love their husbands don't withhold sex from them, certainly not over a prolonged period of time. PERIOD. Yeah OK the husband and the missus might have some sort of fight and go to bed angry....but then that's what "make up sex" is for, right?

 

It doesn't matter what books you read, it doesn't matter what words you say, it doesn't matter when or how you try to grab for her boobies, if she doesn't love you. .

Whoa....

Didn't read these two posts before I posted my above reply.

 

She does love me. We went over this in one of our recent weekend visits.

 

I asked her if there was a time when she didn't love me, fell out of love with me or loved me a lot less.

She told me she couldn't remember any time when she didn't love me.

 

She frequently tells me she loves me. I'm saying that to her a lot as well, prob. more than she says to me, but yes, she does say it to me and not just when I say it or bec. I "prodded" her to say those critical words.

She'll volunteer it in telephone conversations.

 

May respond to some of your other points later...

[dreamingoftigers]

Just because you didn't grope her doesn't mean she didn't take it as a sexual advance.

If have ever went from holding and cuddling with her to initiating sex than you have created a gateway in her mind. You think "I'm just cuddling" she thinks "He's gonna try and score next." She's not thinking "wow this in nice to be held by the man of my dreams."

She thinks all you want is sex, even when your not trying to get some. You need to change her feelings about sex with you, the first step is convincing her that sex is the last thing on your mind. So use those gateways to sex, but never follow up with sex, even if she gets hot and horny. Then you will tear down the walls she built in her mind about cuddling with you, cuddling will be just cuddling, the best kind IMO.

The biggest thing is not give up right away, depending on how strong her walls are it might take months, but don't give up. One day she'll come sit by you and start cuddling, and in incense give you the key to her safe:)

 

This ^^^^

 

Actually I don't feel sorry for him. Not at this point. He is as much "at fault" for this state of affairs as is his wife. He is afraid of her. He has never laid down the clear ultimatum: "Put out or get out." With no quid pro quos. No fancy dinners, romancing, catering to her whims, etc. Normal married people who love each other have sex with each other because they like sex.

 

"Honey, go take your clothes off, take a shower, put on your sexy nighty, I will get us a couple of drinks. It's on." That's ALL that he needs to do. Anything more is just severe co-dependency on his part.

 

Please define co-dependency and how it would apply to this situation.

 

And, if she isn't receptive, she doesn't get to spend the night in his house. (If he's at her place, he should just leave and stay at a motel.) If she wants FM, then she has to have sex with FM. Sex is not optional.

 

Up to now, FM has made sex optional. So it is his fault, as much as hers. You can't have a co-dependent relationship unless you have at least one dysfunctional person and one co-dependent. The wife is obviously dysfunctional (she claims not to like sex with her husband) as a wife, so that makes FM the co-dependent.

 

This is a veerrryyy loose structuring of co-dependency.

 

 

She may like him fine--but it's clear she doesn't love him. If she loved him she would have sex with him, no question about that, willingly.

 

There are plenty of physiological and psychological reasons why a woman will not have sex that are completely unrelated to love.

 

 

Most likely esp. given that they sound more or less "traditional", she lacks any respect for him given the significant disparity in their incomes.

 

Heavy assumption based on little information.

 

 

The only thing we really know is that she doesn't like sex with her husband. That does not mean she doesn't like sex "in general."

 

 

 

 

I guess that means he "wins"? No, it doesn't. His efforts are counterproductive. All he has been doing is providing reinforcement for her non-loving, non-sexual behavior.

 

FM, you do need not to be so scared and intensely accomodating. But not forceful either.

 

I think that lack of female sexuality stigmatizes a lot of guys because sex/power are often linked pretty closely together.

 

For us it is more sex/emotion.

 

In your case I think that it may be a combination of physical and religious reasons.

 

There seems to be heavy anxiety around sex. Does she appear to have rigid or anxious ideas about other areas in life?

[giotto]

she loves you, but not "that" way, unfortunately...

[xxoo]

Until recently, we haven't regularly cuddled in YEARS.

Maybe we did cuddle here and there, but I can't really remember doing it that much.

 

Am making a more concerted effort to cuddle with her now, whether it leads to LM or not...

Told her I planned to cuddle with her every night.... and how that would be one of the things that would be diff. with her and I.

Have told her how I want to return emotional intimacy to our marriage, and how the LM would likely follow...

 

Over Christmas, she told me she thought I had become "too complacent" (in the past).

 

Reading the Intimacy & Desire book I referenced earlier (a very good read, read some more of it on the plane today), I see how some spouses find having sex with their partners unappealing if it comes to the point to where the other "expects" sex...

 

In the past, I think I had become like one of those spouses who "expected" his partner to "put out...":o

 

She says she finds the cuddling and kissing very intimate... And recommended I initiate sex through that intimacy...

If it happens, it happens, but not to initiate by asking, "Can we go to bed early tonight?" --- which is how I often used to initiate...

Guess I had forgotten the meaning of romance.

 

What came first...."chicken or egg"?

 

Are you saying that there was a time when you were having sex on a regular basis, but not cuddling her on a regular basis? If so, can you give some insight about why that was?

[Floridaman]

Originally Posted by Floridaman

Until recently, we haven't regularly cuddled in YEARS.

Maybe we did cuddle here and there, but I can't really remember doing it that much.

 

Am making a more concerted effort to cuddle with her now, whether it leads to LM or not...

Told her I planned to cuddle with her every night.... and how that would be one of the things that would be diff. with her and I.

Have told her how I want to return emotional intimacy to our marriage, and how the LM would likely follow...

 

Over Christmas, she told me she thought I had become "too complacent" (in the past).

 

Reading the Intimacy & Desire book I referenced earlier (a very good read, read some more of it on the plane today), I see how some spouses find having sex with their partners unappealing if it comes to the point to where the other "expects" sex...

 

In the past, I think I had become like one of those spouses who "expected" his partner to "put out..."

 

She says she finds the cuddling and kissing very intimate... And recommended I initiate sex through that intimacy...

If it happens, it happens, but not to initiate by asking, "Can we go to bed early tonight?" --- which is how I often used to initiate...

Guess I had forgotten the meaning of romance.

 

What came first...."chicken or egg"?

 

Are you saying that there was a time when you were having sex on a regular basis, but not cuddling her on a regular basis? If so, can you give some insight about why that was?

I don't think we did a lot of cuddling through a lot of our marriage.

Can't remember when it stopped, though we used to do a lot of that when we dated, which often led to sex....

 

I don't think sex was that regular while we were married. I think it was maybe once a week or less.

 

The point is I'm not complacent anymore and am not "expecting" sex, as Intimacy & Desire notes.

 

dreamingoftigers

I personally think that the situation is a little mucky with them being in two places as well.

 

He goes for awhile in between seeing her and that can't help her foster an intimate connection as effectively either.

That's changing too. She's moving back in June.

So I'm hoping us not living in separate states will improve things.

[Floridaman]

In your case I think that it may be a combination of physical and religious reasons.

She comes from a traditional Catholic background. We don't attend Catholic services (we did when we dated and during most of our marriage and got married in her church), but I think her background affected her sexual outlook.

 

As I said, she was a lot like me. She didn't have many sexual partners before me. She only had a former fiance she had sex with after engagment. That ended about 10 years before we met. She did date but didn't have any long term relationships between him and me.

I didn't really want to date a promiscuous woman or one with a lot of experience.

There seems to be heavy anxiety around sex. Does she appear to have rigid or anxious ideas about other areas in life?

Not necessarily. She's an independent woman who has her opinions, but she's not rigid or hard with them. Like her sister (also a professional woman) and her niece, she's the kind of woman who speaks her mind and won't be "told" what to do...

FM, you do need not to be so scared and intensely accomodating. But not forceful either.

I think you mean not be so passive, and not fear her reaction to me trying to make moves to get us physically (sexually) closer...

 

One way I'm trying to overcome that, is when the moment seems "right" during cuddling -- I don't ask her -- I just make my sexual moves and climb on top of her, if that's not TMI. I used to ask or seek "permission."

I'm through with that. As my wife, she needs to come with where I'm going.

 

I think that lack of female sexuality stigmatizes a lot of guys because sex/power are often linked pretty closely together.

For us it is more sex/emotion.

By sex/ emotion, you mean women are "more emotional," so I should work on emotional closeness, and try to get more sexual following the increasing emotional intimacy?

[dreamingoftigers]

She comes from a traditional Catholic background. We don't attend Catholic services (we did when we dated and during most of our marriage and got married in her church), but I think her background affected her sexual outlook.

 

No kidding.

 

As I said, she was a lot like me. She didn't have many sexual partners before me. She only had a former fiance she had sex with after engagment. That ended about 10 years before we met. She did date but didn't have any long term relationships between him and me.

I didn't really want to date a promiscuous woman or one with a lot of experience.

 

Not necessarily. She's an independent woman who has her opinions, but she's not rigid or hard with them. Like her sister (also a professional woman) and her niece, she's the kind of woman who speaks her mind and won't be "told" what to do...

 

I think you mean not be so passive, and not fear her reaction to me trying to make moves to get us physically (sexually) closer...

 

Yes, precisely.

 

One way I'm trying to overcome that, is when the moment seems "right" during cuddling -- I don't ask her -- I just make my sexual moves and climb on top of her, if that's not TMI. I used to ask or seek "permission."

I'm through with that. As my wife, she needs to come with where I'm going.

 

Permission is a mood-kill.

 

By sex/ emotion, you mean women are "more emotional," so I should work on emotional closeness, and try to get more sexual following the increasing emotional intimacy?

 

Generally yes. foreplay v. important, kissing v. important.

 

Here's a fun article, but adjust it where it needs adjusting:

 

http://www.okcupid.com/forum?tid=8209644462769080935

[tnttim]

 

 

By sex/ emotion, you mean women are "more emotional," so I should work on emotional closeness, and try to get more sexual following the increasing emotional intimacy?

 

Yes and no, you want to pay more attention to her emotional needs but you don't want to watch the Notebook and cry with her.

When she comes back you should try to figure out her desires, and have fun with her. keep the past in the past, and start fresh with a new perspective on things. You have 1 rule to follow, "make her feel good about herself".

Once you establish the above and she thinks you have changed then you can worry about the sex part, but until then just try to establish the change.

[Floridaman]

Some point-by-point responses (sorry a little tardy here).

Please. In a marriage, cuddling is not something that you do "one day". It's something you do every day in my opinion and if that does not happen, time to stop the marriage.

Agreed. I've been lax on that. Keep telling her on the phone things are going to change and that she's gonna have a "new husband" soon..

Cuddling every night is one of the things I plan to return to the marriage.

originally Posted by StoneCold

lol a YEAR??? No sex for a year....starting from now? dont forget this has been going on for x amount of time already.

In as much as everyone is different I'm a little reticent about the "giving it time" thing. I've been there, I've witnessed others there and it never

seemed to go well....

I may not have been clear, but I don't think this relationship is going to improve--in a year, or in 10 years.

Don't know about that... seems kind of pessimistic.

 

It IS improving. We are ML at least once a month (the only time we've seen each other lately), except for one visit, so things seem to be gong better

The year I suggested is for Floridaman to gain the distance, perspective, and strength to take an assertive step. Right now, he is too invested in saving the marriage, and winning his wife's attraction. He needs to detach, imo, and focus his attention elsewhere. It is going to take TIME for that to happen.

 

His desperation to save the marriage is making him weak (and unattractive, ironically).

 

Right now, he seems to NEED this relationship so much that he is sacrificing his self-worth to pursue someone who doesn't want him.

 

If he forces his focus elsewhere, and slowly starts to honestly care less, he will be in a better place to leave if it becomes clear that she also couldn't care less.

This is a good perspective I hadn't really considered.

[Floridaman]

Split off from above post so not so long....

Originally Posted by Floridaman

I have been telling her on the phone that I wanted to "get closer" to her and not necessarily sex-close.

 

I tried to just hold her and cuddle with her, and did my best not to let my hands wander around her chest, as they are so wont to do while holding her on the couch. I wanted to keep it as sexless as possible the first day.

Maybe Fri. or Sat eve. try to pursue something further if I get an encouraging signal.

Just because you didn't grope her doesn't mean she didn't take it as a sexual advance.

 

If have ever went from holding and cuddling with her to initiating sex than you have created a gateway in her mind.

 

You think "I'm just cuddling"

 

she thinks "He's gonna try and score next."

She's not thinking "wow this in nice to be held by the man of my dreams."

 

She thinks all you want is sex, even when your not trying to get some.

 

You need to change her feelings about sex with you, the first step is convincing her that sex is the last thing on your mind.

 

So use those gateways to sex, but never follow up with sex, even if she gets hot and horny.

Going non-chalant?

I don't know if I can do that.

 

Cuddling but not "taking her" sexually, even if she gives me the green light?

Not sure I'm strong enough to say no to an offer like that. I'd prob. dive in....

Then you will tear down the walls she built in her mind about cuddling with you, cuddling will be just cuddling, the best kind IMO.

 

The biggest thing is not give up right away, depending on how strong her walls are it might take months, but don't give up. One day she'll come sit by you and start cuddling, and in incense give you the key to her safe:)

No, I don't plan to give up. I long decided this marriage -- my love of my life and the only woman that would sexually and otherwise love me in my late 20s/early 30s -- is worth saving.

 

This all does make a lot of sense, though, and something I'm going to consider.

Originally Posted by xxoo

Right now, he seems to NEED this relationship so much that he is sacrificing his self-worth to pursue someone who doesn't want him.

 

If he forces his focus elsewhere, and slowly starts to honestly care less, he will be in a better place to leave if it becomes clear that she also couldn't care less.

Exactly, it's like if they were not married and he used this approach to pick her up it would never work. What doesn't work in the dating world, doesn't work in a relationship.

That's another perspective I wouldn't have considered.

But we're married. We're not dating anymore.

 

Guess I gotta recall how I handled things before we got married and what drove her sexually to me. We couldn't get enough of each other back then in the mid-90s....

 

Some good things to think of. As she's moving back or me moving back with her, I should have lots of time to try diff. things.

[Floridaman]

Will write more about this later, but want to bump this thread so it doesn't time-out.

We are more intimate now than we have been in a long time.

More to come...

[Floridaman]

A few updates here. PM'd this info. to someone but think it needs to be in this thread.

 

*******

She's returned from out of state.

 

We've renewed our emotional connection, and we cuddle every night. That's bringing us a lot closer. I can't stand not to be in her arms.

 

It looks like it's only LM on the weekends, plus maybe once during the week (I sometimes get close, but no cigar), but that's fine.

As long as I can express my love to her that way more than once a month... or year, as it had been in the past.

 

The other weekend night, she fell asleep in bed and said she'd awake at Midnight. She did awaken then and I... well... The thing I picked up on is that she wanted me to get my satisfaction.... so that's a good sign.

 

Am constantly telling her romantic things, how much I missed her, how much I care for her, etc.

 

Outside of the sex, which is much better now, it's like we're dating all over again.

Am try to treat her like I did when we dated in the early-mid 90s....

 

When we hold each other, I hold her so tight and hold her tighter. It's like I can't get enough of her. Don't want to let her go.....