king_shot Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 First time posting, looking to get some other perspectives on my present situation. Dated a woman for a little over a year, it ended back in July. In spite of some differences which ended things for us (personality types, lack of a 'future' together) we were good friends, and extraordinary sexual partners to one another. Since the break up, when we were both single, there have been a few intimate encounters with the knowledge that we are not getting back together. Woman starts dating a guy she has known for many years, I am still single. Woman still will talk with me, and still has sexual feelings for me. New guy is not as present to her needs as I was, and is also away from her a lot (they live in different towns about 40 minutes apart). She loves him, and in many ways he is more 'the right guy' for her than I was. It sounds as though the only area they are deficient in is in the bedroom, where her and I excelled. New guy knows about me to the extent that he doesn't mind her hanging out with me (accepts that I am a friend to her). New guy is away for a couple weeks, and woman is really struggling with wanting to do more with me than just playing card games together. My dilemma-I don't want to create guilt for her, I don't want new guy to get hurt, I don't want to drive myself nuts. I know being sexual with woman is not a negation of her feelings for new guy, yet I know it is still 'cheating'. As a friend to her I want her to feel satisfied and at peace though, and it is difficult knowing that this is one area of our friendship that was never a problem (having sex). In fact, we both are aware that we probably enjoyed the best sexual relationship with one another that we will ever experience. Even the sex after our relationship was incredible and far more satisfying than 'random' casual sex. I am still single as well, so any sexual outlet I have would only be with her. If I was dating someone I probably would not put myself in her position. "Occam's razor" in this situation would be to just cut off all contact with her, but I feel like I would be an ******* for doing that, and taking away one of her only close friends. I welcome other perspectives, thanks for muddling your way through this far Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 Find a woman who is single. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 If the roles were reversed how would you feel if you were the other guy? Please stop trying to justify this. As a previous poster state: go find a single woman. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 I would never entertain keeping company with a woman that I had broken up with. Write her a nice polite NC note. Respect her relationship. Do the right thing. You will feel like hell when your testosterone rises. Link to post Share on other sites
gisellefromhell Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 (edited) Honestly? I, as a person who has been cheated on in multiple relationships, think that you should just sleep with her if that's what you want to do (ALSO if you're sure you won't feel bad about it afterwards). You should also be cool with losing this friend of yours, and you should also be aware of the danger you're putting yourself in (her guy might want to physically hurt you if he found out). Why do I say this, knowing that I've gone through the pain of being cheated on? It's because cheating is the fault of the person in the relationship who chose to cheat. You're a single guy, and single people should sleep with whoever the can. This isn't the moral road to take, but it's practical. Unless you yourself will feel guilty about it later on, that is. Edited November 23, 2010 by gisellefromhell Link to post Share on other sites
alexlakeman Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 You have to ask?!?!?!?! How old r you? Man, hit it, hit hard and often!!! You now have a very desireable and potential FWB!!!! And you didn't have to put effort into it. Don't worry about her being in a relationship. While your bangin her look into her eyes and see if you see any signs of "guilt" at that moment or when you are making her scream in bed lol. This is what you need to think "If the man would be covering her needs, she wouldn't be looking for some on the side; she would be in lala land thinking of when her man is coming back, thinking of the next time she talks to him, or what's she's going to by at Vicki's for when he returns. If she doesn't get it from YOU, she get it somewhere else". Just make sure she's on some birth control, you don't want to end up on some white trash tv talk show "who's my baby's daddy?" Lol Good luck and hope you decide on being her fwb. Link to post Share on other sites
alexlakeman Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 If the roles were reversed how would you feel if you were the other guy? Please stop trying to justify this. As a previous poster state: go find a single woman. "If the roles were reversed"? Ok, next time you see a homeless person think of your statement "if the roles were reversed" how would this homeless person feel. Then swap places with him / her for a day. "Roles revered" and "do the right thing", remember? Ahhhhh, so there are exceptions! LoL. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 I'm hoping against hope that you have a moral code that will stand in the way of you continuing to have a sexual relationship with this woman when she is in a committed relationship. Geez. Link to post Share on other sites
tesh87 Posted November 24, 2010 Share Posted November 24, 2010 If she really loved this other guy, the sex wouldnt be an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
gisellefromhell Posted November 24, 2010 Share Posted November 24, 2010 If she really loved this other guy, the sex wouldnt be an issue. I think that if she really loved her boyfriend, she wouldn't even have contact with King. Sexual chemistry doesn't equate love. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted November 24, 2010 Share Posted November 24, 2010 I'm hoping against hope that you have a moral code that will stand in the way of you continuing to have a sexual relationship with this woman when she is in a committed relationship. Geez. Agreed. The answer to this "complexity" seems pretty straight-foward to me. Link to post Share on other sites
alexlakeman Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 Ok, after reading a our vast a diversified wisdom on here, , what was decided? You have us in suspense? lol Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 From what I've read so far you seem an OK and pretty decent guy. Your girl friend, on the other hand, seems like quite a messed-up person. If she really wants to cheat on her boyfriend with you then she must be lacking in terms of character. And I can't see the benefit of maintaining a friendship with someone with low morals. And, as many here have pointed out, if she really loved her boyfriend, sex wouldn't be such a big issue. Why is she with him, anyway? Jeez... Link to post Share on other sites
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