34 days NC!

[WTRanger]

Despite wanting to know why, I've crossed the 30 day barrier of NC. There are some things that are slowly dawning on me.

 

1. I had originally planned on going 90 days NC then re-evaluating things. This would give time for things to settle and the Holidays to clear. But as time goes on, I'm asking myself why in the world would I ever want to let her back in my life? Who needs that crap? Maybe I'll re-evaluate at the 9,000 day mark.

 

2. Stop the rumination. Sweet weeping Christ on the Cross this will drive you nuts and realistically hurt your health. I went in to the doc for tightness in my chest, and all it was was an overload of stress. Short of that, I'm healthy as a mule. From deaths in the family to she-devil, more she-devil than anything. Ruminating didn't solve anything. It's okay to have thoughts, but stop bringing them up over and over again.

 

3. The original stand-up could have been forgivable given an actual human conversation and time. Not owing up to it, not saying anything is far worse and is the unforgivable part. Really, it's so retarded it takes the retard cake. It's laughable at this point.

 

4. Work on forgiveness for them and yourself. But be careful, as during this stage it may be the hardest time to want to reach out to them. Just because you've accepted what they did and forgive them for being a dildo, doesn't mean you have to tell them.

 

5. If she wants to explain herself, what's to explain? The fact that she got so wrapped up in the new part of her life that she completely forgot to give a sh*t about the people that were there for her though all the storms to get to the sunshine? Why on Earth would I want that kind of person?

[Leandro]

Good job WTRanger, keep it up!

[Gt.ooh]

Kudos! It only gets easier from here on out with the odd "hic-up". I'm just getting closer to indifference...once your there the going back and forth of to ever try again, or to not care all together disappear and you can live life and whatever happens; happens.

[WTRanger]

Of course I still care about her, I probably always will. It's all coming down to the final realization that I don't want what she's become in my life. I don't want to give even a spec of effort to someone who, on a whim or calculatedly planned, decided to fall of the face of the planet without any sort of communication.

 

It's just not worth it when I can spend that effort on a girl who is going to reciprocate what I do.

 

I also learned that going on dates, even bad dates, is a good way to get over her. Even the bad dates help you re-learn what works and doesn't work.

[WTRanger]

Today feels like I'm walking up a NC hill full of banana peels. I've just had this sudden urge to try to contact her to at least get some sort of answer, but I'm so far staying true to my resolve not to. My need to get at least some answer has flared up again.

 

House said it best, "Humans are naturally curious. We have to know what is going on. The man who investigated the noise in the bush lived longer than the man who assumed it was just the wind."

 

Too bad no matter what I do I can't get the answer I seek unless she actually opens up. That's not likely, so that keeps me from trying.

[Gt.ooh]

Today feels like I'm walking up a NC hill full of banana peels. I've just had this sudden urge to try to contact her to at least get some sort of answer, but I'm so far staying true to my resolve not to. My need to get at least some answer has flared up again.

 

House said it best, "Humans are naturally curious. We have to know what is going on. The man who investigated the noise in the bush lived longer than the man who assumed it was just the wind."

 

Too bad no matter what I do I can't get the answer I seek unless she actually opens up. That's not likely, so that keeps me from trying.

 

WT: I'm in the same boat my friend. Just a mere 3 days ago I had a date, it went well...looking forward to the next one. But just these last 2 days, BAM! I think about her and some of the things we did/used to do, and I want to reach out...my human nature is not one to leave things on bad terms, it's just not necessary. So here I am, wanting to so badly..contact...but I refuse. I really want to push myself and get at least 3 months of true no contact, re-evaluate my thoughts and feelings, and take charge on what I feel is best at that time.

 

Keep up the good work, because it truly is work to a degree to make ur mind switch off..

[WTRanger]

WT: I'm in the same boat my friend. Just a mere 3 days ago I had a date, it went well...looking forward to the next one. But just these last 2 days, BAM! I think about her and some of the things we did/used to do, and I want to reach out...my human nature is not one to leave things on bad terms, it's just not necessary. So here I am, wanting to so badly..contact...but I refuse. I really want to push myself and get at least 3 months of true no contact, re-evaluate my thoughts and feelings, and take charge on what I feel is best at that time.

 

Keep up the good work, because it truly is work to a degree to make ur mind switch off..

 

Exactly brother, I really want to get to 90 days of pure NC and see where I feel from there. It's tough though. There's some stuff I really want to say, things that I've learned during my time accepting what happened.

 

I just keep telling myself that if I reach out now, it's too soon. But it goes against everything we've been taught our lives. I was always in sports, I was in the Marines, and all I was taught was to never give up. Never surrender, keep pushing forward no matter what the odds. That works for everything, except a breakup. When you are playing football, and the score is you are losing 800-0, yet you keep playing hard people will at least respect your heart and your desire to play the game. In a break-up and things are stacked against you, if you fight you look like a wuss. A love-sick puppy dog. It's so counter to everything!

 

All I can say is, thank God for Halo: Reach. That game has kept my mind off of actually contacting her.

[Eternity001]

Good old Master Chief, is there anything he can't do (I know he's not in Reach, don't worry)

 

NC is a harsh mistress. I for one have NEVER been able to achieve it. It goes against every fibre of me. If my ex contacts me I feel obliged to respond out of courtesy, but mainly because I'm happy to hear from her.

 

I saw her for the first time in a year on Monday. I've been a wreck since, I sent her a final email last night telling her how I felt, laid it all on the table and not to contact me under any circumstances. Once she's done reading it she texts me a response along the lines of, she's not seeing anyone and doesn't want to and isn't looking for commitment just yet but if you can't handle being friends then I'll leave you be xoxo"

 

I know she cares about me and always will but the NC is ****ing tough in the mentally pathetic state I'm in at the moment. Wish i could fast forward 3 months.

 

Weird thing is I was fine for 10 months, I was the dumper mind you but hit a wall 2 months ago and everything went back to square one. Now I feel like I've just been broken up with.

 

I admire you folks. Part of me just thinks, suck it up and be friends and I'll probably get over it.

[OpMojo]

Good old Master Chief, is there anything he can't do (I know he's not in Reach, don't worry)

 

NC is a harsh mistress. I for one have NEVER been able to achieve it. It goes against every fibre of me. If my ex contacts me I feel obliged to respond out of courtesy, but mainly because I'm happy to hear from her.

 

I saw her for the first time in a year on Monday. I've been a wreck since, I sent her a final email last night telling her how I felt, laid it all on the table and not to contact me under any circumstances. Once she's done reading it she texts me a response along the lines of, she's not seeing anyone and doesn't want to and isn't looking for commitment just yet but if you can't handle being friends then I'll leave you be xoxo"

 

I know she cares about me and always will but the NC is ****ing tough in the mentally pathetic state I'm in at the moment. Wish i could fast forward 3 months.

 

Weird thing is I was fine for 10 months, I was the dumper mind you but hit a wall 2 months ago and everything went back to square one. Now I feel like I've just been broken up with.

 

I admire you folks. Part of me just thinks, suck it up and be friends and I'll probably get over it.

 

@Eternity001, do you really want to be friends with her? If so you're a stronger man than me. I'm no one's emotional punching bag so I can't think of anything worse than being friends with my ex. I don't hate her or wish her ill, and indeed I've fully forgiven her for her past wrongs. But at the end of the day she's really become irrelevant to my existence. I've been 100% NC since the divorce was finalised in April this year.

 

Changed phone numbers and email addys, locked her, her family and her/our friends (and friends of friends) out of my Facebook, moved to a city about 250 km away and it's been great.

 

Caveat: We hadn't gotten around to having kids yet - we were supposed to this year but got a divorce instead. Much respect to those guys out there who are dealing with this stuff when there are kids involved. I salute you.

[WTRanger]

If she'd contact me, I'd think about responding depending on what she said. I'm not going to ignore her simply to settle a debt or do it out of spite. However, I really don't have to worry about that as she's not the type of person to admit she made some mistakes. If she does contact me, it'll be some dumbass fwd fwd fwd email that has zero bearing on what happened.

 

If you have said all you can say, then there isn't any more to say so NC is the only thing left. You can't be friends with the ex if you still carry feelings for her. It's as simple as that.