How to stay sane while wife is making decision?

[Surfer203]

Hahaha.. I agree. Thanks for the compliment! I will admit, I was AWESOME to her.

[Eye of Hourus]

Surfer, If things get really ugly you could always hint that adultery is a class B misdemeanor in NY

Section 255.17 Adultery A person is guilty of adultery when he engages in sexual intercourse with another person at a time when he/she has a living spouse, or the other person has a living spouse.

Adultery is a class B misdemeanor the penalty for which is up to three months in jail and a $500 fine.

 

 

 

The Eye

 

 

“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils” Louis-Hector Berlioz.

[Eye of Hourus]

Surfer,

 

You need to act quickly. Once you file the following automatic orders are applied to both parties.

 

 

1. Neither party shall sell, transfer, encumber, conceal, assign, remove, or in any way dispose of, with the consent of the other party in writing, or an order of the court, any property, individually or jointly held by the parties, except in the usual course of business of for customary and usual household expenses or for reasonable attorney fees in connection with this action. (This section only applies to divorce, annulment, and legal separation cases.)
   
2. Neither party shall incur unreasonable debts hereafter, including but not limited to, further borrowing against any credit line secured by the family residence, further encumbrancing any assets, or unreasonably using credit cards or cash advances against credit cards. (This section only applies to divorce, annulment or legal separation cases.)
   

Of course you can apply for more specific orders, however until you start the process (it begins when she is served) she could wreak havoc with your finances.

 

With regard to the Verizon phone, as account holder see if you can have premium services (international etc) barred. It may cost a small fee but wouldn't that be better than the international call scenario outlined by

michelangelo (my favourite Ninja Turtle lol)

 

The Eye

 

"The luck of having talent is not enough; one must also have a talent for luck." - Louis Hector Berlioz

[Surfer203]

LOVE IT! I am not going out with out a fight. I feel she damaged my life. Now I am the one who has to cough up money for a lawyer to fight for my rights and possessions. What I have stuck with and payed for and not abandoned! All because she wants to live a fantasy life. F*** that.

[Surfer203]

Yeah.. I am trying! These damn lawyers won't call me back! Irritating.

 

So, I have to block her on Facebook too.. now I am seeing what she is doing.. "Oh yeah, this one I will definately be attending!" - in regards to a weirdo dance party or something? thrown by one of her beautiful model male friends.

 

F*** this narcisistic shallow B****. I am angry tonight but I feel good at the same time.. I have been kind of grinning all night and I don't know why!

[Eye of Hourus]

Surfer, Check out the links in my earlier posts (this and your other thread).

 

At least you could always download the forms and make a start (and save money ). Have a read thru there is some good info.

 

The Eye

 

 

"At least I have the modesty to admit that lack of modesty is one of my failings" - Louis Hector Berlioz

[cyabye]

If I cancel it I may have to pay for a hefty cancellation fee.. let's see what I can do. This would REALLY piss her off.. haha awesome, should have done this a long time ago.

 

Also... a fun tidbit, she was able to get a credit card with a small limit, something like $1,500 and she has already maxed it out.. smart gal.

 

And now since you are still married, you COULD be responsible for that debt! I and many here keep telling you to protect yourself NOW man. You better get PO'd or do something other than what you are doing or a WORLD OF HURT WILL COME DOWN ON YOU! CANCEL her phone account and any account you have her on. Her OM should be paying for that. YOU NEED TO MAN UP NOW!!! What's it going to take for you to understand what is going on and what you need to do AS A MAN to get YOU through this.

 

IF EVERYONE on LS took turns hitting you with a baseball bat to set you straight, I promise you it would be LESS painful than what you are setting yourself up for.......

 

cya

[michaelhopes]

So, I have to block her on Facebook too.. now I am seeing what she is doing.. "Oh yeah, this one I will definately be attending!" - in regards to a weirdo dance party or something? thrown by one of her beautiful model male friends.

Delete her from Facebook for your own sanity.....

I did commercial fashion photography for 15 years...there's no such thing as "model friends". It's all a BS, smoke and mirrors, fake world.....

It will come crashing down sooner or later

Let her go dude....Seriously....let her go

A couple of years from now you'll have a new girl and be very happy....just doesnt seem like it now.

Keep on truckin

[Surfer203]

Guys.. I am going to take care of all of this stuff this weekend. I am positioning myself to be in a good place, a safe place. You don't have to hit me with baseball bats quite yet.

 

michaelhopes: Yeah.. she does not realize that because she is NYC and it is fun and exciting and PHONY. I know NYC, I know models, I know that culture.. it's a joke. Just like Los Angeles.. everyone is a model, actor, artist or musicians but in actuality they are really waiters, or something of equal status. Not putting anyone down who does this, but I find it funny how people call themselves what they aspire to be instead of what they actually make 90%+ of their salary doing.

 

In that case, I am a rock star and a well known fine artist.. haha.

[Ballerfamily]

And now since you are still married, you COULD be responsible for that debt! I and many here keep telling you to protect yourself NOW man. You better get PO'd or do something other than what you are doing or a WORLD OF HURT WILL COME DOWN ON YOU! CANCEL her phone account and any account you have her on. Her OM should be paying for that. YOU NEED TO MAN UP NOW!!! What's it going to take for you to understand what is going on and what you need to do AS A MAN to get YOU through this.

 

IF EVERYONE on LS took turns hitting you with a baseball bat to set you straight, I promise you it would be LESS painful than what you are setting yourself up for.......

 

cya

 

Surfer buddy, let me just tell what could/can/will happen

 

These kind of woman are narcissitic. When you stand up for yourself, the things they will do will floor you.

 

Background: Ex= is a college professor at a Christian University where my 19 yr old son attends. She has her masters degree. We are both from deeply devout Christian Families. I have my masters, and have been education, coaching, Custom Home Builder for over 25 yrs. (to show that were not trailor trash)

 

Here are a few things that have happened:

 

1. ex has had at least 5 affairs in are25 yr marriage, never admitting to one, and still doesnt

2. warned me about repeatedely after Dday, to not do irreperable things or else.

3. took my 8 yr old son and has denied me visitation on 15 occasions in less then a year.

4. struts her OM around my little guy while denying it to everyone.

5. drives under the influence with my little boy in car and dares me to say anything

6. when I finally did, had me thrown in jail for aggravated menacing, telecommunications harrassment. Cost me my employment. I'm bankrupt, lost my house, lost my home building business. Was left with the shirt on my back

7. rang up lots of debt, didnt pay insurance, or car payment in both are names

8. in divrce court claimed I stole her retirement in a bogus investment(she actually did it) and because my lawyer sucked (you get what you pay for) I lost my retirement funds, custody of my little boy, and she laughed at me, and told me to get over myself, your a miserable f__k

9. she had me borrow $15,000 from her mother a few years earlier, she put her mother on the stand, and had her testify that I borrowed for myself, and never payed her bck. Judge me to pay the debt or be in contempt

10. Orginally my mother co-signed for her car as a favor, and she stuck her with it, they repossesed it, my mom owes $7000. She laughed and said f___k you

11. I have no job, got behind in temp. child support, and she filed contempt charges

12. last month, (I made $1200 that mon) I paid her additional $1000 plus regular support payment, went before judge, and he had a sherriff there to put me in jail for 30 days, Dec 1-Dec 30, because her attorney, who is her OM's good friend, refused to acknowledge that I paid the additional money, and at last min, my lawyer got me an extended 30 days by pleeing with judge. She wrote a long lettr to judge indicating I needed to go to jail to pay for messing with her.

13. my mom is laying in the hospital needing heart surgery(believe me, are D has much to do with it) she calls my mom in hosipital and wishes her well, and says is there anything I can do? my mom feebly with tears streaming down her cheeks, says lying in hospital bed, can you please leave my son and grandkids alone. she hangs up on my mom.

14 next morning writes that letter to judge described above

 

15 she has lied to her mom, family about me, and has painted me out to be some kind of wild man. they wont even talk to me for faer of herMy 19 yr old son lives with me, and basicaly ignors her, i push him to go see her, and her goal isto try to get to him while I would b in jail

 

To date, because I stood up to my wife it cost me:

1 night in jail

15 trips before judge

$25,000 which I had to borrow every cent

She gives not 1 penny to help me with 19 yr old son

Constant fear of sherriff showing up at my 1 bedroom rental house

 

and you think were exagerating. Take heed and prepare. And get the best lawyer you can

[Surfer203]

ballerfamily: Wow... and I thought I had it hard. It is awful to read all of that. Sounds like yours got a little crazy though, I am don't think we are in as bad of a situation where it would come to something that extreme. Luckily,I can borrow money from my folks if I have to to get a great lawyer. My wife is BROKE, no job, on unemployment and pays me every cent, maxed out her credit card already and her parents won't give her money for s***. The only person giving her money is the OM and I think it is only basically buying her food and nights out on the town. He is a "Model" who lives on the lower east side of Manhattan right next to Chinatown.. shi*** apartment building in a scummy area of the city. He also has a roommate - yet he is a successful model.. haha my ass!

[Surfer203]

How much mone could he possibly give her? Also, he has no credit card thus the reason she had to buy him a plane ticket on our joint card at the time. Hahaha. shes F*****.

 

I will prepare for the worst, I have a lot of anger in my now and I am ready to fight for my property and rights.

[Ballerfamily]

How much mone could he possibly give her? Also, he has no credit card thus the reason she had to buy him a plane ticket on our joint card at the time. Hahaha. shes F*****.

 

I will prepare for the worst, I have a lot of anger in my now and I am ready to fight for my property and rights.

 

Ok to have anger. Please control it, especially against her. Divorce and the legal system is really geared to help out woman, because of the guys out there that couldn't control humiliation and anger. Be careful. Keep the upper hand. Down the road, your family, her family, friends will hold you high and admire how you handled the toughest time of your life. Shows your true character, and that is something people will admire and love you for.

 

God Bless You

[Steadfast]

There's always a lot of fascination is what your ex is doing when the break up is fresh. A part of you wants to know what/who she chose over you. In a weird, confusing way, there's also a lot of genuine concern too. The old habits of caring are hard to break. You must constantly remind yourself the wheres/whats/whos in her life are a result of her decisions. That goes for her problems too, financial or otherwise. It's a good bet she isn't all that interested in yours...for now anyway. The more you distance yourself from her the more she'll wonder about you. This isn't to tempt or tease her...but to give yourself a bit of an emotional boost. To restore your self esteem.

 

But be advised, and listen to the voice of experience. The best way to heal, the fastest, healthiest path to being happy and whole again rests in your ability to dismiss her emotional impact on you. When your feelings are not effected by her actions or words, you're in a position to make better, more wise decisions. This starts with faking it; what you show on the outside may not be what you feel on the inside, but in time, you'll 'train' your heart to catch up what your brain is telling you. Seeing things clearly is healthy.

 

Your wife is gone. Your marriage is over. Do not try to figure out what she is thinking. Do not waste time pondering what her decisions will reap. Just know that if she treated you -the man she swore to love, honor and obey- the way she did, she'll have absolutely no problem treating other 'less involved' people the same way. or worse. Why is this important to know? Because you must judge this woman by her actions. She is self centered. She puts herself first. It does not matter what you think she 'was'...what she 'is' remains the most important fact to consider. Think about it.

 

That is why the people of the forum are telling you to move away. It is the best thing for everyone. For you, it's a deceleration that you're not willing to be stepped on, used, cheated or suffer emotional abuse. For her, your actions demonstrate to her that people will not tolerate her selfishness and abuse. That her 'power'...be it because of her looks, sexual prowess or personality will only take her so far. It is an expression of your love.

 

Leave her alone, take care of your business and start training yourself. In time, your fascination of what she's doing and who she's with will fade.

[Surfer203]

I am trying to handle this with as much grace and class as possible. However, it is still early yet, we will see where this goes.

[Surfer203]

Steadfast: Understood. Thanks man. I am certainly at the start of this thing and I feel good so far. This weekend will be cleansing. Taking care of some financial things as well as removing her clothing and belongings from my home into boxes in the garage. This will help to detach from her further.

 

Had a long talk with her brother last night and she spit him the same crap she told me about not ever being able to fully say no to me. Blah blah blah.

[HopelessinDTW]

Steadfast: Understood. Thanks man. I am certainly at the start of this thing and I feel good so far. This weekend will be cleansing. Taking care of some financial things as well as removing her clothing and belongings from my home into boxes in the garage. This will help to detach from her further.

 

Had a long talk with her brother last night and she spit him the same crap she told me about not ever being able to fully say no to me. Blah blah blah.

Surfer: You're doing great...much better than most of the men that come here...which in my case was too late. Just word of warning...be VERY careful about speaking with her family...it will be used against you if it ever comes to that. You need to be on high alert at all times, and watch what you do and say. This is very stressful, but you're off to a good start so just keep it up....

[Surfer203]

Yeah.. I didn't say anything bad. I will watch myself more though. I kind of want to call her parents, who I used to get along with well, we have spoke 2-3 times since this happened. We had a good relationship, but I should probably old off for a while longer before talking again.

[Darth Vader]

If I cancel it I may have to pay for a hefty cancellation fee.. let's see what I can do. This would REALLY piss her off.. haha awesome, should have done this a long time ago.

 

Also... a fun tidbit, she was able to get a credit card with a small limit, something like $1,500 and she has already maxed it out.. smart gal.

 

 

You're not going to be on the hook for her opening up credit card in her name are you? You had better get your ass moving NOW!

[Surfer203]

Darth: The only way I could see that happening is if she decided to come back to me and brought along her debt. I don't see how else I could be responsible for a credit card in her own name.

[Darth Vader]

Darth: The only way I could see that happening is if she decided to come back to me and brought along her debt. I don't see how else I could be responsible for a credit card in her own name.

 

 

If the Lawyers aren't calling back, contact even more! Perhaps your wife went to them and they won't touch you. In any case you have to make it so your wife doesn't rape you financially. This is what women do, they rack up all kinds of credit card debt knowing that it will destroy you! So whatever happens, you're stuck with the bill!

 

If possible, I'd go to the Lawyers office personally to speak face to face if none of them are returning your calls, if I were you! You have got to stop her spending spree. She's already started because she has a feel for you now, she knows she has a short time before you pull the plug on the sham of your marriage! DON'T WAIT TILL THIS WEEKEND DO IT NOW!

[Surfer203]

Personally.. I don't think she has contacted a lawyer yet.. if she did she would probably contact one in NYC and not in CT where I live. Reason being ... she has NO MONEY, at all! Not a dollar to her name. Also, when speaking the other day she did not even mentioned a divorce or anything remotely close to that. It was open ended and it is annoying. Don't worry.. she is in for a big suprise this weekend. Financial stuff.. all legal, just cutting off some of the things she uses that are in MY name.

 

PAYBACK!

[Darth Vader]

Personally.. I don't think she has contacted a lawyer yet.. if she did she would probably contact one in NYC and not in CT where I live. Reason being ... she has NO MONEY, at all! Not a dollar to her name. Also, when speaking the other day she did not even mentioned a divorce or anything remotely close to that. It was open ended and it is annoying. Don't worry.. she is in for a big suprise this weekend. Financial stuff.. all legal, just cutting off some of the things she uses that are in MY name.

 

 

 

PAYBACK!

 

 

I'd have a Lawyer very soon, because when her "PAYBACK" starts coming her way, she's gonna get wise and get a Lawyer for sure. I can't stress getting your Lawyer as soon as NOW, because you can't play with this chick. This chick will nuke your ass, like right quick, real fast and in a hurry! I know it don't seem that way, but never underestimate her! You seem to be getting too cocky to me.

[FreeNow]

Yup.... been thinking the same thing.

 

I've seen people get their behinds handed to them in court on some of these issues. Timing can be mighty important; sometimes everything.

[FreeNow]

when speaking the other day she did not even mentioned a divorce or anything remotely close to that. It was open ended and it is annoying.

 

IIRC, that's what I suggested you do to stall for time until you had your legal stuff deployed.

 

It's exactly how you would interpret my communications if I were about to rip ya a legal new one.

 

 

She might be clueless and not being proactive. Then again, she might surprise you. Worth the risk or not is your call.