Is it possible to gain someones trust back after you've cheated on them? How?

[Mic]

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 2 years now. This past summer I had to go back to my home town(1000 miles away) for 4 months to work. We decided to stay together long distance and talked on the phone all the time. 2 months through, I lost control and I ended up cheating on her several times. I did not tell her about anything because I knew that I'd lose her for sure.

 

So I came back in september and things were going nice but we ended up "breaking up" for mutual reasons in december. Then we started hanging out again, sparks started to fly again, and we started getting much closer than we ever did before, seeing each other every single day, planning to live together.

 

Then **** completely hit the fan at full force. She found out about the summer. I still don't know how but she found out big time. Everything disintegrated because now she knows she can never trust me. The two months before it were getting so good and I know that I really love this girl and I want her back more than anything.

 

It's been 3 weeks and ever since then I've been doing everything I can to show her that I care, that I made a mistake and that I will never cheat or lie again: buying endless bouquets of flowers, writing n singing original songs for her, making her dinner, taking her out to dinner. Things have been getting a little better, she'll actually talk to me again, we hang out sometimes and we actually have a lot of fun. I know that she likes me still, and she loves certain sides of me, but I have to prove to her that she can trust me again. I keep telling her that it was 6 months ago, and from all the hurt I've caused I never, ever want to do it again, but she's still really skeptical.

 

How do I gain this girl's trust back? Is it possible?

 

ps. I gave her my email passwords too

[Fraggles]

Time. It will take time for her to trust you again.

 

Keep doing what you are doing. She needs to process this. It may have been six months ago for you, but for her it's like yesterday.

 

If you really want a relationship again with her, you have to repair the trust.

 

Giving her email passwords is good. Don't stop there - give her voice mail p/w's, show her your cell bill, etc.

 

The more you DO to prove your trustworthyness (word?), the more she will inclined to trust.

[faux]

Originally posted by Fraggles

Time. It will take time for her to trust you again.

 

Keep doing what you are doing. She needs to process this. It may have been six months ago for you, but for her it's like yesterday.

 

If you really want a relationship again with her, you have to repair the trust.

 

Giving her email passwords is good. Don't stop there - give her voice mail p/w's, show her your cell bill, etc.

 

The more you DO to prove your trustworthyness (word?), the more she will inclined to trust.

 

I for one trusted one cheater once, and that proved a huge mistake. Once that happens, to me, it's over. If she trusts you again that's her own decision. Talk to her and continue to be open with her, and show that you care, but if you've been going all out she might be upset if you think you're “in the cool” again and suddenly stop treating her.

 

I really don't believe in showing passwords or sharing personal accounts. Ever. With a SysAdmin maybe. With anyone else? Never. Anything password protected I feel is off grounds. However, logging on in her presence, and letting her read is another thing entirely. That sounds alright to me.

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by faux

I really don't believe in showing passwords or sharing personal accounts. Ever. With a SysAdmin maybe. With anyone else? Never. Anything password protected I feel is off grounds.

 

Just out of sheer curiosity, given this guy's situation (and him trying to SHOW his girl that he can be trusted), what would be the reason for objecting to him giving her his password...to his email account here, we're not talking about him giving the p/w to his online banking or something of that nature. If he's got nothing to hide, what would it hurt if she had his password? If he's just letting her read his mail while he's logged on, she COULD think that all he's done is be sure to delete anything he wouldn't want her to read. Don't you think? If she knew she had his password, I'd think she'd have a greater sense that he can't be hiding things he shouldn't be.

 

What do YOU personally think is wrong with sharing an email password? I mean, worst thing that happens is if you break up, you just change your password.

[Thinkalot]

Probably time will help. It also depends on the person though. Some people can never fully trust someone again once they have been cheated on. I have not been in that situation, but I expect I would not be able to trust fully again. I have enough troubles with trust as it is!

 

Good luck to you. Keep doing what you are doing.

[Fofinha]

You have to gain her trust again. That takes time. You're definately on the right track by having given her your e-mail password. I would also share my voice mail password and show her my cell phone bill. If you really love this girl and truly have nothing to hide, then, you will only gain from being totally open with her. Hopefully your relationship will be better than it ever was. You have to be patient though and keep in mind that, in time, she might trust again. But remember, one lie or one slip-up and you'll be back to square 1!

[Orange County]

You forgot the first rule: Never, Ever admit to anything.

 

"It wasnt me." "I was just playing around with the guys when I told them that, I didnt think they took me seriously."

[morrigan]

It looks like you've done what you can. It's up to her to decide if she feels she can trust you and if she wants to be involved in a relationship with you.

 

Don't make excuses for your affairs, or try to bullsh*t about them, that only will make you look like an immature coward. Act like an adult and take responsibility for what you did. Time is the big test.

[Fedup&givingup]

I think you are on the right track. I'm sorry you cheated, and I seriously hope you learned a valuable lesson and do NOT do it again. IF for any reason you have lost this girl for good, don't screw up again. You will recognize a good thing when you've got it.

 

P.S. Don't listen to the poster who said you forgot about the first rule and don't admit...that's NO way to gain an ounce of trust. Whoever said that must have been smoking the crack pipe too hard.

[dictategood]

if i were her i be runnin for da hillz straight up yo. you cheat once you be cheatin again FOO!

[cword]

I wouldn't just show her your cell phone bill. I'd wait until she asks to see it then show it to her. But so simple things like when you are away from her call her and tell her that you're Joes house and you were thinking about her and wanted to hear her voice. Make sure you tell her you love her when the conversation ends. It's going to take time for her to trust you again. But all you have to do is pray about it and let God reveal to her that you are sincere and true. For future reference, keep ya little man under control because it's not worth it going out there sleeping around hurting people or yourself, because look at you, you're hurting like crazy over a piece of butt. Was it worth it? Good luck!!!!

[jnb637]

Bottom Line: It wont happen! Unfortunately, they will NEVER stop second guessing you. they may forgive and try to forget but it will always be in the back of their head!

[vbh289]

I was in a relationship with a girl I loved and still love to death, she thought I cheated, I didn't but that was the reason of the breakup. They will NEVER stop second guessing you, I gave her email passwords, phone passwords, bills, anything I could think of... bit me in the ass! Good luck!