LaraC Posted November 22, 2010 Share Posted November 22, 2010 I just realized today, I am wasting time on the wrong people. There are guys I truly care about, and a guy I recently got 'addicted' to because of his high energy and similar interests to mine, he's incredibly fun to be around and very loud, while I am very quiet and polite, its intoxicating and I thought I was developing feelings But I'm realizing I'm just wasting time. When I imagine myself in a long term relationship I cringe deep down, even though its fun to be around a guy who is loud, funny and intense, and we work so well together on various levels professionally, as far as a relationship it would be terrible. I hate his negativity and how he always finds something wrong with me or how something I did was wrong. I'm sick of his annoying accusations, spying on me and how he always needs the credit for things we work on together. For a while I was wondering if he is one of those guys who is nice to girls he doesn't care about, but the girls he does care about get the worst treatment. I guess it doesn't matter, I know this can't go any farther relationship wise, I don't know what to do next. I'd still like to keep him as a friend, at parties he is a lot of fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Brandi 2 Posted November 22, 2010 Share Posted November 22, 2010 I understand where your coming from. In some ways he's cool and others he's not. I'm right there with you (or was). I was torn all of the time because I knew nothing would ever come of the relationship, it would never go anywhere because I couldn't stand his hoarding and some of the tacky (in my opinion) things he liked and would 'decorate' his home with ~~~~~ewwww Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaraC Posted November 23, 2010 Author Share Posted November 23, 2010 yes, in some ways he's cool others he is so not... another thing I noticed, is that I mostly got so attached to him because another lady tried to take him away. Isn't that weird? I mean, I know he's the wrong guy for me.... it's just so frickin annoying and tacky that another lady butts in to interfere in our 'relationship' and in response I got more posessive, and he seems to like playing women off of each other too Even though I know he's totally wrong for me on so many levels, it's like I was more determined not to let this lady get the upper hand and think she's managed to break us up, when the whole time I had serious doubts about this guy who I wouldn't have been seeing otherwise. Not sure if that is normal. Some kind of sick game, I'm glad I see clearly enough to bail out with no regrets. Link to post Share on other sites
Brandi 2 Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 Good for you, him playing both of you, because 'he could' is not right. Competition has been a motivating factor in many cases, it's not weird, it's normal. I do bet he loved that!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 Congrats, you're one of the few people who know what they want... the "individually tailored" approach is probably best for you. That's the good news. The bad news is it takes persistence to find the right person if you know what you want. There will be times when you feel like giving up, like you're working hard and going nowhere... You know how people say "it'll just happen"? Well, for people like us who take the individually tailored approach, you're going to have "a-ha" moments when you wake up and try a new idea or you put 2+2 together, and you end up with something to show for it. If you're the only one trying that particular idea, then you have no competition. You'll probably not meet the love of your life right away with this approach, but you'll at least be closer than you've ever been before. Link to post Share on other sites
Sharpie Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 Wow, Disillusioned, that advice is amazing. Think I'll steal that for myself. But when you feel like giving up, what do you do? I'm starting to think I'm too "individual" for my own good. Wish I had my own advice to give. I think I'm pretty good at ruling people out for a relationship. But not so good at ruling people in. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 But when you feel like giving up, what do you do? When that happens, I start thinking up excuses why suicide isn't such a hot idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaraC Posted November 25, 2010 Author Share Posted November 25, 2010 I think I'm pretty good at ruling people out for a relationship. But not so good at ruling people in. lol I hear ya but don't be suicidal Disillusioned!! I find it's a big relief to just walk away once it's clear things aren't working out... big red flags include realizing I feel more anxious than relaxed when we're together, or if he calls I have ambigous reactions like being really happy to see his name on caller id then immediately thinking "he's gonna bring up that other girl again just to piss me off, just watch" or "I bet he wants another thankless favor from me" ... it causes too much resentment, suspicion and anxiety. My standards aren't impossibly high, he doesn't need to make a ton of money or be the hottest guy in the room, but I do need for him to reinforce rather than destroy trust, show loyalty, gratitude if I go out of my way to help and not disrespect me. I have to downgrade him from potential relationship material to friendzoner, it's a big decision to move on and pretty much irreversible once I make it. not sure I'm exactly sure what you mean by "individually tailored", the one guy I ever fell truly head over heels for (until I moved out of state for college and 2 years later he got married) recently got a divorce, in comparison to how happy and confident I felt when we used to see each other, this new guy's BS is even more apparent. Still we did have alot in common and he is a fun and brilliant guy, so I wanted to give him a chance to show what he could offer - and the answer was disappointment, unreliability and encouraging competition between me and another lady which is a big trust buster in my book, all in all I don't feel I can trust and rely on him completely.. so any long term relationship is absolutely out of the question. Moving on... thanks all for your input BTW, all of your comments are very helpful and I'm grateful Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 not sure I'm exactly sure what you mean by "individually tailored", I mean, only YOU know what turns you on. You'd be amazed at how many people waste money on professional matchmakers to do their job for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Sharpie Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 A lot of times my "rejection" of a guy is based on his obvious lack of interest in me. But I still give myself credit for resisting his (non) advances and turning that man down. Link to post Share on other sites
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