Am I the only one?

[LJChristie]

Back Story: My boyfriend (25) and I (26) have been together a little over a year. I found out after only a few months together that a friend of his that I met, kissed him at some party. Now this girl, I have only met a couple of times, but she seemed nice. we chatted a bit, looked like i had a friend among his friends. She even seemed interested in talking about my relationship with my boyfriend, asking if I really liked him, if I thought something serious would come of this, yada yada yada. And after all that, she kisses him at some party I wasn't at. Now my boyfriend and I have talked about this and hashed out my feelings of what I consider her backstabbing me or betraying my trust. Come to find out they had been 'harmlessly" flirting, and I said I was uncomfortable with my boyfriend flirting with a 18 year old and behind my back with text messages, IM's, and phone calls. Well, he realized that he loved me and that this was wrong and told the friend that it was not appropriate, and drew guidelines. They still talk over text, and i find it odd, only when I am not around. And since I am practically living him, it is only when he and I are at work. and I work 7 days a week, usually at night.

 

CURRENT SITUATION: I know he may not be cheating. And is really just a good friend being there for another friend as support during a unexpected pregnancy when the father wants nothing to do with the child and family is verbally abusing her. (so she says) But he is my man, and quite frankly I don't know of anyother "Friends" that talk as much as they do especially only when I am not around, and talk all day while he as work.

 

I know what this next thing will seem like, and I am going to tell you it wasn't intentional but you will make your own judgement. He left for work this morning, leaving his email up and when I got up a couple hours later, I saw updated emails to and from her, since the minute (literally) he clocked into work. He contacted me a couple more hours later saying he had been real busy all morning with calls at work, and sorry he hadn't messaged me all morning (cause he will usually ask how my morning is so far). So I know I should ask why he could email her during the "busy" time, but couldn't give me a moment.

 

Am I blind to what maybe a mentally cheating situation later, am I just being overly Jealous, or am I just wrong and opposite sex friendships are really like this?? BTW I am not opposed to opposite sex friendships as i have some, and my previous BFs have had some and I didn't have a problem. (sorry this was so long)

Edited November 24, 2010 by LJChristie

[PegNosePete]

Now my boyfriend and I have talked about this and hashed out my feelings of what I consider her backstabbing me or betraying my trust.

You talk about her backstabbing and betraying you, but you don't mention him? Didn't be backstab and betray you just as much, if not more, because he is the one who has made the commitment to be faithful to you? Yes what she did was wrong, but his crime is greater.

 

Come to find out they had been 'harmlessly" flirting, and I said I was uncomfortable with my boyfriend flirting with a 18 year old and behind my back with text messages, IM's, and phone calls. Well, he realized that he loved me and that this was wrong and told the friend that it was not appropriate, and drew guidelines.

There's no such thing as harmless flirting with other people when you're in a relationship. He didn't just wake up one day and realize it was wrong, he knew that all along, everyone knows that. He realized he couldn't get away with it any more. He shouldn't have been the one to draw the guidelines, you should. And those guidelines should have been, you will not speak to, text or email her ever again.

 

I know what this next thing will seem like, and I am going to tell you it wasn't intentional but you will make your own judgement. He left for work this morning, leaving his email up and when I got up a couple hours later, I saw updated emails to and from her, since the minute (literally) he clocked into work. He contacted me a couple more hours later saying he had been real busy all morning with calls at work, and sorry he hadn't messaged me all morning (cause he will usually ask how my morning is so far). So I know I should ask why he could email her during the "busy" time, but couldn't give me a moment.

There's no harm admitting you snooped, you won't be criticized, at least not by me

What you have found is that he has an inappropriate relationship with this girl. He is hiding his contact with her from you, and devoting time to her which should be devoted to you. This is proof that he has not changed from the time he cheated on you; he feels that he can cultivate a relationship with her, maybe he is cheating, maybe he is planning to cheat, maybe he is going to leave you for her, maybe he is just keeping her around as a "backup plan". Either way it's not acceptable and you need to lay down the law. He should end his friendship with this girl.

 

Am I blind to what maybe a mentally cheating situation later, am I just being overly Jealous, or am I just wrong and opposite sex friendships are really like this??

You do not have a friendship with someone who you cheated on your partner with. Even if the sentence does end in a preposition. End of discussion.

[Woman In Blue]

It's kind of gross that a 25 year old man seems so fixated on an 18 year old teenage girl. That's what she is - a teenage girl. And now this teenage girl has gotten herself pregnant and your boyfriend suddenly sees himself as her knight in shining armor.

 

Don't think for a moment that he isn't constantly enjoying her looking up to him as her 'protector' and 'savior' because it would appear he's got a 'damsel in distress' syndrome going. It inflates his ego tremendously to swoop in and be her rescuer - when the rest of the world has shunned her for her incredibly stupid behavior (getting pregnant at 18) here comes the knight in shining armour on his steed to make everything ok. She probably thinks your boyfriend is the best thing since sliced bread - and he's enjoying every minute of her adoration.

 

It's completely inapproriate on many levels - the fact that he's continually HIDING his contact with her and lying about it to you is at the top of the list. Add the fact that he's so damned CONSUMED by it every minute of the day - to the point of not even having 5 minutes to send YOU a 'good morning' message - is alarming. And him being 25 years old and having such an unnatural interest in a teenage "girl in trouble" is just downright creepy. I won't even mention the fact that he completely disrespected YOU and kissed her at some party (he probably did alot MORE than kiss her - but if you don't have proof then he ain't going to admit it).

 

Are we sure this baby she's carrying ISN'T his?