I am Thankful

[GreenEyedLady]

Being from America, I felt the need to post the following.

 

I am thankful that I met my H when I did.

 

I am thankful that Loveshack was a place of support when I found it.

 

I am thankful that I met so many friends and supportive people here.

 

I am thankful that my H realized he had a choice and made the best choice he could with the information he had.

 

I am thankful that I made the best choice I could with the information I had.

 

I am thankful that everyone has a choice to see. To see people who have a hidden agenda and those who show support.

 

I think on this day of Thanksgiving it is important to identify those who are "friends" of the relationship and those who are not. And ironic as it is, to rid ourselves of people who are NOT friends of the relationship.

 

That is the advice that is given to the betrayed. To forsake ALL who are not friends of the marriage. INCLUDING family members.

 

Is that a novel idea? To alienate those who are not friends to our relationships?

 

If you don't believe me, take a trip to the other side, the side of the betrayed. Just type in infidelity (google). You'll see it all. The reason everyone here wants you to go NC is so that they get their spouse back. To treat as they will. Do they really care about you? Hmm, they've called you immoral and inhuman (and even worse), what do you think?

 

They care about THEIR M. And any THREAT to their M. While I believe that if I need someone else to police my M, I shouldn't be in it, THEY DON'T CARE. They want EVERYONE to police their M because they cannot control it and they want the M NO MATTER WHAT.

 

The good thing about being GEL is that I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER'S THINK. They can say what they will and it doesn't affect me. I know that they are jealous and insecure and insignificant.

 

What matters to me is that people here need support and they are not getting it. There are so few OW here who really give advice from the hat of the OW. And I applaud them, because their job is hard and they are not given any credit.

 

When I was an OW, I rarely posted my own situation. It was HELL on me when I did. So I didn't because I cherished MY MAN and MY RELATIONSHIP. And I think it was for the best that I didn't. We have persevered because I believed in us and asserted my needs.

 

But I realize that I am an individual. And I have respect for all the individuals here who love their man and stand by their relationship. And I also have the utmost respect for the fOW who stay and try to help without judging. I am thankful for you and glad that you are here.

 

I am not thankful for those who come here decades after the A or even after they go NC and try and act like they have been here since the A began and give advice. I question that. Why would you need to come here after you've ended the A and/or been married over a decade? That smells mighty fishy to me.

 

Don't try and come here and pretend. This is not a place of pretending. This is a place of support. And if you think you are "fooling" anyone, you're wrong.

 

I feel so saddened for how this forum has evolved. It had such promise. Please, OW, this is your forum. Don't be afraid to use it as it was meant to be used.

 

And one more thing that I am thankful for, I am thankful that he left his wife and we are married now.

 

Now if that isn't real, I don't know what is.

 

GEL

[pureinheart]

Hi GEL,

 

I too am thankful, for everything. Even though life didnot turn out the way I wanted (and that doesn't mean there are not excellent things to come), I am still grateful that I made a real difference in another persons life. A person that needed for someone to take a stand. A person that had worked hard all of his life and tried the best he could to make things work and noone would help him...no support from a family that could have cared less about him...THAT'S about as narcassistic as it comes.

 

Yes, OM/OW, this forum was set up for you....say what you need to:)

 

Happy Thanksgiving GEL, and all:)

[4321sn]

))

Great post! I try to follow your posts as I admire the fact that you provide a sence of balance to this board. Your advice is often in the minority but as an OW who is hoping to make the transition from an affair to a "relationship" I truly appreciate your insight. The things you say stay with me. It is important for those of us who are struggling to hear different opionions. Affairs are not cookie cutter one size fits all. It is important to see the different ways to navigate through. For some NC is best. For others staying by the MM and being there for him because you love him is best. Each situation is unique and we each must do what it best for us individually. I'm still trying to fgure it out

 

Thank you

[phillyfan]

Being from America, I felt the need to post the following.

 

I am thankful that I met my H when I did.

 

I am thankful that Loveshack was a place of support when I found it.

 

I am thankful that I met so many friends and supportive people here.

 

I am thankful that my H realized he had a choice and made the best choice he could with the information he had.

 

I am thankful that I made the best choice I could with the information I had.

 

I am thankful that everyone has a choice to see. To see people who have a hidden agenda and those who show support.

 

I think on this day of Thanksgiving it is important to identify those who are "friends" of the relationship and those who are not. And ironic as it is, to rid ourselves of people who are NOT friends of the relationship.

 

That is the advice that is given to the betrayed. To forsake ALL who are not friends of the marriage. INCLUDING family members.

 

Is that a novel idea? To alienate those who are not friends to our relationships?

 

If you don't believe me, take a trip to the other side, the side of the betrayed. Just type in infidelity (google). You'll see it all. The reason everyone here wants you to go NC is so that they get their spouse back. To treat as they will. Do they really care about you? Hmm, they've called you immoral and inhuman (and even worse), what do you think?

 

They care about THEIR M. And any THREAT to their M. While I believe that if I need someone else to police my M, I shouldn't be in it, THEY DON'T CARE. They want EVERYONE to police their M because they cannot control it and they want the M NO MATTER WHAT.

 

The good thing about being GEL is that I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER'S THINK. They can say what they will and it doesn't affect me. I know that they are jealous and insecure and insignificant.

 

What matters to me is that people here need support and they are not getting it. There are so few OW here who really give advice from the hat of the OW. And I applaud them, because their job is hard and they are not given any credit.

 

When I was an OW, I rarely posted my own situation. It was HELL on me when I did. So I didn't because I cherished MY MAN and MY RELATIONSHIP. And I think it was for the best that I didn't. We have persevered because I believed in us and asserted my needs.

 

But I realize that I am an individual. And I have respect for all the individuals here who love their man and stand by their relationship. And I also have the utmost respect for the fOW who stay and try to help without judging. I am thankful for you and glad that you are here.

 

I am not thankful for those who come here decades after the A or even after they go NC and try and act like they have been here since the A began and give advice. I question that. Why would you need to come here after you've ended the A and/or been married over a decade? That smells mighty fishy to me.

 

Don't try and come here and pretend. This is not a place of pretending. This is a place of support. And if you think you are "fooling" anyone, you're wrong.

 

I feel so saddened for how this forum has evolved. It had such promise. Please, OW, this is your forum. Don't be afraid to use it as it was meant to be used.

 

And one more thing that I am thankful for, I am thankful that he left his wife and we are married now.

 

Now if that isn't real, I don't know what is.

 

GEL

 

Why r u tellin other people why they shud or shudnt come here? That some people 'smell fishy'? Seems like people do what u like or u think theres somethin wrong with them. This is for the public, deal with it.

[Tsm]

Why r u tellin other people why they shud or shudnt come here? That some people 'smell fishy'? Seems like people do what u like or u think theres somethin wrong with them. This is for the public, deal with it.

 

I guess GEL is basing her comments and opinions in that when you are around here, you are made to feel that an A is worse than murder, rape etc, most of the time leaving you feeling worse.

[4321sn]

Why r u tellin other people why they shud or shudnt come here? That some people 'smell fishy'? Seems like people do what u like or u think theres somethin wrong with them. This is for the public, deal with it.[/quote

 

oh you mean like when you posted on my thread that you have never seen so many delusional people? just sayin

[jennie-jennie]

I am thankful that I have such a wonderful man in my life.

He cares for me and nourishes me.

He is always there for me.

He makes me feel beautiful and desired.

He makes me feel perfect just like I am.

He shares my interests and loves to spend time with me.

He is always honest to me and shares his innermost secrets with me.

He keeps my innermost secrets safe within his heart.

He makes me feel loved and safe.

He stands by me in every decision I have to make, small or big.

He helps me with my finances, plumbing, children, you name it.

 

I am thankful that I know to count the blessings with our relationship rather than the shortcomings. :love:

[OWoman]

Why r u tellin other people why they shud or shudnt come here? That some people 'smell fishy'? Seems like people do what u like or u think theres somethin wrong with them. This is for the public, deal with it.

 

Dude, y r u ritin like u on a mobile an u xpct us 2 fill n da txt u 2 laZ 2 rite urslf?

[OWoman]

I'm not from America, but I'd like to echo GEL's post.

 

And to wish, belatedly, a happy thanksgiving to all the Americans here

[scatterd]

I dont mean this rude but now that you are married and if he cheats are you going to feel the same?I am thankful for all God has given me.

[Ms. Red]

Dude, y r u ritin like u on a mobile an u xpct us 2 fill n da txt u 2 laZ 2 rite urslf?

 

yeah, no $hit.....I agree!

[Ms. Red]

I'm not from America, but I'd like to echo GEL's post.

 

And to wish, belatedly, a happy thanksgiving to all the Americans here

 

Thank you! It's much appreciated.

[OWoman]

I dont mean this rude but now that you are married and if he cheats are you going to feel the same?

 

I'm not sure if this was addressed to GEL or to me, but speaking for myself:

 

I believe that if I need someone else to police my M, I shouldn't be in it.

 

If my H should decide that the best thing that ever happened to him is worth throwing away, then that's his choice, and I would exercise my own options at that point. Every day I make a choice whether to stay in the M, or whether to leave - as does he. If one day the choice goes the other way, we will face that at the time. For now, we're both really happy, really thankful and really fulfilled together, and each day we celebrate that.

[greengoddess]

lol wow that didn't sound like a very thankful post at all. It sounded very bitter and not at all like a happily married woman.

 

You ok GEL?

[jwi71]

If my H should decide that the best thing that ever happened to him is worth throwing away, then that's his choice, and I would exercise my own options at that point. Every day I make a choice whether to stay in the M, or whether to leave - as does he. If one day the choice goes the other way, we will face that at the time. For now, we're both really happy, really thankful and really fulfilled together, and each day we celebrate that.

 

Interesting.

 

And maybe we just disagree but the decision to cheat is NOT the same as the decision to D. I see it all the time here...MM/MW deciding to cheat AND stay married and, even more typically, hiding the A from the BS (and everyone else).

 

Actually, that can be said of the AP as well...no one seems to know of their involvement with a married person.

 

So, I would have to disagree that when one's spouse cheats it means they want to end the M. It means they want to cheat.

[jwi71]

I think on this day of Thanksgiving it is important to identify those who are "friends" of the relationship and those who are not. And ironic as it is, to rid ourselves of people who are NOT friends of the relationship.

I wholly agree. In a healthy M, the couple should eliminate enemies to the union. Problem is, in an A, the OW is the enemy of the W (or M) and from the OW's perspective, the W is (that old competition thing again).

 

Being a support forum for the OW, we ether help the OW beat the enemy or help the OW remove herself and escape more pain.

 

So, shouldn't we be supporting OW in how to eliminate HER enemy...the W?

Or, maybe more precisely, the M between the MM and the W. It seems to me that the best way to HURT the OW's enemy is to force D-day. And, being as most OW WANT a life with the MM, we WANT the M to end - and D-day is so GREAT at achieving that. Why do we so seldom see advice on how to drive the W away? Advice on how to kill that M. Wouldn't be forcing D-day the BEST advice? Why is that so seldom offered?

 

Instead, what I see is advice to maintain the status quo or leave. And to me, that ISN'T support - its not helping the OW escape pain or win. Its not helping her get what she wants (and end to the pain).

 

Why is telling her to go NC NOT support yet failing to say "kill the M" is ok - especially when virtually all want that.

 

Anyone?

 

That is the advice that is given to the betrayed. To forsake ALL who are not friends of the marriage. INCLUDING family members

Why just single out the betrayed?

Would you want your H hanging around people whose behavior or words you do not agree with it? Would your H want you hanging around the same?

That sounds like really GOOD advice for EVERY couple.

 

The reason everyone here wants you to go NC is so that they get their spouse back

No, that's not true at all.

NC ends the pain. I have frequently said I do not care how it ends just that it ends. And yes, the pain would end for the OW if she marries her MM. So I play the percentages...seeing as so few actually file for D.

 

. To treat as they will. Do they really care about you? Hmm, they've called you immoral and inhuman (and even worse), what do you think?

You're right GEL...why are NOT as emotionally close to posters as the actual people in their life. Only they know the people involved. And they know the whole truth. So I think the OW should openly tell EVERYONE about her partner's marital status. If it is not immoral and inhuman - why then lie? Tell the world how great your MM is. To your pastor. To your father. To your best friend. To his W. Its not immoral right?

 

Now the OW can get TRUE support from her friends and family and coworkers and clergy. What's wrong with that?

The good thing about being GEL is that I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER'S THINK. They can say what they will and it doesn't affect me. I know that they are jealous and insecure and insignificant.

 

What matters to me is that people here need support and they are not getting it. There are so few OW here who really give advice from the hat of the OW. And I applaud them, because their job is hard and they are not given any credit.

Like greengoddess asked...are you ok? What happened?

[shoelove]

I am thankful for the people who post their experience and insight in this forum, not from the standpoint of being "right" or "morally superior," but from the standpoint of wanting to help others understand their own motivations and avoid pain.

 

I've received some tremendous help here; I've seen some incredible hatin'. Just like "real life," there's a huge gamut.

[September]

Great post GEL! Thank you!

[myname]

Yeah, I thought it was a great post too, GEL. The best support I've had on this site has come from people who don't just view the A as a black and white moral issue and who can understand the complex emotions and reality of it being a real relationship.

 

When people tell me he's a rat, using me, just after sex, is a cake eater type stuff it just hurts and isn't helpful to me in whatever I'm trying to do.

[crazy love]

GEL . wow I love this post. This is what I always love about reading your posts..so real so honest. I wish I had known about this forum before the "evolution" to what it is now because. I too find myself doing more reading than actually posting for the very same reasons that you have mentioned. Most of the reply posts are so polluted with negativity and judgement that I hardly find it worthwhile let alone helpful. There are a few beacons that stand out for me here however, and when I see a post from you ladies it is always refreshing, GEL ..OW Thank you. You are appreciated and I am surely not the only silent member who feels the same. Keep doing what you do

 

I am also so thankful for the love and support I have found in my MM. I am a better person because of him....how's that for irony

[NoIDidn't]

Being from America, I felt the need to post the following.

 

I am thankful that I met my H when I did.

 

I am thankful that Loveshack was a place of support when I found it.

 

I am thankful that I met so many friends and supportive people here.

 

I am thankful that my H realized he had a choice and made the best choice he could with the information he had.

 

I am thankful that I made the best choice I could with the information I had.

 

I am thankful that everyone has a choice to see. To see people who have a hidden agenda and those who show support.

 

I think on this day of Thanksgiving it is important to identify those who are "friends" of the relationship and those who are not. And ironic as it is, to rid ourselves of people who are NOT friends of the relationship.

 

That is the advice that is given to the betrayed. To forsake ALL who are not friends of the marriage. INCLUDING family members.

 

Is that a novel idea? To alienate those who are not friends to our relationships?

 

If you don't believe me, take a trip to the other side, the side of the betrayed. Just type in infidelity (google). You'll see it all. The reason everyone here wants you to go NC is so that they get their spouse back. To treat as they will. Do they really care about you? Hmm, they've called you immoral and inhuman (and even worse), what do you think?

 

They care about THEIR M. And any THREAT to their M. While I believe that if I need someone else to police my M, I shouldn't be in it, THEY DON'T CARE. They want EVERYONE to police their M because they cannot control it and they want the M NO MATTER WHAT.

 

The good thing about being GEL is that I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER'S THINK. They can say what they will and it doesn't affect me. I know that they are jealous and insecure and insignificant.

 

What matters to me is that people here need support and they are not getting it. There are so few OW here who really give advice from the hat of the OW. And I applaud them, because their job is hard and they are not given any credit.

 

When I was an OW, I rarely posted my own situation. It was HELL on me when I did. So I didn't because I cherished MY MAN and MY RELATIONSHIP. And I think it was for the best that I didn't. We have persevered because I believed in us and asserted my needs.

 

But I realize that I am an individual. And I have respect for all the individuals here who love their man and stand by their relationship. And I also have the utmost respect for the fOW who stay and try to help without judging. I am thankful for you and glad that you are here.

 

I am not thankful for those who come here decades after the A or even after they go NC and try and act like they have been here since the A began and give advice. I question that. Why would you need to come here after you've ended the A and/or been married over a decade? That smells mighty fishy to me.

 

Don't try and come here and pretend. This is not a place of pretending. This is a place of support. And if you think you are "fooling" anyone, you're wrong.

 

I feel so saddened for how this forum has evolved. It had such promise. Please, OW, this is your forum. Don't be afraid to use it as it was meant to be used.

 

And one more thing that I am thankful for, I am thankful that he left his wife and we are married now.

 

Now if that isn't real, I don't know what is.

 

GEL

 

The name of this thread is "I am thankful", but this post seems only thankful that it can put others down for protecting their marriages as they believe fit and complaining about the state of this forum - which the OP has very much had a hand in developing to this date. I don't think its anyone's business why people come here and post. So this thread's OP very much creates the very friction that it complains about.

 

What happened GEL? Your posts used to be supportive of OW without the swipes at those you disagree with and snarkiness seen of late. There is a very palpable anger in them, not at all the gratefulness of a woman that has married the love of her life. I'm sure you won't answer because you've never been one to share openly on the board until you'd made a decision without the "noise" one way or the other, so I'm not expecting an answer.

 

Maybe the solution is to take a step back from LS for a minute instead of lashing out, and not subtly I might add, at those you disagree with. Because no one is able to tell others where, what, when, and how to post.

 

To the title of the thread:

 

I am grateful that my family and friends very much respect and love my marriage and the stability that it brings, not just to my children, but to everyone that comes in contact with my H and myself.

 

I am thankful that I even have a family that I can love and receive their love back, because I need it to go both ways - not just to me and not just from me.

 

I am thankful that I can speak freely with those that love me about my hopes, dreams, failures, regrets, and trials without fear of judgment (not many I can do this with, so I am grateful for the two or three that I can do this with). And if there is judgment, I can handle it because I am secure enough in myself not to need complete agreement or acceptance of whatever they are judging me for - even if I was dead wrong (and I have been on numerous occasions).

 

I am extremely thankful for LoveShack and the lessons that I have learned here, not just dealing with the subject matter of this forum, but in all that I participate in. This place is not the best, but I have learned and grown from the personalities that I have encountered here.

 

I am thankful that not everyone lives in fear of judgment or rude posters so much so that they don't seek the advice and ear that they feel they so desperately need sometimes. I am not one of these people, mind you. Its not the judgment that I don't like, its the immediate jump to the worst case scenario that I find annoying to the point that the advice given isn't remotely helpful a lot.

[jthorne]

I'm thankful for my kind beautiful husband that has been so supportive of me and my family. I am glad that he never lied to me about his marital status for over a year, and only fessed up to it after he got caught. I'm thankful my wonderful husband WAS what he said he was (SINGLE) and when we decided to marry, I wasn't forced to wait two years. I'm also thankful that my in-laws actually like me (so far) and my parents love my hubby as their own son. I'm also thankful that I don't have his family members whispering behind my back about how I was the homewrecker that broke up their precious baby's previous marriage and the inevitable comparisons to "the other one." Funny how that doesn't happen too much marrying single men.

 

I am thankful that I too have a marriage to envy, but I wish that happiness for everyone; I do not wish for anyone to be jealous or envious of what I have, as it's what everyone deserves.

lol wow that didn't sound like a very thankful post at all. It sounded very bitter and not at all like a happily married woman.

 

You ok GEL?

Looks like this thread was started on Thanksgiving Day? Its unfortunate that a happily married woman spends a holiday typically spent with family on here instead, bashing others on a forum for Other Women. That's fishy to me if we want to talk about fishy...

It's also fishy to me those happy OW who say they see their MM all the time, but are here posting every waking hour. But that's their business, and another subject. I wish all the best.

 

Nevertheless, I am thankful for a great many, many things. I hope that others here will take time to reflect on what is really important to them, and what they have to be thankful for as well. Never take things for granted. Those that you love, tell them and make sure they know. Do it often. If you didn't do it on Turkey Day, do it today!

 

Too bad Thanksgiving only happens once a year.

Edited November 27, 2010 by jthorne

[pureinheart]

Dude, y r u ritin like u on a mobile an u xpct us 2 fill n da txt u 2 laZ 2 rite urslf?

:lmao::lmao:

 

Happy holidays to you also:D...OMG you crack me up!

[Silly_Girl]

I'm thankful for my kind beautiful husband that has been so supportive of me and my family. I am glad that he never lied to me about his marital status for over a year, and only fessed up to it after he got caught. I'm thankful my wonderful husband WAS what he said he was (SINGLE) and when we decided to marry, I wasn't forced to wait two years. I'm also thankful that my in-laws actually like me (so far) and my parents love my hubby as their own son. I'm also thankful that I don't have his family members whispering behind my back about how I was the homewrecker that broke up their precious baby's previous marriage and the inevitable comparisons to "the other one." Funny how that doesn't happen too much marrying single men.

 

I am thankful that I too have a marriage to envy, but I wish that happiness for everyone; I do not wish for anyone to be jealous or envious of what I have, as it's what everyone deserves.

Looks like this thread was started on Thanksgiving Day? Its unfortunate that a happily married woman spends a holiday typically spent with family on here instead, bashing others on a forum for Other Women. That's fishy to me if we want to talk about fishy...

It's also fishy to me those happy OW who say they see their MM all the time, but are here posting every waking hour. But that's their business, and another subject. I wish all the best.

 

Nevertheless, I am thankful for a great many, many things. I hope that others here will take time to reflect on what is really important to them, and what they have to be thankful for as well. Never take things for granted. Those that you love, tell them and make sure they know. Do it often. If you didn't do it on Turkey Day, do it today!

 

Too bad Thanksgiving only happens once a year.

 

I am thankful that there is no one in my real life as condescending, snide, superior or cowardly as some posters we see on LS.

[desertIslandCactus]

It was George Washington who issued the proclamation that Thanksgiving be a holiday - and it was meant for giving thanks to God.

 

The developement of this thread takes things way off track of the original intention of Thanksgiving.

 

Left behind and in the dust of your quest - there were betrayed, hurt, innocent people OP.