Will i ever get over this, will i ever just be happy?

[confused_n_insecure]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 and half years. I moved with him to his home state about a year ago, and were looking at buying a house together, but fights keep coming up because of my trust and jealousy issues, and we both know we cant live a life of constant fighting. but we love each other so much.

 

Here why I am so jealous and insecure. When we became "gf and bf" on facebook, a girl emailed me, saying that she had slept with my bf and that he had "penetrated her in all three of her orfices", it was devastating, i got over it. This had happened during the first 6 months of our relationship, she continued to harass us both until we finally had to block her. Then i moved here with him, we share a home and pets. I found out more information, he had spent last christmas with his ex- and her family, because he is really close with them, i found out he was in the same city as me, but i didnt know, because he was on his way to my city to pick me up and take me to his state to live there with him. Although i know nothing happened between them, and he has since cut off contact with her, i feel like an ass for being lied to and believing him. I got over that too.

 

Then in June, he had left his facebook open, i found out he was messaging many of his exes during the first six months of our relationship telling them they were sexy, come over... blah blah blah i told him i needed everything out on the table, so that i would not not find anything else out. he told me that while we were doing long distance he had asked for a girls number, drove her home and gave her a good night kiss. but he had tried to contact her during one of our fights.

 

this last blow i have not been able to get over, it bothers me constantly. i am now incredibly insecure, i catch myself looking at the facebook pages of his ex's trying out why he would do this to me. I have forgiven him, but have not been able to forget. He has never done anything in the past year to make me distrust him, and vows it will never happen again, i beleive him. I was told by almost all of his friends that he was the biggest player before he met me, and this is the first time they have seen him settle down with a girl, or be faifthful to her.

 

now i continually bring things up when i am feeling insecure or they bother me, he tries to make me feel better but says there is only somuch he can take, he gets upset when i bring things up and it turns into a fight. The most recent fight is because one of his ex's who he sent messages to saying she was sexy while we were together is friends with all of our friends, and is constantly out at the same clubs. She is very friendly to everyone, and i dont want him talking to her, but he says that he doesnt want to be an ass or make things weird, am i asking too much?

 

will i ever get over this?

Edited November 23, 2010 by confused_n_insecure

[samsungxoxo]

will i ever get over this?

Why do you want to continue being in a relationship where there isn't so much trust and it's stressing you too much?

How about dump him and find someone new and start all over again. You won't have to deal with those issues anymore.

[gisellefromhell]

Short answer? No.

 

I'm actually going through some of the same things. I wrote down everything that I remember that bothered me throughout our relationship ever since I found out that he was cheating. And I read it to myself. It came off like a really messed up relationship on paper. Something that I would be saying "F that, I would never put myself through that!" if it wasn't happening to me. I know in my head that we have good times together. But I know for sure that I'm not going to remain in this relationship much longer. You will be feeling like this, no matter how many of those things you think you "got over". In the back of your head, you will always ask, "why didn't I just break up with him back then?" What you're going through is unnecessary.

 

Hopefully both you and I will be strong enough to end our respective relationships.

[confused_n_insecure]

thank you.

 

I break up with him constantly, then we make up. its a cycle, but i guess all of the break ups come up for a reason, i just have to gather up the strength to do what I always knew i had to.

[samsungxoxo]

thank you.

 

I break up with him constantly, then we make up. its a cycle, but i guess all of the break ups come up for a reason, i just have to gather up the strength to do what I always knew i had to.

What you are describing is an unhealthy cycle which can be detrimental to both your physical health and mental state of mind.

My dear he is a player (you were warned before meeting him) and won't change. Think of him as if you were eating something that constantly gives you stomach aches to the point of experiencing frequent diarrhea. Do you want to continue living with that state of mind/health?

 

Or do you want to move on stressfree?

[confused_n_insecure]

i know its incredibly unhealthy, i'm aware that are relationship is stressful and that it makes me unhappy, i just like to think that it will get better, and then i worry I will not find someone else who loves me so much. Plus its hard to leave when we have build a home together, and adopted pets. i guess i am just waiting for that miracle that will never happen, its about time i get a grip on reality and take action.

[BellaBellaBella]

It seems you made a huge commitment moving to be with him. What about couples counseling? Seems like you could break the cycle.

[confused_n_insecure]

moving here was a huge commitment, and i didn't find half the stuff out until after i moved here, in any event it was all along time ago. I will try the counselling, and see how that works. thank you