I spat on my girlfriend

[Citizen Erased]

The fact is that you're too young and/or too emotionally unstable to be in a real relationship anyway.

 

Agreed. With everything you said. But this in particular. If this is how the OP reacts in their first fight, I shudder to think how it will escalate if they continue in a relationship at this stage.

[Feelin Frisky]

...or I'm I not allow to make mistakes?...

 

You're allowed to make mistakes. Just not THIS mistake. You said you don't even know her that well. Add that fact on top of choosing to do something so degrading and dispicable like purposefully hocking a wad of saliva at her and she'd have to totally feel aweful about herself to give someone who did what you did a second thought. Who even thinks to spit at someone, especially in a dating level context? This might be something a man might do to another just before going to blows over some other drama.

 

Spitting in someone's face is not an accident or a "mistake". It is just an assault on someone's deepest sense of dignity. If you don't see that you're pitiful and surely don't rate an excuse.

[denise_xo]

 

I think maybe one apology the next day should be enough if she's still mad about it.

 

Sorry, doesn't work that way. Spitting = to the curb.

 

You've gotten some good advice in the posts above, take it to heart.

[whichwayisup]

How many more hours has to pass by for her to talk to me again? It has been 12 hours now.

 

People in relationships get into arguments all the time and it was only spitting. I left before she had a chance to react.

 

I think maybe one apology the next day should be enough if she's still mad about it.

 

So is she going to put this behind or should I have to go all the day towards giving her flowers and the whole thing some of us men tend to do when a girl is angry?

 

Why did you spit on her??

 

Having an arguement is one thing, SPITTING on another human being, let alone YOUR girlfriend, is just so disrespectful. The action itself is gross, but to do that on your gf? Come on man!

 

You need to be the one to call and apologize, and give her flowers. And show her how much you love her, that you won't spit on her ever again.

 

Or maybe this was the final nail into the coffin and she's going to walk away. Honestly, if I were in her shoes, and my bf spit on me during an argument, I would seriously think about ending it.

[runner]

wow. i've never even thought to spit on the guys i've been in fist fights with.

[sweetjasmine]

Can someone tell me how to get her back or I'm I not allow to make mistakes?

 

I didn't mean to spit at her. It was a mistake which I want to fix.

 

A mistake is forgetting to call when you said you would or leaving the toilet seat up.

 

There are some things you can't take back, and doing something so degrading as spitting on another person is one of them. You need to realize that and own up to it.

 

Spitting on someone is an almost universal sign of utter contempt and disgust. It says that you think the other person is absolute garbage, complete scum unworthy of the most basic respect that a human being commands. No amount of "I'm sorry, here's some flowers, hey, can't a guy make a mistake every once in a while? I LOVE YOU!" is going to fix that. You can't un-ring that bell. Leave her alone and figure out what your problem is and what's so wrong with you that you think spitting on someone really isn't so bad.

[Taramere]

It is? I thought assault was when you actually physically attack/hit someone. I never hit a girl in my life.

 

So what now? She has never been this angry before. I have tried calling her, in which she answered once but hanged up on me as soon as she heard my voice.

 

It's very definitely an assault where I live too - assuming you do it deliberately. Whereas physical assault can relate to temporary loss of control, spitting always strikes me as a real hate/disrespect thing. If someone spat on me, my conclusion would be that they regarded me with a degree of contempt and hostility that was irreversible. It's something that I would want to get as far away from as possible, as soon as possible.

 

I'm not surprised your ex-girlfriend wants nothing more to do with you. I wouldn't either. I agree with Star Gazer that it's reasonable to expect another person to instinctively understand that you do not spit on somebody. You describe it as "only spitting" and it seems that you are changing your mind and realising that you did something very wrong only because the majority response you're getting here is "you did something that most people woudln't be prepared to forgive."

 

If you need instruction on basic rules of social behaviour, and aren't capable of instinctively understanding that you do not spit on another person under any circumstances, then sad to say you are probably going to encounter a lot of relationship difficulties. Somehow you're going to have to develop an instinctive understanding of what is right and wrong.

 

How do you think you would feel if someone spat on you?

[Nightsky]

How many more hours has to pass by for her to talk to me again? It has been 12 hours now.

 

People in relationships get into arguments all the time and it was only spitting. I left before she had a chance to react.

 

I think maybe one apology the next day should be enough if she's still mad about it.

 

So is she going to put this behind or should I have to go all the day towards giving her flowers and the whole thing some of us men tend to do when a girl is angry?

 

Spitting on some one is a big deal. The way your family and people on this site have reacted only reinforces that point.

 

Leaving before she had a chance to react only added further insult. People hate it when you insult them and then leave. Apologizing the next day makes you a day late in that apology.

 

No one can fault her if she wants out of a relationship with you. It is logical to leave a person who spits on you during arguments.

 

To get her back you would have to resolve the initial disagreement that led to you spitting on her and get her to forgive you for spitting. You won’t be able to do this as long as she refuses to talk with you. Respect her wish’s and move on with your life if she refuses to talk after attempts.

 

I’m curious what were you guys arguing about when you spit on her?

[sally4sara]

If it was she I'll probably say something like ''Ugh what was that all about'', get upset for several minutes but then talked to her when she's all calm (maybe I did or say something to upset her).

 

If it's a random girl, I'll clean my face quickly and say ''Yuck, why on earth you did that'' and leave.

If it's a random dude or one of my buddies there would probably be a fight, which would be my first one.

 

Where do you come from that spitting on a guy is cause for a fist fight, but spitting on a girl is no big deal?

 

Its like you're willfully not trying to understand how bad what you did really is...

 

I'd also like to know what it was they were arguing about that made spitting on her seem like a reasonable thing to do. Especially since he can comprehend how that would get him in a fist fight if he did it to a guy.

[Nightsky]

If you need instruction on basic rules of social behaviour, and aren't capable of instinctively understanding that you do not spit on another person under any circumstances, then sad to say you are probably going to encounter a lot of relationship difficulties. Somehow you're going to have to develop an instinctive understanding of what is right and wrong.

 

How do you think you would feel if someone spat on you?

 

If it was she I'll probably say something like ''Ugh what was that all about'', get upset for several minutes but then talked to her when she's all calm (maybe I did or say something to upset her).

 

If it's a random girl, I'll clean my face quickly and say ''Yuck, why on earth you did that'' and leave.

If it's a random dude or one of my buddies there would probably be a fight, which would be my first one.

 

He already answered the hypothetical question of what he'd do and feel if spat on.

 

He does seem to have natural instincts. He also seems to lack logic because he writes "If it's a random dude or one of my buddies there would probably be a fight." He has gaps in logic when it comes to spitting on his girlfriend. He seems to think you can treat a girlfriend with less respect then friends and strangers of the same sex.

[WHOLESALEPACK]

Why did you spit on her??

Sometimes I stay in her flat for a couple days but have to admit to being disorganized. She was upset I was playing my video game and not helping out.

I was going to but the game wasn't over. After too many remarks on how I can just sit there and do nothing, I spat on her face and left. I know it still was no excuse. This argument was really my fault. I should have helped her out instead of just sitting on the couch playing or laying my socks on the floor.

Having an arguement is one thing, SPITTING on another human being, let alone YOUR girlfriend, is just so disrespectful. The action itself is gross, but to do that on your gf? Come on man!

I already know that and won't happen again. It's been talked already.

You need to be the one to call and apologize, and give her flowers. And show her how much you love her, that you won't spit on her ever again.

I did. She wasn't too easy to convince though, it did took a while to the point I had to say please.

Or maybe this was the final nail into the coffin and she's going to walk away. Honestly, if I were in her shoes, and my bf spit on me during an argument, I would seriously think about ending it.

It's already been worked out.

[anne1707]

Wholesale

 

Have you learnt anything from this experience?

[WHOLESALEPACK]

Where do you come from that spitting on a guy is cause for a fist fight, but spitting on a girl is no big deal?

Well I'm obviously not going to get into a fist fight with a girl nor hit her. I'll fight with the dude that spat on me.

I didn't say it was no big deal (it was wrong what I did). I was pointing out my reactions to each of those situations.

[WHOLESALEPACK]

Wholesale

 

Have you learnt anything from this experience?

Yes I'll be the best boyfriend ever and start helping out more. It won't happen again.

[anne1707]

How will you deal with future arguments?

[harmfulsweetz]

If a guy spat on me, at me more like, it'd be a done-deal. Over.

 

I can't believe you need to be told it was wrong. I mean, how old are you? You argued over you playing games and not doing anything to help her out, so you spat at her. You need to learn how to maturely handle an argument, and I'm still reeling that you expected her to be ok with it.

 

We all make mistakes, relationships are full of trial and error, mishaps and whatnot, but spitting on someone isn't a mistake. But you've been told that before. I can't believe she took you back.

[reservoirdog1]

Spitting on someone is an almost universal sign of utter contempt and disgust. It says that you think the other person is absolute garbage, complete scum unworthy of the most basic respect that a human being commands.

This. The only people I know who I would consider deserving of something like that would be those who set out intentionally to hurt me, or who demonstrated utter contempt for me. To do it to somebody you profess to love, over something so trivial (a video game, for god's sake) is basically a neon sign in your GF's face saying "HE THINKS YOU'RE WORTHLESS".

 

To be blunt, I doubt there's anything you can do to get her back that you haven't tried already. You've apologized repeatedly, tried to call and she won't answer, etc. About all you can do now is back off and leave her in peace.

[O'Malley]

It was a mistake for your girlfriend to take you back. Promising to be the 'best boyfriend ever' doesn't cut it; it sounds like what every abusive type says in order to get back in the injured party's good graces.

 

You need to analyze how you deal with and respond to conflict and gain a understanding of respectful (and expected) boundaries of behavior. Not that you don't get irritated or angry, but that you learn to walk away and cool down or discuss things. I don't believe this is the first incident that you've had with someone in your life, whether it was with friends or family.

 

After too many remarks on how I can just sit there and do nothing, I spat on her face and left.

 

It's quite obvious that you would never risk spitting on your boss, or a burly man at a pub -- so why do you believe that you felt entitled to demean her that way?

[sally4sara]

Sometimes I stay in her flat for a couple days but have to admit to being disorganized. She was upset I was playing my video game and not helping out.

I was going to but the game wasn't over. After too many remarks on how I can just sit there and do nothing, I spat on her face and left.

 

Really? That's all it took for you to spit in her face?!?

 

If someone is asking you to help pick up a mess you had a hand in making, and you just sit there - they're going to keep asking you.

 

But you, Grand Overlord that you think you are, gets to decide how many comments are too many and SPIT on them? It wasn't even your house either. If you didn't like hearing it you should have just left.

[johan]

She wasn't too easy to convince though, it did took a while to the point I had to say please.

 

You know you've really pushed a girl to the limit when you have to say please to get her back.

[sb129]

WSP-

 

You need anger management therapy, not a girlfriend.

 

Spitting is a deplorable thing to do to another human being.

 

Let this one go- and maybe work on some of your issues before you get another girlfriend.

[flying]

You know you've really pushed a girl to the limit when you have to say please to get her back.

 

Hopefully he didn't aspirate too much while saying it.

[Smoky Day]

If this if for real, I'm surprised as hell that she took you back.

 

Let's look at the facts:

 

You think it's not such a big deal to spit in your girlfriend's face because she asked you to pick up after yourself at her house.

 

 

You do think it's a big deal that you said please to your girlfriend to get her to see you again.

 

You haven't hit a woman...YET...but you have all the earmarks of an abusive personality. Now that she's made the mistake of taking you back, you're probably just going to get worse, push her further next time she pisses you off by expecting you to act like a man instead of a baby.

 

You've heard it before in this thread, but pay attention this time because this is for real the best advice in the world for you: seek therapy. You have big-time emotional problems that you are going to need serious help with. At the very least, take an anger management course.

[stillafool]

How many more hours has to pass by for her to talk to me again? It has been 12 hours now.

 

People in relationships get into arguments all the time and it was only spitting. I left before she had a chance to react.

 

I think maybe one apology the next day should be enough if she's still mad about it.

 

So is she going to put this behind or should I have to go all the day towards giving her flowers and the whole thing some of us men tend to do when a girl is angry?

 

 

To be honest, if a man spat on me I don't think there would be anything he could do to get me back. I don't see her wanting you anymore. Definitely apologize to her but expect to move on to someone else.

[johan]

To be honest, if a man spat on me I don't think there would be anything he could do to get me back.

 

If a man spat on you, a woman, then the relationship would come apart. Not all women would have the self-respect required to maintain such a boundary. And honestly, I don't get the impression we're witnessing a relationship between a man and a woman. I think it's more something between a boy and a girl.

 

If it's even true. This guy's attitude is so nonchalant about what happened that either he's developmentally disabled, pathological, or the entire story is a hoax.

 

Assuming it's for real, I doubt this incident isn't just one of many that would make your skin crawl if you could witness how these two interact. A guy who is feeling ok about spitting in his girlfriend's face must do other equally idiotic things along the way. And whoever he's dating must be almost as stunted as he is to tolerate it all.

 

So they belong together, at least for now, and I wish them luck.