Death of a friend

[Gettingtired]

Hey everyone. Not sure where to put this thread, but as it is about a friend, I thought here would be the best place.

 

A friend of mine was recently stabbed and killed, here's the article from the local press;

 

http://www.journallive.co.uk/north-east-news/todays-news/2010/11/09/tributes-pour-in-for-guide-post-stabbing-victim-glen-simmons-61634-27625385/

 

His funeral was yesterday. As much as I was dreading going, it didn't turn out to be that emotional.

 

We were pretty good friends a number of years ago, but as time goes on, people drift apart, so it was around 7-9 years since I had any contact with him.

Earlier this year me and my friend Lindsay went to see him after re-connecting with him via Facebook [of all places].

He was sooo happy with his life. He had a lovely girlfriend of around 9 years and son of 18 months.

He had been through some hard times [heroin addict and some other stuff] but had gotten his life back on track and was really happy where it was going. I myself was really happy he'd sorted himself out.

 

The thing I'm wondering about is the fact I haven't shed a tear for him.

 

I feel really bad that I haven't. But I'm thinking that maybe because of the time apart and the loss of the bond we had years ago is the reason why?

 

Would just like to know what some of you guys think.

[bentnotbroken]

That's one possible reason and the other is that we all grieve differently. Crying is just one outward sign. It isn't the only way one grieves or even the one most telling of the true emotions. I am sorry for your friend and his family. Such a young life My prayers are with you.

[quankanne]

I didn't really grieve my dad's death until nearly a year after he passed, while the grief was more immediate when Mom died. And I'm guessing that I processed my dad's death up until something out of the blue triggered that release ...

 

no two losses are the same, so it's entirely possible that you can go on a good while until something unexpected makes you realize the depth of your loss. It doesn't mean you don't care any less about him, just that the trigger hasn't sprung yet.

 

I am sorry for your loss. It's a bit of a shake up to realize that as you grow older, you begin seeing your more of your friends pass away than you do close relatives.

[Gettingtired]

Thanks for the replies and warm wishes guys.

 

No two losses are the same, so it's entirely possible that you can go on a good while until something unexpected makes you realize the depth of your loss. It doesn't mean you don't care any less about him, just that the trigger hasn't sprung yet.

 

That makes a lot of sense actually.

 

One thing that I have started thinking about now is all the other people that I've lost touch with that I was pretty close too way back when.

I feel like I should re-connect with them a bit more as what happened to Glen could happen to someone else.

One of the other girls that I was with had planned to see him the Friday before it happened but something came up and she couldn't make it. I dont think she'd seen him for a good few years either, now she wont get to see him ever again.

 

I dont really like the thought of never seeing someone again that I was good friends with.

[GrietJa]

I've have a different situation but also much questions. Grief is something I'll never understand. Cause it's not the first person I lost and won't be the last. And indeed it's so different. And I'm afraid of what will still come.

 

Not even one year ago I lost my father. Few months ago I heard about two friends with cancer, but they'll recover. But what I have now is even more though on me.

 

It's about this friend I have. Georges. And he's still alive. But for how long?

 

I met Georges trough the internet. He looked really shy when I talked to him at first. On the photo he sent me of him he looked much younger then he told me to be. But it was ok. I felt like he was a nice boy to talk to.

 

Georges told me he was looking for a friend to talk to. And it was also this I was looking for at this moment too. And we started chatting. At first just basic things. What his job was and how his family was and his hobbies. But soon we started talking more and more on a daily base. We started asking about each others jobs and friendships and more deep stories about our families. We started talking a lot during lunch breaks and when we met at evening we opened webcam.

 

It was more fun to talk without all the typing an hear his voice. See his smile when we make jokes. It made me feel this could become a real nice friendship.

 

Like we tell each other our believes, history and future, dreams and wishes he told me one day he needed to go to the doctor for a routine medical exam at work. He told me about how nervous he was cause it has been long time ago he went last time. Not even 48 hours later we found out he had terminal cancer and would die real soon.

 

For the first time in my whole life I felt my tears this real. And I asked myself why I could feel like this. So real bad. I realised I started loving this guy real bad a as friend. For I cared very much about him. We cried together on the internet. Saying sorry to each other for our tears. But you can’t fight it when you care about someone.

 

Georges is still alive and still around. And still my friend for sure. After having some bad time together we started making jokes again and I saw him smile like before. It felt so strong. I swore to never let him down again. And cause our friendship has grown this strong, we’re getting trough this together.

 

For a moment when I just found out he’ll pass away soon I wished I’ve never met him. Cause it hurt so much. But this minute of thinking this was made up already by a lifetime of being really happy I know a person like Georges.

 

For now I get a real power out this cause I know my life awaits me. And why am I less sad for Georges now? Well I realised he already lived his life to the fullest. Or at least tried. And still does. Until the moment it will end. He fights trough his life too. He has his believes. He is a very good person.

I have no idea how I will react when he passes away, cause of course I will be sad. But I know he's had a full life.

[amerikajin]

I think people process things differently, according to the person and maybe even the time. In your case, considerable time was spent apart. Thus, the emotional bond had been broke, and this is especially likely if the time apart was during teenage years and early adulthood, when people go through so many changes.

 

There are a few select people though that I haven't actually seen in several years, and I could tell you that if they died, I would be sad. I wouldn't feel the loss so personally anymore, but I would be sad because I know that they're great people and that the world would lose something special if that were to happen.

 

But the grieving part...that's something different altogether. I don't think people have to grieve on the outside. Sometimes it takes a while for the finality of death to sink in. Sometimes it takes a while for people to feel the impact of death. Some people just grieve internally.

Edited November 28, 2010 by amerikajin

[sgcrichi]

I have been also faced this situation once, You should take control on you, and try to meet other friend as much as possible. friends are never died from heart, but you need clearer from your mind.

[terrence053]

I can understand how we feel when a friend passes away....someone that is special to us is gone it can be difficult to continue living life..But it is the rule of nature so accept the truth and now try to over come from all these things talk to a close friends , relative, join a support group and share your feelings. ...