Why do women pretend everything is good and then leave for no reason?

[Fufu]

marg: Happy Birthday

 

I actually think the title can applies to both sexes.

 

Surfer203: It's nothing wrong to have hope, we are human beings However, don't get too obsessed with the HOPE. We all know you will be fine. ^^

[Surfer203]

marg: Happy Birthday! The New Year is coming soon and if we must, we will wipe the slate clean and start over.

 

Fufu: I can't help but hold on to a bit of it, I am finding it is consuming me though based on the signs I am getting from wife. Two more days until she returns.. going to have to be really strong.

[ConstantCraving]

After the split with my wife I am still left with tons of questions.. the biggest one for me still is Why would my wife pretend life was good and she was happy only to leave and act like I am not worth it all of a sudden? Obviouslly she had to be feeling something preceeding her leaving. She claims she met this guy and left me because she has "feelings" for this guy who she barely knows. How can some one just throw it all away on a amazingly huge gamble?!

 

If she told you that she fell in love with another guy, I'd be inclined to believe that.

 

You didn't do anything wrong by the sounds of it.

 

Its important to remember that 75% of all divorces are initiated by the wife.

 

They have the most to gain financially from divorce. Apart from the legal profession, of course.

[Surfer203]

Court would be interesting.. adultery and abandonment, let's see how it goes for her. She didn't do this to gain anything believe me.

[Fufu]

Surfer203: Try not to over-think about it I know it's hard. Good thing is, it's another 2 days only.

[Surfer203]

Fufu: I am trying not to.. my brother is coming over in an hour to occupy me.. haha. 2 more days is alot, but I guess I have already been waiting for 5 months for her... what is 2 more days? The thing is..2 days may turn in to more if she has not made up her mind yet. I am going to try to work my magic and put an end to more of a waiting period with her. She is going to have to come home or go to hell... either way is fine by me at this point.. getting a bit edgey!

[Fufu]

Having a family or friend to chat with is definitely good No worries about it, everyone here in LS is strong and mighty.

[Surfer203]

Ooops.. 5 Weeks not 5 Months. Thanks for the encouragement Fufu.

[sumdude]

Court would be interesting.. adultery and abandonment, let's see how it goes for her. She didn't do this to gain anything believe me.

 

Don't put to much stock in those things when it comes to court. They're totally overburdened with divorce cases and almost every divorce has adultery and/or abandonment involved. What they care about? More or less on order.

 

Individuals safety if there's abuse or violence involved

Child custody

Child support

Distribution of marital assets / Alimony

 

If it comes down to it which I hope it doesn't? Use lawyers as little as possible. With a lawyer hammer out a Separation agreement (which pretty much determines distribution of assets). During the required waiting time (six months to a year) get the divorce paperwork done with a lawyers help. Then on the court date you walk in and it goes down pretty quickly. Don't really need a lawyer present there.

 

Of course this is based on my experience in the Commonwealth of Virginia. Other states have slightly different laws and obviously other countries besides the USA do as well.

[Surfer203]

Thanks for the advice. I plan on getting D-papers rolling this week.

[USCGAviator]

My wife did the same thing. Everything was fine and dandy till I left for a school for work for a few months. Instincts are one thing but mostly a lack of morals.

 

After almost 10 yrs things got a little dry and with kids and work we forgot to make special time for each other and let the flame burn out.

 

Even before the affair I thought things were fine but knew they could be better. Had she communicated her concerns about our marriage before she jumped ship then I would have rectified that in an instant.

[carhill]

Have you (and some other men here) ever considered that your wife never loved you for real? That, perhaps, she only married for material reasons or because she was afraid she'd be alone or she wanted to forget a past lover?

 

Yes, and, further, there can be a cold pragmatism to the whole process that may not be evident until it's all over. To some, it's just another 'deal'.

 

OP, 'why's' can plague you like death tugging at your elbow. IC can teach you acceptance and how to assert your boundaries in a healthy way. You're going to need both going forward. This is long from over, IMO. Best wishes

[Surfer203]

See.. in my marriage there were no perceivable signs and certainly no communication from my wife stating that she was unhappy or that things needed to change.

 

Oh I know we are just at the start of this in a way. I am ready to roll though!

[sumdude]

See.. in my marriage there were no perceivable signs and certainly no communication from my wife stating that she was unhappy or that things needed to change.

 

Oh I know we are just at the start of this in a way. I am ready to roll though!

 

The first thing to go is communication. In fact if they stop asking for more or complaining or fighting anymore it means they've given up. Then the sex dwindles.. then they're gone.

Edited November 29, 2010 by sumdude

[Surfer203]

That appears to be how it went down.

[Mimolicious]

cause NOTHING is GOOD and they PRETEND to stay for NO REASON.