My girlfriend lied about being a virgin, and I lost mine to her. Completely betrayed

[BobSacamento]

No it's not. If the OP wanted a virgin GF, he had every right to expect it. It doesn't mean he was going to get it, but if that's what he wanted and considering he waited to lose his virginity, he did nothing wrong. His GF obviously knew it was important to him, yet lied anyway.

 

The GF is 100% at fault.

 

For someone who says virginity is not the issue you sure throw it around in your argument a lot.

[Mad Max]

That's what she said.

 

 

OUCH!!!

[Mad Max]

For someone who says virginity is not the issue you sure throw it around in your argument a lot.

 

 

I don't see what relevance this has on what I've posted. I specifically stated lying is the issue, not the virginity itself. All you seem to be doing is changing the direction of the topic because you have nothing else to add.

[BobSacamento]

I don't see what relevance this has on what I've posted. I specifically stated lying is the issue, not the virginity itself. All you seem to be doing is changing the direction of the topic because you have nothing else to add.

 

You don't even want to scratch the surface of the OPs true problem. You are too focused on the insignificant lie.

[Mad Max]

You don't even want to scratch the surface of the OPs true problem. You are too focused on the insignificant lie.

 

 

The lie is very significant. They haven't even been together that long and she's already lying. If she's lying this early, the lies will get bigger. The OP is not the problem here though good try, trying to shift the blame away from the truly guilty party.

[BobSacamento]

The lie is very significant. They haven't even been together that long and she's already lying. If she's lying this early, the lies will get bigger. The OP is not the problem here though good try, trying to shift the blame away from the truly guilty party.

 

Let's see what this fool OP has to say.

[xpaperxcutx]

No, lying is the issue. The thread title specifically says that the GF lied. The title isn't "My girlfriend is a virgin". The title is "My girlfriend lied about being a virgin".

 

And no, they shouldn't be together. OP deserves someone that will be honest.

 

Question OP- if your girlfriend was honest about not being a virgin from the very beginning, would you still have stayed with her?

 

 

No, lying is part of the issue not the entirety. Otherwise the OP wouldn't have felt both jealous and betrayed she had lost hers earlier on.

 

You need to ask why she chose to lie.

 

 

 

I don't see what relevance this has on what I've posted. I specifically stated lying is the issue, not the virginity itself. All you seem to be doing is changing the direction of the topic because you have nothing else to add.

 

If you're going to brand someone a liar for life because of one lie, you might as well brand the whole world because everyone lies.

 

Everything is not black and white. If she'd lied, then there can be reason to forgive.

 

You have to look at other factors and take in mind how long they've both dated.

 

If a person chooses to end a relationship because of a lie such as this, you would have to wonder about how shallow that person is.

[BobSacamento]

That's what she said.

 

Come on you have to have something better than that after calling my post stupid.

 

You've got nothing.

[Mad Max]

No, lying is part of the issue not the entirety. Otherwise the OP wouldn't have felt both jealous and betrayed she had lost hers earlier on.

 

You need to ask why she chose to lie.

 

 

He felt betrayed because his GF intentionally deceived. She didn't lie to protect him from anything. She did it because she regretted having sex with the other guy and is pretending it didn't happen. Unless she was raped or sexually abused in some way, she is completely at fault.

 

 

 

 

 

If you're going to brand someone a liar for life because of one lie, you might as well brand the whole world because everyone lies.

 

Everything is not black and white. If she'd lied, then there can be reason to forgive.

 

You have to look at other factors and take in mind how long they've both dated.

 

If a person chooses to end a relationship because of a lie such as this, you would have to wonder about how shallow that person is.

 

 

Saying your GF doesn't look fat in those pants where she really does is a white lie. Saying you're a virgin when you're really not is not a white lie. Obviously, the OP doesn't think it's a little white lie. And the OP has every right to terminate a relationship where he was intentionally deceived.

[Ruby Slippers]

My first love was a virgin when we had sex, but I'd had sex with two boyfriends before him. We did not discuss whether or not we'd had sex before. Not long after we started having sex, he said, "I've never felt like this before." And I agreed. Because it was true.

 

He interpreted that to mean I had never had sex before him. Once I cleared that up, he became irate, said I had lied to him, and raked me over the coals about it for months. His mother even stepped in to tell him to get over himself, because his father wasn't her first. I only put up with it because I was young and stupid.

 

I loved him, but he wrecked everything by being an ******* in this and other ways.

 

Those two exes no longer meant a thing to me, but he meant the world.

 

Years later, he apologized and told me he regretted being such a dick to me about that. He said it was nothing but childish insecurity.

 

I advise you to forgive and move on.

[Titania22]

He felt betrayed because his GF intentionally deceived. She didn't lie to protect him from anything. She did it because she regretted having sex with the other guy and is pretending it didn't happen. Unless she was raped or sexually abused in some way, she is completely at fault.

 

 

It sounded more to be like he was obsessed with sharing his virginity with another virgin. He seemed to want the fantasy of only being with one person his whole life and that person being with him. So if she had said something he would have dumped her, and she no doubt sensed that. (It's all in the original post)

 

Now he can free himself from the one person for the rest of my life obsession and move on, or find some compassion of his own, and see he actually loves this girl for more then her imagined virginity.

[BobSacamento]

He felt betrayed because his GF intentionally deceived. She didn't lie to protect him from anything. She did it because she regretted having sex with the other guy and is pretending it didn't happen. Unless she was raped or sexually abused in some way, she is completely at fault.

 

 

She lied because she was afraid he would judge her. It wasn't an appropriate question to begin with. The need to ask such a question screams insecurity. His true issue.

[sally4sara]

Why does it matter why he wanted her to be a virgin or not? He was one and it was important to him; he wasn't asking something of her that he couldn't live up to himself (at least to the point he did anyway).

 

Who cares what our opinions of what kind of person would care if she was a virgin or not when that standard was one he lived too?

 

He got lied to. And now, if he dumps her he is not going to be able to live up to that standard anymore for anyone else. I only hope he will measure that regret he may be feeling when looking at why this girl he fell in love with lied and find some acceptance for himself (a now non married non-virgin) if not for her impulse to lie as well.

 

I wasn't waiting for marriage when I lost mine but I did get to lose it with another virgin. The sex sucked but I felt we were on a level playing field just the same and that was comforting.

[Mad Max]

She lied because she was afraid he would judge her. It wasn't an appropriate question to begin with. The need to ask such a question screams insecurity. His true issue.

 

 

She had every opportunity to tell the truth and didn't. If he wants a virgin, that's his prerogative and he has every right to want that without being judged. The GF ruined the relationship by lying. She needs to be held accountable.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I have been dating a girl for one year two months, she is 18, and I am 20. I am an attractive guy, and have had many opportunities to have sex before this relationship, but I always believed that sex is something that should be experienced only in marriage, and I still believe this.

 

As our relationship grew, we became closer and closer to each other, and we both fell in love with each other, I honestly thought I had found the girl I was going to marry. However, as time passed, we became more and more physical with each other, and September of this year, we had sex. Prior to having sex, I had asked her multiple times throughout our relationship if she had ever had sex, and every single time she would say that she had not, and that she was a virgin.

 

About a week after we had sex, I asked her again, she got real quiet and said that she had to tell me something, she went on to tell me that when she was 16 she had sex with her boyfriend of five months. She said that they broke up shortly thereafter, and that they only did it once, and that she just laid there, and that she just turned over on her side and cried afterwards because of how bad she felt about what she had done. She said that for a year after, she struggled to get over it, and that she had considered herself a virgin when we had sex. But because she lied to me about being a virgin in the first place, and don't really know if I can believe that they only had sex once,(just writing this makes my stomach hurt) or that she was just infatuated with him, as she claims, rather than in love with him.

 

This completely broke my heart, I can't accurately describe how I feel, but it's a feeling of betrayal, anger, jealousy and just utter disappointment. I get a litteral physical pain in my stomach when I think about it. It really tears me up that she shared this bond with someone else, that someone else was inside of her, it just kills me. And then the fact that she lied to me so many times about it, hurts as well. She knew how important this was to me because I told her several times in the couple weeks before we had sex of how important this experience we were going to share was, and how important it was that she tell me if she had ever been with another guy.

 

For the past two months I have been struggling with my emotions over this, and I guess what I came here to ask is, should I just break up with her, or try to work through this? I dont know if I can trust anything she says.

 

 

This is pathetic!!!

 

You LIED to her, and we are supposed to treat that as if it is nothing.

 

NOT only that, but YOUR LIE to her is what inspired HER lie to you!

 

So the guilty party here is you.

 

When you can stop judging others instead of just letting them be themselves, these magic "betrayals" will cease to happen to you.

[sally4sara]

Can anyone else understand why a person with zero experience might feel more comfortable experiencing sex for the first time with someone else that has nothing to compare their inexperience to?

 

Everyone on this board acts like being insecure is some cardinal sin. Its a human emotion and trying to hide your insecurities only leads to

 

wait for it....

 

lying! Which his girl did OUT OF INSECURITY.

 

So if we can accept that she felt insecure and advise he give her a pass for lying, maybe we can also accept that he wanted to share this experience with another virgin?

[BobSacamento]

She had every opportunity to tell the truth and didn't. If he wants a virgin, that's his prerogative and he has every right to want that without being judged. The GF ruined the relationship by lying. She needs to be held accountable.

 

His insecurity ruined the relationship.

[xpaperxcutx]

He felt betrayed because his GF intentionally deceived. She didn't lie to protect him from anything. She did it because she regretted having sex with the other guy and is pretending it didn't happen. Unless she was raped or sexually abused in some way, she is completely at fault.

 

 

 

 

 

In order for someone to intentionally lie, they have to have a reason why. If what you wrote is true, then she mentally chose to erase her sexual experience with her lie. When a person regrets something traumatic ie. sex, the logical thing would be to mentally lock away the past. I'm not saying it's her excuse, but if it is, then it is plausible.

 

 

Saying your GF doesn't look fat in those pants where she really does is a white lie. Saying you're a virgin when you're really not is not a white lie. Obviously, the OP doesn't think it's a little white lie. And the OP has every right to terminate a relationship where he was intentionally deceived.

 

Again I reiterate my question- How shallow can the OP be if he's going to terminate a year long relationship because of one lie?

[810]

but I always believed that sex is something that should be experienced only in marriage, and I still believe this.

 

This is pathetic!!!

 

You LIED to her, and we are supposed to treat that as if it is nothing.

 

NOT only that, but YOUR LIE to her is what inspired HER lie to you!

 

So the guilty party here is you.

 

When you can stop judging others instead of just letting them be themselves, these magic "betrayals" will cease to happen to you.

so true.

[Mad Max]

His insecurity ruined the relationship.

 

 

Nope, the lying ruined it and she needs to be held accountable.

 

 

In order for someone to intentionally lie, they have to have a reason why. If what you wrote is true, then she mentally chose to erase her sexual experience with her lie. When a person regrets something traumatic ie. sex, the logical thing would be to mentally lock away the past. I'm not saying it's her excuse, but if it is, then it is plausible.

 

 

I already explained her reason. She regretted the sex and is placing it under the "doesn't count" category. Just because she regretted having sex doesn't make it traumatic.

 

 

Again I reiterate my question- How shallow can the OP be if he's going to terminate a year long relationship because of one lie?

 

 

Not shallow at all. If his desire was to be with another virgin and she led him to believe she was(which she did as she stated numerous times she was a virgin), he had every right to terminate the relationship. The entire relationship was based on her lie. It may seem like a white lie to the other posters, but it's obviously not a white lie to the OP.

[Mad Max]

NOT only that, but YOUR LIE to her is what inspired HER lie to you!

 

 

Two wrongs don't make a right.

[BobSacamento]

Can anyone else understand why a person with zero experience might feel more comfortable experiencing sex for the first time with someone else that has nothing to compare their inexperience to?

 

Everyone on this board acts like being insecure is some cardinal sin. Its a human emotion and trying to hide your insecurities only leads to

 

wait for it....

 

lying! Which his girl did OUT OF INSECURITY.

 

So if we can accept that she felt insecure and advise he give her a pass for lying, maybe we can also accept that he wanted to share this experience with another virgin?

 

Next he will ask - "Was I better than your first?" He is only hurting himself in the long run.

[loverofloveandstuff]

In order for someone to intentionally lie, they have to have a reason why.

 

No they don't... Pathological and compulsive liars often lie again and again without any reason at all.

 

OP - why did you ask her so many times if she was a virgin? Did you not trust her when she responded the first time? She was probably afraid of losing you because you would've dumped her had you known she wasn't a virgin.

[loverofloveandstuff]

 

Not shallow at all. If his desire was to be with another virgin and she led him to believe she was(which she did as she stated numerous times she was a virgin), he had every right to terminate the relationship. The entire relationship was based on her lie. It may seem like a white lie to the other posters, but it's obviously not a white lie to the OP.

 

Wow, if the entire relationship is based on her being/not being a virgin that is just sad.

[Mad Max]

Wow, if the entire relationship is based on her being/not being a virgin that is just sad.

 

 

OP could be religious or takes sex very seriously for whatever reason. If he chooses to do so, it's his choice.