There's got to be more to life 'than this?'

[Nikki Sahagin]

I'm not 1 of those people who thinks I'm above everyone else because they are content with the supposed 'normal' life and I am not, but I really do feel unsatisfied with 'life.'

 

From a young age, I have not wanted children nor marriage, two of the pivotal steps in life. Yet I constantly feel as though I 'should' want these things and the fact that I don't suggests something is wrong with me. I know babies and a husband would NOT make me happy, but then what am I supposed to 'replace' these things with?

 

I know everyone says contentment and fulfilment come from within but I do not believe this. Otherwise we wouldn't all be running around working, finding partners, buying a dog, going dancing. We'd be content just sitting down with the thoughts in our heads for most of the time.

 

I guess I wish there was more to life than school/uni/relationship/marriage/kids. Even turning to religion I can't seem to feel that sense of fulfilment.

 

I try to do things for others and that gives me SOME sense of well-being (I volunteer a lot), but even that brings me nowhere near enough validation as I would have expected. In fact it can make me feel worse as I tend to feel i'm picking up rain water with a tea spoon and it nonetheless keeps on falling.

 

I guess I find life quite boring and hollow? I don't know if i'm just hard to please (quite possibly) or if I expect life to be like the movies (quite possibly), but real life just BORES and depresses me beyond believe.

 

I find real people generally uninteresting and repetitive for the most part - not to say that I don't have some fun friends, or that i'm any more interesting or unique, as i'm not. I find most activities boring. I always feel I should be 'feeling' more than I do, but I just can't?

 

I've been to therapy, been to doctors, they can't help me. They've tried, but they can't make sense of the complexities of the human mind. All medication did was make me feel even deader than I felt before and all therapy did was waste my time. The woman was wonderful but honestly, the money is not worth the self talk I can give myself.

 

I can give myself their advice, I just can't BELIEVE it and that's the problem.

 

I don't know what more I can get out of life or where to find fulfilment? I don't know how to be happy and I don't know why. We create systems out of chaos to give us reassurance but those systems end up driving us to despair and boredom.

 

I sometimes feel i'd be happier if I were more ignorant. Not to say i'm massively intelligent (i'm sure my post has its spelling mistakes) but the way my brain formulates thoughts - I worry excessively about war, politics, the earth, animals, people.

 

I also sometimes feel that I'm not meant to be here. I was born prematurely and am only on this earth because of a machine, or i'd be dead. So if its the survival of the fittest, then why am I here? Nature wanted me dead, man did not, either way, maybe I am just too 'weak' for life, on the inside.

Edited November 24, 2010 by Nikki Sahagin

[denise_xo]

I can give myself their advice, I just can't BELIEVE it and that's the problem

.

 

I think this is part of the issue. It's not about believing on the academic/ theoretical level. It's about emotionally engaging with 'all' senses. Have you tried that?

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Where in that life story do you presently make yourself vulnerable to anyone?? (from that would come fulfillment)

 

 

 

What can you share about your past that would have inspired you to refrain from showing vulnerability in any direction.

 

 

A - figure out exactly why you are reluctant to make yourself vulnerable to anyone.

 

 

B - go about directly resolving the answer to A, perhaps with a therapist or the like.

[skydiveaddict]

I

I don't know what more I can get out of life or where to find fulfilment? .

 

or just this

You need more excitement in your life

Edited November 25, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[Els]

 

I also sometimes feel that I'm not meant to be here. I was born prematurely and am only on this earth because of a machine, or i'd be dead. So if its the survival of the fittest, then why am I here? Nature wanted me dead, man did not, either way, maybe I am just too 'weak' for life, on the inside.

 

I used to think that too when I was younger - my thoughts, behaviour and mindset regarding many things aren't anywhere close to that of a typical Asian girl, and so I thought I was somehow a freak of nature, not really 'human', don't belong in this place, etc. Then, I realized we can't lie to biology. You WERE meant to be here, you evolved from the genes of countless ancestors who lived and survived here, and with a few variations, the very philosophical thoughts that you pour out here are really the sum of hormones, neurones, and neurotransmitters that are pretty much the same as any other human's. The fact that you don't find pleasure in the things the majority of humans do (kids, etc) does not make you any less human. It just means that you are a slightly different type of human, as we all are.

 

Regarding the fact that 'nature wanted you dead', really, where do you draw the line? Countless babies would die everyday if it weren't for induced labour, caesarian births, etc - all hardly 'natural' things. Do you think the same of them? Going back further, how about babies born to a woman assisted by her mother? If the mother wasn't there, the babies would have died, so should they be dead by nature's rules as well? How about a cheetah nursing her young? How about people who survived life-threatening ailments through medicine?

 

As for advice... Do you really enjoy nothing? No hobbies? Nothing you like to see or watch? Not any sort of food? Not human contact with friends?

[tb24]

I also sometimes feel that I'm not meant to be here. I was born prematurely and am only on this earth because of a machine, or i'd be dead. So if its the survival of the fittest, then why am I here? Nature wanted me dead, man did not, either way, maybe I am just too 'weak' for life, on the inside.

 

Perhaps you were supposed to survive because you're destined to do great things?

 

It's all about perspective.

 

You are here, so why not make the most of it. You could volunteer for a charity and do some good. I'm sure the people you're helping would appreciate you being there!

 

Have you considered a change of scenery? Go see the world. Travelling broadens the mind as they say.

[Jannah]

Happy Thanksgiving.

 

[hART]

Happiness does come from within, meditation, being thankful for what you have (a roof, food, transport...). I find my joy from exercise and art. It tookl me two years to find the right med, but I don't feel dead inside anymore. I've been there and go back from time to time. Stick with it, sometimes life can surprise you.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Where in that life story do you presently make yourself vulnerable to anyone?? (from that would come fulfillment)

 

 

 

What can you share about your past that would have inspired you to refrain from showing vulnerability in any direction.

 

 

A - figure out exactly why you are reluctant to make yourself vulnerable to anyone.

 

 

B - go about directly resolving the answer to A, perhaps with a therapist or the like.

 

I never make myself vulnerable to anyone. I don't like to. I used to in the past, but the person who I thought would care most once really ridiculed and hurt me for sharing what I thought/felt. I realised some people treat our vulnerabilities as a power game for themselves. I can trust my feelings to be out around my mum and brother - those are the only 2 people that I sometimes allow to see my vulnerabilities.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I used to think that too when I was younger - my thoughts, behaviour and mindset regarding many things aren't anywhere close to that of a typical Asian girl, and so I thought I was somehow a freak of nature, not really 'human', don't belong in this place, etc. Then, I realized we can't lie to biology. You WERE meant to be here, you evolved from the genes of countless ancestors who lived and survived here, and with a few variations, the very philosophical thoughts that you pour out here are really the sum of hormones, neurones, and neurotransmitters that are pretty much the same as any other human's. The fact that you don't find pleasure in the things the majority of humans do (kids, etc) does not make you any less human. It just means that you are a slightly different type of human, as we all are.

 

Regarding the fact that 'nature wanted you dead', really, where do you draw the line? Countless babies would die everyday if it weren't for induced labour, caesarian births, etc - all hardly 'natural' things. Do you think the same of them? Going back further, how about babies born to a woman assisted by her mother? If the mother wasn't there, the babies would have died, so should they be dead by nature's rules as well? How about a cheetah nursing her young? How about people who survived life-threatening ailments through medicine?

 

As for advice... Do you really enjoy nothing? No hobbies? Nothing you like to see or watch? Not any sort of food? Not human contact with friends?

 

Hi

Could you elaborate on how you felt different from a 'typical Asian girl?'

Well...I think its wonderful that humans CAN affect and safe life but its not natural. In that respect, me being here is not natural. I could still say I am meant to be here, because someone out there helped me to be here and that in itself was meant to be. But no my birth and countless others are not natural - in that sense I do question how intended our right to be here is. Its not that I think anyone 'should' be dead, or that I think its amazing how we are all here. I just wonder, if I SHOULD be sometimes.

 

Well I do enjoy animals, travel, I enjoy writing and music, playing instruments and cooking. But I realise I can never find true fulfilment. In a moment I could enjoy writing a song, but the peace doesn't last past that moment. There's nothing long lasting in any of it.

[Template]

I never make myself vulnerable to anyone. I don't like to. I used to in the past, but the person who I thought would care most once really ridiculed and hurt me for sharing what I thought/felt. I realised some people treat our vulnerabilities as a power game for themselves. I can trust my feelings to be out around my mum and brother - those are the only 2 people that I sometimes allow to see my vulnerabilities.

 

It's difficult right? It's very difficult to get to that state once you've been burned, and I've found out that it's not people I cannot trust, it's that I cannot trust myself to make the right decisions regarding people (in reality, the only thing we can control is ourselves).