46 days of NC...and I finally got "The Call". What do I do?

[deuces]

I have been stalking this site ever since my heart got ripped to shreds about 3 months ago. I always wanted to post my story here but never found the courage to do so nor was I ever really completely sane to formulate much of a sentence lol.

 

But something happened that made me feel like I needed to do so now at this moment. My ex broke up with me roughly 3 months ago (we were together 4 years) due in part to her feeling lost, overwhelmed, and a need to “find herself”. At first, I completely lost my mind and did all of the things you should not do…begged, pleaded, cried, reasoned, argued, let her use me as a doormat, etc.. I would have proably stalked her if it weren’t for the fact that she was 7000 miles away ☺ All of that of course led to NC of about 46 days.

 

Then in the past week, she finally called. And emailed. And texted. All of them I left unanswered because as much as I missed her, I was scared. Scared it would be the “Just checkin’ to see how have you been” kinda call or even worse, the “I’m doing fabulous,found the love of my life..what about you…are you still missing me & dying a slow death” kinda call.

 

I have been on LS enough to have read countless times that NC should never be broken unless you get “The Call” from your ex saying, “I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life, I want you back, and I will do anything to make it work”.

 

Well that is the call I got when I finally answered. I was stunned. I have waited 3 months to hear these words come out of her mouth. And to my dismay, after hearing all of this, I didn’t have a whole lot to say. So, I just sat back and listened to her. Even though I am still sooooo in love with her, something was different. I was stronger. I was no longer this pathetic half alive individual who felt my relationship with her defined my very existence.

 

I still want her back as well but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I guess I am questioning the sincerity of her intentions. What if she was mistaking having a bad week and missed the comfort I could give her since we were once so close with truly wanting to get back into a relationship with me? She continuously asked me how I felt about getting back together but I dodged the question and gave vague responses because I really just don’t know what to do. On one hand, all I want to do is run right back to her but the other part of me is terrified of this girl because she had the power to ALMOST wreck me completely. So, I know I must tread carefully but what should I do now? What should be my next move, if any?

[Ajax]

Needless to say go slow. If you still want to be with her and are willing to give her another chance you'll at the very least have to have a long heart to heart talk about what happened and how to make sure it doesn't happen again. I'm sure that despite her calling saying she made a mistake and wanting you back that many poters will still say to continue NC. But I think that if you're willing to take the risk then at this point it's worth looking into.

 

On the other hand, if she's been with someone else in the meantime that might be a dealbreaker. Better get the scoop on that.

[deuces]

On the other hand, if she's been with someone else in the meantime that might be a dealbreaker. Better get the scoop on that.

 

I unfortunately do have the scoop on that and I did not find out from her, I found out from the guy she was seeing, indirectly. Long story but let's just say I did some investigator type stuff lol. Found out she was seeing some guy pretty much about a week after we broke up and I think they just stopped seeing each other. So, I guess, he was the rebound? Or I am the backburner guy? or both?

 

Yea, I really don't know if I can take her back after knowing that, especially after she is flat out denying she is seeing someone now or ever was!!!!! Denying=Lying=same damn thing I guess.

 

I hate this.

[Ajax]

In that case then you might be better off in the long run if you cut your losses. Lying about being with someone, especially a week after breaking up with you, isn't a good sign. And yeah, it might make you the dreaded "Plan B."

 

It's tempting when they come back, but could be dangerous too. I don't know what I'd do for sure in your situation.

[Scott Clifford]

It is up to you, what do you think/feel? She wants you back. However she lied to you.

But maybe she lied because she is scared to lose you forever.

 

However it is not up to you to make things right.

[SimonSerenade]

Well aren't you a lucky one getting the call I'd tell you to seize the opportunity, Yes there's doubts of "what if this happens?" or "what if that happens", Well you'll never know unless you try and now you have that chance, Make sure she knows that this is her last chance and be sure to get an apology of her for all of this before this goes any further, Past is the past now, Try and move forward with the girl you love... You'll only regret it in the future if you don't, Good luck to you mate

[Amandabanana6]

I'd be a little skeptical. She just got out of another relationship and is feeling lonely, rejected, as well as low confidence. She might just want to dive in and fix her pain with the person that she knows will always be waiting for her.

[Hhhh]

Are you guys still LD? I would take it slow start off as something between friends and a relationship (like causal Dates but don't be exclusive tell her that) and a few months down the road you will know if you really want to be with her

[deuces]

It is up to you, what do you think/feel? She wants you back. However she lied to you.

But maybe she lied because she is scared to lose you forever.

 

However it is not up to you to make things right.

 

That's the thing. I don't know how I feel because I am paralyzed with fear...seriously. And I'm sure that is why she lied but her continuously lying to me is pushing me further down the road of ridding her from my life completely.

[deuces]

Well aren't you a lucky one getting the call I'd tell you to seize the opportunity, Yes there's doubts of "what if this happens?" or "what if that happens", Well you'll never know unless you try and now you have that chance, Make sure she knows that this is her last chance and be sure to get an apology of her for all of this before this goes any further, Past is the past now, Try and move forward with the girl you love... You'll only regret it in the future if you don't, Good luck to you mate

 

Yeah I felt like I was lucky after reading so many stories on here of going NC and never receiving that call. But now that I got it, it's more stressful than NC which is weird.

[SimonSerenade]

Yeah I felt like I was lucky after reading so many stories on here of going NC and never receiving that call. But now that I got it, it's more stressful than NC which is weird.

 

You were lucky either that or it's mean't to be, Things are always stressful at first, Might be down more to how you haven't spoken to her in a while, My heart still races and feels gutted when ever I see I have an email from my ex regarding our son, Now she goes through my step dad, I go in and out of talking to her but haven't talked to her for nearly 2 weeks now, I imagine if I ever did get the call I'd be changing my underpants just because I wouldn't be used to talking to her, I imagine it would feel like we've lived 2 completely different lives, Almost like your meeting and talking for the first time... Maybe that's what it is?

[deuces]

I'd be a little skeptical. She just got out of another relationship and is feeling lonely, rejected, as well as low confidence. She might just want to dive in and fix her pain with the person that she knows will always be waiting for her.

 

I definitely am skeptical which is probably another reason contributing to my confusion. I don't want to be the person she always runs to, depends on, etc. I want to be the person she can't live without because she loves me, no other reason. I guess I'll just have to wait and see her true intent. More waiting...lovely.

[deuces]

Are you guys still LD? I would take it slow start off as something between friends and a relationship (like causal Dates but don't be exclusive tell her that) and a few months down the road you will know if you really want to be with her

 

We are unfortunately. And not quite an easy task to solve the distance part. She is in another country. So, needless to say, it will definitely be going slow. But it brings me to my #1 question...how can a couple reconcile with so much physical distance between them?

 

I'll definitely always want to be with her. But depending on what she does/proves/shows/etc. will determine if I will act on my desires or just keep it moving w/o her in my life. I do like though, that the decision is mine now. Feels a bit liberating.

[D-Lish]

I'd say she has a whole lot more work to do to win you back. She isn't going about things the right way by lying about being in a relationship for the last 3 months with someone else.

 

I'd be skeptical that things just ended with the guy she was seeing. She's barely single for a week after you before dating the other guy, and now she is turning back to you within moments of breaking off with him.

 

Has this girl ever been single? IS she the type of girl that moves from relationship to relationship because she can't be alone?

Edited November 20, 2010 by D-Lish

[skydiveaddict]

 

Then in the past week, she finally called. And emailed. And texted. All of them I left unanswered because as much as I missed her, I was scared. Scared it would be the “Just checkin’ to see how have you been” kinda call

 

 

 

And that's all it will be. Have nothing to do with her

[deuces]

And that's all it will be. Have nothing to do with her

 

So, you think that's all it is? just simply to see if she still has me but that she doesn't really have true intentions of wanting me back?

[skydiveaddict]

yes..........................................