I am Thankful

[jennie-jennie]

What did you learn? Was LS helpful? Is it still so now?

 

I thought about this some more. The most important thing I have learnt on LS is to understand the dynamics of an extramarital relationship and to not use them as a judgment of the love my MM holds for me.

[MorningCoffee]

"Quote:

No doubt.

And your perspective is also helpful. Actually, if you would just admit I'm right this would go much smoother

 

 

Dream on. _"

 

Laughed out loud funny!! Thanks!

[pureinheart]

I am thankful that there is no one in my real life as condescending, snide, superior or cowardly as some posters we see on LS.

 

LOL, I would not allow anyone of that nature in my life period:)

[OWoman]

Breaking up a marriage and giving thanks to God for one's conquest?? Ignorring the fallout toward All who were affected. None of this was Godgiven.

 

Maybe GEL was thanking the Christian God of compassion and love, and not the Old Testament God of jealousy and anger?

 

And perhaps her hotline to God delivers different messages than those stated by others who claim a hotline to their god? Last I heard, the Pope was the only person who could deliver a message direct from the Christian God with unquestionable authority - anyone else's claims that they're speaking on behalf of that God would probably amount to blasphemy...

[OWoman]

What I am thankful for:

 

I am thankful that I have a husband who loves ME; not one who lied to me.

I am thankful we can be open to the world about our love.

I am thankful that he would move mountains for me.

I am thankful my son is healthy and doing well.

I am glad my son spent the holiday with me.

I am thankful that my inlaws spent the Holiday with us.

I am thankful that I got to speak to my parents and that they are doing well.

I am thankful that I have a stepdaughter who I love so incredibly much, although I am sad that she is thousands of miles away from us

 

Me too - all of the above

 

I guess this is what is so hard for some OW to see, that a person who had an affair, ended the affair and moved on and found happiness. I guess that to see that makes others insecure and their claws come out. I guess because some former OW aren't drowning in sadness, aren't crippled by letting go or aren't traumatized for life by a married person that their views mean nothing to some people. Which is fine. This site isn't for everyone.

 

I guess it's hard for some others to see too - especially when this scenario described above - ending the A and moving on to find happiness - involves the fMM dumping the BW, and M the OW :love: They'd far rather the fOW were drowning in sadness, crippled by being dumped and traumatised by life... than that she find happiness with her fMM. Which is fine. This site isn't for everyone.

 

If you want happiness, grab it. Life isn't going to wait for someone to make a decision for you. If you are tired of your situation, CHANGE it. If you are content in it, good for you.

 

Yep. Agree with this. It's your life, and if it's not working for you as it stands, change it so that it does work for you. (JWI has given you permission to kill the M, if that's what it takes - )

[OWoman]

Ohhhhhhh...you were referring to specific case.

 

Yep - was responding to this post:

 

I dont mean this rude but now that you are married and if he cheats are you going to feel the same?

 

I'm sure your general point holds in most cases: most MM who embark on an A are deferring a decision on whether or not to leave their M, not making that decision. The A may lead them to a decision, or it may lead them away from one.

 

And I hope your H NEVER walks that path. And yeah, he'd be blowing it.

 

Thanks. he shares that view.

 

Now, I wasn't really suggesting that OW/OM do that - I was highlighting the damned if you do damned if you don't aspect. My initial thought at reading both sides would eviscerate was "no" - then I remembered the one story where the OW was using her friendship with the BS to improve her position so to speak. And yeah, she was resoundingly impaled by all present.

 

:p I did know you weren't serious, which was why I had to respond...

 

This would make a great thread. It would degenerate into a bitch-fest but it might start out ok.

 

I reckon 2 - 3 posts max before the degeneration kicks in...

 

I was referring to the look given to us men when we announce we are going to meet <the guy you don't like> for <anything>. THAT monitoring - not prison warden.

 

Hmm... Can't say I've ever seen that IRL, only in movies. If my H says he's going to meet <the guy / girl I don't like> for <anything>, I wish him good luck. Back when he needed to meet with his xW, I'd ask if he wanted some detox drink waiting on his return.

 

Ill conceived I agree. I was wanting to say to force D-day and talk to the wife since the A is "ok". It was just horrible presented as a coherent thought.

 

I'm trying to imagine how I would respond if some arb woman presented herself as my H's OW and wanted to talk. I can't imagine having anything to say to her - my R is with my H, and it's with him I'd want to discuss anything there is to discuss. Perhaps I'm not normal, but I imagine my response would be to start edging nervously away, hoping that the men in the white coats caught up with her soon and took her back to wherever she'd escaped from. I certainly wouldn't be inclined to believe her above my H.

 

And if I was an OW, would I want to approach a BW? Assuming it was - as you're positing - to force a DDay and a decision, my logic would tell me I would be shooting myself in the foot. If a MM has not yet gotten to the point where he's ready to leave the M, then putting him under duress is not going to achieve that in any sustainable way. When he's ready to leave, he'll leave. If he hasn't - he's not.

 

So the only reasons I could see as an OW to tell the BW would be either the altruistic thing of thinking, poor thing, everyone knows except her... let me let her in on the "secret".... Or the truly bitchy thing of thinking, well, if I can't have him the way I want to, I'll make sure things don't work out nicely for her, either! And I can't say I've ever found myself in either of those positions.

 

Down here in the south, its not uncommon at all to be close to your clergy. So that's just a regional difference. And look, if being close to my mechanic gets me a discount - I'm going go all "Chik flick" on him.

 

Actually, in my home town, it's pretty common to be emotionally close to your mechanic - chances are he's one of your drinking buddies (if you're a guy) or he's your, or a BFF's, BF... Most guys - and some girls - are backyard mechanics, and so everyone has some in their social circle

 

Clergy, less so...

[desertIslandCactus]

Maybe GEL was thanking the Christian God of compassion and love, and not the Old Testament God of jealousy and anger?

 

And perhaps her hotline to God delivers different messages than those stated by others who claim a hotline to their god? Last I heard, the Pope was the only person who could deliver a message direct from the Christian God with unquestionable authority - anyone else's claims that they're speaking on behalf of that God would probably amount to blasphemy...

 

OP's orig post was most likely a continuation of the flaunt - and a rant. And not having anything to do with God.

[noelle303]

 

 

I feel so saddened for how this forum has evolved. It had such promise. Please, OW, this is your forum. Don't be afraid to use it as it was meant to be used.

 

And one more thing that I am thankful for, I am thankful that he left his wife and we are married now.

 

Now if that isn't real, I don't know what is.

 

GEL

 

 

I am a total newbie and since I rarely post I can hardly say my perspective is valid. However when I first found this forum and posted about my situation I cam honestly say I didn't expect so much judgment. Yes, there was a lot of helpful advice but there were also many comments ''you should have thought of that before'', ''never get involved with married men''.

It made me feel like I'm the one to blame that he left his unborn child because ''what did you expect from a married man, of course he's gonna bail.''

I fell for him, yes. I'm thankful for that, the relationship produced my child and changed my life. I'm not sorry for sleeping with him and I refuse to let anyone treat me as the villain here.

[desertIslandCactus]

I am a total newbie and since I rarely post I can hardly say my perspective is valid. However when I first found this forum and posted about my situation I cam honestly say I didn't expect so much judgment. Yes, there was a lot of helpful advice but there were also many comments ''you should have thought of that before'', ''never get involved with married men''.

It made me feel like I'm the one to blame that he left his unborn child because ''what did you expect from a married man, of course he's gonna bail.''

I fell for him, yes. I'm thankful for that, the relationship produced my child and changed my life. I'm not sorry for sleeping with him and I refuse to let anyone treat me as the villain here.

 

Noelle!! So good to hear from you. In or about March, You will be Blessed - and your daughter will be blessed: Because You Listened to God.

[greengoddess]

 

Sorry the family blending didn't go well this holiday. Better luck next time!

 

 

I agree. That's what it sounds like to me. Extended families forever damaged and not as accepting as they thought.

 

Your love would have been happily embraced if it had been put aside while he put an end to his marriage.

[greengoddess]

 

 

 

I'm trying to imagine how I would respond if some arb woman presented herself as my H's OW and wanted to talk. I can't imagine having anything to say to her - my R is with my H, and it's with him I'd want to discuss anything there is to discuss. Perhaps I'm not normal, but I imagine my response would be to start edging nervously away, hoping that the men in the white coats caught up with her soon and took her back to wherever she'd escaped from. I certainly wouldn't be inclined to believe her above my H.

 

 

 

 

Now wouldn't that be burying your head in the sand? Why would you not want to listen to them. If just asking your husband for the truth worked then their would not be so many affairs. The cheated on would just ask the cheater if he was cheating when she felt him preoccupied and he would be all honest and say sure honey I am F***ing so and so. Then the wife would dump his butt, affair over and he can begin his new life. No that's fantasyworld. The men are LIARS that's why they are involved in an affair. They can't have an affair without lying. They will look their spouse in the face and lie. If your husband lied to you enough to have an affair why do you think he would be honest about it when asked? OW just love to say but the wife knows, but they won't tell her and the men lie.

[Mimolicious]

So what exactly does this thread have to do with "Thanksgiving"? I am under the impression no Turkey was being made.

 

Whoa....

[pureinheart]

I am a total newbie and since I rarely post I can hardly say my perspective is valid. However when I first found this forum and posted about my situation I cam honestly say I didn't expect so much judgment. Yes, there was a lot of helpful advice but there were also many comments ''you should have thought of that before'', ''never get involved with married men''.

It made me feel like I'm the one to blame that he left his unborn child because ''what did you expect from a married man, of course he's gonna bail.''

I fell for him, yes. I'm thankful for that, the relationship produced my child and changed my life. I'm not sorry for sleeping with him and I refuse to let anyone treat me as the villain here.

 

Hi Noelle!!!!!

[donnamaybe]

lol wow that didn't sound like a very thankful post at all. It sounded very bitter and not at all like a happily married woman.

 

You ok GEL?

My thoughts exactly!

 

As for telling people to go NC because they are being led on, sometimes for years, isn't because someone wants their spouse back. I mean, seriously - are these cheaters' BS's really on here talking surreptitiously to the OW/OM, begging them to stop talking to their H/W? I highly doubt it.

[Star_Bright]

I just read the original post and I just want to say that I am really thankful for the support LoveShack gave me. I think that there are different kinds of OWs and OWs in all kinds of situations with different feelings about it. In my sitch the affair was causing me a great deal of pain and the support I needed was strength to get out of it. I found that here and that makes sense to me because it doesn't do any good to encourage someone to stay in pain or even to continue to do something that is hurting everyone involved or even just one person, the wife.

 

This is probably off topic but over the break I've been reading some Buddhist teachings and one of the main things is to do no harm to others. And that our intentional actions have consequences - if we do good, we will be happy, and if we do bad, we will suffer. I could not think of anything more true to describe what happened to me when I was in the affair. I know some people disagree but, for me, I knew I was hurting exMM's wife by staying with him. I knew it wasn't my place or my right. I was hurting so badly and I thought that stepping away from him was going to be hard, and it was, but in the end I am not hurting anymore! I could still be in all of that turmoil and hurt waiting for exMM to get divorced, and, honestly, if he had I would still feel guilty and distrusting. So for me it just wasn't the right situation at all and I am so glad there were people on this forum I could talk to that helped give me a lot of wisdom when everything was so murky. AGAIN every sitch is different but I am disagreeing with GEL's premise that this forum isn't supportive because I am an OW who found so much support here. And no one gave me a hard time for being an OW BTW.

 

So I am thankful too -- thank you Other Man/ Woman Forum, thank you!

[OWoman]

So what exactly does this thread have to do with "Thanksgiving"? I am under the impression no Turkey was being made.

 

Whoa....

 

It has to do with thankfulness. I'm not American, so forgive me if I've got it wrong, but I thought Thanksgiving was about being thankful, not about stuffing your face with turkey! ( That's christmas.... )

[OWoman]

Now wouldn't that be burying your head in the sand? Why would you not want to listen to them.

 

I'm not in the habit of striking up conversations about personal matters with arb strangers. If some arb stranger wanted to make potentially libellous claims about my H, I'd rather they did that in his presence so that he had the right to respond - they same way he wouldn't lend his ears out for any idle gossip about me, without my being present and having the opportunity to respond. I find it rather sad that some people are prepared to take the word of any old gossip over someone they claim to love and respect

 

If just asking your husband for the truth worked then their would not be so many affairs. The cheated on would just ask the cheater if he was cheating when she felt him preoccupied and he would be all honest and say sure honey I am F***ing so and so. Then the wife would dump his butt, affair over and he can begin his new life. No that's fantasyworld. The men are LIARS that's why they are involved in an affair. They can't have an affair without lying. They will look their spouse in the face and lie. If your husband lied to you enough to have an affair why do you think he would be honest about it when asked? OW just love to say but the wife knows, but they won't tell her and the men lie.

 

My H doesn't lie to me, and he didn't lie to his xW either. He merely delayed telling her he was leaving her, and why - and it would not have made the slightest difference had he told her any earlier, as she chose not to believe him anyway.

 

I can't speak for others whose Hs have lied to them, but nor can they speak for me and my R.

[Mimolicious]

It has to do with thankfulness. I'm not American, so forgive me if I've got it wrong, but I thought Thanksgiving was about being thankful, not about stuffing your face with turkey! ( That's christmas.... )

 

NO! REALLY?!??!! Never noticed! But from the reads of it, was this thread coming from a place of "Love & Light"? Where is the celebration of giving thanks for each one's blessings? I must have missed it...

[OWoman]

NO! REALLY?!??!! Never noticed! But from the reads of it, was this thread coming from a place of "Love & Light"? Where is the celebration of giving thanks for each one's blessings? I must have missed it...

 

Here it is, in the OP:

 

Being from America, I felt the need to post the following.

 

I am thankful that I met my H when I did.

 

I am thankful that Loveshack was a place of support when I found it.

 

I am thankful that I met so many friends and supportive people here.

 

I am thankful that my H realized he had a choice and made the best choice he could with the information he had.

 

I am thankful that I made the best choice I could with the information I had.

 

I am thankful that everyone has a choice to see. To see people who have a hidden agenda and those who show support.

 

I think on this day of Thanksgiving it is important to identify those who are "friends" of the relationship and those who are not. And ironic as it is, to rid ourselves of people who are NOT friends of the relationship.

 

That is the advice that is given to the betrayed. To forsake ALL who are not friends of the marriage. INCLUDING family members.

 

Is that a novel idea? To alienate those who are not friends to our relationships?

 

If you don't believe me, take a trip to the other side, the side of the betrayed. Just type in infidelity (google). You'll see it all. The reason everyone here wants you to go NC is so that they get their spouse back. To treat as they will. Do they really care about you? Hmm, they've called you immoral and inhuman (and even worse), what do you think?

 

They care about THEIR M. And any THREAT to their M. While I believe that if I need someone else to police my M, I shouldn't be in it, THEY DON'T CARE. They want EVERYONE to police their M because they cannot control it and they want the M NO MATTER WHAT.

 

The good thing about being GEL is that I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER'S THINK. They can say what they will and it doesn't affect me. I know that they are jealous and insecure and insignificant.

 

What matters to me is that people here need support and they are not getting it. There are so few OW here who really give advice from the hat of the OW. And I applaud them, because their job is hard and they are not given any credit.

 

When I was an OW, I rarely posted my own situation. It was HELL on me when I did. So I didn't because I cherished MY MAN and MY RELATIONSHIP. And I think it was for the best that I didn't. We have persevered because I believed in us and asserted my needs.

 

But I realize that I am an individual. And I have respect for all the individuals here who love their man and stand by their relationship. And I also have the utmost respect for the fOW who stay and try to help without judging. I am thankful for you and glad that you are here.

 

I am not thankful for those who come here decades after the A or even after they go NC and try and act like they have been here since the A began and give advice. I question that. Why would you need to come here after you've ended the A and/or been married over a decade? That smells mighty fishy to me.

 

Don't try and come here and pretend. This is not a place of pretending. This is a place of support. And if you think you are "fooling" anyone, you're wrong.

 

I feel so saddened for how this forum has evolved. It had such promise. Please, OW, this is your forum. Don't be afraid to use it as it was meant to be used.

 

And one more thing that I am thankful for, I am thankful that he left his wife and we are married now.

 

Now if that isn't real, I don't know what is.

 

GEL

[donnamaybe]

NO! REALLY?!??!! Never noticed! But from the reads of it, was this thread coming from a place of "Love & Light"? Where is the celebration of giving thanks for each one's blessings? I must have missed it...

In the spirit of what the thread title led me to believe this thread was about, I would like to say I am thankful for:

 

My loved ones

My friends

My gorgeous land and my home (which my sweety is improving on each and every day)

My kitties who I adore completely

My cooking abilities which were handed down and taugh to me by my mom

My awesome relationship with the best man EVER! He stood beside me after dinner last Thursday and helped until the entire kitchen was cleaned up, and I never even hinted that he should since I was the one who invited everyone for dinner.

[donnamaybe]

I am thankful... (nice)

 

And then - and I am paraphrasing here... There are all kinds of nasty people on LS whose only reason for posting is to further their own agenda. (not so nice)

[greengoddess]

 

My H doesn't lie to me, and he didn't lie to his xW either. He merely delayed telling her he was leaving her, and why - and it would not have made the slightest difference had he told her any earlier, as she chose not to believe him anyway.

 

 

Omg are you serious? I just find this so funny. He didn't lie he just delayed telling her he was leaving.:laugh:

[desertIslandCactus]

Here it is, in the OP:

 

All Taken, at the expense of others OW. And now: flaunting.

[OWoman]

OK, let's roll with this:

 

In the spirit of what the thread title led me to believe this thread was about, I would like to say I am thankful for:

 

* the natural beauty that surrounds me every morning when I wake up.

* the hot piece of manflesh that I wake up next to each morning

* my kids, step-kids and offspring-by-proxy who give me hope for the planet.

* my extended family - by birth, marriage/s and by convoluted association - for all the love, warmth, continuing support that just flows and flows.

* the animals - wild, pets and farm - that enrich my life.

* work that engages me and allows me to use my skills, capacities and interests.

* the pockets of resistance to Tory policies that are springing up - especially the students, for breathing hope into a generation crippled by despairing exhaustion.

* the opportunity to spend some time back in my country.

* that the man who taught me to love was a man of honour and integrity, doing what was best for everyone who mattered, however hard it was.

* the wonderful years we've had together so far - as lovers, friends, partners, and spouses, and the prospect of the years that still await us

[desertIslandCactus]

I agree. That's what it sounds like to me. Extended families forever damaged and not as accepting as they thought.

 

Your love would have been happily embraced if it had been put aside while he put an end to his marriage.

 

I agree. ....