I am Thankful

[seren]

I am thankful that my H managed to get on a phone and let me know he was OK after a dodgy few days in Afghanistan - it puts everything into perspective, just thankful that he and me are us and we, still.

 

Wishing everyone peace in their lives

 

Seren x

[skydiveaddict]

I am thankful that my H managed to get on a phone and let me know he was OK after a dodgy few days in Afghanistan - it puts everything into perspective, just thankful that he and me are us and we, still.

 

Wishing everyone peace in their lives

 

Seren x

 

 

Seren, I know how hard it can be to any kind of communication out of there I'm glad you got to speak with him and he is ok.

[JamieA]

Seren, I know how hard it can be to any kind of communication out of there I'm glad you got to speak with him and he is ok.

 

Yes, I'm glad you got to speak to him also. Please thank him for his service. And I thank

YOU for keeping his homestead under control while he's gone. Hugs!

[OWoman]

Interesting.

 

And maybe we just disagree but the decision to cheat is NOT the same as the decision to D. I see it all the time here...MM/MW deciding to cheat AND stay married and, even more typically, hiding the A from the BS (and everyone else).

 

Actually, that can be said of the AP as well...no one seems to know of their involvement with a married person.

 

So, I would have to disagree that when one's spouse cheats it means they want to end the M. It means they want to cheat.

 

JWI, I don't disagree with you on the general point - but I was referring to a specific case. My H did not want to stay M when he embarked on his A - to him, the A was a means to an end (getting out of a toxic M). He associates As - or at least, his A - with the end of a M. He's also quite adamant that - knowing now what he knows - he would not go down that route again. It put him through the wringer, and he's learned the lessons, gained the skills and connected with his own feelings now so has the resources to act the way he'd have preferred the first time around.

 

For him, he equates an A with ending the M. For other MPs, that's perhaps not the case - but my H knows that, if he ventures down that road again, he's sounding the deathknell of the M.

 

He also knows that I have options, that he's lucky to "have" me, and that if he blows it, he'll have to face not only his own regrets but the ire of his entire family. It's not a decision he'll take lightly.

[OWoman]

It was George Washington who issued the proclamation that Thanksgiving be a holiday - and it was meant for giving thanks to God.

 

The developement of this thread takes things way off track of the original intention of Thanksgiving.

 

Who's to say that the OP wasn't giving thanks to God? I can't comment on who is or isn't religious around here, and who they would address their thanks to, but I don't see anything in the OP to suggest that it mightn't have been directed at God...

[OWoman]

I'm thankful for my kind beautiful husband that has been so supportive of me and my family. I am glad that he never lied to me about his marital status for over a year, and only fessed up to it after he got caught. I'm thankful my wonderful husband WAS what he said he was and when we decided to marry, I wasn't forced to wait two years. I'm also thankful that my in-laws actually like me (so far) and my parents love my hubby as their own son. I'm also thankful that I don't have his family members whispering behind my back about how I was the homewrecker that broke up their precious baby's previous marriage and the inevitable comparisons to "the other one." Funny how that doesn't happen too much marrying single men.

 

I am thankful that I too have a marriage to envy, but I wish that happiness for everyone; I do not wish for anyone to be jealous or envious of what I have, as it's what everyone deserves.

 

All of that - yes, me too! (Well, aside from "the inevitable comparisons to 'the other one' " - though luckily they don't do that when the kids are around so they're spared hearing the negative comments about their mother...)

 

 

Looks like this thread was started on Thanksgiving Day? Its unfortunate that a happily married woman spends a holiday typically spent with family on here instead, bashing others on a forum for Other Women. [/quote}

 

Perhaps some others type more slowly than I do, but it takes me mere minutes to write a post here, which is far from an entire day elsewise spent with loved ones as insinuated.

 

Not sure why it has to be either / or.... I guess some people simply can't use a computer and spend quality time with loved ones on the same day without their universe imploding?

[woinlove]

Who's to say that the OP wasn't giving thanks to God? I can't comment on who is or isn't religious around here, and who they would address their thanks to, but I don't see anything in the OP to suggest that it mightn't have been directed at God...

 

I agree with desertIslandCactus that it is difficult to connect the OP concerns with who posts on LC, whether they went NC before they posted, etc., with the meaning of Thanksgiving, whether one believes in god or not.

 

Seren and a few others remind us what really matters and how much we have to be thankful for.

[OWoman]

Why do we so seldom see advice on how to drive the W away? Advice on how to kill that M. Why is that so seldom offered?

 

Hmm - I can think of some great ways to drive the W away, or to kill the M... but I can bet I'll get shot down in flames from all sides if I were to post those. It seems that OWs are a little more caring and compassionate about their modus operandi than BSs are?

 

Why is telling her to go NC NOT support yet failing to say "kill the M" is ok - especially when virtually all want that.

 

It's called double standards. BSs are allowed to demonise OWs and the A-relationship, yet OWs are not allowed to demonise BWs and the M-relationship.

 

Why just single out the betrayed?

Would you want your H hanging around people whose behavior or words you do not agree with it? Would your H want you hanging around the same?

That sounds like really GOOD advice for EVERY couple.

 

Actually, he's an adult. I'm not his parent who decides who is and isn't a good influence on him. I trust his judgment - or at least, trust him to realise when his judgment is broken (he M his xW, after all - his judgment is not infallible ) and to seek outside input. If I couldn't trust him, and had to monitor who he associated with, I wouldn't have a H but a prisoner.

 

 

You're right GEL...why are NOT as emotionally close to posters as the actual people in their life. Only they know the people involved. And they know the whole truth. So I think the OW should openly tell EVERYONE about her partner's marital status. If it is not immoral and inhuman - why then lie? Tell the world how great your MM is. To your pastor. To your father. To your best friend. To his W. Its not immoral right?

 

Now the OW can get TRUE support from her friends and family and coworkers and clergy. What's wrong with that?

 

I was open with those who were emotionally close to me - which certainly did not include his xW . As you stated earlier, the BW is the enemy of the OW, so why would the OW want to include her as someone "emotionally close" that she could draw on for support? That's just bizarre - and internally contradictory.

 

And clergy - come on! How many people are "emotionally close" to their clergypeople? Those are service providers - are you emotionally close to your mechanic? your supermarket cashier? your dentist? :confused:

[OWoman]

I agree with desertIslandCactus that it is difficult to connect the OP concerns with who posts on LC, whether they went NC before they posted, etc., with the meaning of Thanksgiving, whether one believes in god or not.

 

How is this not congruent with the intention of thanksgiving?

 

Being from America, I felt the need to post the following.

 

I am thankful that I met my H when I did.

 

I am thankful that Loveshack was a place of support when I found it.

 

I am thankful that I met so many friends and supportive people here.

 

I am thankful that my H realized he had a choice and made the best choice he could with the information he had.

 

I am thankful that I made the best choice I could with the information I had.

 

I am thankful that everyone has a choice to see. To see people who have a hidden agenda and those who show support.

 

And one more thing that I am thankful for, I am thankful that he left his wife and we are married now.

[woinlove]

How is this not congruent with the intention of thanksgiving?

 

It's the part you didn't quote that takes digs at some posters (although I have no idea who she is referring to as posters who joined after NC and/or after an A was over - and I don't care to know). The entire post puts it in context quite clearly. Without the connection to Thanksgiving it would have just been another post, of many similar posts here, from various perspectives. But with its connection to a holiday which reminds most of us how incredibly fortunate we are in a world which is unkind to so many, I find it sad.

[jthorne]

It was George Washington who issued the proclamation that Thanksgiving be a holiday - and it was meant for giving thanks to God.

 

The developement of this thread takes things way off track of the original intention of Thanksgiving.

 

Left behind and in the dust of your quest - there were betrayed, hurt, innocent people OP.

I think we should give thanks every day to God, or whatever Higher Power one believes in- not just on Sunday in church or on Thanksgiving Day.

 

I am thankful that there is no one in my real life as condescending, snide, superior or cowardly as some posters we see on LS.

Ditto.

I am also thankful that I have so so much more to be thankful for than that!

[scatterd]

I am married and many times I have told OW to tell the wife and so have others telling does not mean the MM will chose the OW many times thats when they get dumped not every MM cheats for the same reason.So I say go for it tell the wife that way she can deside what she wants.Be thankful

that so many of us take time to listen when others wont.

[greengoddess]

I am thankful that there is no one in my real life as condescending, snide, superior or cowardly as some posters we see on LS.

 

 

Silly girl don't you wonder though about your real life friends and family's reaction to the love life you have right now?

 

What do you think their reaction would be to it? Not your most trusted bestfriend but to your casual friends too. How do you think they would react to you talking about "your boyfriend's wife"? Don't you think they would be concerned about you and try to sway you away from this destructive life choice?

 

You are telling people that don't even know you that you enjoy sex with a married man and you expect them to embrace it and say good for you?

Tell your friends, tell your family, tell everyone you know and find out for sure if they aren't what you consider to be condescending, snide, superior or cowardly. Give it a shot. See who you are surrounded by in real life? I do know you have one person in your life who fits one of those descriptions. Cowardly. Perfect definition for a married man. Too chicken to take a chance on someone he supposedly loves to leave his marriage. Gosh he doesn't even have kids and he's too chicken to take a chance and leave his marriage.

[jennie-jennie]

You're right GEL...why are NOT as emotionally close to posters as the actual people in their life. Only they know the people involved. And they know the whole truth. So I think the OW should openly tell EVERYONE about her partner's marital status. If it is not immoral and inhuman - why then lie? Tell the world how great your MM is. To your pastor. To your father. To your best friend. To his W. Its not immoral right?

 

Now the OW can get TRUE support from her friends and family and coworkers and clergy. What's wrong with that?

 

Everyone I know, family and friends, know of my long term relationship with my MM. They are all supportive of me. But... they do not have the insight that other OW/OM/WS have. That's why I read and post on LS. To learn what I can not learn from my own supportive network.

 

It is sharing the same situation which makes other OW/OM/WS's posts so valuable to me. They know what it is like to be a participant in an extramarital relationship.

 

I found the same to be true when I went through a year and a half of chemo-like medical treatment. During this time I was a member of a medical forum for other patients like me.

 

Contact with people in the same situation as you is invaluable. Nobody can understand you as the person who is him-/herself going through the same experience.

[desertIslandCactus]

Who's to say that the OP wasn't giving thanks to God? I can't comment on who is or isn't religious around here, and who they would address their thanks to, but I don't see anything in the OP to suggest that it mightn't have been directed at God...

 

Breaking up a marriage and giving thanks to God for one's conquest?? Ignorring the fallout toward All who were affected. None of this was Godgiven.

 

(Also I believe LS members do have the OW's best interest at heart when they suggest NC.)

[jennie-jennie]

What happened GEL? Your posts used to be supportive of OW without the swipes at those you disagree with and snarkiness seen of late. There is a very palpable anger in them' date=' not at all the gratefulness of a woman that has married the love of her life.[/b'] I'm sure you won't answer because you've never been one to share openly on the board until you'd made a decision without the "noise" one way or the other, so I'm not expecting an answer.

 

What does being happily married have to do with GEL's opinon of and feelings about an OW/OM support forum? Can it not in fact be "the gratefulness of a woman that has married the love of her life" that makes GEL want to give other OW the support they need?

[scatterd]

Desertislandcactus I have to agree with you on this god does not have anything to do with deceiving another.

[Silly_Girl]

Silly girl don't you wonder though about your real life friends and family's reaction to the love life you have right now?

 

What do you think their reaction would be to it? Not your most trusted bestfriend but to your casual friends too. How do you think they would react to you talking about "your boyfriend's wife"? Don't you think they would be concerned about you and try to sway you away from this destructive life choice?

 

You are telling people that don't even know you that you enjoy sex with a married man and you expect them to embrace it and say good for you?

Tell your friends, tell your family, tell everyone you know and find out for sure if they aren't what you consider to be condescending, snide, superior or cowardly. Give it a shot. See who you are surrounded by in real life? I do know you have one person in your life who fits one of those descriptions. Cowardly. Perfect definition for a married man. Too chicken to take a chance on someone he supposedly loves to leave his marriage. Gosh he doesn't even have kids and he's too chicken to take a chance and leave his marriage.

 

GG - this post definitively shows you know little about me, or my situation. But thanks for your "concern".

[WTFBBQ]

GG - this post definitively shows you know little about me, or my situation. But thanks for your "concern".

We know all we need to know and your defensiveness shows it.

 

To forsake ALL who are not friends of the marriage. INCLUDING family members.

 

Is that a novel idea? To alienate those who are not friends to our relationships?

Sorry the family blending didn't go well this holiday. Better luck next time!

[jwi71]

JWI, I don't disagree with you on the general point - but I was referring to a specific case. My H did not want to stay M when he embarked on his A - to him, the A was a means to an end (getting out of a toxic M). He associates As - or at least, his A - with the end of a M. He's also quite adamant that - knowing now what he knows - he would not go down that route again. It put him through the wringer, and he's learned the lessons, gained the skills and connected with his own feelings now so has the resources to act the way he'd have preferred the first time around.

 

For him, he equates an A with ending the M. For other MPs, that's perhaps not the case - but my H knows that, if he ventures down that road again, he's sounding the deathknell of the M.

 

He also knows that I have options, that he's lucky to "have" me, and that if he blows it, he'll have to face not only his own regrets but the ire of his entire family. It's not a decision he'll take lightly.

 

Ohhhhhhh...you were referring to specific case.

 

And I hope your H NEVER walks that path. And yeah, he'd be blowing it.

[jwi71]

Hmm - I can think of some great ways to drive the W away, or to kill the M... but I can bet I'll get shot down in flames from all sides if I were to post those. It seems that OWs are a little more caring and compassionate about their modus operandi than BSs are?

 

Hmmm.

 

Now, I wasn't really suggesting that OW/OM do that - I was highlighting the damned if you do damned if you don't aspect. My initial thought at reading both sides would eviscerate was "no" - then I remembered the one story where the OW was using her friendship with the BS to improve her position so to speak. And yeah, she was resoundingly impaled by all present.

 

It's called double standards. BSs are allowed to demonise OWs and the A-relationship, yet OWs are not allowed to demonise BWs and the M-relationship.

 

This would make a great thread. It would degenerate into a bitch-fest but it might start out ok.

 

Actually, he's an adult. I'm not his parent who decides who is and isn't a good influence on him. I trust his judgment - or at least, trust him to realise when his judgment is broken (he M his xW, after all - his judgment is not infallible ) and to seek outside input. If I couldn't trust him, and had to monitor who he associated with, I wouldn't have a H but a prisoner.

 

I was referring to the look given to us men when we announce we are going to meet <the guy you don't like> for <anything>. THAT monitoring - not prison warden.

 

I was open with those who were emotionally close to me - which certainly did not include his xW . As you stated earlier, the BW is the enemy of the OW, so why would the OW want to include her as someone "emotionally close" that she could draw on for support? That's just bizarre - and internally contradictory.

 

Ill conceived I agree. I was wanting to say to force D-day and talk to the wife since the A is "ok". It was just horrible presented as a coherent thought.

 

And clergy - come on! How many people are "emotionally close" to their clergypeople? Those are service providers - are you emotionally close to your mechanic? your supermarket cashier? your dentist? :confused:

 

Down here in the south, its not uncommon at all to be close to your clergy. So that's just a regional difference. And look, if being close to my mechanic gets me a discount - I'm going go all "Chik flick" on him.

[jwi71]

Everyone I know, family and friends, know of my long term relationship with my MM. They are all supportive of me. But... they do not have the insight that other OW/OM/WS have. That's why I read and post on LS. To learn what I can not learn from my own supportive network.

 

You already know you are a rare exception. Have they met him?

 

It is sharing the same situation which makes other OW/OM/WS's posts so valuable to me. They know what it is like to be a participant in an extramarital relationship.

 

What did you learn? Was LS helpful? Is it still so now?

 

I found the same to be true when I went through a year and a half of chemo-like medical treatment. During this time I was a member of a medical forum for other patients like me.

 

I hope you are cured or at least remission.

 

Contact with people in the same situation as you is invaluable. Nobody can understand you as the person who is him-/herself going through the same experience.

 

No doubt.

And your perspective is also helpful. Actually, if you would just admit I'm right this would go much smoother

[Silly_Girl]

We know all we need to know

 

That, I agree with.

 

and your defensiveness shows it.

 

Defensiveness and disgust are two very different things.

[jennie-jennie]

You already know you are a rare exception. Have they met him?

 

Several of my family members have met him, yes. Including my elderly parents.

 

What did you learn? Was LS helpful? Is it still so now?

 

There are grains of gold to be found on LS. And I continue to learn. You are never too old to learn something new.

I hope you are cured or at least remission.

 

Cured. But have to be on life-long medication because my thyroid was permanently damaged by the treatment.

 

No doubt.

And your perspective is also helpful. Actually, if you would just admit I'm right this would go much smoother

 

Dream on.

[fooled once]

Being from America, I felt the need to post the following.

 

I am thankful that I met my H when I did.

 

I am thankful that Loveshack was a place of support when I found it.

 

I am thankful that I met so many friends and supportive people here.

 

I am thankful that my H realized he had a choice and made the best choice he could with the information he had.

 

I am thankful that I made the best choice I could with the information I had.

 

I am thankful that everyone has a choice to see. To see people who have a hidden agenda and those who show support.

 

I think on this day of Thanksgiving it is important to identify those who are "friends" of the relationship and those who are not. And ironic as it is, to rid ourselves of people who are NOT friends of the relationship.

 

That is the advice that is given to the betrayed. To forsake ALL who are not friends of the marriage. INCLUDING family members.

 

Is that a novel idea? To alienate those who are not friends to our relationships?

 

If you don't believe me, take a trip to the other side, the side of the betrayed. Just type in infidelity (google). You'll see it all. The reason everyone here wants you to go NC is so that they get their spouse back. To treat as they will. Do they really care about you? Hmm, they've called you immoral and inhuman (and even worse), what do you think?

 

They care about THEIR M. And any THREAT to their M. While I believe that if I need someone else to police my M, I shouldn't be in it, THEY DON'T CARE. They want EVERYONE to police their M because they cannot control it and they want the M NO MATTER WHAT.

 

The good thing about being GEL is that I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER'S THINK. They can say what they will and it doesn't affect me. I know that they are jealous and insecure and insignificant.

 

What matters to me is that people here need support and they are not getting it. There are so few OW here who really give advice from the hat of the OW. And I applaud them, because their job is hard and they are not given any credit.

 

When I was an OW, I rarely posted my own situation. It was HELL on me when I did. So I didn't because I cherished MY MAN and MY RELATIONSHIP. And I think it was for the best that I didn't. We have persevered because I believed in us and asserted my needs.

 

But I realize that I am an individual. And I have respect for all the individuals here who love their man and stand by their relationship. And I also have the utmost respect for the fOW who stay and try to help without judging. I am thankful for you and glad that you are here.

 

I am not thankful for those who come here decades after the A or even after they go NC and try and act like they have been here since the A began and give advice. I question that. Why would you need to come here after you've ended the A and/or been married over a decade? That smells mighty fishy to me.

 

Don't try and come here and pretend. This is not a place of pretending. This is a place of support. And if you think you are "fooling" anyone, you're wrong.

 

I feel so saddened for how this forum has evolved. It had such promise. Please, OW, this is your forum. Don't be afraid to use it as it was meant to be used.

 

And one more thing that I am thankful for, I am thankful that he left his wife and we are married now.

 

Now if that isn't real, I don't know what is.

 

GEL

 

Wow - what a bitter angry sounding post on Thanksgiving day

 

This is exactly the type of post that causes issues. The jabs at others, the snarky comments, the implications of whatever (I have no idea because the OP is all over the place). The judgements, which is exactly what the OP had an issue with. Double standard much? Sounds like the behavior of a hypocrite - one who condemns other for their view points, but expect to be able to bully those who disagree.

 

And just because one person doesn't understand something, doesn't mean it is fishy or wrong. Just because one person can't let go of whatever bitterness and hatred they have for others views, doesn't mean the entire site is so awful. Once again, no one is forcing you - YOU - to stay at LS. Move on if you are so disgusted by what you read here. This has become the theme for so many lately -- the whining that LS isn't what they want or need. Then leave. Stop complaining about things unless you are willing to fix the issue(s) and fixing them isn't berating others for their views or calling out those you disagree with. You don't have the right to condemn anyone for their views. Some people are harsh, some people are wishy washy, some people are puppets and can only regurgitate and spit back out what another person says. Some people have no minds of their own. Some people give awesome advice. Some people....there are no limits on the types of people on LS. Doesn't mean they don't have good advice. YOU may not like it, but that doesn't equate to bad advice.

 

So I guess in the OP's opinion, people who belong to a parenting site should quit when their kids get to be adults. Those that belong to sites about dealing with aging parents should quit when their parents die. Those that belong to step-parenting sites should quit when the step kids become adults. Those that belong to cooking sites should quit after they make a meal. Those that belong to infidelity sites should quit when/if they divorce their spouse. Those that belong to a medical community should quit if the reason they were a member there dies. Those that belong to grief communities should quit after X amount of time since that person should be over it.

 

In that same regard, why is someone continuing to post on a OW/OM forum when they married their MM/MW? I guess I could say that smells fishy to me.

 

Tony gets to decide who can and can't post. Tony gets to decide membership. And believe it or not, many people may have come to LS for the OTHER forums and stumbled upon the OW/OM forum?

 

What I am thankful for:

 

I am thankful that I have a husband who loves ME; not one who lied to me.

I am thankful we can be open to the world about our love.

I am thankful that he would move mountains for me.

I am thankful my son is healthy and doing well.

I am glad my son spent the holiday with me.

I am thankful that my inlaws spent the Holiday with us.

I am thankful that I got to speak to my parents and that they are doing well.

I am thankful that I have a stepdaughter who I love so incredibly much, although I am sad that she is thousands of miles away from us

 

I guess this is what is so hard for some OW to see, that a person who had an affair, ended the affair and moved on and found happiness. I guess that to see that makes others insecure and their claws come out. I guess because some former OW aren't drowning in sadness, aren't crippled by letting go or aren't traumatized for life by a married person that their views mean nothing to some people. Which is fine. This site isn't for everyone.

 

If you want happiness, grab it. Life isn't going to wait for someone to make a decision for you. If you are tired of your situation, CHANGE it. If you are content in it, good for you.

 

BOTTOM line - if you want things to change, if you want respect - you need to be a part of the SOLUTION, not a part of the PROBLEM Stop with the snarkiness, the bitterness and the hatefulness. And if another poster causes you so much grief, use the ignore button