How not to get emotionally attached to a relationship

[stamfordman]

Since I had a bad break up a few months ago, I figure, the best way to ensure that I do not feel this way again is not to give into my emotions and become emotionally attached to her. Apparently, this is easier for women than men, but there must be a way to control emotions. Granted, it is probably harder for me since the last relationship was my first ever. Yes, I am 28 and she was my first ever relationship that lasted over a couple months. So, I've never felt this pain before. Her, on the other hand, started dating in HS, so she's had loads of practice and I was just another guy to her. Easy for her, not so easy for me.

 

So, how do I prevent these feelings from coming back after the next failed relationship I encounter after I start dating again?

[USMCHokie]

Date multiple people.

[EnigmasMuse]

Emotions are a part of human nature. Anger, sadness, happiness etc. I don't think it will do you much good to try and supress them. You will more than likely have emotions and attachments when you get involved in relationships of most any kind, especially in a dating realtionship. If you do not want to get to attatched to anyone, its best to not really date then. Or if you do, not get serious.

[stamfordman]

Hard to say. I like the beginning and middle, but when life gets in the way, the end is near. I do not like things ending in failure. I do my best to avoid failure where ever possible.

[stamfordman]

Date multiple people.

 

Easier said than done.

[EnigmasMuse]

Hard to say. I like the beginning and middle, but when life gets in the way, the end is near. I do not like things ending in failure. I do my best to avoid failure where ever possible.

 

 

Perhaps you need to seek out someone to help you learn coping skills when life/relationships get you down. Most people don't like failure, nor want to be hurt, but sometimes its a part of life.

[carhill]

So, how do I prevent these feelings from coming back after the next failed relationship I encounter after I start dating again?

 

IMO, you don't. You never do. Life experience teaches you how to process them differently than you are right now. You learn and grow.

 

It sounds like you put a lot of yourself into this relationship and loved deeply and sincerely. Congratulations! You have an ability which some people would kill for; the ability to invest and care and love. Cherish it. It's a gift. Someday, a deserving and compatible recipient will come into your life and you will see the gift returned exponentially. In the meantime, touch as many people as you can with that love. It cannot be undervalued.

 

It's all in how you look at things. My divorce from a decade long marriage is a month old today. Good luck

[JackJack]

To the OP, I understand you wanting to protect your heart from pain. I think we all would like to do that. However, while you're busy trying to protect yourself from possible pain, you are also protecting yourself from potential happiness as well. If you are trying to keep the bad from happening, you might be missing out on the good too.

[stamfordman]

Hurts too much to do this again. She, on the other hand, moved on to another guy in less than a month. It is obvious I take things harder and more personally than most guys. I've always protected myself from this. Then, I left my guard down once, she enters my life, destroys it and moves on. Cannot let this happen again.

[Yvelysse]

Apparently, this is easier for women than men.

 

Really?

I clicked in here to hopefully garner vital info to keep my heart safe from all the toxic men.

 

Here is my Haiku for joo

 

me has FwB

me shoulda had a lobotomy instead

me is now infatuated

 

So how do I steer clear of a big ol heartache?

:bunny::bunny::bunny:

[stamfordman]

Really?

I clicked in here to hopefully garner vital info to keep my heart safe from all the toxic men.

 

Here is my Haiku for joo

 

me has FwB

me shoulda had a lobotomy instead

me is now infatuated

 

So how do I steer clear of a big ol heartache?

:bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

Easy. STAY OUT OF FWB SITUATIONS. My ex-girl wanted to turn the four + month relationship into just something casual. I left. Simple as that. Wasn't just that, but she said she would not go on trips with me, would not eventually consider moving in with me, etc. Plus, started to become very cold, bitter and distant. Adding all these things together, then I left. That last thing, about no future, for me, was the deal ender for me. Then, I try to reconnect with her couple months later, and she blames me for everything. Not only that, she started doing another guy like a month later. She's still doing him. Again, in my 30's screw around with FWB's. When a woman suggests to a man a FWB, that just means she wants sex and that she does not really care about the other guy. She'll do just about anyone with a penis. I guess I am in the minority, but I want more. Just disgusting.

[paleblue]

Date multiple people.

 

Exactly. After enough up's and down's, you go into the don't care zone. Nothing phases you after awhile. You will know it when you reach that point. Have I lost out on some good girls? Yes I have. Do I care? No I dont. Next... Guess it's kinda sad in a sense, but at the same time, Im not worried about every little thing anymore. Maybe one of these times one of them will strike me like a bolt of lightning. But for now being comfortably numb has its advantages also.

[Kendrick]

If you're not one of these people that can handle or want to learn how to handle when things aren't good, or you can't take another heartache etc, then yeah, its best you just date around. Do not get to involved with anyone.

[Scottdmw]

Be careful who you get physical with. Having any kind of sexual relationship with someone is highly likely to make you very attached. That's the way nature designed it. Personally, I think it's a good argument for making sure you really like each other first, ie waiting much longer than most people do.

 

Scott

[Meaplus3]

Since I had a bad break up a few months ago, I figure, the best way to ensure that I do not feel this way again is not to give into my emotions and become emotionally attached to her. Apparently, this is easier for women than men, but there must be a way to control emotions. Granted, it is probably harder for me since the last relationship was my first ever. Yes, I am 28 and she was my first ever relationship that lasted over a couple months. So, I've never felt this pain before. Her, on the other hand, started dating in HS, so she's had loads of practice and I was just another guy to her. Easy for her, not so easy for me.

 

So, how do I prevent these feelings from coming back after the next failed relationship I encounter after I start dating again?

 

 

Hmmmmm.. Well since I am the queen of becoming emotionally attached.. I guess.. I know a thing or two about it. I've learned...Don't wear your heart on your sleeve.. it will get you NO where. You need to be a touch tougher.. in the emotional department.. and sort of pull back. Feel the person out.. get to know them for a long while.. then go with your heart. Good luck to you.

 

Mea:)

[jimrich]

get some relationship books and learn how to make a good relationship so the next one will either be good or you will at least know what to watch out for before you get hurt.