sumdude Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Anger is totally natural and necessary. Use it as a tool to break away from her emotionally for yourself. You do have to express it and let it out but directing at her will only get it thrown back at you then the back and forth won't stop. Buddha ~ Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Darth: Hahaha.. I will be fine. Posting here helps me to get through the day. Keeps my mind on positive aspects of my horrible situation rather than just dwelling on it in my own mind all day. Work has not been as productive for me as it used to be. My wife used to work with me and now I do HER JOB and MY JOB. It is just fantastic! Yet another thing she screwed me with. Well, if it were me, I'd ask my Boss if I were you, just to be safe. Not a good time to be out of work. If he/she wonders why you wish to post from time to time, well, be honest and tell him/her about your situation, if granted you could always (I don't know if it's wise myself) ask your Boss to read the posts on here. It may provide him/her with a little more insight as to what you're going through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 7, 2010 Author Share Posted December 7, 2010 sumdude: Good advice - thanks and I really like that Buddha quote. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 7, 2010 Author Share Posted December 7, 2010 Darth: I have been pretty honest with my boss.. he knows our situation pretty well. So, I think I will be fine. Bad time to be with out a job is right. My wife is currently in that situation.. 1 1/2 months later still can't find anything. She left saying "I will get 3 jobs if I have to, to pay my debts and my half of our bills" - BULLS***. I knew she would have trouble out there. There are people with Master's degrees working retail jobs. This is a sign of the times and it is not getting better fast enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Darth: I have been pretty honest with my boss.. he knows our situation pretty well. So, I think I will be fine. Bad time to be with out a job is right. My wife is currently in that situation.. 1 1/2 months later still can't find anything. She left saying "I will get 3 jobs if I have to, to pay my debts and my half of our bills" - BULLS***. I knew she would have trouble out there. There are people with Master's degrees working retail jobs. This is a sign of the times and it is not getting better fast enough. How did your wife lose her job? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 7, 2010 Author Share Posted December 7, 2010 Darth: Hahaha... well.. she left me and moved in with another man. Told our boss and me at the time that she was just taking some time to herself to see how she feels about our relationship. She had an elaborate story about how she needed time away. I had no clue she was still talking to the guy at the time. So.. she left work under the pretense of her taking some time away and that she might be back. Not long after I learned that it was permanent. So.. she no longer has her job that payed a decent salary.. $52,000 at the time nor her health insurance, nor a good reference after working for a company for 4 years and doing well. Stupid b****. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 7, 2010 Author Share Posted December 7, 2010 I stuck it out.. came to work everyday after it happened and sure enough I got a pay raise.. I am not making a considerable amount more. It is still not enough to cover the money I am missing out on now but it helps a bit.. every bit helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Darth: Hahaha... well.. she left me and moved in with another man. Told our boss and me at the time that she was just taking some time to herself to see how she feels about our relationship. She had an elaborate story about how she needed time away. I had no clue she was still talking to the guy at the time. So.. she left work under the pretense of her taking some time away and that she might be back. Not long after I learned that it was permanent. So.. she no longer has her job that payed a decent salary.. $52,000 at the time nor her health insurance, nor a good reference after working for a company for 4 years and doing well. Stupid b****. OMG! That is soooo BRAIN DEAD of her! People would KILL to have a job like that these days, heck, any job they'd kill for! Just wondering, does her former Boss know what she's been up to, what she's been doing to you? Maybe they have counseling programs through your workplace so you don't have to spend more money on counseling that your workplace would already pay for! Why spend the extra money if you don't have to? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 8, 2010 Author Share Posted December 8, 2010 Darth: Yes.. my boss is fully aware of the whole situation. He is a good guy and we have talks about the situation. Our company is like a family.. so we all talk mostly openly, which is great. We don't have benefits in terms of counseling/therapy - so, I pay this out of pocket. My wife SERIOUSLY needs therapy, she is in denial, her head is not on straight. Sick, sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 8, 2010 Author Share Posted December 8, 2010 Finally speaking to a lawyer tonight!!! I got lucky.. found a lawyer who won't charge me an initial consultation fee and gave me her cellphone number, so I can call at night after work - very convenient. This will be good to get a feel and see if it is a good match or not. I will also ask some preliminary questions.. Changing locks, getting rid of her stuff, money owed, etc. Here we go.. time to strap in and get this thing moving. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 8, 2010 Author Share Posted December 8, 2010 Darth: Furthermore to my last comment to you.. YES COMPLETELY BRAIN DEAD! She really just threw everything away, I hope it was all worth it for her in the end, some how I highly doubt it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 8, 2010 Author Share Posted December 8, 2010 Also, today marks one week of NC. This is the longest I have gone with out speaking to her. It is kind of weird.. but it does not feel too bad to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Congrats on the NC. I know how hard that can be...wish I had that option. I know you're set on the lawyer route, but, seeing your posts about tight finances, the fact that she has no money for you to take, etc. you may want to look into mediation. My wife and I will be divorced by the end of the month for less than $1k each. Less than we would spend if we used lawyers even with an uncontested divorce... Keep it up!! Link to post Share on other sites
iheartboobs Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Also, today marks one week of NC. This is the longest I have gone with out speaking to her. It is kind of weird.. but it does not feel too bad to be honest. The longer you go without speaking to her, the easier it gets too. Congrats! Link to post Share on other sites
slowbutSURE Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Surfer, good deal on the attorney meeting! I imagine you will feel better once some of your questions are answered. I know I did. You're doing great by the way, moving forward in a positive way. Keep it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Finally speaking to a lawyer tonight!!! I got lucky.. found a lawyer who won't charge me an initial consultation fee and gave me her cellphone number, so I can call at night after work - very convenient. This will be good to get a feel and see if it is a good match or not. I will also ask some preliminary questions.. Changing locks, getting rid of her stuff, money owed, etc. Here we go.. time to strap in and get this thing moving. Getting your ass off the hook for her debt that she creates! Make sure you get there early, and don't forget Marriage Licence(sp), and any other documentation needed! Don't screw this up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 8, 2010 Author Share Posted December 8, 2010 Darth: I won't screw it up, I won't be defeated, I won't lose. Won't back down until taking my dirt nap. That is how I have decided to live my life from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
Eye of Hourus Posted December 8, 2010 Share Posted December 8, 2010 Good luck Surfer, Let us know how you get on. The Eye Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 8, 2010 Author Share Posted December 8, 2010 Thanks The Eye! - I am waiting on the damn lawyer to call me back now! Getting quite antsy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 Well.. spoke with the lawyer. She is really nice and professional. She has given me a lot of hope and confidence based on what I told her. Hope things go well.. I will start filling out the papers tomorrow. Wish me luck my friends! Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Good luck!! Get the process started...one step closer!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 debtman: Here I go! She has NO CLUE what is about to hit her. I think she expects me to just let this go, let time go by and hope that things work out or change. But no, I won't - I was hurt badly and I want this thing over with ASAP. I really wish things could have worked out.. with all my heart. I am realizing though that you guys are all right. She is not worth it.. some one who does this to you is not worth a second chance, not worth s***. I feel happy and in control some what now. It has been a long time coming and I am glad to feel a bit more like myself again. Let's hope this divorce goes well... as well as a divorce can go at least. Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Good luck man...I know how you feel about really wishing things could have worked out, but, having things "work out" with someone who has unresolved issues and refuses to deal with them will only set you up to have to work things out again down the road...over and over... Listen to what the lawyer has to say, but remember, you're starting this process to get OUT of this. Not to punish her (as much as you may want to). Sounds like she has nothing for you to go after, so just rip off the band aid quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 debtman: Yeah.. I have decided to take the high road. Just going to fight for my house and to split the debt and keep my possesions. That is all I want out of this. I don't think I want revenge or to hurt her. In a way it would be sinking to her level, I won't damage her the way she damaged me. Not worth it, I don't want it to weigh on my mind for the rest of my days. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Good for your Surfer! I am happy for you. Let the lawyer be your guide now. Link to post Share on other sites
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