Author Surfer203 Posted May 20, 2011 Author Share Posted May 20, 2011 It will haunt ALL of us who have been cheated on. That is a fact of life. How much it affects us is another story. The pain and memories will diminish with time. Owl chooses to help others with his experience and knowledge, that's all. I don't think he comes here because he is not over it and there is certainly no need for him to divorce his wife at this point.. it was been many many years and they are doing great! Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 I for one am thankful for Owl's postings. Whether or not he uses LS as a form of healing or just enjoys helping people his contribution stands all by itself. From what I have read his marriage is more than recovered. John Michael Kane, you hit this area of the board this morning like a locust, hitting each thread in turn spewing the same venom, divorce, divorce, divorce. It's obvious by reading your posts that you have been through a very painful period in your life and you are chosing to lash out at anything and everything related to infedility. I can understand that, I really can. You might want to actually trying reading the substance of a thread before dropping posts like this though, largely because they are often mis-informed. I do hope you are able to heal from whatever you've been through as you are obviously still quite angry. Of course cheating is a scar that never entirely goes away, as is the case with countless other life events. It is how we chose to rise from it that matters. Some chose to divorce and move on, others chose to try and fight for their relationships. That is a personal choice and I won't stand in judgement of anyones decision. I'll leave that up to a higher power than me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 A quick update... weekend was pretty good. My wife is heading up to her parents for a week today. We had a talk, I was being a bit temperamental and it ended in a bit of fight. All of my worries, jealous and nervousness for the past 2 weeks for for nothing. I asked if there was something wrong majorly with us. My wife said "is that what your behavior has been about lately?" and she said "no, no - your perception is way off again". I think I really may have an issue with perception. I guess I can be a pessimist and think the worst some times. I guess that shows me - wake up call? Anyway, I was fine with my wife today, saying good bye for the week. It was not an issue. I think the problem we had in the fall has allowed me not to worry as much about being apart for a little bit.. come on, a week is nothing. She was gone for 2 months, this is no problem. More paranoia that I can put to rest, I think... Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Glad to hear that you're doing well, Surfer! I'd started to write out a response to the question of "Why is Owl here, and is he still haunted"...but realized that would just be a massive TJ and tremendously disrespectful to Surfer on this thread. If someone wants to pose the question to me via IM or some more appropriate spot here on LS (and direct me to your thread)...I'd be glad to discuss in depth where it's not going to detract from someone else's thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Going to be a lonely week for me but I am a big boy.. going to keep busy. She is bringing a webcam up so we can skype and keep in touch. Thanks for the suggestion on that one! Owl.. no problem regarding TJ.. you can explain yourself here if you would like, I don't mind. Up to you if you would rather take it in private messages. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Have someone pose the question in whatever forum here on LS is appropriate, and I'll be glad to discuss things there in the open where everyone can join in. I just don't want to TJ your thread...and would like to avoid the handslap from Tony if I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 I appreciate the consideration but I am good either way. It helps for everyone to share and learn from others experiences. Anyway, a note for any one who suffers from anxiety/worry, etc. Rationalize things, talk to some one, talk to the person you are having an issue with. Don't be afraid of the answers. I could have saved myself 2+ weeks of stress if I had a good conversation with my wife and talked out my concerns. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 It is good that this happened though - it has shaken me up. I am not getting too comfortable this time.. I was up until that point but now I am on guard. I think it is smart to be on guard. You can't be cold and emotionless or too cynical. But you have to watch, look and listen - protect yourself, don't let yourself get hurt by extending too far. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 IT NEVER ENDS!!!! So.. my wife is visiting her family for the week. She got an email from the OM saying.. "Hello, hope things are going well with you and your husband. Is it possible to send me a copy of the lease agreement and the security/deposit check for the apartment?" So.. this ********* got my wife to be his guarantor on a lease for an apartment. Within a day or two of coming back to me she got in touch with the land lord.. he emailed her and in writing let her off of the lease. So, she thinks this jerk is being evicted for not paying his rent. He is now threatening my wife "Since you have not complied/responded I hope you have a lawyer" - I think he is trying to bully her into giving him those documents. So my wife has not responded and will not respond. She still has the email from the landlord letting her off the lease.. so I don't see how the guy could sue her. I know this is not a legal forum, but any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 Do not respond to him in any way. He will go away and bite the dust. He's a bitch, let him do his bitch thing a tire himself out. BTW 2 years for the residual effects of infidelity to keep cropping up, if everything is handled right. Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I used to be an apt. manager for a living... your wife needs something in writing that let her out of the lease (email will not suffice- it needs to be signed by all parties concerned; him, her and the landlord). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 She promised me when she came home she would never ever talk to or communicate with him in anyway. Which she has been truthful about. This guy is a real loser, using other people for money/credit history/references whatever. A real piece of s***. We are almost 6 months in to this.. this has been the worst thing to happen so far and to me it is a non-issue because the landlord let her off the lease. So, what can he do? Nothing - he is just trying to get away with not paying his rent. He is the one living there not my wife. Makes me really annoyed, if I ever saw this guy I would smack him around. My wife was worried about me - maybe he would come up from the city and try to get in our house or something. I said, don't worry - I am tough and have a baseball bat, haha. Honestly though, if there are further threats the police will be called. I am aware that there will be more nonsense to deal with based on this issue we had. I am willing to put up with it. For the time being.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 UnsureInSeattle: I don't know the law exactly. All I know is the landlord has not tried to contact her in any way after she was let off the lease. If there was an issue with her still, I'm sure he would have contacted her directly. Either way, if he does not pay he will get evicted end of story - they will get in a new tenant and parties involved would only be responsible for the monthly rent up to that point. It is not open ended, if another person was occupying it they would no longer be responsible for that rent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 Also, this a**hole was manipulating her so she would sign the lease. If it went to court we would argue that point. At the time she signed the lease she was UNEMPLOYED. No landlord should have allowed her to get an apartment. Ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 Guy is also a bi-polar alcoholic who has anger issues.. threatening to my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 Oh yeah... don't forget the scum bag is here on an expired green card so an eviction or legal preceedings could bring him to the surface for immigration. People like that tend to stay out of the public eye if possible. Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 It's prolly nothing to worry about... but I hope the landlord's explicit written consent is binding. If this guy does anything else that could be even vaguely construed as threatening, don't hesitate to get the cops involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 Yeah.. I tend to worry about EVERYTHING. So, while my wife is gone for a week this is what I get to dwell on.. lucky guy over here!!! I won't hesitate to get the cops involved. This guy is a model as well.. would be a shame if he dragged his name through the mud by doing something stupid, thus tarnishing her career. So pissed! Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 You might be able put your mind at ease by googling for the RC (revised code) rental laws in your area (Like, for me, I could google something like "RCW renter" as I live in Washington) and see all of the relevant landlord/tenant laws. They are usually fairly easy to understand- look up something like "residential landlord/tenant act" or something along those lines and you'll probably be able to find out what qualifies as enough notice in your area. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 24, 2011 Author Share Posted May 24, 2011 Thanks for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Oh yeah... don't forget the scum bag is here on an expired green card so an eviction or legal preceedings could bring him to the surface for immigration. People like that tend to stay out of the public eye if possible. Actually, even if his Green Card is expired it doesn't affect his legal status. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 27, 2011 Author Share Posted May 27, 2011 Our country is messed up with immigration law. I think he is on an expired work visa or something actually, so that is another story. Anyway, no further contact from him so far.. my wife is still on vacation, we have been keeping in touch daily - I miss her. Still feeling a bit weird about what the 2 weeks preceeding her vacation but mostly feeling fine about us. Still a long road to recovery fully - we will make it. I certainly will... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 So, my wife came back from her visit to her parents. Things seem okay so far - the OM has not contacted her any further about their former lease together and legal BS. So that's good - I think he was just threatening her to try to get papers/info. Anyway, I have decided to stop going to my own IC.. waste of money and I am basically okay now. My wife will be going less to her IC.. maybe once a month. We are looking for a different MC because our guy is not so great. I can't help but feel like something is off since that talk with her therapist. I just get a weird feeling since then. Maybe it is me? Prior to that I felt amazing in our relationship and I think she did too. Since then I have noticed a bit of an awkward vibe. Is it possible that it is all in my head? Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Red Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 So, my wife came back from her visit to her parents. Things seem okay so far - the OM has not contacted her any further about their former lease together and legal BS. So that's good - I think he was just threatening her to try to get papers/info. Anyway, I have decided to stop going to my own IC.. waste of money and I am basically okay now. My wife will be going less to her IC.. maybe once a month. We are looking for a different MC because our guy is not so great. I can't help but feel like something is off since that talk with her therapist. I just get a weird feeling since then. Maybe it is me? Prior to that I felt amazing in our relationship and I think she did too. Since then I have noticed a bit of an awkward vibe. Is it possible that it is all in my head? Of course it's possible it's all in your head. Things were going well until that came up. My thoughts on what the therapist said; when I read that, I wondered how it came up out of the blue. It made me think that your wife must have said things to give the therapist that impression I would think. Also, did your wife ever give a reason for leaving you and moving in with another man? I don't remember if you've posted that. Coz, imo, if she didn't figure out why she did it, then she just may repeat the same thing if she doesn't figure that out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer203 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Ms. Red... My head needs to turn off some times. Things were great until that therapy session. The therapist told my wife that she took what she said out of context or misunderstood. My wife did not have a specific reason but I think it was a a lot of things piled up. Working/living/socializing together 24-7 literally, for the past 10 years almost. We were a month away from starting to try to conceive. I think she could not handle the stress and she couldn't face me and let me know she needed time to herself for a while. Lack of communication was a major problem. She has identified these issues and is digging deeper with her therapist. I personally don't think she will repeat what she did ever again. Not saying things will work out and we will live happily ever after but I know she wouldn't do something like that again. Pile all this crap up with money being tight now as well and it makes for a stressful life for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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