How to stay sane while wife is making decision?

[What_Next]

I for one agree with Steadfast. There has been a LOT of fuel being added to the fire here in this thread. There are some on here that just need to push their agenda in terms of and "get that bi__h" attitude. In fact if you read their posts the theme is so in your face it is amazing.

 

Sure, protect yourself, get the advice of an attourney. By all accounts your marriage is over. Do you really need to grind your heel into her? Isn't the best revenge living well and moving on? How does going through a mean and nasty divorce futher that?

 

Get an attourney, record everything you need to and move on! Period. As for a "revenge affair" or whatever you want to call it, DON'T! Why? I was there, I thought it was the answer to my grief, it was NOT. Give it time and heal properly before getting someone else involved.

[Ballerfamily]

the sex part, will take a long time to get through. Not sure if you've seen anything explicit between them? I did. Mostly sexting. I'm glad I did, even though the movies play more explicit in my mind. But I had to see it, to believe it. I was tired of being in limbo.

 

One thing I try to calm myself with is, one day or even now, what they feel like away from OM after sex, and maybe what they see in there lovers eyes while banging em. They see you or they will.

You and her fertalized and mowed the grass. If you don't, and they haven't, it dies or becomes ugly and weedy.

 

This fantasy shall die, either by him banging other, or it gets old and he actually farts too and keeps the toilet seat up and leaves some clothes on floor.

 

Cheaters are cheaters. Will they trust each other once the fog lifts, or she is on her period and has the monthly bitchiness from it? hell no. Like being part of the mob, when are you going to be betrayed? Usually, sooner then later

[Ballerfamily]

I for one agree with Steadfast. There has been a LOT of fuel being added to the fire here in this thread. There are some on here that just need to push their agenda in terms of and "get that bi__h" attitude. In fact if you read their posts the theme is so in your face it is amazing.

 

Sure, protect yourself, get the advice of an attourney. By all accounts your marriage is over. Do you really need to grind your heel into her? Isn't the best revenge living well and moving on? How does going through a mean and nasty divorce futher that?

 

Get an attourney, record everything you need to and move on! Period. As for a "revenge affair" or whatever you want to call it, DON'T! Why? I was there, I thought it was the answer to my grief, it was NOT. Give it time and heal properly before getting someone else involved.

 

Some of us are alot more analytical then others. Some, she cheated, I'm gone. I for one was frustrated when I came on LS, because everyone siad do this and do that, and were right on, but I had to understand it. I wanted real life experiences, why,what,when, why, what , when, etc.

 

People like Steadfast(which I think highly of) didn't just sigh, smile, and move on. I want to know the things they went through. Not just what to do. Maybe its just me the coach. NEVER GIVE UP, TILL THE FAT LADY SINGS

[Surfer203]

slowbutSURE: That clears things up a bit. She is feeling guilt not remorse.. I knew it all along. People like to fool themselves, but we see right through it.

 

Ballerfamily: That is what is most disturbing, I am a bit analytical too. So.. I need to know the mechanics of what went wrong. When your wife will not tell you what it is or claims "I just had feelings for this other guy" It is extremely irritating. That is not a reason to me.. it is an easy answer to give and frankly it is BS. I still have not gotten a reason and I don't know if I ever will.

[Ballerfamily]

Fuel? I think surfer has asked alot of questions. He doesn't want to just hear hit the high road, etc. He is trying to understand. I will agree on not wishing harm or to much grief on WS, even though a little will surfice. I think this thread has been a great inspiration. Like experienceing it first hand. Some of you are in better place already, so it seems trivial. It isn't to surfer yet or myself. I have learned and strengthened so much. I thank all who have contributed. Pour the gas if thats what it takes.

 

God Bless us all

[Surfer203]

Ballerfamily: Right on! This has been therapeutic, being a member of this forum. I really appreciate each person's comments and insights. I take it all in and it means a lot.

[iheartboobs]

**** her, surfer.

 

Don't get mad, don't get even, don't get upset... she's ****. Do you get mad at **** for leaving you? Do you get upset? Do you plan revenge on the offending piece of ****? No. You clean yourself up, flush, and get on with your life.

[Surfer203]

ihearboobs: You are the man. I agree, I'm done. Washing my hands of her BS. She is not worth the effort anymore, whether if be for reconciliation or retaliation.. just not worth it either way.

[What_Next]

Surfer, I think you have the right attitude. I see it all the time, in fact during my seperation I sat back and "people watched" divorced and seperated couples a lot. Those that were filled with rage and anger always seemed to be spinnning their wheels, they were so hell bent on "getting even" that they forgot that just living well is the best revenge of all.

 

Just ask Donewrong, she was so filled with anger she could not even see straight most of the time. Then the anger subsided and was replaced with sadness. Heck and she was the one that cheated.

 

I was also right where you are, right there on that roller coaster. Don't let the anger win. Experience it and use it. Just plot a course to move on and leave this all behind you, trust me that is the path to true happiness.

 

Good luck and keep posting.

[Ballerfamily]

Surfer, I think you have the right attitude. I see it all the time, in fact during my seperation I sat back and "people watched" divorced and seperated couples a lot. Those that were filled with rage and anger always seemed to be spinnning their wheels, they were so hell bent on "getting even" that they forgot that just living well is the best revenge of all.

 

Just ask Donewrong, she was so filled with anger she could not even see straight most of the time. Then the anger subsided and was replaced with sadness. Heck and she was the one that cheated.

 

I was also right where you are, right there on that roller coaster. Don't let the anger win. Experience it and use it. Just plot a course to move on and leave this all behind you, trust me that is the path to true happiness.

 

Good luck and keep posting.

 

BTW, I appreciate your posts to. I want to get where you are at.

 

SlowbutSure, great insight on remorse. How helpful is that? you rock

[Surfer203]

What_Next: The anger is not really productive.. of course I will always feel some anger about the situation but once it starts dictating my actions then I know I have failed.

[slowbutSURE]

I think the main "agenda" being pushed here is, Please learn from our mistakes and don't repeat them. People sharing their stories which mirrored my own experiences restored sanity to what seemed like an insane situation. It is insane but the BS is not the insanity.

I do not care to re-read the 10,000 posts but I don't remember anyone advocating harm or ill will toward the WS. Quite the opposite. I remember people advocating protection of ill will FROM the WS.

Everyone I have read through these years has a different style of projecting their message and some are more blunt than others. When I first started reading I was reluctant to listen to a few who seemed pretty caustic. After my own experience followed what they had bluntly spelled out, I realized I needed to read all opinions, collect the information and think about it.

Had I followed some blunt honesty, I might have saved myself and my daughters a great deal of pain. I did follow it eventually and we are all living better because of it. All of us except the STBXW and thats too bad for her. I can only live with my choices based on lots of information. She will have to live with hers.

[carhill]

One potential is using the emotion of anger as an energy source, channeling it into productive action. Use it as a fuel source, with logic and cognition as the orifice through which it is metered. My propane tank is full of anger. My heater meters that anger to keep me warm on a winter's day. I've found, through past experience, this is where having a good legal team is crucial. Information is processed, details get worked out, and that fuel of anger is channeled into multiple heaters of cogent and effective action. It's a very efficient use of anger.

[Surfer203]

slowbutSURE: I am doing my best - adding all of this info up and choosing what I think is the best course of action.

 

carhill: That was really clever.. I understand.

[Darth Vader]

Balleryfamily: Yeah.. I expect her to come harder soon.. she has been mild for the most part up untill now. I agree though, Holiday time is going to be hard for her, she is now in the city with NO family, no real close friends sharing the holiday with her. Normally we went up to Canada to see her folks for a week at Xmas time, this year she won't be going home. This year she will be alone with her OM and I am sure it will be pretty empty for her no matter how much "fun" she is claiming to have. I on he other hand will have the pleasure of spending time with my loved ones and enjoying good food this holiday season. Good support and love is what will get me through it, I'm not sure what will get her through it.. oh yeah.. riding this guys d*** all night.. GOOD FOR HER. Here comes the anger again.

 

 

Yeah, get out of town to your family for Christmas. Whatever you do, don't stay there at your home alone! I say this because your STBX may come around about then, perhaps even a little before then, to spend it with you. Make yourself scarce!

[Surfer203]

Darth: HA! I don't see that happening! You really think there is a chance she would come back to me for Xmas?! Fat chance. But hey.. who knows, she was crazy enough to do what she did, maybe she will be crazy enough to come back when the reality of her life sinks in a little deeper.

 

It would be sweet satisfaction. Chances are I would slam the door in her face.

[Darth Vader]

I for one agree with Steadfast. There has been a LOT of fuel being added to the fire here in this thread. There are some on here that just need to push their agenda in terms of and "get that bi__h" attitude. In fact if you read their posts the theme is so in your face it is amazing.

 

Sure, protect yourself, get the advice of an attourney. By all accounts your marriage is over. Do you really need to grind your heel into her? Isn't the best revenge living well and moving on? How does going through a mean and nasty divorce futher that?

 

Get an attourney, record everything you need to and move on! Period. As for a "revenge affair" or whatever you want to call it, DON'T! Why? I was there, I thought it was the answer to my grief, it was NOT. Give it time and heal properly before getting someone else involved.

 

 

Yes, I agree, don't attempt to get revenge. Just get your ducks in a row to Divorce this woman, for your own health and peace of mind! If you remember earlier on, yes, we were trying to pump you up by showing you different aspects and situations, but, all in an attempt to "wake you up"!

None of it was a Lie! Just the Truth!

 

Why you may ask, so you don't wake up years later asking yourself "why didn't I do something sooner", "why didn't someone help me", or worse, "why did I take her back"?

 

Get away from her right fast, real quick, and in a hurry! But don't spike the ball! Protect yourself, we're here for you!

[Darth Vader]

Some of us are alot more analytical then others. Some, she cheated, I'm gone. I for one was frustrated when I came on LS, because everyone siad do this and do that, and were right on, but I had to understand it. I wanted real life experiences, why,what,when, why, what , when, etc.

 

People like Steadfast(which I think highly of) didn't just sigh, smile, and move on. I want to know the things they went through. Not just what to do. Maybe its just me the coach. NEVER GIVE UP, TILL THE FAT LADY SINGS

 

 

:pSince when did your Ex take up singing?:lmao: J/K!:lmao:

[Darth Vader]

Darth: HA! I don't see that happening! You really think there is a chance she would come back to me for Xmas?! Fat chance. But hey.. who knows, she was crazy enough to do what she did, maybe she will be crazy enough to come back when the reality of her life sinks in a little deeper.

 

It would be sweet satisfaction. Chances are I would slam the door in her face.

 

 

I know, it is crazy! That's why I suggested it! The less you see of her the better! Don't do this out of spite, just do this so you don't have a weak moment. It's hard to turn someone down on Christmas! That's why I say get away! So you lessen the chance of having to deal with her.

[Ballerfamily]

Darth: HA! I don't see that happening! You really think there is a chance she would come back to me for Xmas?! Fat chance. But hey.. who knows, she was crazy enough to do what she did, maybe she will be crazy enough to come back when the reality of her life sinks in a little deeper.

 

It would be sweet satisfaction. Chances are I would slam the door in her face.

 

Mine sent D papers on Dec 2, 2009. We were seperated 4 months

 

On Christmas morning around 2 am, I was sleeping on couch by the tree. I awoke to human breathing. I looked around, and there was the ex sleeping away. I thought WTF, and went back to sleep. Merry Christmas LMAO

[Surfer203]

Darth: I get it - haha.. Noted.

 

 

Ballerfamily: That is hysterical! What happened after that? I wouldn't mind getting a nice Xmas gift this year.. but my wife is not the kind of gift I am hoping for.

[iheartboobs]

Ballerfamily: That is hysterical! What happened after that? I wouldn't mind getting a nice Xmas gift this year.. but my wife is not the kind of gift I am hoping for.

 

I'll take this one baller...

 

He set her on fire and then put the fire out with a hammer. The mayor gave him the key to the city for stopping a potential wildfire. A merry Christmas was had by all.

 

When you do good deeds, good things happen.

[Surfer203]

iheartboobs: That gave me a good laugh.. I am in the office and people stared at me as I laughed like a bafoon.

[Darth Vader]

iheartboobs: That gave me a good laugh.. I am in the office and people stared at me as I laughed like a bafoon.

 

 

Don't get into trouble for reading and typing on these forums at work. If you have permission from your Boss it would fine, but, don't lose your job over being on these forums during work hours! NOW GET BACK TO WORK!

[Surfer203]

Darth: Hahaha.. I will be fine. Posting here helps me to get through the day. Keeps my mind on positive aspects of my horrible situation rather than just dwelling on it in my own mind all day. Work has not been as productive for me as it used to be. My wife used to work with me and now I do HER JOB and MY JOB. It is just fantastic! Yet another thing she screwed me with.