Holidays Apart?

[allina]

HI Allina, I have been thinking about you and hoping you were OK.

 

This is a difficult situation, but I think you and your H have made the right decision. You are a unit, and he sounds like a great guy if he is prepared to stand up to his mother in your defense. That takes guts and lots of men wouldn't have the backbone to do it.

 

I know it may feel like you are making your H "choose" you over his family but you aren't, his mothers behaviour has been the cause of all this.

 

If she has apologised, then at least she can see that she has some groundwork to make up, which is a good start.

 

Families, esp in laws, are full of complexities and personality differences. As people say, familes: can't choose 'em, can't shoot 'em!

 

My in laws are both quite difficult people, and my MIL has just been pretty horrible to my SIL (Hs brothers wife) over the fact that they are having another baby. MIL thinks there is no way they should be having another baby because she doesn't think they can afford it, and that it had better be a girl because they have two boys already and she wants another granddaughter.

 

SIL hasn't stood up to MIL and I wish she would, as MIL shouldn't be 'allowed' to get away with being such a B*tch. But standard practice in their family is to say nothing, and b*tch about it behind eachothers backs, and let the resentment build.

Its infuriating!

 

My family is more of a yell and scream and let it all out type of family- not perfect either but at least everyone knows where they stand.

 

I didn't speak to my other SIL (my brothers partner) for nearly a year last year after she behaved abominably at my fathers funeral. I will never be her best friend, but we keep the peace for everyones sake, and its not that awkward.

 

Anyway- just letting you know that you aren't alone when it comes to the political minefield that is in laws and extended family.

 

If I know you, you will handle things diplomatically and with grace (unless there is a shrieking Eastern European side to you that you don't show on here! )

 

Thanks sb, it's just frustrating. My H and my marriage are amazing and I'm so very grateful for that, I just wish that the in-law situation better. I thought we would all be this big happy family and it isn't turning out that way. I'm also worried that we might be doing major damage to the relationship with them with the Christmas decision.

 

There hasn't been any shrieking so far but I did tell his mom that her actions created a very uncomfortable atmosphere and that she ruined my vacation At least I said it very calmly.

[whichwayisup]

Absolutely. My H and I are family, and that relationship will always be number one.

 

However, I also value our parents and extended family. I'm not one to see family only once a year, so not destroying the relationship between me and my in-laws or my H and his mom matters to me.

 

 

 

I could never do the hotel thing. I think it's so cold and it would cause more drama.

 

My H and my FIL have had conversations with MIL many many times. There have been issues with her long before I came along This last time she said she was sorry and admitted to being wrong, something they told me she has never done before. At the end of the fight my H told her that she cannot keep treating his wife or him like that and that it needs to change. We'll see if it does. The next time I see her will be awkward!

 

I'm sorry, I didn't mean for my suggestion to make it seem like it's cold by staying in a hotel. Bad idea, I guess. Just would make it less stressful for your MIL maybe if you two weren't there all throughout the holidays, that's all I was getting at.

 

Glad your H said something to her.

 

And no, it doesn't have to be awkward at all, when you see her next, make it special, make her feel at ease and be hearty - I bet she'll see the great person you are and realize she's been a fool.