Cliques

[desertIslandCactus]

When children are in school, social situations can be a part of their environment that we are not aware of ..

 

Something has come up that is a reminder of my childhood.

 

I think we should teach our children, grandchildren to be their own person, independent and to not join or especially not look to groups such as cliques. These groups cause division and can be destructive to the child emotionally - if he or she gives them importance.

[pureinheart]

Man, do I remember the cliques...at that time they were called the "jocks" and the soshes (that's not the correct spelling, but if it's spelled correctly, if there is a correct spelling, it wouldn't make sense)...this was HS.

 

I have never chosen to hang with the "popular" crowd because I was unable to be controlled, nor was I a follower.

 

I always taught my children, mostly by example (lol) to be their own person....lol...they are, and then some...true rebels! I use the term rebels because society deems them as such as they have their own mind and beliefs.

 

My grandchildren are leaders...

 

This I felt is a good definition of "cliques"-a group of people who are friendly with each other but exclude others ....

 

Cliques do much damage, many are bullies....I remember feeling less than and not good enough...

 

This is a good thread and thought Desert, my thumbs up to you:)...I notice my two grandsons, when I drop them off at school and go to their little gatherings at the school, the other kids run to greet them as if "now school can begin" ...I need to teach them how to handle popularity and use power in the correct way...

 

My granddaughter has a very special gift...that one at 2 years old commands respect from others...it's a trip to watch...she is the shot caller everywhere...she walks dignified...it's so cute.

 

Good point Desert, I will keep these wise words in the forefront of my mind as they are essential in this day and hour.

[desertIslandCactus]

Your grandchildren sound like dolls .. happy and well adjusted, pure.

[pureinheart]

Thanks Desert,

 

I really love this topic...looking at myself as "the child", the cliques didn't want me anyway, the non conformists are evident, they tried to bully me, but that didn't work either....wow, are you taking me back...

[Citizen Erased]

At my school the only cliques were the stoners. I had the ability to get along with them, then go off to my other friends and do well at school. I'm glad, I think the school I went to was unique in that we were all pretty friendly. But then we don't have cheerleaders and the only jocks are the guys that play soccer or rugby etc, and all the guys did that.

 

Some of the stuff I've seen people write on here about being bullied by their peers at such young ages is really sad. Hopefully vicious people get their comeuppance at some stage in their lives.

[pureinheart]

At my school the only cliques were the stoners. I had the ability to get along with them, then go off to my other friends and do well at school. I'm glad, I think the school I went to was unique in that we were all pretty friendly. But then we don't have cheerleaders and the only jocks are the guys that play soccer or rugby etc, and all the guys did that.

 

Some of the stuff I've seen people write on here about being bullied by their peers at such young ages is really sad. Hopefully vicious people get their comeuppance at some stage in their lives.

 

:lmao::lmao:I was a stoner...lol...because I lived in the same town all of my life I knew most everyone...the stoners in my area had no cliques, we were a league of our own, but the jocks hated the stoners sorta, thought they were too good for the stoners.

 

I dated the captain of the football team (drop dead gorgeous guy BTW) and went to one of the dances....well being a "stoner" the jocks tried to out party me...hahahaha...the jocks took one shot of whiskey and were like loosing it everywhere (embarrassing), I drank the whole bottle and was just ready to get started...I'll never forget that dance.

 

The moral of that story: The jocks I knew could not hold their alcohol- stoners can:D....I know, I know, not much of a claim to fame:o

 

Ya CE, on a serious note, I was bullied at times, so I understand the pain of the bull-ee...my heart goes out to those that endure it...

[Taramere]

At my school the only cliques were the stoners. I had the ability to get along with them, then go off to my other friends and do well at school. I'm glad, I think the school I went to was unique in that we were all pretty friendly. But then we don't have cheerleaders and the only jocks are the guys that play soccer or rugby etc, and all the guys did that.

 

Some of the stuff I've seen people write on here about being bullied by their peers at such young ages is really sad. Hopefully vicious people get their comeuppance at some stage in their lives.

 

Sounds a little like my school. There was the clique of smokers/people who dabbled with drugs and had sex with boys. That was the closest thing our school had to "bad girls". They were the people I hung out with, even though I didn't smoke, do drugs or have sex. Stoners and slackers have always looked at me and given out a "you're one of us. Face it, don't fight it. Come live with us..." vibe.

 

It was at the point that they all started doing drugs and screwing promiscuously that I felt out of sorts with that group of friends. I didn't fit in any more. I'd liked their adventurous, rebellious spirit in our pre-pubescent years (this was a school that catered from everyone from 4 to 17, so I'd know a lot of them for most of my life). However, the promiscuity bit seemed less about rebellion and more about being used by some pretty sleazy characters.

 

My best friend had already drifted away from that clique, and I soon joined her in detaching from it. There were some members I remained friendly with, because they were genuinely nice people. The others bullied me to a certain degree now and again, presumably as punishment for leaving the group. It wasn't pleasant, but knowing the reasons I didn't feel personally undermined for it.

 

There was also trendy-pretty-girl clique - which (as is probably usually the case) only had a couple of members who were seriously pretty. There were actually more naturally beautiful girls in the swots' clique, but they weren't trendy and didn't give off the same "fun" vibe that the "pretty girls" did. I had a few friends in the trendy-pretty-girl clique, but my parents weren't wealthy enough for me to be part of that clique. I didn't have fashionable clothes etc, as my parents thought it was more important to invest the money in hobbies and travel.

 

The swots and the geeks were probably who I should have been hanging out with all along, rather than the Bad Girls. The swots were, however, a tad too self righteous and adult-like for my tastes, and the Geeks were a bit too earnest. Generally in the latter years of school I was happy to just hang out with my best friend. If she was absent, I would spend lunchtime with the Geeks - who welcomed me partly because my best friend was such a computer geek and also because they were nice people. They would talk about things like Star Wars, computer games etc....but they could also be coaxed into talking about boys they fancied, which was the main thing I wanted to talk about at that age.

 

ETA because the thread relates to helping children through the whole clique maze. I'll be spending most of this afternoon hearing the latest playground drama from my niece. It certainly brings back memories to hear the way she talks about her friends. Even at that young age, these friendships seem loaded with ambiguity and competitiveness. I think the cliques tend to develop in the teenage years, though.

Edited November 21, 2010 by Taramere

[carhill]

The only clique I remember is the clique, clique of the mimeograph machine as I sat in the office for yet another day of being a non-conformist social anarchist

 

Having 12 years of private education taught me a lot about cliques, in more ways than one. Thank goodness for strong and positive parental role models. Glad to see some of today's children getting that. I wish all children could.

[Taramere]

Having 12 years of private education taught me a lot about cliques, in more ways than one. Thank goodness for strong and positive parental role models. Glad to see some of today's children getting that. I wish all children could.

 

One important thing I think parents can do for their children is to avoid the temptation to hothouse them. It can backfire....because whatever lessons parents give their children at home, once they're with their peers they're going to be exposed to some very different values and mindsets. I was a year younger than the class average in my class at school. My group of friends were mainly the younger girls in the class. A lot of the others seemed boring to me, and I know they thought my friends and I were childish. In actual fact, of course we were...because at a young age, a full year can make a big difference in a child's behaviour and their ability to manage certain practical tasks.

 

The only older classmates our group attracted tended to be the ones who were immature for their age...which, of course, often stems from personality problems. Hence our group as a whole became negatively perceived by the teaching staff. The "swots" (some of whom were as much as 18 months older than us youngest members of the class) looked down on us. They found our activities and collective sense of humour childish. They did in fact ostracise us, though at the time we just found that funny.

 

It wasn't something that occurred to me, until my SIL told me she and my brother were exercising the option to keep the kids back a year. She said my brother recalled the experience I'd had as one of the youngest in the class, and didn't want that to be repeated with his kids. I wasn't aware at the time, but when I was a kid my parents often discussed (in front of my brother) problems that were emerging for me at school partly as a result of me being the youngest member of the class and therefore gravitating to the company of the less mature class members.

 

I think now society, schools and parents have a more complete understanding of children's needs. That the fact that a child has above average academic ability doesn't mean they should automatically be lobbed up into a class full of older children. That while they might be able to hold their own amongst those children in most academic areas, in non-academic areas (particularly socialisation) they may well lag unless they have a naturally "older" temperament.

Edited November 21, 2010 by Taramere

[carhill]

Age/curriculum/aptitude dynamics were definitely a lot more rigid 40-50 years ago than now and I think advances in understanding the social and intellectual development differences in children has opened up many new potentials. I personally would have preferred an academic environment geared to my intellectual potential and social development in line with my peer group. That kind of dynamic requires a much more flexible educational system than existed at that time. Hence, then, kids were 'held back' or 'skipped' depending on particulars.

 

The one difference I noted in school versus the real world was lack of choices, with cliques being a sign of that dearth. In the real world I could easily avoid people with incompatible values and personalities; in school I was forced to socialize with them on a regular basis. I think 'getting along' with one's peers is a great skill to learn, but tolerating or having to 'get along' with abuse is carrying the learning process a bit too far. Perhaps that's why I spent more of my time, when possible, with adults, as they seemed to have a more balanced sense of social interaction, or with peers outside of school who were more compatible.

 

Perhaps, with that background, to this day, I tend to be more 'inclusive' rather than 'exclusive' when dealing with social dynamics in general. This runs counter to the precepts of 'cliques' or whatever the middle-aged version of them is called, so I don't receive many invitations. That's OK with me

[goingstrong]

:lmao::lmao:I was a stoner...lol...because I lived in the same town all of my life I knew most everyone...the stoners in my area had no cliques, we were a league of our own, but the jocks hated the stoners sorta, thought they were too good for the stoners.

 

I dated the captain of the football team (drop dead gorgeous guy BTW) and went to one of the dances....well being a "stoner" the jocks tried to out party me...hahahaha...the jocks took one shot of whiskey and were like loosing it everywhere (embarrassing), I drank the whole bottle and was just ready to get started...I'll never forget that dance.

 

The moral of that story: The jocks I knew could not hold their alcohol- stoners can:D....I know, I know, not much of a claim to fame:o

 

Ya CE, on a serious note, I was bullied at times, so I understand the pain of the bull-ee...my heart goes out to those that endure it...

 

 

I think you missed the point that the OP was trying to make. You're bragging about partying cliches..the worst kind even as far as cliches go. Please tell me you have not told your minor children this story.

[GorillaTheater]

I think you missed the point that the OP was trying to make. You're bragging about partying cliches..the worst kind even as far as cliches go. Please tell me you have not told your minor children this story.

 

Speaking for myself, there's a hell of alot I haven't told my kids though, not being idiots, they've pretty much clued in that dad was pretty wild.

 

I was pretty contrary even in those days, and didn't hew to any particular clique. I was pretty comfortable in jock, stoner, and pocket-protector cliques. Had something in common with all of them.

[desertIslandCactus]

That's alright. I wasn't referring to stories from our youth that we pass down to our children.

 

I was referring to the pressures imposed on children/grandchildren at this time.

 

When a child first attends school they find out fast that it is a social and 'friends' environment .

 

I'm just saying that if parents could help them to put things in perspective, so that those who choose to ignore or otherwise don't treat them right - are not taken too seriously.

 

Many times children don't even disclose to their parents of any problems they are having with peers..

 

School is primarily a place of learning. Too much emphasis can be put on the social aspect.