Break up after awesome years

[Scott Clifford]

I've had a LDR for 3-4 years. But a few weeks ago I recieved an email it was over. She didn't want to be in a relationship anymore as she said we would be unhappy later.

 

When she moved for her new job she started to feel depressed and it probably went downhill at that point.

 

Is there any point in maintaining a little bit of hope that we maybe can talk things through?

We never had any fight and we always valued eachothers opinion, we shared everything.

 

Should I call/write her in a few days/ weeks to let her know my feelings are still the same?

Has anyone experienced this before and did things turn out oke again?

Edited November 19, 2010 by Scott Clifford

[HeavenOrHell]

I'm sorry

How often did you meet up, and for how long?

Did you have plans for the future, ie a time limit on how long you would be apart for and when you would live closer/together?

You really need to talk it through with her face to face, or at least by phone.

 

 

I've had a LDR for 3-4 years. But a few weeks ago I recieved an email it was over. She didn't want to be in a relationship anymore as she said we would be unhappy later.

 

When she moved for her new job she started to feel depressed and it probably went downhill at that point.

 

Is there any point in maintaining a little bit of hope that we maybe can talk things through?

We never had any fight and we always valued eachothers opinion, we shared everything.

 

Should I call/write her in a few days/ weeks to let her know my feelings are still the same?

Has anyone experienced this before and did things turn out oke again?

[Scott Clifford]

I would be moving to her country as soon as I was allowed to (legally). We had plans to start our own business as well.

 

We saw eachother 3-4 times a year. For a period of 2-3 weeks on average. Last time I saw her was 3 weeks before she emailed 'the email'.

 

I tried to get her to call me when I read her email. She did but she couldn't answer most of the questions I asked her. She was hard to understand as she was crying.

I asked her if she wanted me to never contact her again, but she said she didnt want that.

[HeavenOrHell]

So she hasn't really explained properly why you would 'be unhappy later'? Especially if you had plans to be together. Would it have been a while until you could move there? If it were a year or less then I would have thought she could have waited as it would be worth the wait in the end.

Maybe it's not just the distance getting to her? Maybe she could explain more in another email, you need her to be honest, could you say to her is there any hope for us, and if not then you need closure so you can start to move on.

Let me know how things go, horrible situation

 

I would be moving to her country as soon as I was allowed to (legally). We had plans to start our own business as well.

 

We saw eachother 3-4 times a year. For a period of 2-3 weeks on average. Last time I saw her was 3 weeks before she emailed 'the email'.

 

I tried to get her to call me when I read her email. She did but she couldn't answer most of the questions I asked her. She was hard to understand as she was crying.

I asked her if she wanted me to never contact her again, but she said she didnt want that.

[Scott Clifford]

She works almost every day. She told me herself she is getting depressed over that, of being tired of work all the time. Last time I was there she had to work also.

 

I've the feeling all that just became too much for her and that things inside her head boiled over and she had to press a reset button. (figure of speech)

 

I was applying to be allowed into the country, but you've have to get lucky and win some sort of lottery. It could have been this year, next year or even longer.

 

 

I think NC is an option, but the ball is in her camp. She broke up.

 

I am scared that if I pressure her too much right now, I will scare her away and will never find answers.

[HeavenOrHell]

Maybe she is just confused right now then as work is depressing her and emotions can be confusing when someone is depressed. I'm depressed at the moment and it does sometimes numb or cloud my feelings for my partner, it can also make me feel that I don't want to 'bother' my partner with my depression or bring him down, so at times I have thought it would be easier for him if I backed off.

I hope things at work will ease for her.

I would find it hard also not knowing for sure when I would live with/closer to my partner, I do have this problem and it does get to me.

I think if it were me I would email and say you're going to give her some space but you're there as a friend if she wants to talk or needs support.

You could initiate NC, as you can't wait around indefinitely, however in this case I wouldn't stop all lines of communication as it may just be depression is clouding how she feels about you, at the same time though I don't want to give you false hope, so if you feel you need to start NC then do that, but if you feel you can stick around for a while just to see how the land lies, that might be your best bet. It sounds like her work situation needs to calm down before she can think clearly about you two.

 

 

 

She works almost every day. She told me herself she is getting depressed over that, of being tired of work all the time. Last time I was there she had to work also.

 

I've the feeling all that just became too much for her and that things inside her head boiled over and she had to press a reset button. (figure of speech)

 

I was applying to be allowed into the country, but you've have to get lucky and win some sort of lottery. It could have been this year, next year or even longer.

 

 

I think NC is an option, but the ball is in her camp. She broke up.

 

I am scared that if I pressure her too much right now, I will scare her away and will never find answers.

[Scott Clifford]

I hope so. I would even think she is. Her work messes her up. However I can not change that.

 

I still want to be there for her as she'll need it. And when she needs someone I hope she comes back to me.

 

Then that could be the start of making things right and rebuilding what was damaged.

 

It is sad to say but she really was (is) my life, my future, my dream.

[folieadeux]

I think you both could use some time to think things through on your own right now. Perhaps job stress is really getting to her and causing negative influence to other areas of her life, like your relationship.

Edited November 20, 2010 by folieadeux

[Scott Clifford]

I think you both could use some time to think things through on your own right now. Perhaps job stress is really getting to her and causing negative influence to other areas of her life, like your relationship.

 

 

Yeah, job stress. I know that could be the cause.

I know I shouldn't hope she'll realise that and comes back back to me, but Im a fool with a broken heart.

[folieadeux]

Yeah, job stress. I know that could be the cause.

I know I shouldn't hope she'll realise that and comes back back to me, but Im a fool with a broken heart.

 

You're not a fool, you're just in love. We all do crazy things for the people we love. It shouldn't be any other way.

 

I really think you just need to give this one time. Let her come to you and don't pressure her. She seems to be under enough stress right now and her reasons for breaking this off don't appear to have anything to do with your relationship together, from what I can tell.

[HeavenOrHell]

You're not foolish, you love her and don't want to lose her

Keep us posted

 

 

Yeah, job stress. I know that could be the cause.

I know I shouldn't hope she'll realise that and comes back back to me, but Im a fool with a broken heart.

[Scott Clifford]

I will, she said she would call me (in her last phone call) in a couple of weeks.

[HeavenOrHell]

Ok Hope you're managing to keep occupied?

 

 

I will, she said she would call me (in her last phone call) in a couple of weeks.

[Scott Clifford]

Ok Hope you're managing to keep occupied?

 

I do, but everything reminds me of her.

[HeavenOrHell]

I know that feeling well after my break up last year, I had to force myself to keep busy, surround yourself with friends as much as you can too.

 

 

I do, but everything reminds me of her.

[Scott Clifford]

I know that feeling well after my break up last year, I had to force myself to keep busy, surround yourself with friends as much as you can too.

 

 

I'm so drunk right now. It doesnt help one bit. I miss her.

[HeavenOrHell]

Drink will make it worse

 

 

 

I'm so drunk right now. It doesnt help one bit. I miss her.

[Scott Clifford]

Drink will make it worse

 

 

No. It stays the same. I didnt contact her or do anything stupid, yet.

[Scott Clifford]

No. It stays the same. I didnt contact her or do anything stupid, yet.

 

 

Difficult moment....difficult moments...difficult all the time.

 

I SO want to contact her, but I know it wont solve anything.

Everything reminds me of her, everything.

[HeavenOrHell]

You're in limbo, I lived like that for 6 months after my ex left me last year, hoping he would want to come back, I had to go NC in the end for my sanity, I started to heal from that point on, we're good friends now.

It's maybe different for you cos it could just be work is getting to her, whereas my ex left for more solid reasons (he felt neglected the last few years as I was so busy), so maybe there IS some hope for you.

It sucks that you have to be patient though so that you don't put more pressure on her

 

Everything reminded me of my ex for the first few months.

 

No matter what happens though, you will come through this, I was in hell for 6 or 7 months, sounds ridiculous but I actually thought I wouldn't survive it! But if I can then believe me, ANYONE can.

 

I am sorry you're going through this

 

Difficult moment....difficult moments...difficult all the time.

 

I SO want to contact her, but I know it wont solve anything.

Everything reminds me of her, everything.

[HeavenOrHell]

How are you doing?

[Scott Clifford]

How are you doing?

 

 

Same, as terrible as day 1. I'm really trying not to contact her, but its not easy.

 

But I'll have to, if I text or call her now that could cause her only extra stress, aggitation or she'll get upset and remove me.

 

I'd still give everything for her. Its annoying, love sucks.

[Fufu]

Scott: You will be fine... NC works... it's for your own emotionally good. I didn't use NC and it drove my ex even further that he complained to me I never gave him enough space. I miss him still but I don't see the point of chasing him anymore. He/She (Dumpers) shattered our hearts. Let them piece our hearts back if they come back, we don't do the chasing anymore.

 

My Ex broke up with me last month. We were together for 2 years 4 months when he was still in the same country as me, then he went overseas to study in February this year. We were in LDR for 8 months.

 

He suddenly dropped me the bomb that we are no longer compatible, he had lost faith, I don't understand him and he don't feel i'm the one anymore.

[HeavenOrHell]

I agree it's best to stay NC for now, keep as busy as poss and don't forget to see your friends.

You'll come through

 

 

Same, as terrible as day 1. I'm really trying not to contact her, but its not easy.

 

But I'll have to, if I text or call her now that could cause her only extra stress, aggitation or she'll get upset and remove me.

 

I'd still give everything for her. Its annoying, love sucks.

[Scott Clifford]

I agree it's best to stay NC for now, keep as busy as poss and don't forget to see your friends.

You'll come through

 

 

Then when is the best time to break NC?