lkjh Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 go one step further and change you locks and remove her from your facebook friends list Congrats on taking the next step Link to post Share on other sites
Ballerfamily Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Balleryfamily: Thanks man.. I know what you are saying. Lots of our friends are mutual. Especially the ones who know of our situation are mostly her close friends. So, it kind of sucks.. family is the best though! Unlike you my mother-in-law has been pretty sweet to me.. and father-in-law. They have both tried to cheer me up and give me some love. "So sorry Matt.. We didn't raise her like this." She is being such a c*** to her Mom - her Mom is really into the idea of her coming back to me and so she was giving my wife some attitiude.. my wife just writes her off and says she is crazy and a drunk, blah blah. When a few months ago she would never dare say something like this about her Mom. It is sad to see her self destruct and ruin relationships with family and friends. Oh well.. her loss not mine. calling it abuse kind of hurts. I'm trying to help so you dont go down my and others path. we could sugarcoat it. would that help? Im with you. I will just watch, hopefully you get what you want Link to post Share on other sites
Ballerfamily Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 slowBUTSURE: Thanks for the advice. It all seems like a stereotypical chain of evets in these circumstances. I want to nip it in the butt. I want to break NC and tell her it is over and that I am not a backup plan. Others here tell me just to ignore and let it go onward with out contact. So, I am a bit confused as to how to proceed. why talk. Actions. send the d papers. then you will know. its only paper. it will shake her to the core, or it wont. you not talking will drive her crazy. they cant stand not knowing what your thinking or up to. i wish i would have heeded my advice, believe me. now i'm the crazy one, or least she thinks lol Link to post Share on other sites
dickface Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Hey man I feel your struggle, but everyone here is bang on. I myself have had to grow up and become a man due to a girl not reciprocating my feelings towards her. I had a best friend for 10 years with whom I had no feelings for until 2 years ago. I seen she was changing her life at the time and she had broken up with her bf and I was just rejected by another girl so naturally It would seem that me and her would be perfect. I had told her my feelings but got the I dont see you that way. Anyways you know the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. My point is until I came to a place where I didnt want to be at her mercy I began to do things for me. Which included not being that person she can use like a tampon. She saw the change and felt the pressure without me having to justify or explain my feelings. Eventually she got the point that I was not going to be a pushover or someone who would take her **** any longer. I learned how to setup up boundaries and stuck by them. My point is that although we were never together and she owed me nothing I can say that for once because I am doing things for none other reason than for myself and having come to acceptance of everything. I am alot more confident in myself having learned alot about myself. I even see changes in how she is acting towards me giving me the attention and acting like everything is all good which normally would have made me want this girl again but I dont know if some of the damage can be repaired until I can feel like she has proven herself to me I will continue to keep her at a distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Share Posted November 30, 2010 Good.. it looks like I am on the right track. It feels powerful to not respond to her, it really does. dickface: I certainly don't want to be used as a tampon. Especially after another man's d*** was in there...haha. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Surfer, you certainly appear to be making strides in the right direction. I also empathize with the desire to find someone else. Resist it! Leave that be. Just focus on YOU right now. Press forward with your course of action, your wife is showing you NO RESPECT, largely because she is so deep in the fog right now she cannot see straight. If you are going to move towards divorce then use this to your advantage right now and clobber her. Keep posting as you have a long road to go through and to say it will an emotional roller coaster is an understatment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Share Posted November 30, 2010 Yeah.. I should probably give it a little more time before dating again. I will keep doing what I'm doing. Thanks for the support! Link to post Share on other sites
Wilie Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Surfer, I am in the same spot as you, except i was on the roller coaster for 5 months.. i got the talk but never action.. so i decided to hold my wife accountable on Turkey day.. i went NC on that day... changed phone numbers,emails, passwords , i did everything i could to make it so i would not be able to hear her words anymore. I just got back from my lawyers office, she has had the divorce papers since 11/18, but not doing anything with them. It is hard, but maintain the NC, and do what you need to do, it IS hard, but it does get easier everyday you maintain NC... It has to be done.. you are second to no other man.. so DO IT and do it right.. Will Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Yet another text from my wife. This one asking how to turn off international data roaming on her phone, since she is now back in the states. I have ignored it. For some reason I looked at her Facebook page, there is nothing major but I noticed she is friends now with 2 more male models. What a joke. She thinks immersing herself in that world is enriching her life, while it is just shallow and empty. It makes me a bit annoyed actually.. she is so shallow and misguided. Oh well, won't let it get me down. Onward! Part of me wants to break NC just to tell her that I am sick of this BS and am done with waiting. I don't know what to do really. Part of me wants to see what will happen, while the other part figures that it is too far gone and wants to just give up. What do you folks think? Keep with NC, and while you're still NCing, keep the legal stuff going with the lawyer, get your ducks in a row NOW! Get the separate account NOW! Let her live it up now in her fog and let her stay there until you're absolutely ready to strike with the Divorce papers! No reason to alert her now and reveal your hand! Because when you strike, count on her getting really nasty! Because you'd be destroying her affair fog bubble! I figure that if she really wanted you, she'd be back already! Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Ballerfamily: Understand. I will do my best to move on. Trying really hard. Today is the first of many days to recover, I am aware that it will take a long time, but I am sick of it and ready to move on. Again.. thanks for the support everyone. I feel like you are all my friends. It is sad because my real friends in real life have been awful. No one is giving me great support or checking in on me. Only my parents and brothers are really giving a f*** about me. But this has made my relationship with them closer, which is great. A silverlining to this situation. Retiring for the night.. more fun tomorrow I'm sure, especially since I am ignoring her attempts at contacting me! Hahaha. You might be surprised how many of your real life friends knew of your wife's cheating, some might have screwed her, maybe not, some may not want to get involved with the situation. Thank God you have support from your family! Be prepared for your STBX-Hex, I mean Ex, to start coming around personally, she'll do that to see if you're pining away for her, don't speak to her, just walk away!And don't let her in the house if it's legal! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Share Posted November 30, 2010 Willie: Best of luck to you man! NC is going to be hard, but it feels really good that she is trying to get a hold of me and I am ignoring her, she is getting very confused. I have now received 5-6 texts from her since 5:24 PM yesterday.. we aren't even at a full day later yet. I have a feeling she is going to sneak attack me into a call.. I will just let all calls go to voice mail. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 The karma bus will some day catch up with her. My XW had just graduated with a degree in elctronics. After our break up she turned to partying. She was let go from a Fortune 500 company after failing a drug test. And even though the area was hurting for people with her expertise, nobody would hire her. She ended up living and working for friends who ran a puppy mill OUCH! So does this mean her degree is now useless? Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Willie: Best of luck to you man! NC is going to be hard, but it feels really good that she is trying to get a hold of me and I am ignoring her, she is getting very confused. I have now received 5-6 texts from her since 5:24 PM yesterday.. we aren't even at a full day later yet. I have a feeling she is going to sneak attack me into a call.. I will just let all calls go to voice mail. Changing your phone number/s would be better! Then you won't have as much of a problem hearing her voice, or her making up something! Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Changing your phone number/s would be better! Then you won't have as much of a problem hearing her voice, or her making up something! Also, make sure she can't find this web site! You may want to delete your computer history and also not add this site to any favorites! If she still finds this site on her own, she may not know who you are, so don't put too many details on here about yourself! Then she'd know what you're up to and what you're about to do! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Share Posted November 30, 2010 Well.. Darth.. there is no way she could find this because she does not live with me anymore, therefore has no access to my computer history or bookmarks. She is clueless. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 Well.. Darth.. there is no way she could find this because she does not live with me anymore, therefore has no access to my computer history or bookmarks. She is clueless. Here again, if she somehow gained access to your place she may try to see what you're up to! Is she tech savvie? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted November 30, 2010 Author Share Posted November 30, 2010 Darth: She is moderately tech saavy, but I don't think she could find anything. I clear all of my history and temp files on a daily basis. If she dares go in my house with out my consent, oh boy! Restraining order, or something will be in order. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 (edited) Darth: She is moderately tech saavy, but I don't think she could find anything. I clear all of my history and temp files on a daily basis. If she dares go in my house with out my consent, oh boy! Restraining order, or something will be in order. Well, I don't know about the R O, after all, you two are still married, technically anyway. Her OM may have given her some tips about computers too, I'm trying to help you to play it safe when it comes to your privacy on these forums, all she needs now is to find this place to discover what you're doing. Don't say it can't happen, because it's already happened before! I've seen it firsthand! She could access the internet from other places and read up on here and recognize your situation/s. Edited November 30, 2010 by Darth Vader Link to post Share on other sites
FreeNow Posted November 30, 2010 Share Posted November 30, 2010 In addition to all of the other healthy things NC does; it buys you time to get your legal strike in order! - Don't break NC. Let her keep guessing... very, very important. - Don't waste this time. Get all of your legal stuff/actions in play immediately. As far as enjoying her trying to get in contact with you. Be careful because when she realizes that she's not getting contact then she will go silent. If you allow your euphoria to elevate too much when she's contacting you, you might very well feel an equal and opposite effect when she goes into silent running mode. Try as best you can to become indifferent to her contact. I wouldn't suggest changing telephone numbers until your legal strike is in full force. As long as she has the illusion of being able to contact you, she is less likely to implement her own legal first strike. Change the number and you are likely to get an in person visit from her or even legal action! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 1, 2010 Author Share Posted December 1, 2010 So.. now her friend has text messaged me and is asking how I am doing. So, I ignored her too. I'm sure my wife asked her to see if I would respond to her. I am REALLY getting sick of this situation. I KNOW I am being strung along like a f****** idiot. I am feeling intense feelings of hate for my wife at the moment. She is living a fantasy life and it is sickening to me. Her blatant disregard for all she stood for and all she cared about is upsetting. Grrr!!! I went to my MMA class tonight, it was nice, certainly kept my mind off of my wife.. but I came home and am stewing again. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted December 1, 2010 Share Posted December 1, 2010 You need but go to the local library with internet access and Google your own real name, or your user name here ~ and then have the time and patience to go through any and all of the hits. You doubt me? Google Gunny376 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 1, 2010 Author Share Posted December 1, 2010 I doubt she even cares enough to look... F*** her! Link to post Share on other sites
michaelhopes Posted December 1, 2010 Share Posted December 1, 2010 Gunny's right....dont give her any ammo.... Link to post Share on other sites
FreeNow Posted December 1, 2010 Share Posted December 1, 2010 There are other free search engines like pipl.com that can be eye opening too. That particular one isn't as encompassing as google but makes for a simpler first run look. You can do it by name, username, email, and the like. Link to post Share on other sites
Eye of Hourus Posted December 1, 2010 Share Posted December 1, 2010 (edited) I found you in 10 seconds on ppl.com. and a very hansome young cancerian from the Danbury area you are. I can only agree with the other posters, change your numbers and most importantly, change the locks - especially if she has relocated to NYC. That is where she lives. Check with your lawyer, but I'm sure it won't be a biggy. Worst case she can pursue getting a key thru her own lawyer - if she can afford it. The Eye. “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils” Louis-Hector Berlioz. Edited December 1, 2010 by Eye of Hourus grammar Link to post Share on other sites
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