Arieltke Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Now What Post: 48 | Quote: 3 & ½ Years. All what we called the perfect. We met when she was seventeen and I was 21. They say I robbed the cradle, maybe I did. We waited until she turned 18 then got married moved into my mom’s house then we have had our own place together ever since. I have seen her change over these 3 years. She has seen me change not so much. I still like to do what I did back then. She still does not like to do much. Except for the fact that she just turned 21. Now all her synapses are flashing. We had a conversation about re-evaluating our relationship last night. I emotionally shut down. My silence killed me. I let her do most of the talking. I knew where it was heading. Love but not in love. Smoke too much pot. And don’t spend time with me, just spend time with your friends. Then it was over. It was over a lot faster than it began. I did see this coming with her growing, but it still hurts the same. I don’t know where to go from here? The longest relationship of my life. My wife? Whom I still love? I just remained quiet? But if you love someone let them be free ! Because I know that I don’t want to be in a situation where someone else is unhappy. I have never been dumped like that, I don’t know what the single world is like I am only 24, and now I am hurt and scared ! help ! At least we dont have any kids.. wow... all this happened last night Link to post Share on other sites
emptydude Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Hey arieltke, Sorry to hear your marriage is over. I really am . I suppose I kind of know what you're going through because the 8-yr relationship I had with my girlfriend (who I met when I was 19, and she was 16) is over (she ended it this past Friday). I did the exact same thing as you, in that I just emotionally shut down when she told me what she wanted to do. I even called her back, and stooped so low as to "beg" her to reconsider. That was bad. You just have to accept the fact that she no longer wants any part of the relationship. I know that's hard to do, especially considering you guys got married, but the fact is she doesn't want you. Don't regret being quiet. It's SHOCKING to hear that from the one person you love and trust most in your life. If you said something, it probably would have made things worse anyways. Just be glad that she told you now instead of being a victim of some type of affair later on down the road. It seems selfish, and in a certain way it may be, but you have to understand that it's her life, and everyone always looks out for #1. Everyone has the need to "see what's out there". And she probably just got to that point. She's young and she doesn't know what she wants, so how can she stay with you? That would be unfair to you. Eventually she might end up regretting the decision that she made, and if so, it'll be after going through a couple of guys first. Just forget about her. And please please, do not contact her. It will make her shun you more, and allow her to feel more resolved and content about the decision. Whenever my girlfriend and I used to have arguments she used to be the first one to call back. I haven't heard from her since then. Not an email, not a text message, not even a considerate "how are you doing" call. NOTHING. What do you think this tells you about people who make this type of decision? They don't want to hear from you, even if you feel that it's SOOOO right to just give them 1 call or 1 email. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but more likely than not, it's the truth. You won't see it now, but this is probably the best thing that's happened to you. Make sure you see this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, and what you *really* want. I'm sad, tortured, and depressed as hell, but I know I'll eventually get better.....and so will you. Move on, move on. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Velveteel Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 It sounds like you're giving up. Are you ready to do that? Throw her a curve ball. Change. Stop the pot smoking--overnight. Just give away your stash and your paraphernalia. And bring her flowers. Agree with her criticisms, and tell her you're willing to address the issues in the relationship. You're willing to grow, and you hope she'll help you. Ask for six months in which to win back her heart. Then follow through. She may leave you anyway. It's up to you to decide whether to pursue her. But the only chance of winning someone back who has already decided to leave you is to change yourself. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 I'm very sorry to read this. I don't understand though, why you would shut down and not say anything when you were pouring your heart out here on board? In your post were you saying that she said you smoke too much pot and spend too much time with your friends? If that's true it sounds like you are both a bit immature. In your original post, I thought it was only your wife who was being immature wanting to go out and party. But if you've been out with your friends and she's been sitting home, no wonder she wants to get out now that she's 21. Sounds like you've been having a good time while enjoying the benefit of having a wife, and she's been having a not-so-good time and not getting the benefit of having a husband. If this is what's happened she's probably very resentful. Are you willing to change to make it work? If so, try to either talk to her again or write it to her. Maybe a short separation will benefit you. Link to post Share on other sites
emptydude Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 Originally posted by Velveteel It sounds like you're giving up. Are you ready to do that? Throw her a curve ball. Change. Stop the pot smoking--overnight. Just give away your stash and your paraphernalia. And bring her flowers. Agree with her criticisms, and tell her you're willing to address the issues in the relationship. You're willing to grow, and you hope she'll help you. Ask for six months in which to win back her heart. Then follow through. She may leave you anyway. It's up to you to decide whether to pursue her. But the only chance of winning someone back who has already decided to leave you is to change yourself. Good luck! Hi Velveteel, Not sure if I agree with you here. You shouldn't have to change yourself so much as to try and become a different person just to be with that person. You should have a little more self respect than that. Yeah, maybe he should cut down on the pot smokin, but changing yourself is probably not what you want to do. You'll just end up miserable and unhappy since you can't be who you really are. I wouldn't pursue her either. No amount of flowers, candy, or jewelry are going to convince her otherwise at this point. SHE has to come to the decision of whether or not she wants to pursue a relationship later. Plus would you want to be with someone who you have to "convince" to be with you? Btw, Arieltke, the single life scares the HELL outta me too! I think it's best not to even think about the single life until you've resolved this within yourself, otherwise you'll end up stringing along some other poor girl. Just accept that she's gone, and if she really wants you back, she WILL call. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arieltke Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 When we met, I smoked. And now I smoke. I believe I can cut down just to realize some goals like buying a condo or another car. But I don’t think I have to take something completely out of my life when I don’t think Its harming her. The only thing I would change is sharing more time with her. And that’s something that she would have to meet me in the middle ground. She is into the reality TV after work. And I am into go out and do something. I am all about compromising. But right now, Its all up to her. Her move. I am already out of the house and at a friends house and I told her when I left if she needed to talk to me she could email me. I wont call her not even for our anniversary on April 30th. I don’t think I deserved what I got, but regardless, I will take it and move on. Its just so hard, like right now I am at work, typing instead of working. I am still thinking about her every moment, madly in love ,,, waiting for it to pass. Painted corners, shadow box. Watch the colors /play with God. Another night/ seems so long. What separates us /Can divide. As many oceans /That seem wide. You tell your story/ I Tell mine. The truth fall’s in the middle It’s Hard to Remember. Its Hard to Remember Send me your fortune. Wrapped in gold. I’ll tell you’re your moment. Has come home. Skip past this picture. Get to your’s Its Hard to Remember Isnt Hard To Remember. Wasn’t it better then. Things are different now. All things have to change. Somehow. Wasn’t it better then. Things are different now. I can’t explain. No how. You count your blessings. I give mine away. My storefront shows that you have made the play. Time to sit back and reflect on this time to come. Time was here . Time is gone. Its hard to remember Aint it hard to remember Things were so much different then. So hard to explain, somehow. Hard to remember. Wasn’t it better then. Things are different now. All things have to change. Somehow. Wasn’t it better then. Things are different now. I can’t explain. No how. Link to post Share on other sites
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