Torn between two lovers

[V]

I am a 38 year old black female with many problems. I am a former crack addict who is depressed much of the time and I don't know why. When I was in treatment I began corresponding with a guy named Dean who is in prison. He loves me and wants to marry me when he gets released this December. I still write him and send him money. He wants to restart his welding business when he gets out. He has a daughter from a previous marriage. I was previously married and was in prison too. After I got out of treatment I met a guy named Mike,that I am currently seeing and engaged to. Mike is a Godsend. He is kind and treats me like no man has ever treated me before(all my previous relationships were abusive) Mike is loving,kind, and faithful. All of my family loves him.He is always there when I need him.Neither one of these guys knows about the other and I don't want to hurt either one of them. Please help!!! Thank You!I don't know what to do.

[billy the kid]

well it sounds to me like Mike is the one for you at this point in your life, but if you choose Dean well that's your choise... either way one of them will be hurt, you could how ever explain this to Dean and still help him out as a true friend would. I 'm sure as a person in the military does, in the back of his mind the possiability of a dear john letter exists.. then again if Mike is all that you say he is he sould understand when you explain it to him. above all I hope you stay clean.. great luck.

I am a 38 year old black female with many problems. I am a former crack addict who is depressed much of the time and I don't know why. When I was in treatment I began corresponding with a guy named Dean who is in prison. He loves me and wants to marry me when he gets released this December. I still write him and send him money. He wants to restart his welding business when he gets out. He has a daughter from a previous marriage. I was previously married and was in prison too. After I got out of treatment I met a guy named Mike,that I am currently seeing and engaged to. Mike is a Godsend. He is kind and treats me like no man has ever treated me before(all my previous relationships were abusive) Mike is loving,kind, and faithful. All of my family loves him.He is always there when I need him.Neither one of these guys knows about the other and I don't want to hurt either one of them. Please help!!! Thank You!I don't know what to do.

[Tony T]

You are going to have to develop a sense of honesty and integrity in your life if you want to be happy.

 

It is highly improper to be writing to a man in prison you hardly know, sending him money (boy is he playing you for a fool), and who is lonely for the letters and/or companionship of anything that wears a skirt. I would bet a hundred times more money than you've sent him that he has ten other ladies he's writing to that are also sending him money. There is simply NO WAY he can love you in more than a sisterly way from his prison cell, not knowing you except for what you write him.

 

You are writing him out of empathy and pity, not out of love. You were in prison yourself and you know what it's like. Forget it. You need to get away from your previous life.

 

Now you also say Mike is a Godsend to you. But you sound like you could be a nightmare for him. Unless you get away from this jailbird, stop writing him, stop sending him money, stop leading him on and concentrate on your fiance, you will be in a world of hurt. When your jailbird baby gets out and wants to come and see you, you have no idea the trouble he can create for you and Mike if he begins to stalk you and worse.

 

You just have no idea the problems that can be created by what you are doing. Having an affair with a clean cut, law abiding man can get you in enough trouble without getting involved with a prisoner who's testosterone level will be high as the moon on the day he is released and will be given enough money to get to your doorstep. You just aren't thinking lady...you are creating such big trouble for yourself!!!

 

Clean up your life now!!! Turn honest!!! Be sincere!!! Get some morals and ethics in your life and you will be happy forever. Give your time, energy and love to Mike...if you really love him...or find someone new that you can start out with fresh in a very open, honest, loyal way.

 

The fact that you even need help deciding on which of these guys you want tells me there are serious issues you need to deal with. I could have read your post in my second grade weekly reader and told you Mike was your man.

 

Pretend like today is the first day of the rest of your life...and make it that!!!