how do you treat a FWB

[Mandi7759]

I posted this on another forum but thought it might be appropriate here as well. I had a one night thing with a guy who is recently divorced. It was great. We agreed ahead of time that it would only be that night but now it is more FWB. I don't want a relationship with him. I've never been in a FWB situation or had casual sex. Only had sex in committed relationships. I thought I would feel slighly used afterward but I don't at all. He has been really attentive. He calls and emails me every day or texts me. He is saying things like he misses me and that he can't get my beautiful face out of his mind. That our hook up was awesome, that every song he hears on the radio makes him think of us, that he can't concentrate. That when he thinks of me he gets all warm inside.

 

Is this how one normally treats their FWB?

[Yvelysse]

I wish,

I'm more like him and your more like my FwB.

 

I'm falling in (better said fallen) love with him. Honesly he is the most perfect man I could ever have and yet, as attentive as he can be to me (he spoils me in many ways) he is ever the cold fish to the L word and any really loving contact.

 

He even says he sorry if he accidently touches me in an 'inappropriate' place.

 

I THINK HE'S' FALLING FOR YOU!

[Autumn_Zephyr]

I'm feeling cynical this morning so take this with a grain of salt.

He could be snowing you under. That it's all part of the FBW to keep you coming back for more. What's worse is that it's could develop into a rebound relationship which is a recipe for heartbreak. I don't know, he sounds really clingy and dependent to me. If it was supposed to be just once and now it's not, I think you need to figure out what you want and make sure he understands that. Enforce those boundaries.

 

But to answer your question directly, no it's not how I treat a FBW or have even been treated by an FWB. Romance has no place in FWB.

[Yvelysse]

But to answer your question directly, no it's not how I treat a FBW or have even been treated by an FWB. Romance has no place in FWB.

 

I believe your right. The last FwB I had was absolutely non-emotional. He was fun for a few months then poof, he married.

[Mandi7759]

I was the one who wanted it to happen a 2nd time (i'm sure he did too) at first I asked if we could do it again soon (because it was SO good) and he said he'd like to but it was hard to get away from work (we don't live that close to eachother and have different work schedules) but then before he even dropped me off we were talking about when the nexxt time would be. He doesn't JUST talk about mushy stuff he talks about how I make his entire body feel good when he thinks about me and what he wants to try next time. But he burned a cd for me of songs he thinks remind him of "us" and wants me to meet him on thanksgiving just to see me for a few minutes (no sex) before I go to my family dinner. WEird??

[SouthernSunshine]

With my past FWB, they treated me like their GF everytime we spoke via email, text, phone, and in person. It was like we were dating, but from across town, and only certain times. He called me his GF when we were together, and I relpied, "I'm not your GF"... he then said, "you are today, right now"..

 

Similar experience with my past fling, which was a female. She told me she missed me everytime we talked. With her, we had contact everyday at least via text.

Edited November 24, 2010 by SouthernSunshine

[urdestiny]

If your not looking for a relationship you need to tell him this as soon as possible and set some bounderies/guidlines.

 

FWB can be the perfect thing as long as you both understand what eachother wants out of it!

[shownmichle]

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[Esmailsaha]

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[harmfulsweetz]

This has the potential to get very complicated-he sounds like he doesn't know what he wants entirely-he says he wants an FWB or just sex, but then says he misses you, etc and burns a cd for you of 'your songs'. Very conflicted. FWBs work and only work when both parties are honest about their intentions to each other, and to themselves.

 

You treat your FWB with respect of course, but you also maintain a level of emotional distance, and an awareness that it is just sex. The minute you get a sniff of emotion, other than physical desire, is the moment things start to go belly up.

 

I'd have a little chat with him, find out his expectations, if he says he wants to be FWB with you, kindly tell him to dissist (sp?) on the emotional convos etc, it's confusing. If he can't separate the two, then you can't be in this situation with him.

[Mandi7759]

We met up again this weekend and in his words "made love" for 8 hours. Wow. It was so intense. both physically and emotionally. in between the sex, we just laid in bed and talked and held eachother. He kept wanting to stare into my eyes and I didn't want to do that and he asked why and I said because its too initmate and he said thats the whole point. That did I think we were just F**king or did I consider it making love. Because he can't just f**k someone. That there have to be feelings involved. And that he has feelings for me. That he really really likes me. He asked if I get attached easily and I said yes in some cases I do but I don't fall in love easily. He said he falls in love easily and could easily fall in love with me but because he doesn't want to scare me away he promises he won't. The line is getting very blurry. He's just so darn sweet. I know not to fall for this because we are in the "honeymoon stage" and I don't want to progress beyond that (hence why I don't want to be in a relationship with him). I did let him take me out to dinner the day after though and I saw him on thanksgiving for a few hours just to talk. I know... I know... I'm crossing the lines. But he really wanted to see me and the sex is just so amazing.. It's weird, he can be so down and dirty in the bedroom but outside he's this big softy. He remembers EVERYTHING I say and do and he is just stuck on the littlest things.

 

He says he will think for hours just about a certain way I looked at him and then kissed him. Or that I say his name (in the heat of the moment) he says no one has ever done that before. If I just run my fingers over his hand when we are driving he just grabs me and kisses me. Yesterday (no sex invovled) he said I looked so beautiful that he couldn't stop staring at me. Its like he's crazy about me. Kinda scary. I don' t know if this is normal. But he KNOWS how I feel about a relationship and he acknowledges that and says he will take what he can get for now and that its never been this good (sex) with anyone before and that I make him feel young again and he thinks I'm too good to be true. He will even say that he is dreading the day that I find someone else (that I want to actually date) because he knows I will leave and he will lose me. Should I let myself fall for him or just take a step back. I mean he makes me happy and the sex is out of this world amazing. But I know everything will go downhill so what is the point?

[harmfulsweetz]

May I ask...what do you actually want out of this? It sounds like you're unsure, and I'd recommend not seeing him again until you're sure, then you can lay your cards on the table and see where the sand lies.

 

If you want an FWB, you can't really be doing it with this guy. It'll get too complicated, too quickly-it's already blurring.

 

Have a think about what you really want, then have a talk with him, no sex involved, and see what he thinks/feels.

[mitchell]

I'd say this is clearly no longer a FWB relationship. He clearly wants more than you are willing to provide. The sex may be "amazing", but he is already talking about feelings and you just want more f**king.

 

Either admit that you are dating this guy, or get out before this gets really messy.

[Mandi7759]

I've never been in a FWB relationship before so I don't know where ALL the lines are.. I have to say I want more than f**king. I don't want wham bam thank you maam. I like it that he calls and sends me texts and stuff. Sometimes talking about what he wants to do next time (dirty stuff) and sometimes talking about how he misses me and thinks I'm so pretty. He's also done things like bring pictures of what he likes to do in his spare time (not sex stuff lol) and of his pets etc. I think thats kinda weird but whatever. I want the sex but it makes me more comfortable that he's kinda lovey dovey and not cold toward me and I enjoy the sex more that way. Are you SURE he is trying to snag me into a relationship? Couldn't this just be his way of keeping me around. To shower me with affection and compliments and keep in touch etc. He did say something yesterday that scared me (he had made me a cd of all these songs that make him think of me and we were laughing because when we went to dinner they kept playing these same songs on the radio and he told me, that "almost any love song makes me think of you". As long as he doesn't start throwing around the "L" word I'm ok. Am I leading him on???

 

I thought I'd made it clear that I don't want anything more. But then I've been in relationships where it feels like my partner is simply my FB. We'd have sex and then he would ignore me the rest of the day or watch tv and not touch me unless he wanted laid. With this guy, he constantly wants me (we saw eachother three times this week but only had sex one day) but he likes just holding my hand when driving, sitting at a table for dinner, and he's always touching me. Whether its tracing my face, or rubbing my neck or running his fingers thru my hair or rubbing my leg... geez I just don't know what to do. I guess I'm cynical and thinking this is just an act that he's putting on because he's in awe of me or whatever and wants to keep getting laid.

[Mandi7759]

May I ask...what do you actually want out of this? It sounds like you're unsure, and I'd recommend not seeing him again until you're sure, then you can lay your cards on the table and see where the sand lies.

 

If you want an FWB, you can't really be doing it with this guy. It'll get too complicated, too quickly-it's already blurring.

 

Have a think about what you really want, then have a talk with him, no sex involved, and see what he thinks/feels.

 

 

What do I want out of this? I want someone who adores me and respects me and treats me right but only wants to get together maybe once a week to have great sex. He can call me a few times a week if he wants or text. But I don't want a relationship. no strings attached. Too much to ask for huh lol

[harmfulsweetz]

What do I want out of this? I want someone who adores me and respects me and treats me right but only wants to get together maybe once a week to have great sex. He can call me a few times a week if he wants or text. But I don't want a relationship. no strings attached. Too much to ask for huh lol

 

 

I'm sorry to say, I think this guy just isn't for that for you.

 

He's said he falls in love easy, (which I always worry about anyway) and views it as making love, that tells me that this will always be more than a fwb situation.

[Mandi7759]

I'm sorry to say, I think this guy just isn't for that for you.

 

He's said he falls in love easy, (which I always worry about anyway) and views it as making love, that tells me that this will always be more than a fwb situation.

 

I guess maybe I am trying to make excuses for the way he is acting. You know how ppl make excuses for when their partner is behaving badly, well I'm trying to make excuses for the nice way he is acting lol. He IS ten years older than me, he's a nice guy but he's not some gorgeous hunk or anything. I'm not trying to be unkind because I do really like him and am very attracted to him. But with me, yes I'm attracted to tan hard bodied men (which is he is not, and my ex WAS) but I become physically attracted to someone because they attract me mentally as well and the more they attract me mentally (through his dirty talk and emails and flirting) I find him more physically attractive. I kinda feel sorry for him at times because he just always talks about how he hasnt' been happy in many years and I make him so happy. I think part of it is that he finds me very attractive and he has this hot woman in his bed (I'm not tooting my own horn, I might not be that attractive to 20 year olds compared to 20 year old girls) but in my early 30s and have a decent body, I guess he sees me as very attractive (he tells me I have the body of a swimsuit model which is funny to me.) So I think part of his affection and the feelings he says he has are because he's infatuated with me! And thats based on the physical. And when you are infatuated doesn't everything the other person does or says just rock your world? lol

 

I guess I am hoping that maybe his sweetness and "making love" talk is just an act. He married young and is recently divorced and maybe he feels he's lucky to have some hot young(er) thing in his bed so he's pulling out all the stops to keep me around. Maybe he's just being a gentleman??

[Ometeotl]

Hmmm

 

whats the problem here exactly?

 

You are getting showered with affection, great sex, and love (yes love)

 

Who the hell says you cant love someone as fwb? dont friends love eachother? where is it written? as if someone has a manual to this...

 

If it makes you happy, and him, hmmmm dont overthink it, just ride the lust wave, then its au revoir.

 

Dont let a great time in your life turn into something else... when it starts to get sticky, remind him that this day was known to come. loved it, peace out.

 

You will both have had a amazing time to look back on, no?

 

Always remember though, this experience will come to and end, just make sure yall do it respectfully with time to detach emotional and physically ><

 

if you really do need to draw a line, just put a date on it, this fwb expires on MM/DD/YYYY, if you cant think about and end date... ever... them maybe you want something more.

[giraffegirl]

As someone experienced in these matters i have to say that the irony is that a RELATIONSHIP is easier to navigate than FWB.

 

For all the rules and regulations obligatory to the FWB thing, you'd be better off pursuing a relationship.

 

Too much work

[Mme. Chaucer]

Part of his behavior might be influenced by the fact that he is recently divorced.

[Mandi7759]

So we had a talk about how neither of us is going to date anyone else (or sleep with) and he's told me he loves me (all the time) he calls me ten times a day, texts, emails me, leaves me good night messages on my phone on his way home from work. He even "stole" my car and had new tires put on it because I needed them and I tried to pay him back but he won't let me. He writes me stuff that says "you know this is forever and that we will always have a bond and connection"

 

However, he will call me his "girl" but never says we are dating or refers to me as his girlfriend. Strange??