Author Surfer203 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 What_Next: I hear you man.. I am just lonely, I miss having some one around to BS with more than I miss my wife actually. I guess the reason I want to date is because I want company.. not a sexual relationship. Doing my best on focusing on myself and am not dreading the holidays like I thought I would. Should be great to be with people who love me, I wouldn't want to spend the holidays any other way! I feel bad for people that don't have anyone (my wife) in a family capacity to be with. I will keep you all up on the attorney and any updates. She did say that I can change the locks - it is perfecty legal in CT.. I just have to notify my wife of this and let her know she can call me to gain access to the house. So, that will involve breaking NC - I am going to wait until a few other items add up before breaking contact. I will do it by email so it is all in writing so that it does not come back to bite me in the ass. Also so that I don't have to speak to her on the phone. Don't want to hear her voice ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
Eye of Hourus Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Hey Surfer, Perhaps you should wait untill she is served before you let her know about the locks. The Eye "The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband."-Joan Rivers Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 The Eye: Good idea. I will hold back anything I can until after she is served. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 surfer203, I hear you on the loneliness. After being in a relationship for 10 years and having the kids running around for the last 6, it's like a big hole in your chest. I'm staying with my parents right now while she's in the house with new bf and the kids...THAT drives me crazy as well, BUT, I know, in less than 5 months, I'll be back in the house, will be living closer to the kids and will have that much more time under my belt to be able to deal with her from a place of no emotion. I've taken the kids every weekend since I moved out 2 months ago, but am going to a party with some friends next weekend, so asked if she could take them Sat. night. She told me it was "hard being away from them all weekend" and was wondering if she could have them Friday night as well (must be that her new bf is out of town, or has his kids...who still haven't met her...so she would be "all alone"). I told her that I only get 2 nights/week of them sleeping over, only see them for 8-9 hours the whole rest of the week and hate to give up a minute of time with them. Part of the separation agreement is that I'll have them every other weekend, but I've already told her I'll take them anytime she needs to WORK (not just for her to go play with the new bf), so, I'll eventually be able to start getting my life going, get back into my hobbies and interests and still get quality time with them. I'm hoping that, once our son starts kindergarten (1 1/2 years) that we can start doing a week on/week off so I can get more time with them...and wouldn't have to see her almost every day. But yes, the loneliness sucks, and, they don't have to deal with that, because they've found someone else to trick into thinking they're great...until their issues start to reveal themselves...my family wants to start a pool on how long she'll last with this new guy...can't imagine EVER thinking of buying a house with someone after only knowing them for 6 months and barely knowing their kids, who would be spending every other weekend with us...seems like a recipe for disaster... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Share Posted December 10, 2010 debtman: I can only imagine that having kids and being with out them would amplify the pain. You sound like a strong person though, you are going to make it my friend! I hear you on the fact that our spouses are being fooled that they are happy because they are consumed with the OM. You are right though, this will wear off and they will be miserable once they realize how badly they f***** up. My family and friends are all waiting for the day that happens too. My wife is not buying a house with him - however she moved in with him immediately after leaving me.. so, we all know how that will play out. Plus he is a model - so, his lifestyle is going to lead him to chase other women - there is no getting around that fact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Share Posted December 10, 2010 Some other tidbits.. Yet another of her close friends checked in on me last night. I talked to her briefly, told her I was doing great, told her about all of the fun things I am doing now.. told her I was going to vacation in California and may be looking for a place out there (totally bulls***) but I figured it may stir the pot a bit because I know she will tell my wife that, hahaha. Also, I noticed on my Blackberry you can see what songs people are playing on their phones - I noticed my wife listening to songs of one of my favorite bands - she does not really like them at all. Maybe she sees me listening to this stuff over and over and wants to see what the lyrics are all about. She is a weirdo like that I think. Trying to silently monitor myself and my life. I have been off Facebook for about a week now and have not spoke to her in about 9 days. Plans with friends tonight for dinner - MMA fighting tomorrow and Xmas shopping this weekend, trying to keep busy. Have a good weekend everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 NICE! Sounds like you've got some good stuff going on... I've been off FB as well since my wife basically lives there. Had a nice night with the kids last night, taking them out to dinner. When I took them home she asked if I would mind her taking them all of next weekend (she's taking them Sat. night because I've got a party I'm going to) because "it's hard not having them all weekend." I wanted to blow up at her because I only see them about 8 hours during the week and the weekend is all I have. She's still in our house while I'm holed up with my parents. She's got her new boyfriend while I'm avoiding getting into a rebound relationship...must be he's out of town next weekend, or has his kids, so she's feeling sorry for herself. I sent her an email this morning asking about planning things out with the kids next week, but she hasn't replied yet and I know she lives on her computer, so she's intentionally doing it to annoy me...unbelievable... I've got the kids tonight until Sun. so am looking forward to that. Meeting some friends with their kids on Sat. and going to their house for dinner, so that will be lots of fun. Holding it together... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Share Posted December 10, 2010 debtman: Thanks man. Sounds like you are sticking up for yourself and for the right to be with your kids. She gets enough time with them - don't let her take any more of that away from you. You ARE doing a good job holding it together you should feel good about that. Have a nice weekend! Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 Someone I know has a lady lawyer who, he says, is VERY hot! He also says, "I can’t talk to her, ever" She won't return calls, etc.. She's already screwed up his case (Social Security benefits) by failing to contact him to go over the evidence with him before the hearing resulting in her presenting the wrong evidence! So hot may not be good in an attorney. OK, that's not good! True, hot may not be be good in some cases (pun not intended). That entirely depends on whether you want a legislatin' attorney or a bangin' attorney. Why can't ya have both in one attorney?!:lmao: J/k!:lmao: :pMore BANG for the buck!:lmao: Get it?:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Share Posted December 10, 2010 Haha.. that is the last thing on my mind currently. When you are depressed or hurt that bad - I think it takes a while to get that desire going again. Link to post Share on other sites
iheartboobs Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 That's a healthy attitude. I know a lot of people who try to have as much sex with as many people as possible soon after a break-up. I guess it's to try and forget their ex or to prove to themselves that they're still desireable... I don't know... it's never made me forget anything and sex isn't that particularly hard to get so I've never seen the point. In the end, if you're not ready for a sexual relationship, all it does is cause more confusion and hurt feelings in an already confusing and painful situation. Continue to work on you. Get your mind in a healthy place. Then you can go have fun again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Share Posted December 10, 2010 iheartboobs: That is the most warm and level headed response I have seen you leave.... and to be honest.. I DON'T LIKE IT! Link to post Share on other sites
iheartboobs Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 Sorry man, I'm only an a-hole like 90% of the time. If you prefer, I can tell you to get out there and **** a bitch, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Share Posted December 10, 2010 Haha.. made me laugh dude. I like both perspectives.. it really depends on my mood though. Haha.. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 I was that person that wanted to have as much sex as they could right after the seperation (my old philosophy of getting OVER someone was best accomplished by getting ON TOP of someone else). It was a mistake. Surfer, I admire your strength and I applaud you. In a way I wish I could have done what you have done. Now I know a lot of people might give their right arm to have a second chance at things, but the reality is that my position is laden with some of the worst feelings I've ever had in my life. At least your road will have a clearly defined end point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Share Posted December 10, 2010 What_Next: I agree on the sex thing, does not make things easier and does not erase pain and sadness.. but thanks man.. my only fear is that this is not completely over. I have a feeling she will be back and if so, then I have to face that. Looking at your situation, reading about it rather... I don't think I would be inclined to try it again - it just seems like too much work for a potentially miserable outcome. Not saying you are doomed, but it seems terrifying to try again. My mindset has switched.. at the start of this I 100% wanted her back.. then it started to shift.. 80% want her back.. now I am at 10% or less.. the only reason that little bit exists is because of the way I feel for my wife and our wonderful history. I am sure this too will fade. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 Surfer good post. Initially right after D-day I wanted nothing to do with her. For all the reasons and many more. Then I got myself into that damned relationship which messed my head up completely. Then I realized I did still want her. I have to wonder whether or not I did want "her" or not or I just didn't want anyone else to have her. Not sure, sorry about the hijack... Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted December 10, 2010 Share Posted December 10, 2010 surfer Prepare yourself, as I suspect that you are right in that she will make an attempt at getting you back. As I posted a couple of days ago, this can be even worse than the original d-day, as it splits you down the middle, your heart says "O yeah", while your brain asks "Are you nuts?" Yes you have a lot of history and memories, but that was with a different person, she might still have the same body, but the essance of her has changed and killed the woman that you married. Neither of you will ever be the same. Here is another problem you are going to have to face and that is triggers. For me the holidays were special, we took decorating to a higher level, and we had this tradition of her wearing this Betty Page outfit while she decorated the tree. Also we married over the holidays, one of the happiest times of my life. Two years after, I received a Betty Page Christmas card from her with her new address and "Call Me" CRASH Even last Christmas, 30 years after the break up, I had a trigger while driving past the apartment complex where we met, the right song on the radio, the right weather, CRASH. It came out of no where. I had driven past that spot hundreds of times, and nothing. But that day, it got to me In fact I drove past that same spot not more than an hour ago, and didn't even thing about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Share Posted December 10, 2010 Thanks.. no worries about the hijack.. we are all friends here! I know the feeling.. of not wanting anyone else to have her. I certainly don't want this model scum bag to be with her. I know he won't treat her any where near as well as I did and that burns me up. I have to realize that she is on her own now and I can't be concerned about her well being anywhere. Her f****** hole to dig herself out of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 13, 2010 Author Share Posted December 13, 2010 I am so relieved that this site is back up! I had not been able to access it since Friday afternoon for some reason. MAJOR UPDATE... I don't know how you will take this but... My wife moved back in yesterday. It is really weird for both of us - but there are is a spark there.. we shared a lot of tears and words. Lots of happy smiling stares at eachother that turned into tears. She messaged me yesterday saying she made a huge mistake and loved me and wanted to be back with me. I picked her up last night and brought back all of her stuff. She didn't tell the OM - she just left. He is apparently quite a piece of s*** from what she tells me. She was realizing how good she had it and how great I was and then the guy started changing - so that solidified her choice. Things are going to interesting - rocky and tough at times. I am optimistic but we will see where this train goes. Thanks again to all for your advice and help throughout this situation. Taking her back was not a decision I reached lightly. So far... it seems like her mind is in the right place. Let's see if the actions follow through. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 I don't know how you will take this but... My wife moved back in yesterday. Oh yes you do know exactly what we're going to say! We are going to say... DUDE! WTF ARE YOU THINKING MAN!!! Did your brain drop out while LS was down?!?!!? Seriously you must have such a low opinion of yourself to let your POS wife back into your life after what she did to you. Just read back over your posts in this thread. You're letting yourself in for a WORLD of hurt dude. Seriously you're are not only playing with fire, you're coating your genitalia with petrol and jumping through flaming hoops. This WILL end badly for you!!! Maybe not today or tomorrow but as soon as another "model" crosses her path she will be straight into his bed. She has shown her colours and she has NOT changed, no matter what she is telling you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 I am so relieved that this site is back up! I had not been able to access it since Friday afternoon for some reason. MAJOR UPDATE... I don't know how you will take this but... My wife moved back in yesterday. It is really weird for both of us - but there are is a spark there.. we shared a lot of tears and words. Lots of happy smiling stares at eachother that turned into tears. She messaged me yesterday saying she made a huge mistake and loved me and wanted to be back with me. I picked her up last night and brought back all of her stuff. She didn't tell the OM - she just left. He is apparently quite a piece of s*** from what she tells me. She was realizing how good she had it and how great I was and then the guy started changing - so that solidified her choice. Things are going to interesting - rocky and tough at times. I am optimistic but we will see where this train goes. Thanks again to all for your advice and help throughout this situation. Taking her back was not a decision I reached lightly. So far... it seems like her mind is in the right place. Let's see if the actions follow through. You realize that she's going to do this again? NOW she comes back after she got to straddle and ride her OM and have all of her orgasmic fun sex while you were faithful to her the whole time! What a BITCH! Now that she's back, you still gotta be faithful to this BITCH! I think she figured that you were going for a Divorce! If you don't drop her sorry ass, she WILL do this again! No consequences for her actions means NO motivation for change! I should've figured this was going to happen! You realize you deserve better, right? Better than "sloppy seconds"! She could have an STD, and /or be preggers with her OM's baby! Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 Oh yes you do know exactly what we're going to say! We are going to say... DUDE! WTF ARE YOU THINKING MAN!!! Did your brain drop out while LS was down?!?!!? Seriously you must have such a low opinion of yourself to let your POS wife back into your life after what she did to you. Just read back over your posts in this thread. You're letting yourself in for a WORLD of hurt dude. Seriously you're are not only playing with fire, you're coating your genitalia with petrol and jumping through flaming hoops. This WILL end badly for you!!! Maybe not today or tomorrow but as soon as another "model" crosses her path she will be straight into his bed. She has shown her colours and she has NOT changed, no matter what she is telling you!!! PEG, what the hell am I wasting my time for?! This man has to be dragged through the mud, all the way through the mud, be Divorced by her and lose everything he has including paying alimony to a BITCH who could care less about him! You know that's how it gonna end. "She made a mistake"? No way in HELL can you "mistakingly" have sex with another man! It wasn't a mistake, it was INTENSTIONAL! I need a drink! Link to post Share on other sites
iheartboobs Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 Hey, if this is what you want... good luck, man. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 13, 2010 Share Posted December 13, 2010 Let the hysterical bonding begin. Link to post Share on other sites
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